Terraformer

by Scott McElhaney

  I turned to her, “You wanted that one drawing of the woman hung up on the wall in your room, which I’ll take care of today. But you see, I want this one that I’m currently working on hung in here, yet I haven’t even finished it yet. Surely you understand if you appreciate my work.”

  She moved now to the side of the sofa, standing next to me with her arms crossed. Her tank top was riding up, or perhaps it was her shorts that were riding low. Whatever it was that permitted this view, I found myself fighting to ignore that smooth and desirable flesh just beneath the unseen navel.

  “What is it that you’re really looking for, Cuttar? A nicely drawn representation of the woman you brought back from the dead, or would you prefer something more tangible?”

  “Are you kidding?” I looked up at her, abandoning that enticing tummy of hers, “If it were possible, I’d obviously… well, I’d certainly want something more… well, you know…”

  I wasn’t able to finish that thought as she spun around and then sat down in my lap, causing my pencils to fall to the floor along with my drawing pad. I was actually about to reprimand her for foolishly toying with me when she took my face into both of her hands and kissed my lips with such a delicate tenderness that I literally lost all function in my extremities. Confusion as well as extreme desire interfered with all those circuits inside my brain, causing me to be completely at her mercy.

  That was the moment when I somehow regained control and wrapped her into both my arms, hungrily accepting that kiss while refusing to let her get away. I didn’t even care anymore that I wasn’t her type. She was everything I’d desired in a woman, so I could confidently say that she was most definitely my type. I was greedy and thirsty for her, so when she finally managed to apologize, I cut it off with another kiss. I wanted no apologies and I certainly didn’t want her to realize her mistake. Even if this was temporary and erroneous, I wanted every ounce of this sweet and satisfying dessert. That was when she spoke the words that would change everything.

  “I guess there’s an interest?” she breathed against my lips.

  “Interest?”

  “My note to you,” she pecked at my lips, “Even if there’s no interest, please at least check in periodically.”

  “Oh my god! That’s what you meant? I thought… I had figured… I guess I had assumed that you were…”

  She laughed as she pulled away from me, “Don’t even say it, Cuttar. I’ve been hearing it all my life due to my hatred of long and unruly hair. And I won’t even mention how many times I’ve had to kindly reject some unwanted propositions.”

  “Wow,” I tugged her toward me, both my hands still on her back.

  She blessed me again with those tender lips on my own. I cupped the back of her head in my hand as I carefully eased her down onto the sofa. My drawing pad and the spilled pencils lay forgotten next to the sofa while I spent the next half hour snacking on those sweet lips of hers.

  SIXTEEN

  “Are you still going to finish the drawing?” she asked, lying on her side facing me as we managed to barely share the limited space of the sofa.

  “Of course,” I chuckled, holding her hand in my own while I kissed those fingertips, “I still want that beautiful image captured forever. Heck, I may want this image of you captured as well.”

  “Hey, I can’t have you drawing everything you see when we’re together,” she grinned, clearly suggesting intimacies that my mind couldn’t even grasp at this point.

  “So, what happens now? I mean, I clearly can’t hide how I feel about you anymore,” I asked, kissing the base of her thumb, then kissing her on the wrist, “And we’re stuck on a marooned interstellar ship where I can’t really ask you out on a proper date, buy you flowers, or take you to a movie. I mean, nothing makes sense anymore in this alternate reality.”

  “I guess we just figure it all out as we go. It’s sort of what we’ve been doing anyway in regards to everything else.”

  “Well, I never want to leave this sofa,” I leaned into her and kissed her on the lips.

  “I know, but then we’d both starve to death,” she breathed, nibbling my bottom lip seductively, “And I’m hungry. And according to those rumblings in your stomach, so are you.”

  I laughed, reaching down and patting my belly, “Seriously, you heard that?”

  “I would have heard your stomach even from the other room!” she snickered, pushing me playfully off the couch.

