Light Through the Window

by Cassandra Morphy

  But, then, she looked at Alex. Her Alex. The girl that she had been gaga over for months when they were together. The girl that she probably still would have been with had she come out when Ellie asked her to. Despite how much Mare adored her, and how much she loved her back, if Alex and Ellie had been together when she had gone away, nothing would have broken them apart. She knew it was dangerous to open herself up to Alex again, in more ways than one. But she just couldn't turn her down on such a simple request.

  "Oh, fine," Ellie said. Then, a thought came to her. "Maybe we could find you a girlfriend there, while we're at it."

  "Oh, believe me, I've looked. There's no one there for me."

  "Ah, but this is the first meeting since school started, right? That means there are a whole new mess of girls coming to this thing. I think it would be easier for us to keep things platonic if we're both seeing people."

  "So, you're saying it would be hard for you to keep things platonic with me?" she asked, her smile only getting bigger.

  "That's not... I just think it would be easier for you to remember that I'm with someone, someone who just happens to be a few states away from here."

  "A few states? Just how many are we talking about?"

  "Colorado. Mare goes to school in Colorado."

  "Well, you know what they say about long distance relationships."

  "Yea," Ellie said. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Though, I'm not sure just how much fonder of my Mare I can be."

  "Uh huh."

  Chapter Ten

  Early Return

  Alex and Ellie took different cars when they drove back to campus. This was largely because Ellie wanted her Leaf within reach, rather than needing to take the bus back home again. However, this also let Ellie hang around the house some more before heading over. The added time gave her a chance to muster up some courage to risk the strange people.

  It helped, knowing that Alex had come out to her mom. If she could be that brave, what did Ellie have to worry about? Besides, with the intervening hours since her last encounter with the strange people, she was having trouble believing that their effect on her was that powerful. More than that, she had a hard time believing that they would, or even could, do anything against her. Sure, they outnumbered her, but she was trained in hand to hand combat. As long as they came at her in manageable numbers, she could easily take them... unless they were trained as well. That was one of the many disadvantages of being so small.

  Alex was leaning against her car in the parking lot by Ellie's dorm when she drove the Leaf in. There was a parking spot right next to it that Ellie suspected she had saved for her. As she pulled into the spot, she was left to wonder just how long Alex had been standing there, waiting for her arrival. She was already starting to regret opening that door again.

  "Hey," Alex said, before Ellie could even finish parking. With how quiet her car was, she could easily hear her over it. Ellie smiled over at her as she put the car in park and turned it off. It still took her by surprise that there was little difference in the sounds coming from the car between it being on and off.

  "Hey," Ellie said back, though she waited until after she had opened the door and knew that Alex would be able to hear her properly. "Thanks for saving the spot."

  "Oh, that? No, that was just there," she said, though her eyebrow ticked the way it always did when she was lying.

  "Uh, huh," Ellie said. Alex came in for a hug, or something along those lines. It took a strong hand from Ellie to keep it that way. Even after that, it took far too long for Alex to break the hug. All the time that it lasted, Ellie was regretting letting them be friends again.

  "Shall we go?" Alex said, pointing towards the dorm.

  "It's in the dorm?" Ellie asked, surprised.

  "Well, it was in the summer. I hadn't thought to check if they moved it."

  Alex led the way to the dorms. Ellie eyed the building warily, as if she thought the building culpable for the actions of its occupants. She knew that a large group of these strange people were living there, the gaggle of girls that had passed her outside her dorm room. She wasn't sure where the gaggle was, or if they were off with the rest of the group somewhere terrorizing more people. By the time they made it to the front door, she had convinced herself that they wouldn't try anything, not while Alex was with her. While Ellie was far more capable of taking care of herself than Alex, she didn't think they would try anything in front of an audience. Not one that could run to get help if needed.

