by Amy Richie
I stared straight ahead at the three letters that seemed to grow in height the longer we stood there.
“Don't worry, though. Doctor Gourini has three nurses back here, too. They'll come to get us if we're needed and we aren't here.”
Not seeing any way around it, I nodded again.
“Let's go get you introduced.” She knocked two short rasps before pushing open the door that had taken all my attention. “Shona, wife of Luc?”
“Are you the nurse?” the occupant of room six barked out.
“No, we aren't.” Sasha shook her head solemnly.
“Doctor Gourini said he would send someone in to light my fire. It's freezing in here!”
“You are Shona, wife of—”
“Of course I am,” Shona cut her off sharply, “who else would I be?”
“This is Rani, servant of Ortec. She'll be your assistant until you return home.”
“You?” She glared my way, her eyes raking cruelly up and down my exposed frame.
I kept my face down, expecting her to send me away. Not many wanted me around, so it would be a difficult few months for Shona to have to see me every day. I'll work hard, I wanted to tell her. I won't let you down, please let me stay.
“You were wife of Sid.” Her accusation hung heavy in the air.
“This is her first day as an OB assistant,” Sasha supplied helpfully.
“I can see her head, can't I?” Shona turned her glare toward Sasha. “Who are you?”
“I am Sasha, servant of—”
“You can leave now, we don't need you in here. You smile too much.”
Sasha turned and quickly did as she was told, leaving me alone with Shona. “Why are you just standing there?” she called out. “Didn't you hear me say I was cold?”
I raised my eyes just as I took a deep breath. Shona sat in the middle of a low bed, not unlike my own; her legs were curled under her, and she was watching me with small eyes. The way she held her lips so firmly made the bones in her shoulders stick far out.
“Do I need to start it myself?” she snapped, propelling me into motion.
I crossed the wide room in small, shuffling steps, fumbling once with the flint but recovering quickly. The sparks hit the kindling, and in very little time flames were crackling happily over the logs already in the fireplace.
“You'll need to get me some firewood before today is over.” She uncurled her legs and scooted to the edge of her bed. “I get cold at night. You don't understand what it's like carrying a child.”
She sneered over at me, as if expecting some sort of argument. There was nothing coming from me, though; I knew she was perfectly right—I knew nothing about being pregnant.
“You're too young,” she suddenly thundered out. “How old are you?”
“Seventeen.”
“Indecent if you ask me. Seventeen and already a widow.”
I stared down, facing Shona and waiting. Would I just stand inside the room in case she needed something? Would she tell me what to do? I really hoped she would.
“Go and get the firewood like I asked for,” she shouted. “I can put my own clothes away. I'm not seventeen like you! Oh no, more than twice your age I am. You think I don't know a thing or two about this world? Well, you'd be wrong. I do! I know more than you. I've lived longer.” Her lips snapped shut with an audible pop. “Now go!”
Chapter 8
Shona's mood continued to deteriorate as the growing season fell away completely and the harvest season began in earnest. The council building remained as busy as I'd ever seen it while Ortec tried to recover from the brutal pirate attacks.
As the weeks passed steadily on, I grew more confident in my own small duties. Among the six of us, I received the most sympathetic smiles from the nurses. I preferred Shona, though.
Sasha often had to stay up late rubbing cramps out of Aria's legs; Shona would never tolerate such things from me. “Do you think I'm some kind of child?” she had snapped when I made the mistake of offering the same treatment. “Just do what you're told, that's it.”
We worked well, Shona and I.
“Did you hear about Veronica of Number Two?” Sasha whispered in the darkness of our room nearly two months after the attacks.
“Veronica?” Surprise made my voice more forceful than I had intended.
True to form, Sasha went on as if everything I did or said was completely normal. “Her baby died yesterday.”
“What?” My stomach lurched painfully at the thought of the young one I had only ever glimpsed at over the top of the blankets, clutched to his mother's chest.
“Yeah. Quite a blow to Number Two. They had expected mother and son to join them soon.”
“I ... I didn't even know his name,” I said softly, “didn't think to ask.”
“I don't know if he had a name yet.”
“He was old enough, surely he was.”
“They'd only been home a few days before the pirates came. If they did name the boy, they hadn't announced it yet.”
“Where's Veronica now?”
“In the infirmary. They've both been there for a few days. The doc doesn't expect her to make it. She barely made it through the death of her husband. Not everyone is as strong as you, Rani.”
It was impossible to tell in the darkness, but I didn't think Sasha was being cruel. She hadn't been so far. My stomach lurched again, this time making me sit up in the bed.
Not sure if I could make it down the hall to the bathroom, I leaned over the small trash can situated in the corner of the room and heaved so violently the muscles in my stomach ached.
***
“Rani!” I looked up when a familiar voice called out to me in an otherwise empty hallway.
“Avery, leader of Ortec.” I bobbed my head slightly.
“What a pleasant surprise to see you here.” It shouldn't have surprised me that he sounded so sincere. “You usually make me chase you down to the maternity ward. What brings you here? Are you all right?”
