"Grandma got back late this evening so they're over there," Sam replied. "They should be home soon. So, what gives?"
Rick tried to put together the words to explain what Sophie had seen. Unable to find a diplomatic way to tell him, he started in, pretty much parroting what Sophie told him. When he finished, his father studied him for a few moments, as if trying to assimilate what he'd heard, which he qualified by saying, "You sure he's only seventeen?"
"I'm sure," Rick replied. "If it's reported she'll be arrested, and even the most hardened women in prison don't put up with this kind of crap. And Sophie will feel like shit since she'd have to be the one to file the report, but Mom has to be stopped. This guy's seventeen and Mom doesn't have a problem with that, which means she could start hitting on younger guys. Tomorrow I'm going to give her a chance to turn herself in and ask for counseling and let children's services decide what to do. At least she'll be stopped, and Sophie will be off the hook for reporting it."
Sam reached across the table and squeezed Rick's hand, and said, "Son, I've been proud of you over the years. You've always had a good head on your shoulders, and what you're faced with has to be the hardest thing you've ever done, but you're doing the right thing."
"Yeah, and when the shit hits the fan the whole family will be adding their two-bits too."
"I'll have a good long talk with each of them and make sure they don't," Sam said. "As for your mother, it's hard to separate the woman she is now from the one I married. I still have trouble with that."
"Then you still love her?" Rick asked.
Sam shook his head. "Jayne's the love of my life, but your mother and I had a few good years, and when you were born with the blood problem she was a model mother... stayed by you all the time. The problems with men started later. But I don't want to get into that with you. It's done. What about Sophie? How is she holding up?"
"She's pretty upset." Rick replied. "Walking in on a woman she thought was motherly and finding her having sex with two guys, one still a kid, was stressful enough, but facing having to report it, knowing what it would do me and the family, is worse."
"We'll make sure she has our support, one way or another," Sam said. "Meanwhile, I think we need to keep this quiet until you talk to your mother and see if she's willing to turn herself in. I'll tell Jayne what's going on, but there's nothing to be gained by telling the others right now."
Rick never liked the idea of hiding things, which was why he'd always admired Jayne and the guts it took her to stand up in front of a class of fourth graders and explain why she'd spent five years in prison, even if it was for a crime she didn't commit. "So if Mom turns herself in and gets counseling, and it doesn't make the newspapers, this is to be our family secret?" Rick asked.
Sam got an odd look on his face, the same look as when they were talking about Justine's past, like maybe there were yet other family secrets, and Rick couldn't set aside the revelation that his mother and Marc had the same odd-colored eyes. But while he was mulling over whether to bring that up, Jayne and Becca swept through the front door.
Walking over to where Sam sat, Jayne bent over and kissed him and said, in an excited voice, "It's so good to have your mother back. This place is never the same when she's gone, and she's so happy to have another girl in this family." She took the baby from Becca's arms and nuzzled her chubby cheek, and said to her, "You'll be the apple of Grandma Maureen's eye, sweetheart. Well, you and Maddy. Two girls finally, after a string of seven boys." She looked at Becca then, and said, "Honey, you said Lindsey was keeping you up at night with all the baby noises. We can move her crib into the living room and set up the baby monitor so you can get a good night's sleep."
"Sophie's here," Rick said. "I'll be sleeping on the couch."
Jayne looked at Rick, baffled. "What made her change her mind about staying here? I'm glad she is, but from what you said earlier she seemed pretty set on staying with your mother."
Rick looked at his father, who clearly wanted the incident kept quiet, and said, "There were issues with Mom so Sophie decided to stay here."
"Issues?" Jayne said, eyes shifting between Rick and Sam.
"It's complicated," Sam said.
Becca, who'd been standing off to the side observing, said to Rick, "You said earlier that Sophie was going out with Buzz Newman tonight. Did something happen, again?"
