Violent Circle Comedy Series Box Set

by S. M. Shade

  “Hi, I’m Noble Bradley and this is Bailey Chambers.” He smiles down at her. “She’s an amazing guitar player and she’s going to help me try to win back my girl today.”

  Oh god. He wouldn’t.

  “See, I screwed up a really good thing with the most beautiful woman in the world. She’s funny, and caring, and smart. I’m completely and totally in love with her. What better way to show her than humiliating myself on television, right?”

  Wyatt snorts out a laugh, but it barely registers.

  “January Dixon, I love you, and if you take me back, I promise not to screw up again.” He pauses. “No, that’s probably impossible. Okay, I promise to do my best to make you happy and keep the screw ups as few and far between as possible.”

  My eyes well up as I giggle at his honesty.

  “And since I can’t express myself quite as good as him, I’m going to sing a song from Ed Sheeran, who can say the right words better than I can.”

  Oh no. This is extremely sweet and over the top romantic, but here’s the issue. I’ve heard Noble sing. God knows I love him, but the man couldn’t carry a tune if it was stapled to him. This is going to be horrible.

  Bailey strums her guitar and her notes ring out strong and clear. The girl is good. She’s all smiles until Noble belts out the first line. Though her mouth falls open like a fish gasping for oxygen, her playing doesn’t show her shock.

  His face is beet red, but he faces the camera and sings—or tries to—the lyrics to Perfect, my favorite song by Ed Sheeran. I pretty much wore it out while we were together, so I’m not surprised he knows the words.

  But, oh god, what he’s doing to them. Ed would be horrified.

  Wyatt nearly falls out his chair laughing, and Cass turns to me, her eyes wide with horror. “Oh, that’s so bad, Jani,” she whispers.

  “Hey, it’s the thought that counts.”

  “Does that mean you’ll give him another chance?”

  Watching the most adorable man on the planet squeak and croak his way through my favorite love song, I nod. “I had already decided to get back together. I just needed a little time, you know.”

  Wyatt laughs harder. “So he did this for nothing? Classic.”

  I toss a throw pillow at him. “It’s not for nothing!”

  Cass does the same, only her pillow smacks him in the head. “It’s romantic! She’ll never forget this!”

  “That’s for sure,” I mumble. “Seriously, though, it’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. If you give him shit over it, I’ll tell everyone you let Cass fuck you with a strap on.”

  His mouth falls open. “I do not! Nothing has ever breached that area!”

  “You own a sex toy shop. Who do you think people are going to believe?”

  I smile sweetly at him while he grumbles. “Fine.”

  Noble finishes the song and smiles at the camera before it jumps back to the anchors, who share a look of amused horror. I don’t hear what they say next because I’m on my feet, zipping my jacket.

  “I’ve got to go the station.”

  “I’ll drive you,” Cass exclaims, slipping on her shoes.

  Wyatt follows behind us, holding up his palms when I turn to glare at him. “I won’t say a word. But I’m not missing this.”

  I’m in too much of a hurry to argue.

  My mind is moving almost as fast as my speeding heart on the drive to WFUK. The man at the door smiles and allows us inside as soon as I tell him my name. I’m not sure how I’ll react when I see Noble. I’m suddenly overwhelmed by too many emotions.

  When his blond head appears around a corner, I tackle him. Literally. I jump into his arms and cover his mouth with mine, ignoring the hoots and cheers filling the hall around us.

  Our lips smack loudly as we part, and I stare down into blue eyes brimming with joy. “You crazy asshole. I love you too. I can’t believe you did that.”

  He kisses me again, his arms wrapped around me tight. “Does that mean we’re back together?”

  “Yes, but I need you to understand something. Next time you have a problem or things aren’t going well, you talk to me. You don’t ignore me for days. I don’t deserve that shit and I’m not taking it from anybody.”

  “Understood. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  “I forgive you. No more sorries. I’m sure I’ll screw things up too.” I loosen the vice grip my legs have on his hips, and he sets me down, his fingers sweeping a lock of hair from my face. “I missed you.”

