Keeping Secrets

by Parker, Weston

  “Fine.” She stuck her lower lip out, her eyes drifting over to Tiffeny. “But will you come tuck me in and lay down with me tonight?”

  Tiffeny blinked back her surprise, darting a glance at me. “I can if it’s okay with you.”

  A range of emotions passed through me, but I pushed them all back. One look at the big, round pools of hope Winter’s eyes had become wiped any hesitation from my mind. “Sure, I’m fine with it.”

  The truth was that I just didn’t know if I was or if I wasn’t. Maybe having Tiffeny over hadn’t been such a good idea after all.

  Chapter 18

  Tiffeny

  Winter’s warm body was curled up next to mine on her double bed. She was lying on her back while I was on my side and running my fingers through her hair.

  “Thank you for coming to lie down with me,” she said quietly in the near darkness. A nightlight was on, depicting shapes of animals and stars in pastel shades on the ceiling, but there was no other light.

  “It’s my pleasure, sweetheart.” I kept my voice soft, too.

  A few beats passed where the only sound was our gentle breathing. Then Winter turned to face me and put her hands under her head. “I can’t fall asleep when I’m alone. That’s why I like my Daddy to lie down with me.”

  “I’m sure he doesn’t mind.” I kept stroking my fingers through her hair, my mind flashing to the conversation I’d had with Julia after I’d gotten back from the day-care center.

  “I like it when you lie down with me, too,” she said. “When we stayed in hotels, I had to lie by myself. The ladies who stayed with me didn’t always tuck me in. Daddy lay with me sometimes, when he wasn’t with Uncle Clark.” She yawned. “I don’t have a mommy, so when Daddy wasn’t there, I was alone.”

  My heart gave a painful clench. I couldn’t imagine what it must be like to have to say those words at three. The innocence in her eyes and her voice as she said it almost broke me because she really thought she didn’t have a mother.

  There was no undercurrent of pain or confusion in her tone, though. She’d simply stated a fact.

  Tears burned in my eyes, but I didn’t let them fall. “Luckily, Daddy is with you almost every night now.”

  I didn’t know what else to say. Asking her questions about her mother or why she didn’t have one seemed like a recipe for disaster.

  Callen and I would have that conversation. I couldn’t try to have it with Winter, so I just let the mommy thing go, even if it hurt my heart to do it. Later tonight, I planned on telling him what she’d said because I felt like it was something he needed to know about anyway, and then I would ask him where her mother was.

  My heart reached out to hers. Wanting to give her whatever comfort I could, I started humming “You are my Sunshine” under my breath. My mother had never sung it to me, but one of my nannies had. I always felt soothed when I heard it. To this day, I played it when I felt bad or was sick.

  Winter smiled, burrowing into my side as she finally closed her eyes. I kept humming and stroking her hair until however long later, I felt her breathing even out and knew she’d fallen asleep. As gently as I could, I moved away from her and pressed a quick kiss to her temple before I lifted her comforter to her hips and left the room.

  Faint sounds of a guitar being strummed filled the house when I opened the door. I didn’t know the song, but it was slow and steady, an almost melancholic melody that I suddenly felt like I wanted to know.

  Following the sound, I found Callen sitting on the deck in their backyard. He had his guitar in his lap, his hands moving along the fretboard seamlessly while he stared off into the distance.

  Fingers plucking at the strings, he seemed completely lost in thought. Light from the inside streamed out, but he hadn’t turned on any outside.

  He stopped and reached for one of two beers sitting on the plastic table next to his chair, letting out a sigh before taking a long sip. I didn’t think he knew I was there and I didn’t want to startle him by just appearing suddenly, so I put my hands together and clapped softly.

  “Bravo. That was beautiful. You might not be particularly talented in the kitchen, but you sure seem to know your way around the guitar.”

  The somber expression slipped from his face and he chuckled. “Yeah, I guess you could say both of those things are sort of an occupational hazard. I hardly ever had to cook for myself, and if I sucked at guitar, well, I’d have to have changed said occupation.”