“I was just ...” I tried to swallow past the jumble of words that had lodged in my throat. I wasn't sure if I was even allowed to go see other patients. I hadn't thought to ask; I hadn't really thought of anything except that I wanted to see her before ... My stomach twisted again.
“Don't be shy, my girl.” He beamed down at me. “I've made you my personal responsibility. I had a daughter right around your age.”
His words dried up suddenly and awkwardly. More as an excuse to change the topic than bravery on my part, I blurted out, “I was wondering if I could visit Veronica of Number Two.”
“Ah.” I saw his head bob fluidly up and down before I shifted my eyes back to the floor. “A terrible blow for all of us. Between the two of us, Rani,” he put one hand heavily on my shoulder, “I think she just lost her will to live. A sad time.”
I held my breath, waiting to hear if I would be allowed to go visit her or not.
“I think it's a good idea for you to go see her.” He took his hand back to hang loosely at his side. “Just don't expect to be able to do much for her. Nothing any of us can do.”
I bobbed my head, unsure whether I should leave first or wait for him to make the first move. I decided to wait, and after a few moments of awkward silence, he reached to pat my arm again.
“Do you want me to walk with you to her room?”
“No,” I said quickly, surprising even myself. Avery dropped his arm again. “I ... I can find it,” I added more quietly.
“Of course you can.” He nodded. “Of course.”
He walked away without a backwards glance, pausing only slightly when he reached the high arched doorway. As soon as he disappeared, I hurried to shuffle forward again—armed with new confidence now that I knew I was allowed to be here.
“She's sleeping,” the nurse told me when I asked to see Veronica. Her voice was gentle but firm.
“I'll ... I'll …” My tongue slid out to moisten my dry lips. “Can I just sit with her? I won't wak
e her up.” My voice dipped low on the last few words, unable to argue any further.
“Your husbands both died on the same night, didn't they?” she asked in a rush.
I nodded, quick to avert my eyes.
“She won't live much longer.” Her voice had sunk to just above a whisper.
My stomach lurched. “Avery, leader of Ortec, said I could see her.” Now, my voice matched hers.
“I suppose it won't make any difference,” she sniffed, straightening up to her full height. “Down that hall,” she pointed to the left, “room 401.”
Chapter 9
I slid silently into the worn, shabby wooden chair that was already pulled up to the high hospital bed, vaguely wondering who could have been here to visit before me. It could have been anyone, I realized, since I really didn't know much about the frail woman who was swallowed up by a thick layer of blankets.
I don't know how long I sat there at her side, watching her chest rise and fall—my breath catching every time one of her breaths missed. It could have been minutes or maybe it was hours, but eventually she began to stir.
“Rani,” she croaked, shifting to get a better view of me. Even that tiny movement took more energy than she could spare. She coughed and clutched at her chest, her eyes bulging slightly.
“Should I go for the doctor?” I asked, my eyes widening in alarm. Maybe I shouldn't have come.
“No!” She clutched at my hand when I would have risen from the chair. “Stay with me for a few moments.”
I settled back, shifting my position so she could easily see my face. “I will,” I assured her in a low voice.
“Do you remember the night the pirates came, Rani?” Now that she had settled back down, her voice came out much stronger.
Of course I remembered the night the pirates came, how could I ever forget? Every night, every single night before I fell asleep, I remembered all over again. I nodded quickly.
“I can't forget it,” she murmured, her words echoing my unspoken thoughts. “Mitch and I shouldn't have been there.” She turned her eyes away from me, seeing into a memory I wished she wouldn't talk about.
“He was a few days late coming to get me, but we were going home the next morning. We saw Sid go down … shot by one of those gun things the pirates carried. We watched the blond one go after you,” she continued.
My spine stiffened and I held my breath, waiting for her next words.
“He pulled you into the shop and Mitch ... he went after you. He tried to save you, so ... he didn't even see the other two coming.”
I had never heard Veronica's story, never knew anyone else had witnessed my greatest shame.
“I know what he did to you in that shop.” Her words were suddenly harsh, and when I glanced back at her, she was staring up at me again.
I knew where her words were taking me and I was powerless to stop it. Green eyes looming over me, the smell of alcohol heavy in the air between us, punishing fingers, crushing my arms to the ground, screams that weren't my own piercing the air all around us. It all came back in a flood, twisting my stomach into a painful knot.
“And I know you were on the reserves.”
“W–what?”
“I know Sid forced them to put you on the reserves even though you weren't old enough. Everyone knows you took the reversal injection.”
“I ...” I shook my head quickly. Her words were too true to deny, but why?
“Do you know what makes a baby, Rani?” she asked cruelly.
“I didn't ... we never ...” A low ringing had started in my ears, making complete thoughts nearly impossible.
“You better hope that pirate didn't put a baby in your belly,” she spat out venomously.
“He ...” I sputtered incoherently. That wasn't possible! Why was she being so cruel?
“If it was me, I'd throw myself from the top of the watch tower. Any decent person would. Better that than live with the shame of it.”
“That's not true.” I jumped to my feet, knocking the chair over in my haste. “It's not possible, it has to be the right time.”
“Believe what you want.” She chuckled a hollow sound and lay back down against the pillow, her last energy spent on taunting me.
