Uncertain Loyalties (Dancing Moon Ranch Book 4)

by Patricia Watters

  "Yes," Sophie replied. "Why would I not be?"

  "Because it was your first time, and I wasn't very gentle."

  "You were fine. I feel like an enormous amount of tension has been released. I hope it did the same for you."

  "It did," Rick said, "but right now I'm dealing with a lot of issues and I don't want to complicate things by leading you to believe something could come of what just happened. I was sitting here feeling down and needing a physical outlet, and you showed up and offered me what I wanted and knew I shouldn't have, at least not with you, and yeah, I regret it because things can never go back to what they were."

  "Just for the record I don't regret what happened," Sophie said, "and don't jump to the conclusion that I wanted to have sex with you because it never happened to me. Tonight we made love because I feel something for you I've never felt for any other man, and I have no desire for any man but you." She put her arms around his neck and kissed him. "Like I said at the cabin, I love you, and you can take it any way you want."

  Rick took her in his arms and held her and said, against the top of her head, "I'm sorry, Soph. I screwed things up, and even if your feelings for me have changed, I should never have let this happen because I still have things to sort out."

  "Things about me?"

  "No, about me, and I'm not ready to talk about it right now."

  Sophie had no intention of pressing further for what those things were because she had the gut feeling she didn't want to know, but she also felt the sting of rejection that Rick wasn't declaring his love, especially since they'd consummated their relationship, binding their souls for all eternity. "We can still go back to what we had, affection and a close friendship."

  Rick rested his head against hers, and said, "Honey, we're sitting here naked after doing something I've wanted to do with you since I first reached puberty but didn't because I knew it was a physical thing that once done, couldn't be undone, and there's no way to go back to what we had." He reached for his clothes and stood and started dressing.

  Sophie watched his quick, agitated movements. This wasn’t the way she'd expected things to happen, and as she put herself together she wondered if Rick would ever make love to her again. "Did I make a fool of myself here tonight?" she asked, after she'd finished dressing.

  "No, Soph, but like I said, I have things to work out. I'll walk you back to Grandma's."

  It wasn't until later that night, as she lay awake in the spare bedroom in Maureen's house, that Sophie began to feel the full impact of what happened. Not only had they consummated their relationship, but no matter how hard she tried, she still couldn't set aside the feeling of rejection that Rick hadn't told her he loved her. She wondered again if what he'd once felt for her was gone forever, and what happened in the stable had been nothing more than her activating his hot spots, along with a need on both their parts to release a whole lot of tension.

  I've been with women... mostly it was a mutual need for whatever reason...

  And that pretty much said it all. She just didn't know what to do about it.

  CHAPTER 11

  In a little deli restaurant in downtown McMinnville, Sophie sat across a small round table from her mother, eating tea sandwiches and sipping cheesy-broccoli soup, while attempting to follow what her mother was telling her about pieces of property they'd located, but after Sophie responded with several off-the-wall remarks, and a couple of inane answers to simple questions, Justine said, "Honey, I think you're skirting the issue."

  "I don't know what you mean," Sophie said, even though she did, but she wasn't ready to talk about Rick because it would mean sharing with her mother the intimate side of what happened.

  "You spent some time with Rick last night. I stopped by to see Maureen and she said you were in the stable with him. I waited a long time, thinking you'd return, but after a while, Dad stopped by for me and we left. How did things go with Rick?"

  To her horror, tears welled, and Sophie dabbed them with her napkin, and said, "I don't know. It's confusing now. I went out there to be his friend, but that's not the way it ended up."

  "Then he's still angry about what happened?"