"It had nothing to do with Buzz," Rick said, wanting to make sure Becca didn't jump to the wrong conclusion about Sophie. "How about we just drop the whole thing. Sophie's here and she'll be here until… I don't know yet."
Jayne handed the baby to Becca, and said, "Go get Lindsey ready for her bath and I'll be back to help you in a few minutes." After Becca disappeared down the hallway, Jayne said to Rick, "Honey, you really need to think things through with Sophie. She's making unwise choices right now, and by letting her stay here, you're enabling her to keep making unwise choices. She needs to go back to California and set things straight there and begin to organize her post college life. Right now she's drifting, and that's not good."
Rick loved Jayne, but he'd about had his fill of everyone telling him what he needed to do. "Look, Sophie's staying here because she needs me and I won't let her down." He turned and headed for the front door, deciding he wouldn't be back until the house was dark and he could sort out his feelings about Sophie without everyone telling him what to think.
***
Sophie tucked her nose into the pillow, tugged the covers up around her face, and breathed in the scent of Rick. She hadn't realized it until now, but he had a distinct smell. She couldn't verbalize it. It was like pure man, the way a man would smell when he was fresh out of a hot shower and his skin was warm, and there would be the hint of soap, but not scented soap. Just clean warm man. The thought made her lonely. Made her want Rick there with her. Rick, the way he was when he got out of the pool at the spring. But this time he'd be curved around her, with his chest against her back, and his knees pressed into the insides of her knees, and his arm draped over her, and she'd be surrounded by warm fresh man.
It was strange thinking about Rick that way, but once she'd started down that path she couldn't stop, and each time she took a detour to get back to Rick the friend she'd known over the years, it brought her back to the way she saw him now. It was like Sleeping Beauty awakening after years to find the prince.
Everything about Rick was different now, even his room. Earlier that evening she'd looked around a bedroom that had once been familiar to her, but which was now changed. No more teenage posters on the walls, or photos from proms or football games, or plaques and awards from Eagle Scouts. It was a man's room now, with a computer desk covered with text books and lab reports and papers. Only the cork picture board remained from Rick's earlier years, but instead of photos of high school friends and hot cars and Rick with his prom dates, there were pictures of Becca and her husband and one of the new baby, a few of Rick with his cousins, and one of Rick in his cap and gown, standing between his father and Jayne at college graduation the year before. But nowhere had she seen a picture of his mother…
She heard the door knob turn, and opened her eyes to see Rick coming into the room. It was dark, but there was enough subdued light coming from a nightlight to know it was Rick. The house was quiet, and she had no idea what time it was, but she knew it was closer to midnight than dawn because she hadn't been to sleep yet. She couldn’t. Her mind had been far too active, her thoughts shifting between her changed feelings for Rick, and the scene with Susan, and the thought of having to file a report. But it was the look on Rick's face, just before they got out of the truck, that troubled her most, a hard look she could only describe as a combination of disbelief, suppressed rage, and hopelessness, all bottled up inside.
"You awake?" Rick asked.
"Yes," Sophie replied. "Do you want to sit and talk?"
"Yeah."
She felt the bed give under his weight. It was awkward, wondering what to do next. Things were di
fferent now. Although Rick had never come to her bed at night over the years, because her family always stayed in one of the cabins when they came to the ranch, if he had come, it wouldn't have been awkward, just a time to sort out whatever was bothering either of them. But now things were different. She wanted to pull Rick down beside her and have him put his arms around her, but that wasn't why he came. She could feel it, the wall between them. Yet, he was sitting on the bed because he wanted something. "Are you okay?" she asked.
"I don’t know," Rick replied. "I don't want to think about it but it won't go away."
"Do you want to lie down and I'll rub your back?" A loaded question she realized as soon as the words left her lips, knowing she'd tried to get him to have sex with her two days before.
"No," Rick said. "I mainly came to say I think you need to stay with my grandmother after tonight. We need some distance between us. Things are complicated now."
