Devon

by Leanne Davis

  I had sex with Claudia.

  She’s sound asleep and curled on her side, turned away from me. Still naked, the covers diagonally cover her back and one bare shoulder is out. Her blonde ringlets are scattered all over the pillow. It’s Claudia! We started out by standing up and finished on the bed, not exactly missionary style. I cringe and feel like cowering under the covers. Did I really just have sex with my boss’s daughter? My mother’s family friend?

  But mostly, Claudia is my friend.

  I want to smother myself with the pillow over my face. This is nine ways of fucked up. We were kissing in the hallway, and we ended up on my bed. It was such an innocuous conversation until we were staring cow-eyed at each other. There had been an odd moment; it was new and surprising for both of us, so we examined each other more closely. But we never stared like that before. It was sizzling. I remember that part. The jolt of awareness ran down my spine and settled into my balls. It was very sexual. And potent. She was looking up at me all curious, confused, and warm. So much warmth always came from Claudia. She’s just that type of person.

  I fell right into it. I have always cherished her unconditional warmth and understanding. Especially after the misery of the day. The day I spent watching the woman who stomped on my heart with the brother I both miss and hate. It’s so hard to see his face since I see it in the mirror each morning. Claudia played two roles, being both the cause and the cure for the miserable day. I drank enough alcohol to dull my defenses as well as my senses. Nothing new. But I don’t usually drink with Claudia. Our time together is spent at work, or thereafter, grabbing coffee or dinner while discussing work. Sometimes, we mention little morsels about our personal lives. But we aren’t drinking or out on those occasions.

  I stir while remembering how her mouth felt on mine, and the way she hesitated, and how she responded. I recall the overwhelming impulse to take her right there against the wall in the hallway.

  There was no thought of stopping. I never paused for a moment. It happened fast, but the act itself wasn’t fast. It was slow and filled with abundant foreplay and kissing, if I remember right. She orgasmed at least once and nearly made me do the same when I saw her reaction after my subtle touches. She was receptive and wild, like nothing I ever expected from the Claudia I’ve known since she was born.

  That’s why I cringe and stifle a groan of dismay. No, I didn’t really do that, did I? How could I do that to her? To us? To our relationship? To our friendship?

  She’s my friend and has been all my life. How can I allow this to come between us? How will I face her? What do I say? How do I say it? I am sure she will agree we are still friends who just got carried away. We had a moment. A pretty powerful moment that led to sex. But it was just sex. We are still just friends. And so what if we had sex? End of story.

  Why is something stirring in my guts? Nerves. I so rarely have them anymore. Waking up with a woman I don’t know and can’t remember her name doesn’t bother me.

  Panic rises from my guts to my throat, and my mouth feels tight and dry. My head is still spinning from way too much alcohol.

  What now? What the hell do I do with this?

  I close my eyes to shut out the morning, last night, and having Claudia beside me. I wish I could make her and what we did last night disappear as easily. I close my eyes and fall back against her. It’s too early to get up. I’m too tired still. And there’s no undoing it now.

  So I lie back in bed and cuddle up with Claudia.

  CLAUDIA

  I wake up and find Devon’s arms wrapped around me. He is resting with his face buried in the back of my hair, and his breath feels warm on my neck and left ear. I’m cuddled close to his chest. My eyelids flip open as reality crashes over me. First, shock and even panic. Oh, shit. I had sex with Devon. But now, he’s wrapped all around me. It means this is a dream come true and not just a drunken mistake. It means my fondest fantasy finally manifested and became true. It means he feels it, too. I felt the chemistry and sparks and longing, but there was a distinctively shocking sexual connection between us that I never imagined before.

  As I snuggle to feel his body heat, he sighs into my hair and slides back a bit. His breathing is steady and even. I lie ensconced in his arms in total bliss. For an hour. It is all I have truly ever wanted. I usually don’t date men for very long because I never feel this desire with any of them. I am content to do just this… lie in Devon’s arms on a Sunday morning. I’d rather be alone than settle for anything less than this wonderful moment. And since it’s always been Devon, no man ever stays in my life very long.