  “Good point.” I moved farther out onto the deck and he patted the spot next to him on the lounger. I sat down, trying not to get distracted by his muscular thighs spread out and hanging over the sides of the chair.

  My knee brushed against his as I sat down, but he didn’t move it out of the way. Those familiar tingles I got from touching him sparked between us and raced through me, but I ignored them. I could not be horny for the conversation we had to have.

  Leaning back with my palms on the thick pillow covering the lounger, I contemplated how best to bring it up.

  Callen broke the comfortable silence first. “Thanks for going with her. I’ve been trying to get her to go to bed by herself, but it’s just not taking.”

  “That’s fine. I liked it to be honest. She’s such a sweetheart, and cuddling with her was nice.”

  A soft smile touched his full lips. “Yeah, it is nice. She’s the best cuddler in the world.”

  My head bounced up and down in agreement, my eyes focused on branches swaying in the breeze as I chewed the inside of my cheek. There was no easy way to ask what I wanted to.

  “She mentioned that she doesn’t have a mommy,” I said, deciding to just rip off the band-aid. “I don’t mean to pry, so you can tell me to fuck right off if you want, but where is Winter’s mother?”

  I heard him sucking in a breath, then released a deep one of my own and finally gathered the courage to look at him again. He wasn’t looking at me, his gaze on the dark expanse of the ocean as he answered.

  “I’m not going to tell you to fuck off.” He lifted one of his hands from the guitar and dragged it over his cheek. “It’s a valid question and one you deserve the answer to. It’s just not easy for me to talk about it.”

  Taking a sip of his beer, he lapsed into silence. It felt heavy this time, though. I kept quiet, too. This was obviously a sensitive subject for him, so if he needed time to think before he said anything, I could wait.

  About a minute passed before he squeezed his eyes shut, dropping his head back against the chair. “Her mother’s name was Alice. She passed away about a year and a half ago. She’s in some of the pictures inside.”

  He opened his eyes again but still didn’t look at me and kept his gaze on the sky instead. Pain lanced through me on their behalf. I couldn’t even begin to imagine everything they, but especially him, had gone through.

  Although I didn’t know the circumstances and he didn’t seem to be willing to go into any greater detail, losing someone he had a child with must have been really tough. To face the prospect of having a little girl and raising her without her mother had to be daunting as hell, and that was without even beginning to unpack his own loss.

  I reached out and put my hand on his thigh. There was nothing sexual about it. It was meant to be a comforting gesture, and since he didn’t shake me off, I assumed he took it for what it was. “I’m so sorry, Callen. For your loss and for Winter’s, but also for bringing it up.”

  He slid his hand underneath mine, turned his palm up, and laced our fingers together. “Thanks, but you don’t have to be sorry for bringing it up. It’s only natural for you to have wondered where she was.”

  I tightened my grip on his fingers and ran my thumb along the length of his. “If you ever want to talk more about her or about what happened, I’m more than willing to listen.”

  “I might take you up on that someday.” He didn’t sound convinced, but that didn’t matter. We’d only known each for a short amount of time, and I had no right to expect him to open
up to me, especially about another woman.

  “Just keep it in mind, okay? I won’t be weird or awkward about it.”

  A small smile curled on his lips and his eyes finally flickered to mine. “You? Not be weird or awkward about something? I doubt it, but I like that about you.”

  I laughed quietly, shaking my head. “Hey, I haven’t done anything really weird or awkward in a while.”

  “Also true.” He released his grip on my hand and picked up the guitar again. “Want to hear a new song I’m working on?”

  “I’d love to.” I watched intently as he started strumming again, a different melody than before. It was a little more upbeat, but it still had a soulful sound to it.

  Callen didn’t sing, but even though I wasn’t usually a fan of instrumental stuff, I liked just listening to him play. At times, he would close his eyes, his head slightly tilted, and his lips would part. Other times, he either looked at me or out at the water glittering under the stars.