"Because of your mother?" Sophie asked.
"That's a big part of it," Rick replied, "but also you and the situation with your folks."
"For some reason I think this is mainly about me," Sophie said. "I drank too much at the party and had a few puffs of pot, and the human side of me that was basic animal instinct came out and you can't let it go."
"You did what you did because you had a falling out with your parents," Rick said. "There's nothing stopping you from doing the same thing when something else happens that rubs you the wrong way."
Rick sat in the dark not touching her, yet so close Sophie could feel the heat of his body. "Nothing like that's going to happen again," she said, "but if that's what you choose to believe, the there's nothing I can do. But what about you? You took off your clothes and got in the spring with me. The only time anything close to that happening was when we were kids and I wanted to see what a boy looked like and you wanted to see where a baby came out, so we showed each other. But at the spring you were aroused, and I was naked, and the night before I tried to get you to have sex with me, so I'm still wondering why you got in the pool."
"That's another reason we need some distance between us," Rick said. "I'm human too and I don't want anything like that to happen again."
Because you're not what I want for a wife, were Rick's unspoken words, almost as if he were telling her he didn't even want her in his life, that she was a temptation to him now, like booze or pot or recreational sex. Then Sophie realized, with a sinking feeling, that this wasn't just about her, it was about her becoming a woman like his mother. She couldn't fault him for that because now she understood what was behind Rick's resentment towards his mother. Of course he wouldn't want to be involved with a woman who could follow that same course, and at this point, with the issue of his mother having sex with an under aged boy looming, he'd be skeptical of any woman showing any tendency to be like his mother.
The thought that Rick was so disillusioned with her that he wanted nothing more to do with her made her feel desolate and lonely, the kind of loneliness a person gets in a room full of people, when all the loneliness is inside and the people don't matter.
When Rick offered nothing more, Sophie put her hand on his arm, and said, "Can we be friends like we've always been?"
"Sure," Rick said. "Nothing's changed that."
"Then will you put your arms around me and hold me."
"That's the one thing I can't do right now," Rick said, then got up and left the room as quietly as he'd come in. And Sophie knew then that, after years of taking Rick's love for granted, by the time she came to the realization that she loved him too, that her life would be empty without him, it was too late. She no longer mattered.
CHAPTER 5
The following morning, as Sophie stood with Jayne at the front desk in the lodge, she was so distracted she kept drawing a blank while Jayne was explaining the process for checking in guests. After her third try at explaining the computer program, Jayne said, "Honey, maybe this isn't a good day for you to start work. I know you're upset about what happened last night."
"With Rick?" Sophie asked, before thinking it through.
Jayne looked at her, puzzled. "No, I'm talking about with Susan, but what about Rick. Did something happen with him?"
Sophie stared at Jayne, realizing she'd opened a door she'd rather have kept shut. Her feelings for Rick were still too new to talk about. She also suspected Jayne would be protective of Rick, wanting to make sure he didn't end up with a wife who liked to drink and party. There seemed to be no way of convincing anyone that what she'd done was completely out of character and so far removed from the person she was, it was almost inconceivable they'd believe she could be that person, except that she hadn't been to the ranch in over a year, and in their minds, a lot could have happened during the year that she was away at college.
"Rick came to my room last night and we talked," she said. She saw a little flash of alarm cross Jayne's face, which reaffirmed what she'd suspected—Sophie Meecham was not a candidate for wife of her stepson. "It's okay," she said. "We only talked. That's how it is with Rick and me."
"Maybe it is with you," Jayne said, "but with Rick it's different. It has been for years."
"It's not that way now," Sophie assured her, and tried not to sound disappointed. "He's busy with his studies and knows it will be years before he'll be ready to marry. We just talked about what happened."
"With his mother?" Jayne asked.
