Violent Circle Comedy Series Box Set

by S. M. Shade

  “Wedding ring?” Jani asks, returning a godawful yellow skirt to the rack.

  “No, so probably a girlfriend.”

  “Or a boyfriend,” Jani replies. “The best looking ones are usually gay. Except for Cassidy’s man. Unless…” She turns and grins at me.

  “Totally straight,” I laugh.

  “Damn, I’d be his beard any day. Sit right on his face.”

  Emily and I both crack up. “I don’t think that’s how it works.”

  Jani pulls out a silky, black, flared dress and practically shoves it at me. “You have to get this. It’ll drive Wyatt crazy.”

  “You’re supposed to be dressing yourself, you know.”

  “Yeah, but you don’t have my fat ass. I’ll never have your lean figure, so I’m living vicariously. Go try it on.”

  “Guys love your ass,” I point out, before heading to the fitting room.

  By the time I’ve changed into it, I know Jani is right. It fits perfectly and hugs my slight curves. It even fits through the chest. It’s hard to find dresses that don’t gape over my bitty titties, but this actually makes them look good.

  We all leave the thrift store with bags of new clothes before heading to the shoe store. The key to shopping when you don’t have a lot of money is to save it where you can, like shopping at a thrift store instead of a mall, so you can spend it where you want to, like the shoe store.

  I’m not as shoe crazy as Jani is, but I find a new pair of sneakers to replace my worn ones and a pair of ballet flats to match my new dress. My phone beeps, and I take a seat to read my text while Jani and Emily are trying on shoes.

  Wyatt: Having fun?

  Me: Yeah, at the shoe store now.

  Wyatt: Getting whore red stilettos?

  Me: You know me so well.

  Wyatt: I’m just lying in bed at the hotel. All alone. Deposition was postponed until tomorrow morning.

  Me: So you’re jacking off?

  Wyatt: You know me so well. It would go a lot faster if you’d send me a picture.

  Giggling, I snap a picture of the wall of sneakers in front of me and send it.

  Wyatt: ha ha, you know what I want to see.

  Me: And I’m in a shoe store.

  Wyatt: That I’m sure has a restroom.

  Before I can tell him to kiss my ass, Jani laughs. “Go on. I dare you. I’ll bet you’ve never sent a nude in your life, have you?”

  “Stop snooping, bitch!” I laugh, shoving her away.

  “Send the poor guy a topless shot at least.”

  Emily joins the conversation. “Do you not trust him to keep it private?”

  “He wouldn’t show it to anyone.” I look up at Emily. “You really think I should?”

  “Why not?” She shrugs. “Tell him you want one in return.”

  “I already have a dick pic from him.”

  Jani’s eyes widen. “Whip it out!”

  “No!” I glance around the store. “Okay, I’m going to the restroom.”

  Thankfully, the restroom is empty, and I take the last of the four stalls. I whip off my shirt and take a quick picture of my chest, hitting send before I can change my mind.

  The door to the restroom squeaks as it opens and I hear a woman murmur. “I swear you have to visit every bathroom in the city.” She must have a kid with her.

  I mute my phone just in time as Wyatt’s response comes through.

  Wyatt: Fuck, babe, I just want to suck those nipples. Show me more.

  I can’t believe I’m sexting in a shoe store bathroom. A funny thought occurs to me. Since we’re going for a wax at the day spa next, I could do a little before and after picture. Jani was right when she said I’ve never sent nudes before. It’s time to live a little.

  As quietly as possible, I put my shirt back on and slip off my panties, leaving my skirt on. Hmm…I’m not sure about the best way to do this.

  I’m not going to squat down in here. I finally decide to put one foot on the toilet seat and then shove the camera under my skirt. The first picture is out of focus and with the light filtering through my green skirt, it looks more like a stepped on tennis ball than a vagina. Fine, the skirt has to come off too.

  It joins my panties, hanging on the toilet paper dispenser. I’ve never felt so classy.