  “Me too, sweetheart.”

  “Are you off the clock? Can we get out of here? Because I really need a date with the porn penis.”

  He steps back, his posture stiffening, muscles standing out in his neck. “Where did you hear that?”

  Aw. He’s so cute looking all shocked. “A table full of girls at the coffee shop. I’m afraid I may have endangered your future career as a porn star by setting them straight. They were very disappointed.”

  His gaze is as cautious as his question. “It doesn’t bother you?”

  “Noble, we all have a past. I’m not exactly innocent, you know.”

  “I’m aware.” Leaning down, he brushes his lips over my ear. “Innocent girls don’t give head as good as you do.”

  “I’m flattered. Let’s go test that theory.”

  His arm falls around my shoulders as we walk out to the cars. “Hey Cass, thanks for everything,” he shouts.

  “Anytime.” She grins at us, then shakes her head at Wyatt who looks like he’s bursting to say something.

  “Pegging, Wyatt. If you don’t know that word, look it up,” I warn in a singsong voice.

  His lips press together, and he gets in the car without a word. Noble frowns down at me. “Did you just threaten to fuck him?”

  Cassidy’s gaze locks with mine, and we both break into laughter.

  “So, everyone is in on this?” I ask, as Noble fills me in on the plan to make the management wish they’d never thought of inspections. We’ve worn ourselves—and my vagina—out over the last twenty-four hours, so we’re just lounging on the couch together.

  “Yeah, although half of them aren’t doing anything. We don’t want it to look like we’re trying to stop them from coming in each month. It has to look like this is business as usual on the circle. They need to think this is what they’ll be going through every time they come to snoop.”

  “So, what should I do?”

  Noble glances around my half empty apartment. “Your place is so clean. Maybe we should go for a too clean scenario.”

  “Since all Mom’s stuff is gone, I took the opportunity for a little spring cleaning.”

  His face softens and he strokes my leg. “How are you doing with that?”

  “I miss her, but I’m adapting. I think I may like living alone. What do you mean by too clean?”

  He kisses my head and wraps his arms tighter around me. “Well, since eviction is what they’re threatening, naturally people would be paranoid their apartments aren’t clean enough. So, we douse your bathroom and kitchen with bleach, mop the floors with vinegar, make it so you can’t breathe in here. They’ve made it clear you don’t have to be home for the inspection, so you wouldn’t have to stay and suffer with it. Afterward, we’d just have to open windows for a bit, rinse the surfaces and floors.”

  “Devious. I love it. What are you and the guys doing?”

  “I’ll be watching gay porn.”

  Giggles spill out of me. “Make sure you’re in bed with your hands under the covers. They’ll assume the worst.”

  “Oh, I’ll be in the living room. The other guys will all be at work or school. But a throw blanket is a great idea.”

  “This is going to be amazing.” I cuddle into him.

  His fingers entwine in my hair, gently tugging the strands. “You haven’t heard the best part. They’ve decided to put a tenant on the housing board. It’s all for show of course, it’s not like we’d get a vote in anything, but that
tenant will be present at inspections.”

  “Who is the chosen tenant?”

  “Neal, and he volunteered to wear a camera to record the whole thing. Everyone is meeting that night to see the video. Trey has a projector, so we’re going to project it on the wall of the laundry room once it gets dark.”

  “I can’t wait.” I lean my head back against his shoulder, reveling in the scent of him. “Do you really think it’ll change anything, though?”

  “I don’t know, but we have to start somewhere. A few of their rules have to be illegal. Neal has an uncle that’s a lawyer. He sent the paper to him to check out what can be fought.”

  “Well, the first inspection is tomorrow, so I’d better go get some bleach and vinegar.”

  I stand up to stretch and hear a tentative tap on the front door. The new girl, Veronica, stands on the porch, holding a bag and wearing a sheepish smile. “Hi, I know we haven’t met. I’m Veronica. I just moved into two-oh-seven.”

