Unspoken Love During The Vietnam War

by Zero Mandingo

covered with fragments of metal,

  We moved that debris and opened the hatch,

  The smoke rose from that fiery funeral

  Somewhere below we could hear a scratch

  And this brought sights to my mind so visual

  Like Poe himself could not match,

  Like some cold corpse escaping its tomb

  Or a still born baby within the womb.

  We proceeded in silence and speed

  To rig a pulley to bring up the men,

  Half-inch Becket bend lines would aid our deed

  Now two men stayed topside for it was then

  That three of us followed Boat’s lead

  Down into hell like punishment for sin,

  And I was the last to descend within,

  And these thoughts bring hurt to my heart again.

  Down that metal ladder with rungs so warm,

  We did descend like larva to decay,

  In the dark shadows I could see the form

  Of grotesqueness for my eyes did stray

  My mind with visions far from norm

  And would bring me night terrors to this day,

  In night horrors I was soon to know

  Of chases in dreams and no places to go.

  I reached the bottom of that gray deck floor

  And raised my head slowly to look around,

  My hat light outlined to my right a door

  Which spit forth smoke and brought the sound

  Of tired moans and wails which made my ears roar,

  And forced my eyes open to what I found,

  From here on I am no longer the same

  And perhaps I am already insane.

  Each man went off a separate route,

  Trying to find those who might not be dead,

  No words were spoken, we all were mute,

  For we could hear from below with dread

  The death sound of flood pumps kicking their boot,

  And from that place we should have fled,

  For in minutes the place would be flood

  And we would be counted as part of dead blood.

  We stayed, for twenty minutes, we then had

  And Boats bee lined to that door to the right

  That gave forth the smoke, cries and wails so bad

  Which made my heart race like swallows in flight,

  Now this next vision I tell is more than sad,

  For I followed him to that space not bright,

  And he had entered into the room

  A place my mind would create as a tomb.

  At the door I paused and glanced to look down,

  Had I not, I would have stepped on an arm

  A shipmate I assumed I had found,

  I reached for the wrist to check pulse warm

  My stomach squeezed an internal alarm

  That almost made me throw up in my mask

  For to the door the arm was attached.

  Now, my friends, my tale becomes more gruesome,

  And I must now slow down my rhyming pace,

  For I want you, to feel the pain to come,

  Therefore, we all must take it fact to face.

  The world was still spinning and I was numb,

  There’s no way to tell this with grace,

  And if I ramble as I tell to you,

  My reason is simple - this tale is true.

  For the emotions that swell within me

  As I write these lines, are hard to explain,

  For I wallow in despair happily

  Some nights, and it leads me through somber rain,

  To sit alone with some warm beer and see

  Once more those scenes and relive that pain,

  For that was a day my mind would fixate

  And haunt me with an unnatural fate.

  Now if my words are at least, listened to,

  I could find comfort, but they shall not be,

  For when I shed light, I know what you'll do

  You'll throw down this rhyme and think poor of me,

  And you know - I really wouldn't blame you,

  I would do the same as you except I see

  I was wrong in my judgment and fears

  And hope my words fall not on deaf ears.

  Now if you decide to read on, please do

  And continue to listen to my rhyme,

  I only want to ask one thing of you

  Forget prejudice of your early time

  And if this you can momentarily do,

  Perhaps you to will be able to find

  The deep sorrow another soul can feel

  But please don't read on against your will.

  “God! No! Please, no!” these cries came to my ears

  And I stepped inside and saw Boats kneeling

  Beside some fire burned youth of twenty years,

  For to that burn crusted blond he did cling.

  He removed his mask and I saw his tears

  And I could see the youth’s chest, slowly spring

  To and fro but reducing all the while

  And to Boats the youth gave a weak smile.

  He was the man to whom the arm belong

  And there he laid in his own blood no good,

  He gasps, “Hey you know you got to be strong,”

  He stopped to choke then said, “I wish I could

  Tell you how I feel. We were never wrong,

  Where we? If the people just understood.”