  Naked from the waist down, I put my foot on the seat again, and focus on getting the perfect shot. The next one is pretty good and I send it, but I decide to take one more.

  Why did I decide to take one more?

  Just as I hit the button, the toilet seat slides to the side and the plastic bolts in the back holding it on both snap. The seat clatters to the floor, and my foot slides right into the toilet with a splash they probably heard on the sales floor. Thinking I’m going to fall, I panic and grab at the wall, dropping my phone, which slides out of the stall and toward the sinks.

  So, there I am in all my glory. Naked, with a broken toilet seat looped around one foot while my other foot rests ankle deep in blue toilet water. No way this can get worse, right?

  Wrong.

  As I’m trying to extricate myself, I hear a small voice ask, “Mommy, what’s that?”

  “The lady dropped her phone, Justin. Just put it on the sink for her.”

  Oh god.

  Oh no.

  “But what is that? It’s weird and…hairy.”

  Somebody please shoot me now. Where is a nice stroke or heart attack when you need one? Behind the door, a small boy is getting a look at his first vagina.

  My vagina.

  The toilet flushes and I hear his mother gasp when she takes the phone from him.

  Yeah, I’m not coming out of here. Somebody is going to have to deliver my food because I’m never leaving this stall again.

  “What is it?” he repeats.

  “It’s just, um, a close up picture,” she stumbles, grasping for an explanation that isn’t some stranger’s vagina.

  “Close up of what?” he insists.

  “A…mouth. It’s just a blurry picture.” I hear the click of plastic against porcelain as she places the phone on the sink and says, “Wash your hands again.”

  “But I already—”

  “Again, Justin!”

  Justin isn’t finished asking questions though. Through the running water, I hear, “It had a moustache though. And four lips! Do some guys have extra lips? Am I gonna get more lips? Ohh! Is it an alien? Aliens can have extra lips.”

  His voice fades as they leave, and I rush through the stall door to grab my phone, one shoe sloshing and leaving blue puddles across the floor. Of course, they had to have blue water. I pop off my shoe and stuff it with paper towels to mop up the bulk of the water.

  That is how Jani and Emily find me a few seconds later.

  “Uh…Cass, any idea why the manager just sent us in here to tell you to leave. Something about taking obscene pictures?” Jani asks, her lips twitching as she holds back a smile.

  “Oh hell. I can’t go out there!” I wail.

  Emily giggles and shakes her head. “Come on. I’ll walk out with you while Jani pays for our stuff. What the hell happened?”

  “Oh no. Wait until I get outside too. I’m not missing this story,” Jani insists.

  My eyes never leave the ugly carpeted floor as I make a beeline for the door and wait in the car with Emily for Jani to show up. As we’re waiting another text comes through from Wyatt.

  Wyatt: So fucking hot. Put your fingers in and take a picture.

  Fuming, I send a return message.

  Me: Fuck off

  Ever since I regaled Wyatt with the story of my catastrophic first attempt at sexting, he teases me at least once a day with a text requesting a crotch shot. Never going to happen.

  Wyatt seems to have straightened out the issue at Scarlet Toys South and refocused his attention on our store. The weather has been great which has really helped with the rebuild. We’ve been waiting for the day when we can start restocking and prepare to open. When we finally get the c
all, it’s accompanied by more bad news.

  It’s clear from Wyatt’s expression that something is wrong and I sit beside him as he hangs up the phone.

  “Well, we can start getting the stock moved in again,” he says.

  “But?”

  “But the town has apparently decided to hold a vote on Proposition Four. Also known as the Children First Initiative.”

  Confused, I shake my head. “I’ve never heard of it.”

  He gives me a wry smile. “That’s because they introduced it while we were gone. It would block any adult stores, strip clubs, or anything they consider immoral from doing business in Ashen county.”

