by Amy Richie
“You'll have to finish that tomorrow if you're not done yet,” she said by way of dismissal.
Having been waiting for the past hour for her to tell me to leave, I immediately set the clothes aside and rose fluidly to my feet. I stretched the ache in my back slightly, but recalled myself quickly and scurried forward to collect the nearly empty water pitcher.
By the time I returned to Shona—with fresh water, a clean glass, and an extra blanket for just in case—she was already settled in her bed. “Add a log to the fire before you leave,” she called even while I was reaching for one of the larger pieces of fire wood.
“Sleep well.” I nodded briefly with one hand already on the door handle.
Sasha was waiting for me in the hall, her arms crossed loosely over her chest. Seeing her there wasn't that unusual, she often waited for me before returning to the room when we both got released late. However, the worried frown she gave me made my fingers fumble as they slid away from the door I had just closed.
“What is it?” I crossed the distance between us swiftly, expecting bad news.
“Follow me,” she whispered instead of an answer.
I fell into step behind her, not questioning why she was leading us away from our room. My stomach was rumbling ferociously, angry at being denied dinner because of Shona's growing stomach. It would wait, though; it would have to.
Sasha led me to a small, rarely used bathroom just outside the maternity ward. It was originally put there for guests of the ward, so visitors could wash up and not bring sickness in unsuspected to the pregnant women of Ortec. Now, though, visitors to the maternity ward were almost unheard of.
Husbands stayed at home to prepare for their new families while their wives were comfortable and safe, all during pregnancy and until the baby was twelve weeks old. Doctor Gourini stressed how fragile the infant would be in those first few weeks, and each life was so precious. Population control was dependent upon each life that they allowed to be born on Ortec. Every precaution had to be taken to ensure they lived.
“What is it?” I whispered after Sasha had crammed into the small space behind me.
“I got this for you,” she whispered back. She reached under her shirt and pulled out a single white strip of paper and an empty plastic cup.
Chapter 11
“What is that?” I felt the color drain from my face.
“You know what it is.”
My fingers closed automatically around the cup she pushed into my hand. “I don't need this.” I tried to give it back, but she was already turning around.
“Try to fill it up at least halfway,” she ordered in a rush.
“I don't—”
“Rani, if you don't need it, there is no reason to be nervous.” She didn't turn back around.
Nervous? Was I nervous? Is that why my heart was hammering so hard in my chest? Is that why my head felt so light—as if I would soon be able to fly out of the tiny bathroom with the plastic cup shaking in my firm grip? Maybe.
It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be to use the cup; much easier than watching Sasha dip that white paper into it. She held the now bright red strip between our faces, which were forced to be close together. Even if I wanted to escape that slowly changing paper, I wouldn't be able to get past her to get out of the tiny room.
“It's blue,” she muttered the unnecessary observation out loud. I already knew it was blue.
***
“We can work this out,” Sasha crooned, watching me shovel food into my mouth.
I hadn't felt much like eating when we got back to our room, but once she handed me a bowl of still steaming soup, hunger had won over my repulsion at the blue paper.
“We can't fix this,” I told her between bites. “Maybe Veronica was right.”
Her eyes narrowed drastically. “Right about what?”
“She said I should throw myself off the watch tower.”
“That ...” Sasha clicked her tongue angrily. “That’s a terrible thing to tell someone. Did she know?”
“I think she guessed.”
“I don't see how. You aren't showing at all yet.”
I squeezed my eyes shut tight, bringing two fingers up to cover my mouth. “How much longer, do you think?”
Something had changed between us in that bathroom. I needed someone to trust, and she was the only one in there with me. There wasn't much else I could do; I couldn't do this by myself. So, for the first time since leaving my parents’ home more than a year ago, I found myself being completely free with another person.
“These things usually take about nine months.” She sighed heavily. “When Shelia finds out, she’ll be so mad at Sid. He promised this wouldn't happen.”
Sid?
“You know better than anyone how that man was. He practically forced them to give you the reversal injection.” She shook her head, lines wrinkling her usually smooth face. “Shelia said she would make sure ... but I mean,” she shrugged, “I suppose she couldn't be with you all the time ...”
“You don't understand—”
“This can still be okay, though,” she went on, not giving me time to explain that Shelia actually had kept me at her side all the time after the reversal. This wasn't Sid's doing.
“Now,” she leaned forward, “only six babies were allowed this year, the lowest I've ever seen, but because they are only allowing two males. Not many wanted to take the chance. So you don't want to have a baby boy for sure.”
“What happens if more than two are born?”
“They'll be sent away.”
“Away?”
“It's necessary,” she was quick to explain at the look of horror that must have shown on my face, “as you very well know. Population is strict on every city. The islands will only support so many people. It's what we have to do to survive.”
“But where do they go?”
“They go with the barter men. Sometimes to other cities that may need them or the nation will take some. If all else fails, they are sent to the Americas.”
“What?” My mouth fell open.
“I've heard there's a nice settlement over there where several island-city families have banded together.”