  I caught myself on the coffee table, preventing myself from landing on any of my pencils or the drawing pad. I couldn’t afford to snap any of those pencils since they were priceless and irreplaceable now.

  She sat up and watched while I started gathering up my art supplies from the floor. I placed everything onto the coffee table, figuring I’d sort everything into the wooden case again later.

  “I want to stay up here in orbit for as long as possible, even if we manage to locate a nice place down there to land this ship,” she said, combing her fingers through the thick hair on the top of her head where it was the longest, “We could be talking about a few years or more in orbit, depending on our water recycling capabilities.”

  I looked up at her as I set a few more pencils onto the table, “You mean, you want to delay the inevitable?”

  “Don’t you agree?” she asked, almost a little too defensively, “Do you personally know how to fly or land an interstellar ship, Cuttar?”

  I quickly held up a protective hand to ward off that angry look on her face. That palpable stress and worry of hers was clearly not something she could bury or hide for very long. Even at a time like this while I had been still floating on cloud nine, she was quick to find offense at a very innocent question of mine.

  “No, and I’m with you a hundred percent. Please don’t misunderstand,” I sat down on the coffee table and then leaned toward her, “Keep in mind that as far as I’m concerned, you’re the educated scientist here, Sydney. You’re the terraforming woman who knows all about outer space and extraterrestrial planets. If anyone is going to be trusted to somehow bring us to that planet, it’s obviously you. I guess my question was more along the lines of subtly trying to gather your personal confidence level without actually saying ‘Sydney, what do you think our chances are here’?”

  She watched me that entire time while her features softened. She leaned forward and met me, taking both of my hands in hers.

  “See, that’s what I like about you. With a little prodding, you just say it like it is. ‘Don’t get mad at me, woman! I was trying to politely ask you if you thought we were going to die’!” she smiled apologetically as she had imitated a deeper male voice, “And thank you for your constant politeness and trying to look out for my feelings. For the record, I’m the sort of girl you can just ask what’s on your mind. You’re going to discover soon enough that I’m sometimes abrasive and I’ll say exactly what’s on my mind. Please feel free to do the same. If I make you mad, tell me I made you mad. If I hurt you, tell me as plain as day. If you want to know if we’re going to die, ask me.”

  She sat there on the couch looking me in the eyes, clearly challenging me just then. I nodded as I squeezed her hands in mine.

  “How do you really feel about the idea of landing this ship on that planet?” I asked.

  “Terrified beyond all compare. Now, please don’t get me wrong. Several hours ago, I’d have given us about a ten percent chance of survival once we attempted atmospheric entry,” she said, releasing my hands as she sat back onto the sofa in front of me, “But then I spent the last hour reviewing charts, guides, and some bridge control diagrams. I gained a little bit of understanding from that information and now I’d give us about a twenty percent chance of survival now.”

  “Hmm… you doubled our chances of survival, yet it’s still well below fifty percent. Well, then I guess I would like to spend as much time up here in orbit with you as I can,” I said, rising from the coffee table as I reached out a hand to her, “Would you care to join me for lunch?
”

  “I’d love to!” she offered me her hand and I tugged her up from the sofa.

  “I know just the place. It wasn’t easy to get reservations.”

  SEVENTEEN

  “Is there anything I can offer to help?” I asked before taking a cautious bite of my steaming beef taco pocket, “I mean, if we’re staying up here for a while, that means there’s plenty of time for me to learn some things like you’d just done on the bridge.”

  She shrugged, breaking her meatball and mozzarella pocket in two. I hadn’t thought of that method in order to help these cool down a lot quicker. She quickly dropped it back onto her tray and then sucked the red pasta sauce off her fingertip.

  “It couldn’t hurt. I say we both take some time to learn as much as we can about the operations of this ship. Ultimately, I think our best hope for survival will be down there on the surface no matter how grim that looks right now,” she said, taking a quick drink from her wineglass, “After all, there’s plenty of water down there and this ship has some quality filtration systems. And as gross as it sounds, we can survive on whatever exists in that algae-filled ocean.”