  It takes a few moments for his words to sink in. Finally, I realize the repercussions of such a law and anger races through me. “Those self-righteous fuckwits!” I jump to my feet and pace the room. “Protect the children! Like we’re selling dildos at the school bake sale. It doesn’t have a damn thing to do with children. Maybe if they cleaned the cobwebs out of their withered up snatches, they’d lighten the fuck up!”

  Wyatt’s jaw falls open and he bursts out laughing.

  Freezing in place, I gape at him. “This isn’t funny! Your store. They’re going to shut it down. It took three votes to get the county to go wet and that took five years. When those sanctimonious prudes get together, they have the numbers to stall shit for a long time.”

  Wyatt stands and walks over to me, still restraining his laughter. “You are so damned cute when you’re pissed.”

  Is there anything worse than being called cute when you’re angry? “It’s not cute,” I reply through gritted teeth.

  Doesn’t he understand what this means? It might not be the end of the world for him. He’ll go back to his lap of luxury life in Indianapolis, or focus on his other store. I’ll be out of a job I really like, but I know that isn’t the main reason I’m upset.

  I’ll lose him.

  When those stuck up bitches get their way, and run Scarlet Toys out of town, they’ll be taking him away from me too.

  “No, it’s not cute or funny. It’s going to be a pain in the ass, but that doesn’t mean we can’t win.”

  “You don’t understand. They’ll never quit.”

  His hands squeeze my shoulders and he looks me in the eye. “Neither will I.”

  My anger fades and fear rushes into its place as I’m struck by a realization. “I don’t want to lose you. Shit…Wyatt.” I pull back and pace across the room. My stomach churns and my chest feels tight. “I’m falling for you. Or I already have.”

  I didn’t mean to tell him, but the words broke free anyway.

  The next few seconds drag into months as he stares at me. I’m terrified that I’ve blown it. The next words out of his mouth are going to shatter me if he ends it because I just spewed feelings all over the place.

  Finally, a smile blooms on his face and he walks toward me. “Cass, I’m not going anywhere, store or no store.” He slides his hand behind my neck and his fingers crawl into my hair. “We’re going to make this work. You aren’t the only one falling.” He pulls me against him, cupping the back of my head as I rest my cheek on his chest.

  “I know we’ve only known each other a couple of months. I didn’t want to scare you off by telling you. You said from the beginning you didn’t want anything serious, but it doesn’t change how I feel. I love you.”

  A sense of euphoria settles over me, and I wrap my arms around his back. “I love you, too. And it scares the hell out of me,” I confess.

  He steps back and sweeps the hair from my forehead as I gaze up at him. “Why?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve never been in love. I feel…deliriously happy and terrified at the same time.”

  Chuckling, he plants a sweet kiss on my lips. “That’s a pretty good description of love.”

  I grin up at him. “I guess you should know since you’re the old man with all the experience.”

  “Call me old again, and I’ll have to break out the paddle.”

  “I haven’t forgotten about that. Your day of payback is still coming,” I warn. “Now, what are we going to do about Scarlet Toys?”

  “I’m going to get in touch with our company’s lawyers, and see what they suggest. In the meantime, we go about our business as usual.” He slaps me on the ass. “So, let’s go check out the building.”

  The smell of paint is overwhelming when we walk inside, but it’s better than the smoke scent it used to have. Wyatt had them wall things off a little differently so the office is now bigger and we have a little break area on one side of the storeroom.

  “We’ll put a table and chairs there. Mini fridge and microwave can go in the corner. It’ll make it easier on everyone to bring their lunch,” he points out.

  “That’ll be nice,” Jani pipes up, walking up behind us.

  “Word travels fast, I guess,” I laugh, and she shakes her head.

  “I saw your car out back, Bare n’ Share.”

  Wyatt gives her a puzzled look. “She likes to show pictures of her bare foo foo to people in women’s restrooms. Gets us banned from stores.”

  “One store!”

  She laughs as I smack her. “And it was your fault. You talked me into it!”