  On the ground floor of the dorm building was a large room with a big screen TV in it. The room was set off to the side down the hall that led to the laundry room. Back in the old days, before people could watch TV on their phones wherever they were, the room must have seen a lot of traffic. That day, there was a large sign outside the door saying that it was reserved for the next hour, and it didn't seem like anyone cared. In the almost week that she had been there, she had never once seen anyone in the room. No one was even so much as glancing that way as they passed by, leaden down with large baskets of clothes for the laundry.

  Alex stepped around the large sign, tripping on the easel that held it up. Ellie, having expected the trip, easily caught the sign, and the easel, when the two of them started to topple. Alex had always been a little on the clumsy side. Although, when they were together, she had found it more endearing than annoying. Once the sign was standing on its own again, she followed Alex into the room.

  "Hey, George," Alex said, waving at the only other person in the room. The guy sitting in the corner was somehow smaller than Ellie. He was one of those people who could easily play a starving street urchin as an extra in a movie or show. However, his designer jeans suggested that he had never so much as missed a meal over the years. "Are we still in here?"

  "I'm thinking so," George said. "Who's the new girl?"

  "That's... Um... That's Ellie."

  "Ah, Ellie. Pleasure. Alex has been saying a lot about you."

  "Oh, really?" Ellie asked, teasing. "All good things, I hope."

  "From this girl? Oh, no. Never. Absolute rubbish."

  Alex sat in the chair next to George. There was a line of folding chairs that went around in a circle, off to the side where a foosball table had been the last time Ellie had glanced in the room. Someone had moved it out of the way and it was leaning against the large TV. A sheet was haphazardly draped over the screen, the sole protection it had against being damaged by the table. Ellie just shook her head at it before sitting down next to Alex. Only after she had sat down did she think that maybe it would have been a better idea to sit on the other side of George from her, trying to put more distance between them. Before she could move, though, three more people came in the door, taking up seats on the other side of the circle from them. With them there, it seemed stupid for Ellie to move.

  "Hey, Sam," Alex said, nodding to one of the new arrivals. "Glad to see I'm still in the right place."

  "Yea, I like it here. It's more natural and casual than in a classroom, and more private than the student union."

  Ellie looked towards Sam and was suddenly frozen in her seat. Her hand gripped the metal of the chair tightly on either side of her legs as she stared at Sam. Perhaps more accurately, she stared at his abyssal eyes. Sam nodded subtly in her direction, his dark, hollow eyes seeming to move, yet, at the same time, not. They bored right into her, seeming to drill through to her soul, sucking the life out of her and draining her of any will to move. When Alex moved her hand next to hers, her skin sending the familiar tingles of electricity through her, she barely noticed under that penetrating stare.

  Only after Sam had broken his stare was Ellie released from it, though she still felt frozen to the chair. She felt like a cornered rabbit, just waiting for the wolf to pounce on her. Her eyes wandered around the rest of the group, which had filled out while she was lost in his eyes. No one else seemed to be part of that group. None of the other eyes were the hollow abyss that seemed to be everywhere around her.
They were all just more of the same, normal humans that were oblivious of the strange, almost alien people amongst them.

  "What do you know about him?" Ellie whispered to Alex, once Sam's attention was elsewhere.

  "Who? Sam?" Alex asked, whispering back. "I don't know. He's Sam."

  "Has he... was he always in this group?"

  "For as long as I have. He kind of runs it."

  Soon after that, Sam started up the meeting. The ring of seats was full, with a few others sitting on the couch that was in front of the TV. Ellie didn't pay much attention to the meeting though. She was too focused on Sam, trying to gage just when, and if, he would strike against her. It was clear that they all knew that she knew, though she wasn't quite sure what it was that she knew.

  From what little of the meeting she had paid attention to, it was clear that most of the people there were new to the group. Many of them were freshmen, finally out from under the watchful eye of their parents. They were finally able to be themselves. They just weren't sure what that was. Most weren't ready to talk to the group and Sam, despite all of his weirdness, made it clear that it was perfectly alright. When Sam's eyes circled back around to Ellie, she just shook her head, similarly taking the quiet approach. Even if she hadn't been terrified of him, it wasn't like she would have said much anyway. She didn't have much to say at the moment. Alex, on the other hand, had plenty to say.