  Sophie shrugged. "I don't know. He says he's not, but after we'd... umm..." She looked across the table at her mother, wide-eyed, who was staring steadily back at her, waiting. But when she couldn't stop the tears from flooding her eyes, she found herself saying, "I didn't intend for things to happen the way they did, and it's all my fault because Rick said it was a bad idea that I was there, and well, he kissed me and one thing led to another, and... afterwards he said nothing, other than to express some disappointment that it happened. He seemed to think what happened was just a physical need to get rid of a whole lot of tension, and it was. But for me it was way more than that. I love Rick and he just doesn't love me anymore and I don't know what to do about it. Every time I try to reach him it seems like I drive him further away and I don't know why. He has this bitterness about his mother, and learning that Marc's his brother has been a shock to him, but in the past he would have talked to me about it, well, maybe not all of it, since I had no idea about his mother's dark side."

  Justine looked across the table, clearly surprised at Sophie's wording, which she reaffirmed when she said, "Dark side? Do you mean about having live-in boyfriends? "

  Sophie shook her head. Deciding her mother needed to know more, so she’d also understand better what was going on with Rick, she explained what happened. "It's because of me that she committed suicide," she said.

  "No honey," Justine replied. "It's because she was having sex with an under-aged boy and would have to face the consequences of her actions that she committed suicide. It's in no way your fault, and Rick knows that. He's also a strong man. He'll come to terms with the circumstances surrounding his mother's death, and with the fact that Marc’s his brother. I think there's something more."

  Sophie also thought there was more. She just couldn’t imagine what it could be, and Rick wasn’t talking. "He's very cynical about marriage now because of all the divorces in the family."

  "Maybe," Justine said, but Sophie got the impression her mother wasn't convinced.

  "What happened in the barn wasn't Rick's idea," Sophie said. "He tried to stop us and I didn't want him too. I just wish there was some way to erase things in people minds, like scrubbing memories away on a chalkboard." When she looked at her mother, Sophie immediately amended her comment by saying, "I didn't mean that the way I said it."

  Justine patted her hand. "Honey, I know what you mean, and you're right. From the day I became your mother that thought has never left my mind. I've lived in fear of you learning the truth. If there had been any possible way to scrub my past clean I would have, but with me it wasn't a one-time thing, nor do I believe for a moment that what you did when you first arrived was enough to change Rick's mind after all these years. Maybe it's time you and Rick took the horses to the mountains for a long ride, like you used to do, and sort things out."

  "That's the problem. When I'm with him I don't want to talk. I want him to put his arms around me and go from there. I don't know how this happened. I've never been like this before. Am I late in going through puberty or something?"

  "Honey, when you're with the man you love all kinds of things happen and nothing makes sense. You do things you never expected to do, and read meanings into everything he says and does, and twist things around to fit what you want. But I also know that what happened in the stable affected Rick too. It just might take some time for him to realize it. That's the way it is with men, and although I'm not proud to admit it, one thing I can say for sure is, I am an authority on men." Justine smiled then, and Sophie felt as if a cloud had lifted.

  She found herself smiling back, and before long, they were laughing at her mother's inane attempt at humor. It was odd, but Sophie felt that for the first time in her life that she could talk to her mother about anything. Feeling emboldened, she said, "So, if Rick finally comes around and
realizes he loves me after all, should I go back to the way it was before we... umm..."

  "Made love?" Justine said.

  "Well, yes. But in the past, I never gave him any encouragement because I didn't feel that way about him and that could be why he stayed interested. So if I start showing affection, that might drive him away."

  "Men like Rick don't work that way," Justine said. "He's a one-woman man and his knowing you love him will serve to strengthen that love, but you mustn't push him. He's dealing with a lot of issues right now and he needs to resolve those first."

  Sophie took to heart what her mother was saying. The problem was, she wasn't sure she was up to the challenge of preventing what happened in the stable, because all she wanted was to make love to Rick again, and again, until he told her what she wanted to hear and their love would be forever.