  Jani laughs and dodges me. “Did she tell you how she got one smurf shoe?”

  Wyatt cracks up. “I thought maybe she tried to flush herself to escape.”

  “You’re going to have smurf balls if you keep it up,” I warn. “Now, are we moving stuff in or what?”

  “I’ll get the register and everything wired in if you want to set up the display racks.” He turns to Jani. “Do you want to stay and help?”

  “Are you kidding? I’m going crazy being stuck at home with Mom. I’m in.”

  “Your mom is sweet,” I tell her as we walk through the store.

  “Yeah, feel free to come over and catch the four hours a day of reality television. She’s driving me nuts with one that shows children’s beauty pageants.”

  “Ugh…that’s so wrong. Pitting kids against each other based on their looks. They even have them wear fake teeth! What’s cuter than a little kid with missing teeth?”

  “Yeah, she watches it and yells at the screen half the time about how horrible it all is.” Jani follows me out to the long cargo container sitting behind the store. All the stock has been waiting here for the building to be ready.

  “Then why does she watch it?”

  “Exactly,” she groans.

  We spend the next few hours putting the store back in order. Wyatt calls Clarence and Martha to let them know they can return to work, and they promise to be in the next day. Neither of us mentions the upcoming proposition, although I know Jani is aware. For now, it’s just business as usual.

  It takes two weeks to get the store back up and running. When we re-open, a giant banner hangs out front.

  We’re Back! Don’t miss our Resurrection sale! 30% off!

  “Subtle,” Clarence says with a nod, watching as it flaps in the wind.

  According to the lawyers, there’s not much we can do when it comes to the upcoming vote. It comes down to the people and what they want. We have three months before the vote takes place and we’ve been trying to brainstorm ideas to get the public on our side.

  Apparently satisfied with their plan to get Scarlet Toys shut down, the protesters have not resumed their usual daily march. They must be optimistic about the outcome. I wish I could say the same for us.

  The looming threat seems to have a positive effect on business. Even after the sale is over, we have a steady stream of customers. More people are willing to shop with us when they don’t have to cross a picket line. Plus, the controversy has reached the local news station, who did a story about the upcoming vote. You couldn’t ask for better advertising. We’ve had customers from a lot of the surrounding towns as well.

  Vote Yes on Prop 4 and Vote No on Prop 4 signs appear like magic around town, in yards and the windows of businesses and churches
.

  “There seem to be a lot more vote yes signs,” I point out to Wyatt as we sit on my couch. I’m sewing eyes on a bright blue stuffed dog.

  “It does appear that way.” Wyatt watches me stitch with a small smile. “What do you do with the stuffed animals when you’ve finished them?”

  “When I get a box full, like thirty or so, I send them to the local Department for Family and Children. They give them to kids who are removed from their homes and put into foster care.”

  Wyatt stares at me for a moment. “Did you know someone in foster care?”

  “No, I just like making stuffed animals and I have to do something with them. It’s not nearly as philanthropic as it seems.”

  “Sure it is. You could be selling them.”

  “They aren’t that good,” I snort, tucking my feet under the edge of his thigh.

  “Are you kidding? People will pay good money for handmade stuff like that, and yours are really unique.” He rubs my knee.

  “Thanks, but it’s just a hobby.” I glance at his computer screen. “What is the Lawson House?”

  Wyatt shrugs. “A charity I started about eight years ago. We build community centers in run down areas to give kids something to do after school. Once this situation with Scarlet Toys is resolved, I planned to scout out a new location. I heard back from the publicist today, though. She’s been brainstorming ideas to get the public on our side when it comes to the vote. Since they’re claiming this is all about the children, I asked what she thought of putting the next community center here.”

  “That’s a great idea!”

  Wyatt frowns. “She thought so too, but I’m not sure. I usually keep these things separate. Are parents really going to want to let their kids hang out at a place owned by the local smut peddler?”