  All at once, my nerves start to flutter like butterflies in my belly. What will he say to me now? What should I say when he awakens? I can’t imagine that moment, especially after seeing each other naked and doing the things we did. Intimate things that now are vividly etched on my brain, which go far beyond being friends and co-workers. It is no longer a platonic relationship and that’s good. This feels so good. I have to believe that. None of this was how I expected it to happen because I never believed it could. But I think how it happened is better than any other way. We didn’t have to endure an awkward first date or try to slowly figure out how to transition from what we were before to this new way of being together. I suppose it’s bit like ripping off a Band-Aid. It’s over and done. Here we are. Naked, wrapped in each other’s arms, together in his bed.

  Who cares how it happened? Who cares how it started yesterday morning? It will never matter to me. This day forward is all that matters to me. It’s how we got to here. I am forever grateful for the kindness of the universe.

  I feel his body begin to stir. He straightens his legs and suddenly jerks his head up. I turn over to find him blinking awake, and we make eye contact. It’s a powerful, yet mysterious pause. He stares at me with a neutral expression, blinking from the obvious residual effects of last night’s overindulgence in alcohol. His eyes are bloodshot, and he looks pretty tired. We continue staring at each other. I suck up my courage and give him a small, but very sincere smile.

  “Hi.”

  I don’t know what else to say. I don’t know how to act. I want to say so much right now. I want to roll up into his arms. I want to do it all over again. I could sing from the rooftop. I also feel like hiding under the sheet to avoid this prolonged, intense, neutral, yet ignited eye contact. It tells me nothing about what he’s thinking or feeling at this moment. I wish it would go away. So I play my usual hand. Pleasant.

  “Hey,” he replies, giving me the same small smile. His tone is natural and ordinary. I breathe a sigh of relief. He’s not freaking out. Or rushing from the bed or snagging the sheet to tie it around his middle. He’s not avoiding me or muttering what a mistake we made.

  I reach out and touch his face like a reflex. I didn’t plan to do it, and my stomach heaves when I do. It’s right out of bounds from our normal interactions. What will he do? My heart thumps with anticipation. He could so easily break it if he turns away or brushes me off. It will be the greatest rejection of my life. Which I have to blame on me. I invested way too much on a man who’s never known the truth about how I felt. We skipped the transition from what we were for decades until today.

  His skin is so soft and warm under my hand. I love touching every part of him and I do. I suppose it’s not surprising since I desire and adore all of him, inside and out. Right now, after encountering his brother and Ireena, I’m sure the betrayal still bothers him and he hasn’t been putting his best forward. But it’s still there. It’s all inside of him. I know it is. If he’d only give us a fair chance, I think he could get back in touch with the man he used to be again.

  His hand rises before he clasps my wrist. I freeze, hoping he doesn’t yank my hand free, but instead, he slides up on his elbow and interlaces his fingers in mine. My heart instantly disintegrates into a small puddle of goo.

  “So this is new…” I say for lack of anything better. I can’t stand the strained silence. I have to figure this out,
but it’s not easy.

  “For us. Yeah, it sure is.”

  Right. I recall the scene from yesterday morning and compare it to now. No. I am something more to him than a no-name fuck. I am. I have to cling to that.

  I stare at him as I fortify my guts. After waiting twenty-five years for this, now isn’t the time to chicken out. I turn towards him and lift up high enough so my mouth reaches his. I press my lips on his and he resists for a second. His head jerks back. Is he startled? I don’t know. He pauses before I feel his hand on the back of my head. He begins pressing me closer to him. My heart all but explodes with relief, joy, and total bliss. Lifting my mouth off his, I lie half on top of him now and our deep gazes scan the other’s.

  His eyes are fastened on mine until he turns away. “You’re pretty good at that.”

  “Surprised?”

  His mouth tilts up a little. “Yes. No. I don’t think I ever thought about it before.”

  I rest my forehead on his shoulder. “No, I suppose not. This is pretty surprising.”

  “Shocking.” His arm falls loosely around me, resting on my back now. I wish it wasn’t so shocking to him. But our previous understanding and expectations from our relationship until now were never so filled with emotion.

