Violent Circle Comedy Series Box Set

by S. M. Shade

  “I should’ve seen that coming,” she laughs, taking my hand and letting me help her up. “Goats are cute, but they’re assholes.”

  I point to another stall as we leave the herd of goats. “There are your alpacas.”

  She brushes off her hands, shaking her head. “No, those are llamas. You don’t want to mess with them.”

  Chuckling, I walk over to the fence where a llama stands almost as tall as me. It does have a “don’t fuck with me, buddy” air about it. Maybe it’s the little snort it lets out.

  “It’s going to spit on you if you get any closer,” Sam laughs.

  “Do alpacas spit?”

  “I guess they can, but they usually don’t. Alpacas are all sweet and gentle and fluffy. Llamas are the spawn of hell, bent on world domination.”

  Laughing, we keep walking. “I take it you were attacked by a llama at some point?”

  “No, but my neighbors had a few when I was growing up. They got them to keep the coyotes away, and any animal mean enough to scare off a coyote gets a wide berth from me.”

  Her face lights up when we come to the alpacas, though, and a young woman greets us, letting us inside the pen. Samantha is in heaven, petting and cooing over them. When I reach out a hand to pet one near me, I’m shocked. “They’re so soft!”

  “I told you. Aren’t they precious?”

  We spend a few minutes there, until a large family shows up, and we step out to let them have a turn. The wind picks up and darker clouds start to inch across the sky. “I think it’s going to rain,” Sam says, glancing up.

  “Looks like it. Are you hungry? We can grab a table in one of the food tents.”

  “Starving,” she agrees.

  I’m tempted to talk to her about the whole relationship thing while we eat, but I decide to wait until later. Maybe a romantic moment will present itself.

  We get lucky and the clouds blow past with barely more than a few sprinkles, and as the sun sets, the carnival side of the fair starts to clear out. Everyone is headed over to the stage to watch the concert. Another thing we have in common is our taste in music, which doesn’t include country, so we take the opportunity to enjoy some rides while the lines aren’t long.

  The scrambler is our first stop and I’m happy for it since the centrifugal force presses her body against mine. I wrap an arm around her, and we laugh as the car we’re riding in swoops around.

  “I haven’t ridden this since I was a kid,” she says with a smile. “I forgot how much fun it is.”

  It is fun, right up until the last thirty seconds or so. In one of the other cars is an elderly couple, and the lady cries out just as the ride starts to slow down.

  “Oh! My teeth!”

  I assume she hit her mouth on something until a weight thumps into my lap. The car slows and is almost at a stop when Sam says, “Uh…Nick?”

  No. Nope. No way the object resting on my crotch is what I think it is.

  “I lost my teeth!” the lady cries, waving to the attendant.

  I can hear how hard Sam is trying not to laugh as she calls to the woman and opens the gate to the car we’re riding in. “They’re over here!”

  Finally, I look down to see a set of dentures.

  In my lap.

  Oh my god, they’re wet, and I’ve never been so grossed out in my life, but I don’t want to make the woman feel bad.

  Still, there’s no way I’m picking them up. I sit still like they’re a scorpion set to strike instead of a set of removable choppers while the woman makes her way over to us along with her husband and the attendant.

  Laughter scatters around us, and she cackles like a witch from a cartoon as she reaches out and scoops them up. “Don’t worry, boy. They weren’t gonna bite ya! Guess that new glue just ain’t up to standard.”

  Samantha is still shaking with restrained laughter as we climb off the ride and take a seat on a nearby bench. Grinning down at her, I shake my head. “Go ahead, get it out of your system.”

  Her laughter rings out and she covers her mouth. “The look…on your face!” She gasps out the words.

  “It was disgusting!”

  My exclamation just makes her laugh harder. Her whiskey colored eyes are bright with unshed tears, and she’s so beautiful under the midway lights. I stop her laughter with a kiss, and she melts in my arms the way she always does. It’s time to talk about a relationship because I want to know she feels the same as I do at this moment. The ferris wheel turns just behind us, and I gesture to it. “Want to ride?”