  ***

  While standing inside a stall in the stable, Rick glanced out the window and spotted Sophie walking from the winery toward the barn and wondered if she was looking for him. He needed to clarify things. What happened in the stable office three nights before hit him like a ton of bricks afterward. The whole hot and heavy session happened because she'd caught him at the worst possible moment, sitting there mulling over the events of the past two weeks while also trying to suppress thoughts of making love to her the way he'd fantasized over the years—a two-way exchange, she wanting him the way he wanted her. In his mind he'd gotten pretty graphic about what that would entail. And then she was standing in the doorway, and sitting beside him, and touching him, and kissing him, and all those graphic fantasies became a reality.

  But in the process, he'd managed to sweep the other part of the fantasy under the rug—putting a ring on her finger, exchanging wedding vows, consummating their love as husband and wife. He was still her first, but the rest of the fantasy was history. Granted, he'd made a feeble attempt to stop what was happening, but it was destined to fail because he'd wanted it to fail.

  Leaving the stable by the side door, he intercepted Sophie as she was passing the stable and heading for the barn. "Hey, Soph," he called out.

  Sophie stopped short and turned. As she walked toward him, she said, "Where have you been? I've been looking all over for you for the past three days. Did you go somewhere?"

  "Dr. Terry had a lot of calls so I was with him," Rick replied, which was true, but not the reason Sophie couldn't find him. When not with Dr. Terry he'd kept himself scarce until he could sort through things.

  Taking Sophie by the arm, he urged her toward the side door of the stable and nudged her inside then released her arm and started verbalizing the monolog that had been mulling around in his head over the past three days. "Look, about what I said the other night. I've had time to think it through and I want to clarify a few things. First, what happened wasn't just sex to get through a tough time, and second, you aren't just another woman, and third, we weren't just a horny couple with a mutual need, but—"

  Sophie smiled. "Shut up and kiss me."

  "I'm not through yet."

  "Yes you are." When she curved her arms around Rick's neck, he started to remove them so he could finish what he intended to say, but before he could, Sophie pulled his head toward hers and their lips came together, and whatever he'd intended to say was a muddle of tongues entwining, and her body pressing into his, and a breast cupped in his hand, and the brain below his waist rising up, and an uncontrollable urge to just do it while they stood in the stable.

  Hell, shit, damnation and the rest...

  "Honey, we've got to stop this," he said, grasping Sophie by the shoulders. He had no idea where he got the strength, maybe from the sound of the guests voices in the distant, or the whinnies of the stable horses as the trail riders returned from their ride, but he knew it was up to him to put the skids on things because Sophie gave no indication she was aware of anything but them. "Sophie," he said, grabbing her hands. "We're not alone."

  Sophie looked at him with a start then glanced around. "I don't know what happened."

  "I do, and we need to talk about it," Rick said. "You're a passionate woman and it doesn't take much to turn you on, but you've got to try to have some control."

  Sophie's face darkened and she backed out of his arms. "I won't deny that maybe I'm a little passionate, but it does take a lot to turn me on and it makes me mad that you think just any man can do it. What happened just now was not me losing control because some guy pushed all my hot buttons. It happened because you pushed them. I don't feel this way around any other man."

  "You don't know that because you've never been around many men before," Rick countered. "You never dated much in college, and when you did, it was only casual."

  "That really doesn't make a difference," Sophie said.

  "Yes, it does," Rick insisted. "If you'd spent time with someone you liked you might have found some of those evenings ending up with you and the guy being comfortable with each other and having a mutual need that ended up like it did with us."

  Sophie's lips compressed in a tight line as she glared at him. Then her nostrils flared, and she said, "I think you need to rephrase what you said earlier. I am just another woman to you, and since we've known each other for, what is it now, around eighteen years, I guess you could say we're pretty comfortable together, and well, there was this mutual need, you were horny and I'm a passionate woman, and bingo, a little hot sex to cap off the evening."

  "That's not what I meant." Rick went to take her arm, but she backed just out of reach.

  Glaring at him, she said, "All I know right now is that I thought we had something special over the years, but maybe whatever it was has played out."

