Wintering Well

by Lea Wait

  Our burden? Will held in his anger. How could Pa know what it felt like to have everyone ignoring him? Making decisions for him? Will’s fingernails cut into the palms of his hands. His leg was gone, true. But Pa was acting as though Will’s brain had been cut off too. He watched Pa wishing Sam a safe journey, just as though Sam were a grown man.

  Sam nodded at Pa and put on his jacket. “It was good to see you, Will. And I promise to write. With the snows coming on, I probably will not be visiting again until spring.”

  Will looked at his friend, who was going back to a life far from the kitchen. “Winter well, Sam.”

  “And you. I will see you in spring, when the snows and mud are gone.”

  CHAPTER 10

  March 7, 1820—STATE OF MAINE

  Mr. Evans was just here to share the news. Last Friday President Monroe signed the bill making Maine the twenty-third state! The official birthday of the STATE OF MAINE will be March 15, but I am so excited I have to write it down now! Two new states will be added to the Union on the same day: Maine and Missouri. Maine will be added as a free state, and Missouri as a slave state. We will have our own governor and our own men representing us in Washington. Pa says now we can elect our own governor and make our own decisions on schools and local laws and taxes. He and the boys went with Mr. Evans to share the good news with other families and, I suspect, to celebrate at each home with a bit of rum. Ma and I and Will and Ethan had some cider and cakes to celebrate. We citizens of Maine have been recognized as independent from citified folks down in Massachusetts.

  HURRAH FOR THE STATE OF MAINE!!

  That winter was bleaker than Will could have imagined. Instead of going to school with Jamie and Sam, or lumbering with Pa and his brothers, he was confined to the three rooms on the first floor of their house. He padded the top of his crutch, so he no longer had sores under his arm, and he paced up and down the kitchen for hours each day. When he could walk no longer, he carved. Squirrels, skunks, cows, woodchucks—every windowsill in the house was now covered with small animals, and he had started working on an entire Noah’s ark for Ethan. Today, as many days, he was restless.

  “Will, you’ll wear a trench in the floor if you keep up that pacing,” Ma said as she stood at the table kneading the day’s bread. Cassie had taken down some of the bacon smoked in the chimney and made a pie with apples dried in October. The kitchen smelled warm and sweet, but it was dark, although the hour was still early. Snowdrifts had long since covered the first-floor windows and kept out the sun. “Why don’t you sit and read?”

  “I have read the Bible through twice and almost memorized McGuffey’s Reader,” Will answered. “There is nothing else to read.”

  Ma sighed. “Well, read the Bible again. Might do you some good. Or carve another animal for Ethan.”

  Cassie sat rocking in a corner, knitting a yellow shawl to wear on Easter Sunday. “How does that special sock I knit you feel, Will?”

  “It fits well, Cassie. You did a fine job.” Cassie had knit Will a warm cover for his stump, as she had noticed it was especially sensitive to the cold. And this winter had been twice as cold as zero.

  “Shall I knit another?”

  Will thought a minute. “Perhaps a lighter one. For spring. This cold can’t hang on much longer. Pa says he will start tapping the maple trees and sugaring off next week, and that’s a sure sign of spring. We’ll be on the downhill side of March in no time.”

  “March is often the month for the biggest storms,” Ma pointed out. “But that sweet maple syrup will taste fine on some clean snow, for sure.”

  “I will eat a whole bucket of maple syrup snow,” declared Ethan, who had carefully placed his wooden animals on the floor in the shape of an E, for Ethan, as Cassie had taught him. “I will put syrup on all the snowballs in my fort.”

  “Better choose some cleaner snow for the syrup. Those snowballs of yours have been frozen since December,” Cassie said. “But having maple syrup to pour on pancakes and puddings again will be something special. We haven’t had any since last November.”

  “All winter I have been trapped here. And soon it will be mud season.” Will sat down suddenly. The thought of negotiating the deep Maine mud that came as sure as April after the snow and ice melted was a daunting one. “I have been thinking about what Dr. Theobold said. About a wooden leg. Ma, do you think we could find a way for me to try one? I cannot spend the rest of my life in this kitchen. Maybe with the leg I could do something. Perhaps not farming. Pa says I would be no use at that, and he may be right. But there must be something I can do.”

  “Are you certain that is truly what you want, Will?” Ma spoke gently. “A wooden leg might not work well. It might be another disappointment.”

  “Sam writes from Wiscasset about men who are printers, teachers, shopkeepers, barbers, blacksmiths, sailmakers … there must be a job there for me. My one leg is fine. It has strengthened as I have walked with the crutch. My arms are strong, and I still have a mind.”

  Ma looked at him. “But you need assistance. Cassie helps you to dress, and we are all here when you need to reach things. Your walking with the crutch is fine and steady in the house, but we do not know how far you could walk without exhausting yourself. You are not ready to be on your own yet.”

  Cassie put her knitting aside for a moment. Wills strength was back; that was certain. But how could he manage without her?