I permitted myself a small sigh. “I can hardly believe now that even six women would take the chance to be sent away.”
“You remember the sickness that hit Number Five hardest last year?” I nodded. “The same one that took your parents, it took others as well. All the women this year are from Number Five.”
I picked distractedly at a loose thread on my blanket. “Will I be sent away?” I asked quietly.
“Not necessarily,” she replied quickly. “You were on the reserves. So if anything happens to these six, you'll be fine. As long as you don't have the third boy.”
“And if they are all healthy?”
“Well,” she took a deep breath, “Veronica's baby just died. You could plead your case to Avery and Constantina. They might let you stay anyway. Sid died as the lawman, they may make an exception for a child of his.”
Now it was my turn to take a breath. “It's ... it's not.”
“Not what?”
“Not Sid's.”
Silence stretched for several long heartbeats. “What are you talking about? How can it not be Sid's, he was your husband.”
“I know.” My eyes didn't leave the floor.
“Rani ... what did you do?”
I held my breath, not sure if I should tell her this last piece of the puzzle. Shame made my words come out in a low mutter. “It was the night of the pirate attacks.” Unfortunately, Sasha didn't hear me, so I was forced to repeat it. “The night the pirates came. They had already gotten Sid and one of them grabbed me. I ... I didn't tell him I was on the reserves, that I had already been given the reversal injections; I should have told him. I was too ... I was too scared to say anything.”
Sasha's head jerked back as if I had slapped her. “Too scared?”
I nodded miserably.
<
br /> “Forced to marry at fifteen to the meanest man I've ever known, lost both your parents a year later,” she was looking at me, but talking more to herself, “and then some ... pirate ...” Her words fell away. “I can't imagine why you were afraid,” she croaked in a high voice that sounded nothing like herself.
“I should have told him,” I mumbled, “then maybe—”
“He wouldn't have stopped,” she flared suddenly. “He wouldn't have cared.” I watched as Sasha rose from the floor and sank heavily into her bed.
“Don't tell anyone you're pregnant, Rani,” she needlessly advised. “None of this is your fault and I'll help you. If you get sent away ... I'll go with you.”
Chapter 12
My eyes stayed open long after Sasha's breathing had evened out. The world had shifted over the last few hours. I was different now, something not quite right.
I tried to imagine what life would be like in the far off Americas, where the people were half crazy with poverty and starvation. Sasha's optimistic views didn't matter, I knew they would never let me stay. I was already an oddity on Ortec; now I was downright shameful.
My hand lowered down my body to hover just over my stomach where even now a baby was forming. I couldn't have been much behind Shona, so it wouldn't be long before my stomach bulged out. Then how would I hide it?
I closed my eyes tight only to have them pop back open when green eyes invaded my senses. I should have told him I was on the reserves … then maybe I wouldn't be in this situation.
***
“What do you plan on doing today?” Sasha helped me shimmy into a tight, white fabric that went just past my chest.
“I thought I would go visit Nanny Grace.” I pulled my thin brown shirt over the white, trying to avoid eye contact. I knew Sasha didn't want me to go out.
I raised my arms automatically, allowing her to pull a thick wool sweater on top of the other two layers. “You should wait for me to be able to go with,” she repeated her two day old argument.
“Who knows when that will happen.” She handed me a pair of thick pants with an extended front.
“Still,” she pursed her lips dramatically, “I would feel better if you didn't go alone.”
“It's been almost six months, I'll be fine.” My look was finished off with an oversized frock that fell just to my knees. “It's not that far,” I added when she didn't appear convinced.
I was lucky we were well into the freezing season. This way, I could wear the multi-layers needed to hide my ever growing belly. So far, no one had bothered to notice. Nanny Grace wouldn't be so easy to fool, but I still wanted to see her.
I didn't get much time away from Shona, especially now that her own pregnancy had her down so often. Today's free time was rare, and soon ... I barely wanted to think of it, but soon I would no longer be able to hide the life I carried inside me.
When that time came, no one would talk to me and I wouldn't be able to talk to Nanny Grace again. Even her kindness would only go so far.
Struggling to fit the heavy coat over my many layers, I waited patiently for Sasha. “Just be careful.” Her eyes widened with the sentiment while her fingers worked expertly over the buttons.
I kept my face down as I hurried the short way to Nanny Grace's small cabin just outside the main city. Tiny puffs of smoke rose invitingly from the chimney. Being freezing season, I didn't see anyone else on my way.
Nanny Grace's voice beckoned me inside almost as soon as I'd knocked.
I stopped just inside the door, shivering as I tried to pull off a hat Sasha had shoved on my head. My gloves came off easy enough, but my shaking fingers had trouble with the buttons on the borrowed coat.
“Rani!” Nanny Grace exclaimed, making her way to the front door. “What a surprise.” She knocked my hands aside to undo the buttons herself. “What are you doing out on such a cold day?”
The wrinkles around her eyes became more pronounced as her hands lingered near my stomach. “I couldn't get away any sooner, and I wanted to see you.” I pulled the coat close to me, trying to hide what I didn't want her to see.