  I grinned as I pointed to her glass, “Is that really wine?”

  “It’s one of the few beverages that are safe and easy to manage during long-term transport, Cuttar. We’ve got more wine on this ship than any other beverage besides water,” she chuckled, “Let’s just hope you’re not an alcoholic.”

  We continued talking and pondering the days to come as we ate our meals. I could see now that her whole demeanor was far more relaxed than it had been when we had a lot of dead bodies on the ship. Now that she finally accepted that we were all that was left, she was a whole new person and I really enjoyed spending time with that person – so much so that I had to ask that odd and crazy question.

  “Can we go do the whole couch thing all over again?” I blurted after we’d both finished our meals.

  “Wow, so that’s how it’s done?” she laughed as she shook her head.

  “Hey, I had actually asked you how it was done. I didn’t know and I still don’t,” I pointed at her, “Then you replied to me that we’d just figure it out as we go. Well, here I am throwing out the honesty and trying to figure it out. I want to freaking wrap you in my arms and make out with you until our lips hurt. And even then, I want to hold you while our lips take a rest.”

  “Wow!” she repeated, only this time she wasn’t laughing, “Let’s both go brush our teeth and then meet up in my room this time.”

  EIGHTEEN

  We had really challenged any moral restraints we might have had as we boldly shared her bed this time. Sometimes she was on top of me, regrettably clothed in those small shorts and that tight tank top. Other times, I crushed her against that pillow while my lips explored other regions including her ears, neck, and those tantalizing shoulders. It seemed like more than an hour had passed before we actually grew tired and fell asleep in each other’s arms.

  I awoke later to the sound of an unfamiliar chime. I had been lying on my side, my head held tightly to Sydney’s chest as she probably thought she was clutching that stuffed polar bear. She stirred at the same time I had, apparently woken by that same digital sound that repeated itself every three or four seconds.

  Rather than release me, Sydney tugged me tighter as she rolled onto her back. My arms had already been wrapped around her waist, so in an effort to make sure she was awake, I kissed that portion of her shirt near my lips – which also happened to cover her breast. All that accomplished was to draw out a moan while she finally looked down at me in her arms. I kissed that tank top again, then rested my head sideways on her chest.

  “Oh!” she burst out, releasing me as she sat up suddenly.

  I had tumbled into her lap, still struggling in that moment to wake up from that enjoyable nap. She looked down at me as her eyes grew wide.

  “That’s the alarm! Someone is replying to our hail!” she slid out of the bed, paying no heed to the man who had just kissed her breast and then had found his face dangerously close to more intimate areas.

  “Our hail?” I mumbled.

  “Come on, Cuttar!” she growled, running from the room.

  I then managed to get out of bed and hurried after her. In no time at all, the two of us showed up on the bridge where one of the terminal screens was flashing an obvious alert. She sat down at that workstation and brought something else onto her screen, causing the alarm to finally cease at the same moment.

  I knelt next to her chair, reading the same thing that she was. There before us was a paragraph merely titled “REPLY:”

  “Thank you for coming, Frontier, but I’m afraid we don’t really quite understand. Is this not a rescue mission? Why would they send a ship out here after all this time with only enough fuel and supplies to support a one-way journey? Depending on how many of you there are on that ship, we may not be able to comfortably accommodate you down here. Please clarify so we can decide how to proceed,” Sydney had read aloud while I followed along on the screen.

  She crossed her arms and then leaned back as she stared at the screen before her. I felt like one of us should say something about that response, but I was at a loss for words. I was sort of confused by their reaction to our arrival, considering the fact that we had supplies and food that they might really need. At the same time, neither Sydney nor I were comfortable with landing the ship in the first place.

  “Doesn’t sound very inviting,” Sydney finally spoke.