  “But I must be able to take care of myself, Ma! Don’t you see? If I stay here too long, then I will never leave. If I don’t go, I’ll be like Blind Annie, over to Bath, who has not left her home in forty years.”

  “I’ll think on it, Will. Let me talk with your pa. Don’t get your hopes up, though. Nothing could be done till after mud time, for sure.”

  Will sat in the chair that had become his place in the kitchen. “I have to be my own person, Ma. Don’t you see? With or without a leg. I have to make my own life.”

  “One day at a time, Will. You’ve come far in the past months. Another month or two isn’t too much to wait.”

  Will banged his crutch on the floor. “Another hour is too much! I love you and Pa, and everyone, and I love this house, but it isn’t a refuge … it’s a prison! You and Cassie do everything for me, and Pa and Simon and Nathan hardly look at me now. It’s as if I no longer exist.”

  Ethan looked up from where he sat before the fire, where he was now piling pieces of kindling into small log houses. “Will, I look at you. I love you. Don’t you love us anymore?”

  “I love you very much, Ethan. But you can love someone and not be next to them every moment. Sometimes you need to have some distance between yourself and other people. Even those you love.”

  Ethan looked at his brother seriously. “If you go away, will you take your crutch with you?”

  “Yes. I will take it with me.”

  “Will you take your animals?”

  “No. I’ll leave the animals. Will you take care of them for me?”

  Ethan nodded. “Good care of them. Until you come back.”

  “Thank you, Ethan. I would like that.” Will hugged Ethan and looked over at Ma, standing by the table. She looked sad, but she nodded. She understood.

  “We’ll talk to your pa after the excitement about statehood has simmered down.”

  CHAPTER 11

  April 10

  Spring at last! Yesterday I cut some pussy willow branches. I put them in water, and already they are sprouting tiny green leaves. The mud is deep, and it covers everything. Ma tries to have us clean our feet before we enter the house, but there is no hope of keeping all the dirt out. I have scrubbed the floor every day for weeks and know I will continue to do so for at least a week or two more. But the air smells fresh and sweet, birds are everywhere, and the trees have a haze of red or green or white around them, as leaves and flowers begin budding. I washed clothes early this morning and hung them over the blackberry bushes along the side of the house to dry for the first time since November. I sa
ng to myself the whole time, I was so happy. As I did, Nathan drove up with Martha Bailey. They are now promised and will wed in October. She looked pretty in a new green petticoat, although I would think calico chilly this early in the year. Nathan helped her off the wagon, and they were on their way to the house when Will came out of the privy. He called to them and waved, but as he did so he slipped and fell on his face, right in the mud. I rushed to help him, but he was indeed covered in the thick stuff. Nathan and Martha tried but could not help laughing at his appearance. Will did not laugh. He has not been to the privy since but uses the chamber pot, as he did in winter. I hope the ground dries quickly this year.

  “He wants to go, John. He needs to feel he can take care of himself. We have to let him go.” Ma and Pa sat quietly at the pine table in the corner of the kitchen, keeping their voices as low as they could. But the house was small; all who wished to hear could do so.

  Pa’s voice was clear. “He is of no use here, that is for sure. Spending days whittling toys and sulking in the corner is no good for him or for anyone else. But it is not simple. I know Alice and Aaron have said they would take him, but they do not know what that would mean. He cannot reach high shelves. His stump aches from the spring dampness. He slips when the floor or dirt is wet or uneven. Here he sleeps near the kitchen. At their home they have planned for him to sleep on the second floor. But there is no railing on the stairs to the second floor in their home. He would need help even reaching the room they have in mind for him. Unless he crawled and pulled himself up the stairs!”

  “He wants this chance so much, John.”

  “He is getting along better with that crutch of his, but when he needs assistance, you and Cassie are always here.”

  “But Alice and Aaron are family too. And they do live near Dr. Theobold and others who might be able to help. His friend Sam is in Wiscasset too. Perhaps Sam can help him to meet other boys. He has seen almost no one but family since last September. He needs companions.”

  “Dreaming and hoping will not make life right itself. Will is a burden, Jess. No getting around it. And he is our son; our burden. God must be punishing us for something we have done, that He gave us a son like this. It would not be fair to pass that burden on to Alice and Aaron.”

  “But they have said they are willing. Perhaps for a short time?”

  Ethan was playing with a small, carved wooden ball Will had made for him, while Cassie washed up the supper dishes. Suddenly she turned. “Will would not be a burden to Alice and Aaron if he had someone to help him,” she said.

  “Cassie, your pa and I were talking between ourselves,” said Ma.

  “But we all know Will wants to go to Wiscasset. Maybe Dr. Theobold can help him to walk again. He should have a chance!”

  “What do you suggest, girl?” Her father’s rough voice rose. “I suppose you have a solution?”

  “I could go with him.” Cassie talked quickly. “I know what his needs are, and he is used to my care. I could help Alice, too. With the two of us gone, Ma, you would not need as much help here. And Martha is close by and would value the chance to spend more time near Nathan if you did need assistance.”

  Ma and Pa looked at each other.