“Come in.” She smiled again. “Come on, we'll have some tea.”
I followed her inside and sank gratefully onto one of the wooden chairs pulled close to the large table, my breath whooshing loudly from my mouth.
“Luckily the bartermen came just last week.” Nanny Grace bustled to her low cupboard after a few seconds of regarding me through narrowed eyes. “My supply of tea was getting low.” She pulled down a heavy, plastic container and put it next to the sink. “Cost me twenty-five eggs,” she grumbled.
Only after the water was in the kettle and placed on the stove did she turn back to me. “So, who else knows?” she asked suddenly without any kind of warning.
“Knows what?” Unfortunately, my hand shot up to cover my stomach, giving me away.
“You know what I'm talking about.”
I pressed my lips together, but the inner debate was very short. “Only Sasha.”
“Are they all blind in the council building? Don't you see that doctor every day?”
Unsure which question she wanted me to answer, I stayed still.
“I'll tell you why they don't see what's right in front of their eyes,” she wagged one small finger in the air between us, “they only see what they want to see.”
And here I thought Sasha's idea of wearing a lot of layers was working.
“They'll know soon enough. That baby will be making an appearance soon, I'd say.”
“Sasha says these things usually take nine months.”
“Sasha would know.” She half smiled. “Sid died a hero's death, I don't think they'd be able to send you away.”
I stayed silent while Nanny Grace took the whistling kettle from the stove and poured it over the strainer to make our tea. I stayed silent even after she had placed the still steaming cup in front of me and took her seat again. However, when she only stared at me, I couldn't stay quiet any longer.
“It isn't Sid's baby.”
Nodding, she said, “I figured that, too.”
She did?
“But no one else needs to know that.”
“I told Sasha, she told me not to tell anyone I was pregnant.”
“They'll find out soon enough,” she repeated with a nod.
I sipped cautiously at the still hot liquid.
“You heard about Veronica?” Nanny Grace asked a while later. “I didn't see you at the funeral.”
“Shona was sick that day, I had to stay with her.”
She grinned. “Being an assistant must be good for you. I've never heard you quite so chatty.”
Embarrassed, I swung my eyes to the dancing flames in Nanny Grace's fireplace.
Chapter 13
I turned slightly to my side so I could examine the large bump that my belly had become, without the burden of so many layers. It was a strange sight, with a tiny lump sticking out at an odd angle. Could that be a foot?
I shook my head quickly, but couldn't help my fingers from brushing lightly over the protrusion. Sasha had assured me that the quick flutters that had started that morning were just the baby moving.
Strange.
The lump moved again, causing my heart to lodge up in my throat. A real, living thing was in there. And for reasons I was unable to explain, the idea of Avery or Constantina throwing it off the top of the watch tower after it was born terrified me more than Sid ever had.
Strange.
“Hello, baby,” I whispered, patting my stomach lightly. “Don't worry, I’ll try not to let that happen to you.”
The baby twisted in my stomach as if he could hear my voice. A warmth that had nothing to do with the fire snaked its way through my body.
“They won't like you.”
The baby moved again.
“Don't worry, though,” I was quick to assure it, “I will.” I set my jaw firmly, deciding then and there that I would like the baby—even when no one else could. “I
promise, I'll like you,” I vowed.
***
“How was your visit?” Sasha sat across from me in the cafeteria, balancing a plate similar to my own with rice, fried chicken, and sliced tomatoes.
“I'm not sure,” I admitted. The cafeteria was almost completely empty, but I kept my voice at a low whisper. “She knows.”
“You told her?” Sasha's eyes grew wide, but quickly narrowed.
“She guessed.” I moved the rice around on my plate with the edge of my spoon. “Almost as soon as she saw me.”
“What did she say?”
“That no one needs to know it's not Sid’s, and then maybe they'll let us stay.”
“She's not wrong.” Sasha nodded, piling her spoon with bits of rice and cut up chicken.
“It will be hard to lie.”
“Just don't say anything. No one will think that's strange.”
There was silence as we both focused on eating, lost in our own thoughts. It was true that everyone would just assume the baby was Sid's; Sasha and Nanny Grace had both thought so at first. The only people, besides the three of us, who knew there could even be another possibility were dead. Except the green-eyed pirate, and he was long gone by now. I wouldn't have to worry about seeing him again.
Would it be okay to let people think that? Would it be all right to just let the baby be Sid's? The only difference it would make would be being allowed to stay or being forced to leave.
“Rani?” I looked up to see Sasha watching me. “Did you hear what I said?”
I shook my head.
“Do you think you'll be much later tonight? Should I wait for you?” she repeated patiently.
“Shona isn't feeling well again, so I think I’ll be late. Don't wait up for me. I'll come back when I can.”
“Again? She's been so sick the entire time.” Sasha's face scrunched into a thoughtful frown. “Maybe it's her age.”
Shona was older than the other pregnant women. “Why did she wait so long?” I mused out loud.
“Shona and her husband, Ben, were once from Seven.”