  “I love the ferris wheel,” she agrees, and I take her hand as we head over there.

  There’s no line so we climb into the swinging car right away and begin our trip up. Sam snuggles in my arms, and we take in the scenery as the wheel stops with us at the top. Clouds have rolled back in turning the sky an ominous navy blue as the last of the light fades. Flashes of light blink in the distance, too far away to see the lightning bolts. Heat lightning, my grandmother used to call it, the kind that doesn’t always mean rain is coming.

  No matter how old I get or how many relationships I have, this part never gets less awkward. There’s no way to ask, “Will you be my girlfriend?” without sounding like a kid asking a girl to circle yes or no on a Do you like me? note.

  “Sam?”

  “Hmm?” She gazes up into my eyes.

  “The last month has been amazing. I really care about you and I want to be exclusive.”

  Her throat jumps as she swallows. “Exclusive,” she murmurs, as if she’s tasting the word. I don’t like the trepidation in her voice or the way her eyes dart away as she says, “You want a serious relationship.”

  “Yes, I love being with you.”

  She fiddles with the bottom of her shirt. “I love being with you too.”

  I slide my finger under her chin and lift until she’s looking at me. “But…” I add, knowing there’s one coming.

  “I don’t know why we have to get all serious and define it. We’re having fun. Why ruin it?”

  My stomach sinks and not just because the wheel is moving again, bringing us back to the ground.

  “Sorry,” the operator says. “It’s starting to thunder. We have to shut it down.”

  She keeps her distance on our walk back to the car, and we barely make it inside before raindrops start pelting the window.

  The uncomfortable ride back seems much longer. Neither of us speaks until I pull onto Violent Circle.

  “Are you seeing someone else, Samantha?” I ask, parking in front of her apartment.

  She turns to look at me. “What? No!”

  “But you want the option.”

  “It’s not that, I just…I don’t see the point of a relationship. Once we start setting rules and putting labels on it, it ruins everything.”

  My disappointment makes me realize I was pretty confident she wanted the same thing I do. It’s not the first time I’ve made that mistake. I guess some lessons have to be taught more than once. “Have you never been in a relationship?”

  She focuses on the drips of water running down the windshield. “I have, when I was in my early twenties. It was always more drama and trouble than anything else.”

  Sighing, I know I need to get away from her for a moment. I’m not going to push for someone to want me, but I want to make it clear that she is the one making the decision. “Well, I’m not an immature boy. When I find something special, I don’t throw it away. We’re adults. I want something more. I hope you’ll consider it, and if you decide you want to be with me, then give me a call.”

  Her jaw hardens and anger flashes through her features. “You’re giving me an ultimatum? That’s what you consider mature?”

  “No, I don’t mean it that way. You said you don’t see a point in a relationship. I don’t see a point in continuing to fall for someone who doesn’t want the same thing I do.”

  There’s a short silence, filled only by the wind and patter of rain before she opens her door and mumbles. “
Goodbye, Nick.”

  Chapter Six

  Samantha

  How dare he pull that shit on me? We were having such a good time. Being with Nick is easy and fun, with no drama or arguments. So why did he have to insist we make it something more?

  Puffbutt wags his hind end at me as I let myself in, then whines to go outside. “It’s raining, Puffy. Better make it fast,” I tell him, attaching his leash. He barely takes three steps away from the porch before peeing and running back to me. He’s not a fan of the rain either.

  Anger simmers under my skin as I shower and throw on an oversized tee shirt to sleep in. Cuddling up under my comforter, I flip the television to some mindless sitcom just for company. Being alone has never bothered me, but the place feels strangely empty tonight. It’s stupid. It’s not like we spent every night together, so I shouldn’t notice his absence an hour after he drops me off. I guess it’s because I know I won’t be seeing him again.