  "So, I know a lot of you, or at least those of you that had been coming to these meetings over the summer, are getting rather tired of me talking about my high school girlfriend." Laughter and nods came from about half the people there, most notably the ones that weren't so apparently new to the group. Even a few of the ones that Ellie would have sworn had never come to those meetings before were nodding their heads along with the rest of them. "Well, I present to you Ellie." Alex gestured over at Ellie, as if she were some kind of prize on a game show. She blushed a little, lowering her eyes to hide from the attention. "I took Sam's advice and went to talk with her earlier today. I wasn't even sure that she was back in town until I saw her the other day on campus. She was actually hiding out at her father's place."

  Ellie's eyes snapped up at Sam under that comment. His eyes were on her as well. She didn't miss the subtle smile that spread across his face as he stared her down. It was almost like he was interested in her as more than just a curiosity. More than just what the others had wanted from her. If she didn't know better, if he wasn't right there, sitting in an LGBT group, she might have thought he was actually interested in her in that way.

  "I know I broke her heart," Alex said. "And, she's seeing someone now, someone she loves." She put her hand on Ellie's arm, pulling her into a half hug. "And I'm just so happy for her, despite my own feelings on the subject. But I think we're in a good place. Right? We've decided to try the friends thing."

  "Pfft, yea right," said George. "You do know she's still madly in love with you, right?"

  Ellie just blushed deeper, reflexively turning away from the attention that was coming her way. Even when she was doing something worth admiring, even when she was in her element, she never liked having too much attention on her. Ellie always preferred smaller groups to the large ones. That was one of the many things she had liked about Mare's group of friends back at boarding school. They never got too big, always taking to the shadows and off to the side of the main bulk of the school. Never numbering more than six at any given time, and that was only after Scott managed to find a new girlfriend.

  "I've known people that have managed it," Ellie muttered, under the intense scrutiny of the others. She was reminded of the fact that Scott and Mare had once dated, though they managed to stay friends until graduation.

  "Hey, I'd much rather have her as a friend than as nothing at all," Alex said. "I don't know what I'd do without my Ellie in my life."

  Ellie bristled at the term "my Ellie". She wasn't hers. Not anymore, and not ever again. Not after she had broken her heart like that. When she next talked to Mare, she would have to be very careful about just how much she told her about all of that. She couldn't stand the thought of being in a fight with Mare. Not while they were doing the long distance thing. The distance between them would make having make up sex rather difficult. She had always found that part not only the most fun part of a fight, but the most important step in the make up process.

  "But, anyway, I think that's all I had to say. Go Maroons."

  Ellie was glad once the attention left her, as the proverbial talking stick continued around the room. George was having issues with his parents, who were mourning the loss of their son, and not quite ready to accept the daughter that he wished he was to them. Ellie had found that revelation a bit odd, as George still had short hair, didn't wear any makeup, wasn't in any way feminine, and still referred to himself with male pronouns. Still, to each their own, she always figured.

  With the uncomfortableness of the attention over, she managed to ignore the unsettling feelings she still had about Sam. They were overshadowed by her own embarrassment, and the uncomfortable closeness of Alex. It wasn't until the conversations went all the way around the circle and back to Sam that she noticed that his eyes never seemed to leave her. When her eyes locked back on his empty ones, she was shocked by a worse thought. What if she got so used to these strange eyes, the eyes that only she could see? What if she forgot to be wary of this group? What if she let her guard down around them and she ended up being right about them? What would happen to her then?