  In between songs, we talked about his music. He told me a bit about his time in the band and his friend Clark. Mostly though, he played and I listened.

  I was absolutely captivated by him, by the sounds he could coax from his instrument without even looking at it. When he set the guitar down again, I scooted closer to him. “That was beautiful, Callen. Thank you for letting me hear you play.”

  “Anytime.” He reached for my hips and hauled me even closer to him so that I was nestled in the crook his legs. “If you’re interested, you can really hear me play anytime. There’s a lot of me playing on this little thing called the internet.”

  I chuckled and leaned my head against his chest, angling it so I could look up at him. “For someone with so many muscles, you’re surprisingly comfortable to lie on.”

  His lips formed a smirk. “You think I’ve got a lot of muscles?”

  “You know you do.” I rolled my eyes at him. “But if you’re fishing for compliments, I’m happy to give them.”

  “Yeah?” He cocked his head.

  “Yeah.” I twisted around, still sitting in my spot but with my upper body now facing more toward him. I cupped his face in my hands and stroked my thumbs across his defined cheekbones. “Aside from the muscles, you’re a pretty decent person, too.”

  “You only think that because you don’t know me very well,” he teased. “But I think you’re a pretty damn decent person too.”

  I smiled and brought my head closer to his. “Okay, if you don’t want to take that one, here’s another for you. You’re a really good kisser.”

  “So are you,” he whispered, one of his hands sliding into my hair.

  A sliver of pleasure raced down my spine. I brought my lips to his slowly, only brushing them over his before I pulled away.

  When he didn’t try to bring me back or kiss me again, disappointment stabbed through my gut like a spear. But then he released a shuddering breath, and there was so much want in his eyes when he looked into mine again that it was hard to hang onto my disappointment.

  “It’s not that I don’t want to,” he said, his voice husky. “It’s that I can’t do anything with Winter here.”

  His hand was still in my hair, his long fingers playing with the soft strands. I leaned into his touch, my lips aching to kiss him again and my body eager to go, but I didn’t act on any of it. “I understand.”

  “I’ll make time for just you and me soon. I promise.” He took my hand with his free one, bringing it up to place a soft kiss on the back of it. “Very soon.”

  “There’s no rush,” I said. Our gazes were locked together and it felt like I could tumble into the soulful green depths of his. “I should probably get going anyway. Thanks for inviting me and thanks for dinner.”

  “No, thank you for dinner.” He stood up after me, walking me out. When the front door shut behind us, he grabbed my hand and pulled me to him. “Just to say goodbye.”

  The next thing I knew, his mouth came crashing down on mine and he kissed me in a way that left no doubt in my mind that he’d been honest about why he’d put a stop to things earlier. It wasn’t because he didn’t want me or had already gotten what he’d really wanted from me.

  He was just dedicated to being a good father and I respected that. In fact, it was one of the things I liked most about him. A goodhearted, nice, sexy man who was a great father? Now that was a man I wanted to get to know better.

  Chapter 19

  Callen

  “Good job, sweetheart.” I added the flower Winter ran over with to the growing collection of treasure-hunt items she’d found in our backyard so far.

  With my guitar still resting on my lap, I picked up the list I’d made earlier. “Next up is a feather.”

  Winter nodded and took off again, leaving me alone with my guitar on the deck while she carried on with her nature hunt. It was an overcast day, but it was good weather for running around outside without getting burned to a crisp.

  Smiling to myself as I watched her foraging, I absently strummed my guitar and went back to the thoughts I’d been having before she’d brought me the flower. Tiffeny had been on my mind all morning, and no matter what I did, I couldn’t seem to shake her.

  Telling her about Alice hadn’t been easy, but I was glad I had. I also appreciated that she hadn’t tried to push me for more information and had simply offered her quiet support.

  Blowing out a heavy breath, I tried not to think about how it had felt to have her body so close to mine while talking about my late wife. I’d expected to feel guilty, like I was doing something wrong, but those feelings never came.