  “Come in. I’m Jani.”

  She enters, and Noble waves from the couch. “Oh, hi, Noble. I’m just going around trying to collect some candles for the inspection.”

  Noble chuckles and explains. “She’s going to burn scented candles, potpourri, fill the place with air freshener.”

  “So, the opposite of my bleach and vinegar disaster,” I point out, and Veronica laughs.

  “Ooh, that’s a good one.”

  I have a few scented candles and a can of some flowery air freshener that I hand over. “I also have a can of Ozium, but that stuff smells like hospital disinfectant, so I think it’ll work better here.”

  “Thanks, it was nice meeting you. I’ll see you at the laundry room tomorrow night.”

  After she leaves, I flop back onto the couch. “Are your friends stalking that poor girl yet?”

  “Nope, I think Neal has made it clear he’s interested. They’re both single parents, so they have that in common. Okay.” He slaps my ass. “Let’s get this place super clean.”

  It’s funny as we prepare for this first inspection, I see all the neighbors out doing the same. I’m sure the maintenance men who witness it just think everyone is nervous and cleaning, the way they’d like us to be.

  I almost feel sorry for the management. I mean, they’re new here, so they have no idea what Violent Circle is capable of when we all join together.

  A smile creeps across my face.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Noble

  The guys have our apartment all cleaned up, and there’s nothing going on that would break any of their rules, so I know they won’t be able to say anything about what they see. After all, we live here, and everything we’ve arranged for the neighbors to do is perfectly within a tenant’s rights to do in their own home. That includes watching porn in the living room.

  Being buck naked in your own home is also acceptable, and boy, are they going to get an eyeful of some of my friends today. I’m glad the inspections start after the school bus picks up all the children for school.

  After the last two nights I’ve spent with Jani, nothing can wipe the smile off my face. I don’t know why I panicked the way I did. I’m so much happier with her. She doesn’t add stress to my life, it’s just the opposite. I don’t worry about much of anything when she’s near, and I know she’s always got my back.

  She stayed with me after we cleaned up her place, and we went back this morning before she went to work to toss some more bleach and vinegar around, topping it off by spraying almost a whole can of the ultra-concentrated hospital grade disinfectant. Whew. We were both choking and had to beat a quick retreat outside.

  I toss a throw blanket on the couch and grab Kenny’s tablet. It doesn’t take me long to find a porn site featuring some hardcore guy on guy action, and cast it to the living room television. I’m so glad Denton opted for the fifty inch screen when he got his tax return last year. I make sure the surround sound is working and turn the volume up loud enough that you can just hear someone’s voice over it. Not excessive, but annoying, more so because of the sounds emanating from it. Ugh, it sounds like a bulldog eating oatmeal. I don’t want to look.

  Shit. I looked. And props to that guy who obviously has a much higher pain tolerance than me. I had a girl stick her thumb in my ass once, unexpectedly. It hurt in a unique way I never plan to feel again.

  My phone lights up with a text from Barney, letting me know the inspections have begun. We have him as a lookout, but he isn’t going to do anything to antagonize them. He’ll be lucky to pass the inspections as it is, although I know a couple of neighbors helped him get his place cleaned up.

  There’s nothing to do now but wait. The minutes tick by as the video goes from one couple to another. These two guys must be the romantic type since they’re making out on a beach. That is not a place I’d want to get sand in.

  My phone beeps with a message from Jani.

  Jani: The suspense is killing me.

  Me: They’re on the way now. Should be here any minute.

  Jani: Enjoying the movie?

  Me: Way too much hairy ass in it for me.

  Jani: The guys usually wax.

  Me: How would you know?

  Jani: Got to get back to work.

  Me: Busted. Dirty girl.

  I’ve shut and locked the front door, and though my car is out front, they barely tap on the door before coming in.