  "What we have is a very complicated relationship that we need to talk about, but it can't be now because Jack has a young mare who's about to foal with her first and something's wrong. She's been down and straining hard for over a half hour with no sign of her labor progressing."

  "Is that why you're here?" Sophie asked.

  Rick nodded. "Jack's stuck in traffic on the freeway in Portland, and Dr. Terry's tied up in surgery and will be for at least another hour."

  "What will you do?" Sophie asked, the anger of moments before turning to concern.

  "Wait a little longer, and if she's still straining, go in and find out what's wrong," Rick replied. "If the foal's head's on the front legs the mare will just need more time, but if the legs are folded back, chances of the mare being able to foal are limited. Meanwhile I've got to get back."

  As he started down the corridor leading to the stall with the mare, Sophie quickened her pace to keep up with him. "What will you do if the legs are back?" she asked.

  "Try to bring them around," Rick replied, "but we're not there yet." As they approached the stall, Rick motioned for Sophie to stay back while he went on ahead and peered through the bars on the door. After watching the mare for several minutes, he said, "No sign of her water breaking. I'll wait in the next stall where I can listen and watch through the bars."

  "When she's ready, can I go in with you?" Sophie asked. "Maybe I could hold her head or talk to her to keep her calm or something."

  Rick looked at Sophie long and hard. Whenever she'd come to the ranch over the years she was always eager to ride horses with him, and play with the ranch dogs, and make friends with the barn cats, but she'd never tended the horses or gotten down and dirty with any of the animals, and he hadn't expected her too. The guys on the ranch did all the animal care, barn work and mucking out stalls, and the women took care of domestic things. He also wondered how she'd react if the worse happened and he had to put the mare down. "I might have to make some tough decisions about the mare," he said. "Could you handle that?"

  "I know I could," Sophie replied. "I might even be able to help save the foal if it came to that."

  Seeing the hopeful expression on Sophie's face, Rick said, "Okay, I suppose you can go in."

  Sophie smiled, and sparks danced in her eyes, and it was all Rick could do to kee
p from tossing a horse blanket across the straw and claiming her again. His girl. His woman. The only woman he'd ever wanted. She was also a woman who wanted the one thing he might not be capable of giving her, and that's what they needed to talk about.

  Dismissing that thought for now, he said, "Come on then. We'll wait in the next stall."

  After Sophie lowered herself to the fresh straw, with her back against the stall wall, she looked up at Rick, who stood at the bars between the stalls, and said, "What if the foal's breech?"

  "The mare can still deliver if the foal's legs aren't back. In that case I'll work to pull the leg around. But in a small mare like this one, if the foal's head's back, or the foal's sideways or too large to fit through her pelvis, there's nothing left except a caesarean."

  "Here?" Sophie asked. "Could you do that?"

  "Not on my own," Rick replied. "If it comes to that, I'll have to put her down. There could still be a chance of saving the foal by cutting through the flank though." He peered through the bars again, and said, "She's actively contracting now and pushing hard and…" he paused and watched for a few moments, then let out a long breath and announced, "Her water just broke."

  He stood looking through the bars for the better part of ten minutes then said, "I was hoping she'd do this on her own but she's having trouble and I need to take a look. You can come in and hold her head and talk to her."

  After cleaning his arms from a bucket with disinfectant, Rick rolled open the door to the mare's stall, and Sophie followed him inside. The mare was on her side so Sophie sat in front of her and started talking softly to her, while Rick tied the mare's legs to keep her from kicking.

  After doing a preliminary examination, Rick said, "I found the foal's nose, but only one foot. The other foot's probably up over the foals head." After tying a string to a cloth, and holding one corner of the cloth pinched between his fingers, he slid his hand inside the mare along the foal's leg and looped the cloth around the foal's pastern, then said to Sophie, "Come back here and grab the string. When I push the foal's head back into the uterus, pull on the string. It should bring the leg around. If it doesn't, I'll try to position the leg under the foal's chin."