  Puffbutt seems to sense my melancholy and crawls up beside me, resting his head on my stomach. “Things will look better in the morning,” I mumble. Thunder rumbles overhead and the windows rattle from the wind as I drift into a restless sleep.

  My phone chimes, waking me, and I feel a jolt of excitement expecting it to be Nick. My half asleep brain catches up when I check my phone and see it’s just a scam texting me about some giveaway. I forgot I wouldn’t be hearing from him again. Whatever. No big deal. There are plenty of men out there. I’m not going to obsess over one.

  I still feel a heaviness in my chest that’s unfamiliar to me, so I need to get up, shake it off and cheer myself up. I turn on some of my favorite music and dress in a two piece swimsuit, throwing a tank top and shorts on over it.

  Nothing makes me feel better than a few hours lying in the sun and I haven’t been to the pool in quite a while. I’m sure I can get Mallory or Jani, maybe even Becca to come along. That’s the best part of living on Violent Circle. You’re never really alone.

  A strange sound from my front yard draws me over to the window. What in the blue hell is going on out there?

  Hooking Puffbutt to his leash, I lead him outside. Yeah, I’m totally just taking my dog out, not being nosy. Not that I need a false premise. Half the neighborhood is starting to emerge at the screechy, godawful sound of someone singing.

  Dennis is in the yard just outside Mallory’s apartment and unless I’ve gone mad overnight and started hallucinating, he’s wearing a baby blue tux. With ruffles. A Bluetooth speaker is on the ground beside him. I guess a boombox held over his head would’ve been too retro.

  Mallory steps out on her porch. “Dennis! Have you completely lost your shit? Get the hell out of here!”

  “Baby, I know I messed up, but I love you! I want you back! Just listen!”

  He drops to his knees in the grass and resumes singing.

  I can’t even watch. The second hand embarrassment is too much. Becca and Denton stop their car as they’re driving by, then pull over to park and stare in horror as well as he squalls out the lyrics to Reunited. The cheesiest song in the history of love songs. Jani and Noble have now stepped out on their porch too.

  “Dennis, you’re humiliating yourself and embarrassing me. Get your drunk ass out of here!”

  He gets to his feet. “I’m not drunk.” The way he sways on his feet disputes that, but he catches his balance quickly. “I love you and I want you back.”

  The whole neighborhood seems to draw a collective breath as Mallory’s door opens again and Mitch steps out in nothing but boxers, his hair a mess. It takes a moment for Dennis to realize the implications and you can see his expression change the second it does.

  “You son of a bitch!” Dennis screams. “You fucked my wife!” He runs and tackles Mitch, and they tumble off the porch and onto the grass.

  “I’m not your wife! Get off of him!” Mallory screams, taking off her house slipper and chucking it at Dennis’s head. She has killer aim because the rubber smacks him in the face with a loud thwack, giving Mitch a moment to punch him in the jaw, then shove him away. Mitch gets to his feet, grass and mud clinging to him, and yanks up his boxers.

  Dennis tries to go for him again, but Noble and Denton both step in. Noble hooks his arms around Dennis’s arms, holding him back. “Dude, do you want to go back to jail? Because you know someone has called the cops by now.”

  That’s probably not true. Unless someone is really getting hurt, most of us tend to let people settle their own differences without adding an arrest to their problems.

  “That dirty manboob having son of a bitch fucked my wife!”

  A snort of laughter makes me realize Jani and Becca have both made their way over to stand beside me. Puffbutt revels in the attention as Jani bends to pet him while the scene plays out. Mallory talks Mitch into going back inside and threatens to call the cops if Dennis doesn’t leave.

  Dennis fumes, standing by his car, a bright red zigzag pattern standing out on his cheek from the slipper attack while Noble and Denton try to talk some sense into him. He’s pissed that he not only has to leave, but they won’t let him drive. I guess one DUI wasn’t enough for him. Finally, Denton walks up to us.

  “I’m going to drive the moron home. Do you have your house key, babe?” he asks Becca.