  “No, as a matter of fact, it seems that they are making fun of us for making the trip,” I added, rising up from my kneeling position and taking a seat at the workstation next to hers.

  “Yeah!” she turned to me with a look of concern, “People died making this trip. There were sacrifices made! You know what? I’ll give them the clarification they’re looking for!”

  “No, hold on,” I shot up quickly, “Wait about a half hour or so before replying. We’re both a little worried and offended at the moment, so our response might come out a little bitter and abrupt.”

  “You bet I’m going to be bitter in my response!” she leaned toward the keyboard.

  I put my hand in front of the keyboard as I pleaded with her to hold off. She roughly pushed my hand aside and began typing rapidly, so I then placed a gentle hand on her back.

  “Please, Sydney?” I pleaded, “Thirty minutes and then I’ll let you type whatever you want.”

  “You’ll let me?” she turned to me quickly, “Who do you…”

  She paused just then as she closed her eyes and held up a silencing hand. She swallowed as the uncomfortable stillness lingered in the room. Then, just before I spoke, she abruptly rose from the chair and rushed off the bridge.

  “Sydney,” I hollered as she stormed quickly down the long corridor.

  She was clearly furious and I didn’t know how to proceed in such situations. I wasn’t accustomed to people who experienced these sudden changes in their temperament, so this actually scared me a little. I looked down at the screen of her workstation and saw the first sentence she had typed, causing me to laugh just then. Her angry retort wouldn’t have gone over very well and I was now glad she stopped before she hit send.

  I shook my head, still chuckling at those words as I left the bridge. I slowly made my way through the corridor and into her suite. From the doorway, I could see the back of her head as she sat on the sofa facing a blank monitor screen where we had once watched a Steelers game. I cautiously approached the sofa, wondering if she was still mad at me. I thought about my words for a moment, not really knowing what I should say.

  “I’m sorry if I said something that upset you,” I uttered, standing behind the couch.

  I waited, finding myself faced with more of that uncomfortable silence. I watched her from behind as she leaned forward and clasped her hands together in front of her while she propped her elbows onto her knees. It would have been easy to imagine her praying just by the looks of her position.
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  “I have never kept hold of anything important in my entire life, be it academic, professional, or even romantically. Never, Cuttar. Every single achievement or advancement that I’d received throughout the years, I lost it along with all the privileges. You should probably know this,” she shook her head, still looking at those clasped hands in front of her, “The time will most certainly come when we find ourselves existing privately on opposite ends of this ship. I promise you this. And today, you got to see why that’s going to happen. Welcome to the bipolar angry world of Sydney Harper.”

  I watched her for a moment, pondering what she’d just said. Then I moved around the sofa and took a seat to the right of her. I risked putting my arm around her, which I quickly discovered had been the right thing to do judging by the way she leaned into me. She rested her head on my shoulder while I brought my other arm around and fully held her.

  “I really am sorry for making you mad. I just found that sometimes it helps to take an intentional pause for a little while and ponder what I really want to say,” I breathed, my lips pressed into the top of her head, “Because my initial gut response is usually pretty heartless and cruel if I’d just been hurt. And most times, that abrupt response would have been wrong which I then realize a few minutes later. Regret is a horrible thing.”

  “It’s why I always lose what I’d been given. I always reply with a spiteful and hate-filled retort, intending to hurt the other person worse than they’d just hurt me,” she said, “You hurt me really bad on the bridge when you revealed to me that I wasn’t the leader of this ship. At the time, I had somehow come to the conclusion that I was the ship’s new captain and you were merely a passenger. Don’t ask me why I thought that because I don’t really know.”

  “I was just offering my-”

  “No, I get it now!” she interrupted, turning to me as she drew back from my embrace, “Don’t you see? I keep ruining things by my knee-jerk responses. I lost my… no, you don’t need to hear about my past. Just know that I’m a very lonely person emotionally, romantically, and professionally. I alienate everyone.”