With a quick glance at the overturned chair, I turned and fled from the room—sure that I would never make it to a bathroom to lose my lunch for the second time in just as many days.
***
“Did they let you see her?” Sasha asked later when we had both returned to our room.
“Yes.”
“And?” she prodded. “How was it?”
“She was really weak.” I couldn't tell Sasha the things Veronica said. I had never told anyone what happened that night, and I wasn't going to start now.
“It's hard to lose a husband.” Sasha sighed, pulling out a freshly cleaned shirt from a bucket of water and wringing it out with both hands. “I can't imagine losing a baby, too.”
“Hmm,” I gave a noncommittal grunt, my mind still far away in the infirmary.
Sasha held her hands out for the clothes I had just pulled off. I handed them over and bent to pick up one of the wet shirts she had collected by her feet. She continued to talk as I silently hung it on a rope we had tied up near the fire.
“I was in the maternity ward that night. The women had gotten the reversal injection a few weeks prior and we were getting them set up.”
“How did they know, though?” The words slipped out before I could stop them, tumbling past my tongue in a shower of nerves.
“How did they know what? About the pirates?” She added another wet bundle to the pile. “There were screams and—”
“No,” I cut her off before she could make me remember, too. “How did they know they were pregnant?”
Sasha was silent for several long moments, but I was too afraid to look at her; too afraid she would take one look at me and be able to guess everything that I had worked to conceal.
“Doctor Gourini has a urine test,” she said finally. “They pee in a cup and we dip these strips inside. If the strip turns blue, they're pregnant.”
My hands stilled.
“The reversal injection is loaded with strong fertility drugs,” Sasha came to stand so close to me I could feel her arm brushing against my own, “that it's very nearly always sure.”
“Sure of what?” I turned to look at her then, positive she would guess the truth, but I didn't care. I had to know.
“Almost always sure that you'll get pregnant.”
I covered my mouth with one hand as my stomach did its familiar clenching. Sasha patted my back as I leaned over the trash can, Veronica's words replaying in my head.
Chapter 10
“Watch what you're doing,” Shona screeched as water splashed out over her hand.
“Oh.” I pulled the jug back clumsily, spilling more water along the way.
“What is the matter with you today?” Her shrewd eyes narrowed as they took me in, moving slowly down the length of my body.
“So–sorry,” I mumbled, hurrying to mop up the water with a dry towel.
“You have dark circles under your eyes,” she accused. “Haven't you been sleeping?”
I nodded once, keeping my eyes on the ground. I hadn't slept much at all the night before, and spent several long minutes that morning puking up absolutely nothing, since it was before I even ate anything.
“If you're getting sick, you need to keep your distance,” Shona ordered sharply. “Have the doctor look at you.”
The doctor? My eyes widened, but I nodded anyway. I couldn't have the doctor check me. Not yet, not until I stopped throwing up ... or ...
I couldn't go to Doctor Gourini no matter what.
“I'm getting low on firewood, go get me some more,” Shona called loudly.
My eyes automatically searched for the pile next to the fireplace. I quickly jerked them away, but Shona missed very little.
“Are you calling me a liar?” she snapped.
&
nbsp; I rapidly shook my head, backing from the room before she could get herself too worked up. I was shocked when I collided with a solid form just outside the door.
“Rani,” Avery proclaimed happily, “I was just looking for you.”
I shifted my eyes from his grinning face, searching for an escape route, but not finding one. “Avery, leader of Ortec,” I greeted with a small nod.
“Did you get to visit your friend yesterday?” he asked kindly.
I nodded my head.
“Doctor Gourini told me she fell into a deep sleep some time last night and they haven't been able to wake her.” I didn't look up. “Were the two of you close?”
“No,” I responded too quickly, wincing away from my own voice.
“I see your hair has gotten long enough to use a head covering.” He patted the top of my head with a wide grin.
I tugged self-consciously at the curls that just stuck out of the bottom of the cloth that Chandler, the shop keeper, had brought to me a few days ago. “Wear it until your hair is long enough to tie back,” he had told me.
“It doesn't look so bad,” Avery teased, pulling my hand away. “I'm just going to see the doctor, where are you headed?”
“The wood pile,” I replied softly.
“Ah,” he nodded, “I won't keep you then.” He patted my arm as he hurried past.
***
“Have you seen the doctor?” Shona demanded much later, once the sun had already fallen back into the water and a fire blazed brightly in the fireplace.
“Not yet,” I told her without looking up from my work. Shona's belly was just starting to protrude, making her pants uncomfortable, so I was sewing extensions in the front. I had been at it for hours, causing my back and neck to ache. I wasn't complaining, though—the work had allowed me to hide out in her room most of the day by the fire, avoiding eyes I knew must guess the truth when they looked at me.
“I'll be sure to mention it to him tomorrow then,” she warned.
My fingers paused in their steady rhythm. There was nothing I could do about what Shona told the doctor. I couldn't blame her for not wanting a sick girl taking care of her. Sickness on Ortec had been known to claim many lives; stronger people, too, not bogged down by pregnancy the way she was.