  It had felt right instead, to let her in that little bit further, to reveal our loss to her. It wasn’t like Alice and her death were a big secret or anything, but it meant a lot to me that she hadn’t simply looked me up on the internet to determine who and where Winter’s mother was.

  For the most part, I’d managed to keep Winter and Alice out of the press, but I knew the truth was out there. It wasn’t something I could hide and I hadn’t wanted to.

  A part of me had wondered when Tiffeny hadn’t asked earlier if she already knew, if perhaps Julia knew and had told her. When I saw her reaction last night, I knew that hadn’t been the case.

  She genuinely hadn’t known and had waited to hear about it from me. Sure, I hadn’t told her everything just yet, but I would.

  All in good time.

  I hadn’t wanted to overwhelm her with everything when things between us were still so new. I didn’t want to take the chance of scaring her off with all my damage. It shouldn’t have surprised me that Tiffeny hadn’t reacted like I’d expected her to react either.

  There hadn’t been an outpouring of sympathy or that rearing-back thing some people did when confronted by someone else’s grief or loss. She hadn’t tried to sweep it under the table and she hadn’t tried to cheer me up somehow.

  All of those things had made it feel that much more right to have told her about Alice. Even when that wave of want had hit me when we kissed, I still hadn’t felt guilty. I supposed this was what it felt like to accept Alice was gone and that it was okay for me to have a life after her.

  Honestly? It felt good to have reached this point.

  Without Tiffeny, I wasn’t sure how much longer it would have taken me to get here, and I wanted to thank her for that. I also had to keep my promise to make up for last night.

  I had a plan, though. All I had to do was set it in motion.

  I picked up my phone again and scrolled to Julia’s number. Tiffeny had sent us Julia’s number before she’d watched Winter the first time, but I’d never used it before.

  It explained why Julia sounded surprised when she answered. “Callen? Hi. Is everything okay?”

  “Everything’s fine,” I assured her. “I was actually calling to ask you a favor.”

  “Okay,” she said slowly, confusion in her voice. “What’s the favor?”

  “Will you be able to watch Winter for me tonight? I want to take Ti
ffeny out to dinner, just the two of us.”

  She paused for a beat, then cleared her throat. “Sure, okay. I’ll watch her, but then you’ll owe me one, right?”

  “Right.” I frowned, my eyes narrowing as I wondered what I was getting myself into. “Do you have something in mind, or would I just owe you?”

  “Don’t sound so suspicious.” She laughed. “It’s my birthday on Friday and I’ve rented out a bar. If I watch Winter for you tonight, I’d like you to play a song at my birthday party.”

  A relieved breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding left my lungs. “That’s it? I play one song at your party and you’ll stay with Winter tonight?”

  “That’s it.”

  I grinned. “In that case, you got yourself a deal.”

  “Great.” There was a definite undercurrent of excitement in her tone now. “What time do you need me to be there?”

  We worked out the logistics, then hung up. Winter brought over a feather she’d found, then went in search of a worm while I got back to my guitar.

  Julia arrived at precisely six, the time we’d arranged for her to get there. I’d told Winter Julia was coming, and she was excited, zooming to the door the second she heard the knock.

  “Thanks for agreeing to do this,” I said when she walked in.

  She tossed her red hair over her shoulder and shot me a grin. “No problem, but just so you know, I’d have done it anyway. It’s no big deal. I like Winter.”

  “Yeah, well, having to play one song at your party isn’t going to be much of a big deal to me either, so I guess we both got off easy.”

  A sparkle shot into her eye that let me know she wanted to make some kind of joke about getting off easy, but then her gaze drifted to Winter, and she let it go. “Hey, honey. You ready to have some fun?”

  Twenty minutes later, I pulled up outside Tiffeny’s house. Julia had given me her address and I was ridiculously excited about surprising her. Even if it was on a Sunday night.