  I want to snuggle into his warm body and stay there always. I feel so relieved that he isn’t pushing me away or acting cold or rude or awful. My heart would have broken into a million pieces if he were that way, and I seriously doubt I could have put them all back together.

  I sigh as I rest my head down on his chest. After a moment, his hands slide up and he clasps them around my back. He rubs my bare skin and I start to melt from happiness right there in his arms. I kiss his naked chest and think how grateful I feel. I’m where I’ve always dreamed of being.

  DEVON

  Her body snuggles on top of mine. I’m lying flat on my back with her sprawled over me. Her center is hot and wet and ready for my morning erection. Her mouth is just as warm, wet, and welcoming. I swore to myself I wouldn’t do this again or react to her in a sexual way, but I do. I can’t help it. Her mouth is as magnetic as true north for mine. My lips and tongue can’t resist the urge to turn to her mouth, no matter how my brain protests and tells me not to. Don’t encourage this. Don’t dive right back into something that happened inadvertently during an alcohol haze. Think this out. For Gods’ sake. It’s Claudia.

  But my traitorous eyes slam shut, and my impulsive lips find hers. It’s hard to remember the platonic feelings I used to have about Claudia. Not when her mouth is open above mine and her tongue is aggressively fencing with mine. Her body feels so warm and soft. She’s so damn hot and open and right on top of me. I can’t stop myself. I don’t want to stop kissing her. We kiss for so long, the sunlight in the bedroom changes. Our mouths remain attached as we move our hands to one side or the other and cup each other’s face. Her hands cover my bare torso, roaming everywhere, like a wildfire burning across my bare skin. It singes me and heightens everything inside me to a wonderful crescendo of excitement.

  It’s so easy when I hear the little, throaty sounds escaping from her mouth. The unmistakable surge of blood fills my veins with renewed strength that dictates my actions. I need more. That’s all my body can register. Her hips move up just high enough that my penis strains towards her. She shifts and starts to slide down my body.

  Using her hands, which are so soft and tender, she positions me before her mouth opens and she tastes me. Her tongue feels soft and warm. I gasp at the rush of overwhelming passion. It happens so fast and becomes so intense. I instinctually respond to the heavenly sensations she evokes in me. She kisses the tip of my erection and uses her tongue to lap at it with little licks. I glance down at my naked chest and watch her blonde curls spreading over my lap as her naked body crouches beside me. It’s so sensual. Hot. And totally beautiful.

  Never, not for one moment in our shared history, did I ever picture Claudia looking or feeling like this. I had no idea. Our connection was all warm and fuzzy but totally nonsexual. She was more like a cousin or a sister. Sweet and annoying sometimes, constantly chiding me to get over Ireena, but she was always “there” in my life. I flop my head back as her mouth swallows so much of me and I nearly black out from the stream of incredible pleasure she so generously provides. I had no idea we could create these kinds of sparks. I had no clue about our chemistry, let alone that it could be so strong and all-consuming. It’s disconcerting in some ways. Such a powerful reaction to someone I always considered my friend or little sister. And now? My body discovers she is one hundred percent the opposite of all those things. She’s sexy, inviting, mind-blowing, hot, exciting, and spontaneous; in short, she’s everything I could want while having sex. Hell, even waking up to her this morning is an unexpected pleasure.

  Her smile is as bright as her shiny hair. Her voice is gravelly with nerves like she hasn’t fully woken up yet. I never heard Claudia sound like an audiotape of sex sounds. But wow, were they good.

  I lose all sense of time and space. I’m practically floating up in the air as I moan and clutch the sheets, twisting my hips towards her hot, sensual mouth, which seems to hold all the answers and the most erotic feelings in the entire world. I don’t know how long it goes on. I feel lost inside her more than I’ve ever felt with anyone before.

  Or maybe it’s because of how long it’s been since I had sex sober. Her hands grasp the base of my penis and she holds it as her mouth engulfs me. She all but swallows me, and I nearly explode from the sensations.