  I listened to that queerish song,

  And I could feel in my chest a great weight

  As I watched this man’s good-bye to his mate.

  I heard that youth say, “Please hold me near,

  I don't want to die, for the first time, “I

  Was really happy,” These words, he spoke clear

  And I stood there and watched those two cry,

  For they clung, holding one another near,

  Crying, and I heard one asking God, “Why,

  After we finally find happiness

  Just to take it away from us?”

  Then Boats with a quick snap

  Pulled him close, into his lap,

  And the emotion here cannot be wrote,

  The blood kept flowing like beer from a tap

  For his stump gave forth a liquid red moat,

  Boats wiped soot and ash from his bloody face

  And caressed him with a warm embrace.

  The youth spoke, “please tell me how you love me

  You're the only one in my life to care.”

  Boats rocked him back and forth, I could see

  For I had never seen men touch so free,

  Tears from Boats falling on the youths burnt hair,

  And I never knew such a love could be

  Of two masculine men who understood the plan

  That only the soul as intelligent love did stand.

  Boats spoke as if his heart was split in two,

  “Don't talk - I want to hold you close to me.”

  He leaned and kissed him as all lovers do

  A kiss as tender as a willow tree

  For this to me was a sight so new

  I had never thought of men loving you see,

  Other than ones father and let me say

  I was touched deep inside that day.

  He showed the compassion that each had

  And they held each other so near

  It made me realize life for them was sad

  And I could feel their lonely life of fear,

  It choked my throat and tore my heart so bad,

  The power that love had here,

  So much need and loneliness on that day

  I had never before seen come my way.

  The kiss ended with a sigh that brought death

  And then from Boats I could hear a slow wail

  Like a child left alone with gasping breath

  And he kissed again those lips so pale

  And his body did shake with tears of wrath

  I'm trying to tell yo
u but my words fail,

  To relay the emotion of love here

  Of how two men could be so near.

  Boats cried and rocked and rocked and cried,

  For no man had I seen carry on so

  This went on til it made me hurt inside

  For how long they had loved I'll never know

  But I could sense part of Boats to had died,

  And throughout his cry I could hear this moan,

  “God, please, no. I don't want to be alone!”

  Alas, my story is not over yet

  There is still much sadness and pain you see

  And let me say I never regret

  The enlightenment that happened to me

  For I can be assured and I would bet

  If you had seen, your mind would also be free

  So, let me tell you the rest that happened

  And to quicken, the remains I have shortened.

  Boats finally got his self together

  And aided in the rescue of the rest,

  For twenty-two men where what we gathered

  The news had said the death toll was six at best

  But I knew one soul had not been gathered

  Though it walked out alive is living jest

  An entity left laid in that pitted hell

  A day I shall remember well.

  Now the six of us were ordered to Captain’s Mast,

  At the mast we were awarded Courts-Martial

  The five that followed Special courts were cast,

  And Boats court was ordered a General.

  The crimes we committed could not last

  And if found guilty the military law

  States eight years to life locked in a cell

  To punish us for that primary hell.

  We were locked away in the brig that day

  To wait for our Court-martial to begin,

  But you know those damn courts never came our way,

  And we didn't have to worry to win

  For I don't know and who am I to say

  What influence came about to change it then

  But some of those saved wrote home to tell

  And the newspapers gave the Captain hell.

  I guess the publicity saved our tail

  For a Congressional Investigation

  came through slowly in the FPO mail

  And then we finally got some action

  We were released from those blaggard’s jail,

  Then they ordered for us a citation,

  One from the President of all the jerks,

  They wanted to show how the system works.

  Now, there we stood in line for that citation

  And the President had to shake our hand,

  Inside of me was no satisfaction

  There was one thing I did not understand.

  Why Boats stood in deep contemplation?

  For what was to come was ever so