  "Well, great meeting," Sam said, clapping his hands. "Nice shares all around. For those of you that hadn't spoken today, that's fine. I hope you'll feel more comfortable to do so next time. If not, if you'd just like to come and listen, that's okay too. We're all here to help you feel like this is a safe space. To talk. To be yourself. To feel free from the burdens of expectations that you might feel are on you." Sam glanced rather pointedly at Ellie when he said that. "We'll be meeting here every Saturday while school is in session, and every other Saturday when it isn't, so feel free to join whenever you can. All we ask is that you be as considerate of others as you would want them to be for you."

  He raised his hands, palms upward. This was obviously a cue for applause, as those elder members of the group did just that. The rest of them quickly joined in, though Ellie kept her hands solidly in place on her chair. They were clenched so tightly that her knuckles had turned white long ago. After a few moments of this, Sam got up and everyone started to leave. The regulars hung around just long enough to fold up their chairs, stacking them against the wall in the corner before heading out as well. Sam started folding up the chairs of those that had just left, making his way around the circle.

  "So, dinner?" Alex asked, pulling her attention away from Sam.

  "What?" Ellie asked. She stood up, almost taking the chair with her.

  Alex just smiled. "Want to go to dinner? If it would make you feel better, we can invite George to come with us."

  "Sure," George said, shrugging. "Not like I don't have anything else to do but to chaperone you two."

  "I'm sorry, was that sarcasm, or will you be joining us?" Alex asked.

  "Honestly? I wanted it to be sarcasm, but I really don't have anything better to do right now."

  "Great. I just need to get something from my room. Let's meet up at the student union. Okay?"

  "Sure," George said, shrugging.

  "Sure," Ellie agreed.

  Alex led the way out of the TV room, with George coming after her. Right before Ellie managed to get through the door, a large, thick arm slammed in front of her, blocking her way. She didn't notice it in time and ended up slamming into it, though she was so short that she almost managed to walk under it without trying.

  "Mind if I have a moment with Ellie here?" Sam asked. He seemed to have come out of nowhere to block Ellie's path. She had been all but certain he had been on the other side of the room, folding up chairs, just a moment before that.

  "Sure," Alex said, sh
rugging, as she and George continued down the hall. Ellie stared after her, unable to get her attention. She was lost for words to say to get her to stay, to keep her safe from him. It was clear that Alex didn't think much of it. That she had no reason to think that Sam was a danger to her. However, as Ellie looked up into Sam's hollow, black eyes, the familiar fear filled her once more.

  "Lovely," Sam said, though Alex was already far too far away for her to hear anything.

  Chapter Eleven

  Cornered

  "So, Ellie," Sam said. He stared down at her like a predator at his cornered meal. "I've heard that you've become a bit of a problem child for our group."

  "What?" Ellie asked. Inside, all she could do was scream silently. Her strength failed her, so she couldn't muster an actual scream. Not under Sam's penetrating gaze.

  "There have been several invitations for you to join us in the collective. Why haven't you taken us up on those invitations?"

  "What?" Ellie asked, again. Her mind swirled around her, giving her no purchase for any more substantial thought than that.

  "Admittedly, there are so many of us these days that we can't track all of us. We weren't even sure how many would be in this freshman class. But... well, it's not like you can exactly hide from us. We may not have known to expect you, but you're so clearly one of us."

  Ellie looked around her, searching for some other way out of that room. She already knew there wasn't one. He was blocking the only door that the room had. There were windows against the far wall, but they were covered with blinds. She had no way to determine if they would open. Even if they did, she had no doubt that Sam would be able to stop her before she managed it.

  If there had been anyone else left in the room, she would have known they were one of them without having to see their eyes. She could almost hear a chanting from the non-existent audience that she was "one of us, one of us, one of us". When she looked back to Sam, back at those eyes that scared her to death, he was towering over her. He filled the entirety of the doorway with his bulk. He suddenly seemed like a bear of a man, though he had been perfectly average sized during the meeting. This was something else, something more, something she couldn't quite explain. She would have guessed that it was magic, if she believed in such a thing.