  I reach around, fumbling in the nightstand drawer to find the open pack of condoms. I rip off the annoying wrapper and throw it to the ground before she takes the unpackaged condom and slides it down my shaft. I just stare up at the ceiling and watch the shadows shift in small undulating waves with the morning light.

  The next thing I’m aware of, she’s on top of me. All at once, I’m sliding into an even better location than her mouth, if that’s possible. I bury myself deep inside her core. I fill her up completely as she sits on me. She closes her eyes and squeezes me tightly in a profound moment. She seems as thrilled with my body as I am with hers.

  Her eyelids flicker open, and we stare directly into each other’s eyes. With our bodies joined, and only nakedness between us, our intimacy grows and blossoms as we lose ourselves in the wonderful pleasure of the moment. This time, no alcohol can dull it or deplete the passion of the sensation. I have nothing to hide behind this time, and I don’t want to.

  Her gaze studies mine. Her mouth is serious and intense, but so is mine. She leans forward, never losing the eye lock until she bends backwards. My arms move on their own volition as they wrap around her back, feeling her smooth, delicate shoulder blades. Only then do I push up as I hear her utter a sexy little “oh!” and her body reacts by pressing back against me. I think of yin and yang, we’re so perfectly matched. I push, and she responds by pressing back. I pull out and she pushes back. Our bodies are joined, and I’m so deep inside her. Nothing can slow us. We start to move and catch each other’s rhythm, pumping at the same speed and with the same effort. It’s glorious and exhilarating. We kiss and clasp each other’s faces as our tongues lick and entangle and taste. Lifting my hand to her breast, I take the pointy tip between my fingers and push and pinch until she reacts with pleasure. Somehow, she manages to take me inside her even deeper.

  All at once, she drops down and starts hugging my shoulders while burying her face against my neck. It makes me pause. No one ever held me like that before. She’s clinging to me with her body wide open and ready to receive all of me, but now she is cuddling as if she’s seeking protection when she snuggles into my upper half. I wrap my arms around her waist and lock them behind her back. I grip her tightly to me, so tight a dollar bill couldn’t slide between us.

  While she’s holding on to me, I graze my hand along the nape of her neck, moving up into her hair when something stirs in my chest. My heart begins to beat much harder and more
intensely than the endorphins from sex can manage to stir. It’s my emotions. I feel a grip on my heart with her so soft and vulnerable against me as well as hot and responsive. We’re joined as one and so together now that it’s the strongest, most potent release I’ve ever had. I grip her to me in every physical way I can as I come inside her. We cling like two drowning castaways to each other for a long, long time. We are so deeply connected that I never want her to move from me. Her body is so warm and heavy over my torso, enveloping my rapidly deflating penis as our legs wrap around each other. Every inch of our skin is touching and I want it to continue.

  I close my eyes, awed by the intensity of our connection and the sex, even our hugging and holding each other. I don’t understand it. Is it really so much clearer and more intense when I’m sober? Or is it our connection? Claudia and I have always had such an honest and real relationship that it makes this act, beginning with our foreplay and developing into X-rated sex, feel so wonderful and much more passionate. Definitely not the usual.

  My usual. Any usual partner for sex. The reality hits like an epiphany and jolts me. Even sex with Ireena was never like this, not like with Claudia. Ireena was spontaneous, kinky, and she kind of nailed my balls to the wall. Sure, we had hot, physically mind-blowing sex, but I never sensed any warmth or kindness in Ireena. Clinginess is not part of her vocabulary. There was no holding each other or any eye contact during or after sex either.

  And certainly not with anyone I picked up for the night or the weekend. I just don’t do that with anybody else, until now with Claudia.

  No wonder what we just did felt so unfamiliar to me. If I hadn’t experienced it firsthand, I would have expected sex with Claudia to be a bit stifling, annoying, and kind of provincial. But no. Her unconditional warmth and strong connection only heightens the experience to a place I never knew existed. My nerve endings were relaxed finally, like soaking in hot water, and all of me felt so loose and free. I experienced all the energy and climactic pulse of sex but this time, it was in a relaxed and fully engaged way. That never happened to me before.