  “I’m good,” she says, laughing.

  Once they pull away, the neighbors disperse. Nothing to see here. Just another day on Violent Circle.

  I take Puffbutt back inside and text Mallory to make sure she’s okay. My phone chimes almost instantly.

  Mallory: I’m fine. Want to grab something to eat?

  Me: Sure. I was going to head to the pool to lay out for a while if you want to go.

  Mallory: Anywhere but here would be good right now. That idiot might come back.

  By the time I’ve fed Puffbutt and grabbed my towel, she taps on my door. “Did Mitch have to leave?” I ask as we head to my car.

  “He had to work. We’re meeting again tonight.”

  The beautiful day has brought a lot of people out to the city pool, and we’re lucky to grab a couple of loungers in a good spot. After we’re settled in, I lie back and close my eyes. “So, do you want to talk about what happened?”

  She sighs. “It’s like now that I’m finally coming to terms with the end of my marriage, Dennis has to come around and mess things up. I have a good thing going with Mitch. We have fun together, and the sex is great. Almost a year alone and I never heard from Dennis. The second I find someone else…”

  I don’t understand it. After everything she went through, how can she think another relationship is a good idea? That little display just reassures me I made the right decision when it comes to Nick. It’s exactly the sort of thing I don’t want. Drama, fights. I’m never going to be the one screaming and throwing things in the yard.

  “Do you think that’s why he’s trying to get you back? Because of Mitch?”

  “No, he didn’t know about him until today.”

  “You really nailed him with that slipper,” I remark.

  “Did you see the mark it left? Fuck with me, again.” We both burst into giggles.

  “So, where is One Lick Nick today? You two usually spend the weekends together, don’t you?”

  A feeling washes over me. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say it was regret because there’s no way I’m missing a man I haven’t been away from for twenty-four hours. “We’re not seeing each other anymore.”

  “Oh girl, what did he do?”

  A cloud passes over the sun, and I open my eyes to see her looking at me. “He wants a relationship.”

  Her brow crinkles. “With someone else?”

  “No, with me.”

  “So, he wants to be exclusive and you want to date other people?”

  “No.” Why is this so hard to explain? “I don’t want to date anyone else. I just don’t want anything serious.”

  She blinks and turns over on her stomach. “So, you’re fine with him seeing other p
eople?”

  My insides knot in an unpleasant way I’m not used to experiencing. I don’t like the thought of him seeing anyone else. Some other woman wrapped in his arms, laughing at his jokes, taking his hand as they walk.

  Mallory’s voice is kind when she adds, “You can’t have it both ways, you know. If all you want is sex, there’s nothing wrong with that. But you can’t have the boyfriend perks without making him your boyfriend.”

  I roll over to my side. “How can you still think relationships are a good idea after what Dennis put you through? After what happened today?”

  “I had twenty amazing years with Dennis before things went bad. And we both know it went really bad, but that doesn’t erase years of love and happiness. It tore me apart when it was over, but I’m healing, and now there’s the possibility of finding love with someone else. If I throw that away, I may protect myself from getting hurt, but it would also be saying that love isn’t worth it, and to me, it is.”

  “Even if you end up throwing things at him?”

  Mallory laughs. “That’s just my crazy coming out, girl.”

  “Men make you crazy.”

  “They do, but they also make life interesting. And there’s no feeling in the world like having someone who knows everything about you and loves you no matter what.” She pauses before continuing. “I know that isn’t what you think you want, Sam, but you deserve it. I hope you’ll give it a chance someday, if not with Nick, with someone. Personally, I’d rather give it a shot with a man who can make me come with one lick, but to each their own.”

  A week. It’s been a week since I’ve spoken to Nick, and I can’t believe the way I feel. I thought I’d shake it off after a couple days, maybe try to hook up with someone. My instinct is to get under someone to get over Nick, but the thought isn’t appealing. It makes me feel a little sick, actually. Not as sick as the thought of Nick with someone else, though.