Sophie nodded. "It was pretty disturbing for both of us. At least Justine wasn't involved in anything like that." She saw Jayne's brow go up almost imperceptibly, and knew it was a reaction to Justine being called Justine instead of Mom. It still seemed odd talking about Justine's disreputable past. Four days ago she didn't know she had one, at least not a past she should hide. Justine had been Mommy from the start, then later just plain Mom, like all the other kids—a mother who went to parent teacher conferences and attended school functions and Christmas programs, and got the family up and off to church every Sunday. Then the seedy side of Justine Page Meecham was revealed in a couple of old letters stuffed in a file folder, and all the pride Sophie had felt for her over the years morphed into disillusionment.
"Sam told me exactly what happened," Jayne said. "I can see how disturbing it must be for Rick, facing the possibility that his mother could go to prison, especially when it involves an under aged young man. Sam thinks it's best we say nothing to the rest of the family for now and wait and see what comes of it. Rick left for Susan's a little while ago and he plans to lay it all out and give her a chance to do what's right, or at least try to correct a wrong, but if she refuses to turn herself in, then you'll have to file a report, but we'll all be behind you if it comes to that, and Sam will explain to the family so Rick won't have to. It's tough on Sam too because he was married to the woman."
"I can't help thinking that none of this would have happened if I hadn't come up here," Sophie said. "I really made a mess of things."
"Honey, what Susan was doing was very wrong, and your finding them will put a stop to it, so don't fault yourself," Jayne said. "I'm just hoping Susan will turn herself in and everything will blow over before Adam and Emily's wedding. Speaking of which, I told Grace I'd make some calls about caterers, so I'd better do that now."
As Jayne walked off, Sophie glanced beyond her and saw Rick standing at the far end of the great room, where ranch guests were gathering for dinner. Sophie had no idea how long he'd been standing and looking at her, but the expression on his face was weighty. He started toward her, and when he approached, he said, "My mother wasn't there. Don said she had to go to Portland and wouldn't be back until late tonight, so I told him to tell her I'd be by in the morning. I gave no indication why, so he probably thinks I don't know what happened. Meanwhile, Aunt Grace wants you to come for dinner tonight. I told her I'd pass the message on to you."
Sophie wanted to ask if he'd be there too, but knew her question wouldn't be welcome. From the look on Rick’s face, the barrier between them still held.
"So will you go?" Rick asked.
"Of course," Sophie replied. "I've always liked being over there. They make me feel like one of the family." But she wondered if she'd still be received that way. Grace and Jack would know by now that after having a falling out with her folks, she drove six hundred miles to get away from them. Hopefully, they wouldn't know she got drunk, smoked pot, and acted like a slut, but she suspected the older of the Hansen boys would know, since Adam was the one to drive the truck after Rick carried her away from the party. But the one thing she knew Rick wouldn't have told any of them, including Adam, was that she'd tried to get him to have sex with her. She still found it hard to believe she'd been so uninhibited by the substances she'd taken that she had.
Looking at Rick with uncertainty, she found herself saying, "Will you be there too?"
Rick shook his head. "I'll probably go to town."
"To see someone?" Sophie asked, impulsively.
"Yes," Rick replied. Saying nothing more, he turned and left through the back door, leaving Sophie to wonder if the person he intended to see was a woman. The thought that it was bothered her more than she cared to admit, even to herself.
***
When Sophie first arrived at the Grace and Jack Hansen home for dinner that evening, Grace immediately came up to her, and after giving her a hug, said in an troubled voice, "Your mother's very concerned about you, honey. She's left several messages on your cell phone and she said you haven't returned them. You really need to give her a call."
"I'm sorry, Aunt Grace, and I appreciate your concern," Sophie replied, "but I really don't want to talk about this right now. She knows I arrived safely, and when I'm ready, I'll call."
"We all do things we later regret and hope no one ever learns about," Grace said, and Sophie immediately wondered if it was a veiled reference to what happened at Buzz's party. There was no question she had big regrets about that.
Uncertain Loyalties (Dancing Moon Ranch Book 4) Page 6