  Neal is first, and I see him stifle a smile as he stands to the side, trying to make sure the camera in his glasses catches everything that’s going on. He’s followed inside by a man, a woman in her mid-thirties, and a woman who must be over sixty.

  Their expressions are priceless.

  I’m sprawled on the couch, one hand thrown across my bare chest, the other tucked beneath the blanket. I have shorts on, but they can’t tell. “What the hell?” I exclaim, sitting up. The onscreen couple are in the middle of a vigorous blow job, and the audio coming through the speakers sounds like someone is stirring a cooked pot of macaroni.

  “The first inspection is today, Mr.” The gruff sounding man pauses until I reply.

  “Bradley.”

  “Mr. Bradley. We’re here to check on things.”

  “Oh, right, I think I heard about that.” I fall back and wave them on. “Have a look around then.”

  The older woman’s mouth falls open. I guess she expected me to turn off the video, maybe run away in embarrassment. The younger woman gives me a sideways look, and I swear her lips twitch like she’s restraining a laugh.

  They make a quick trip through the apartment, but with the surround sound on and the volume at this level, there’s no escaping the man party going on in the living room.

  The onscreen characters choose that moment to get vocal.

  “Oh, yes, lick that cock.”

  “You want it in your ass, don’t you? Tell me you want my cock in your ass.”

  When they return to the living room, the man shoves a paper and clipboard at me. “Sign here. Just says we inspected and everything was fine.”

  “Sure, just give me a sec to read it. I never sign anything without reading it.”

  It’s a short form, but I take my time, making them stand there while the guys on the T.V. graduate to rimming. The older lady lets out a squeak, then rushes out the front door. Finally, I sign the paper, and they leave. Neal grins at me before he steps out the door.

  Nailed it.

  No pun intended.

  “It’s time!” Jani squeals, grabbing her coat. The weather has cooperated with us tonight, warming up far more than normal for this time of the year, as if it too supports our cause. I returned to Jani’s apartment and opened her windows while she was at work, so it’s mostly aired out. It was a good hour after they left that I showed up, but it still made my eyes water just walking through the door, so I can imagine how it was when they came in. We’ve spent the last hour rinsing the over bleached and vinegar drenched areas.

  I’m as excited to see the video as Jan
i is after some of the stories I’ve heard today. Everyone did their part and then some. Pulling my coat on, I grab a fold up camping chair while Jani grabs another, and we head down the road. It’s full dark, and everyone is gathered on the lawn facing the laundry room wall, laughing and exchanging stories.

  There are no kids present, obviously, and with it being so far after business hours, no way anyone from housing management is going to see this.

  Too bad.

  Neal and Denton walk out and wave their hands, getting our attention so it’ll quiet down. “Okay,” Neal says. “I managed to get footage in every apartment, and Denton has edited it down to the ones that participated. Everyone did fantastic, but I think I have to throw a couple special mentions out there to Noble and his jacking off to gay porn show, and Mallory and Dennis for actually making one of them vomit.”

  “Hey, they saw me blowing a guy!” Samantha calls, sounding defensive.

  “Like that’s out of the ordinary,” I murmur, and Jani elbows me, giggling.

  Neal nods to Denton before he walks off to join Veronica.

  “Okay, let’s see it. I believe Veronica’s place is first. She went a little overboard with scented candles and air freshener.”

  The wall jumps to life with an image of Veronica’s living room as the three inspectors come in behind Neal. Instantly, their hands go to their mouths. “I-I’m allergic to flowers,” the older lady stutters and retreats back outside.

  Onscreen Veronica smiles brightly. “There are no real flowers. I just wanted to freshen the place up for the inspection. Please, come in.”

  Yeah, this girl is going to fit right in here.

  We watch, as the three inspectors are assaulted, apartment after apartment, without ever being touched. One apartment is filled with the scent of cooking cabbage and chitlins that have been boiling overnight. Another features two tenants faking the flu, cuddled up in blankets on the couch, retching and dumping fake vomit into basins. You can’t blame someone for being sick.