  “It would only be until we know whether Will can use a new leg. Maybe for the summer. And we would not be far away. If we were a burden to Alice and Aaron, they could send us home.”

  Will came to the doorway of his small room. “Please. If Cassie were there, it would be easier.”

  Pa rose, looking from Will to Cassie and then back again. “All right! You may both go. But you are to come back if I hear you are any sort of trouble to Alice. And by the winter you must have found a place where you are not a burden, or you will both come back here.”

  Cassie and Will exchanged exultant glances. “Thank you, Pa,” Will said, limping forward on his crutch to shake Pa’s hand.

  “You take care of each other, you hear? I am not so certain of the wisdom of this whole plan. But you will be with Alice, and she has said she wants you. Just remember, both of you, that your home is here. There are no miracles to be had in Wiscasset. Or anywhere.” Pa turned and walked out the back door.

  Ma got up and gave Cassie a hug. “You will both do just fine. Pa just doesn’t want you to get your hopes up too high. And you will both be missed here, remember!”

  Will grinned. “We will miss you, too, Ma. I promise to take good care of Cassie.” He sat down and threw his crutch into the air and caught it. “Onward to Wiscasset!”

  CHAPTER 12

  May 2

  I cannot sleep for excitement! Today Mattie and Tempe came to say good-bye, and each gave me two fine linen handkerchiefs they had embroidered to remember them by. I promised to write them all the town news. It is a time of new beginnings in so many ways! Maine’s first governor has just been elected: General William King, from over to Bath. Pa is strutting proud, since he served under General King defending our coast during the War of 1812. And tomorrow Pa is driving Will and me to Wiscasset! I have prepared our summer clothing, but I fear it will not be adequate. In Wiscasset they no doubt dress more elegantly than in Woolwich. I do not wish us to be laughed at because of our clothing. Alice will know what more we may need and perhaps will even help me to sew any necessary garments. Will is excited and nervous, I can tell, but he says little. I pray Dr. Theobold can find a way for him to use a new leg. And I pray we both will have a most excellent summer in Wiscasset. After a winter spent in the kitchen and sickroom I am anxious to be out and to see a little of the world. And to be of help to Will, of course.

  It wasn’t a smooth journey, but both Will and Cassie were too excited to notice. Cassie sat up on the front seat with Pa. Will sat in back, propped between bundles of clothes and bedding, since he couldn’t brace himself well enough with one foot to manage the high seat. Although it was May, and most of the mud was gone, the road was deeply pitted with the tracks of wagons that had trundled through on damper days.

  Will and Cassie tried to see everything at once as they entered Main Street and drove by the half-finished Lincoln County Courthouse, the Congregational Church, the Green, the Lincoln and Kennebec Bank, and Turner’s Tavern, and then made a left turn just before the block where many merchants had their shops. Will looked at the corner where he knew farmers would be selling their crops later in the season. It was now busy with sales of lambs and calves and seedlings for town gardens. He sat up straight, holding on to the side of the wagon, and stretched so he could see the river ahead. The life of a farmer was a dream of the past. He was here to find a new leg. And a new future.

  Alice ran out to greet them as soon as she saw the wagon. “It is so wonderful that you both came,” sheexclaimed, helping Cassie and Will down from the wagon and hugging them so tightly that Will almost slipped on his crutch.

  “Your ma wanted you to have these,” Pa said, handing her two loaves of anadama bread and a pie made of dried apples. “She baked them especially for you and Aaron.”

  “And tell her we will love every bite,” Alice enthused. “I have so missed seeing family through the long winter!”

  “Well, I hear by next Thanksgiving you will have your own family,” said Pa shyly as Alice blushed. “In the meantime, seems like I’ve brought you enough family to keep you occupied for the summer months.”

  “They are most welcome. I have been preparing for them since it was settled they could come.” Alice helped Cassie and Pa unload the clothes and bedding. “Cassie and Will shall each have a side of the room next to Aaron’s and mine. I even put a wardrobe in the middle so they could have some space of their own.”

  Pa shook his head. “You’ll be spoiling them with city ideas. No harm in brothers and sisters sharing a room. How could families find space for everyone unless they did?”

  “True enough, but I enjoyed fixing the room nice for them. Now, you all come in for something to eat and drink.”

  “No, thank you,” said Pa. “Would like to, but I’ve g
ot to get back. Ma will be waiting to hear these two are safely with you. And potatoes and wheat won’t plant themselves. Remember, if there are any problems, you let us know, and I will be back to take them home.”

  “I am certain they will be just fine. Now, if you’ve got to be going, you go, because I want to get them settled before Aaron gets home from the store and starts calling for his supper.”

  Pa climbed back on the wagon and waved as he made his way back up Middle Street. As soon as his wagon vanished around the corner, Alice and Cassie each took a load of bedding into the house.

  Will stood quietly and looked around. He was here. Wiscasset.

  Two boys about his age were walking down the street toward him. One held a fishing pole, and the other carried a bucket of what Will assumed was bait, or perhaps even fish.

  “Hello!” he called out. “Good fishing around here?”

  The boys stopped and looked at him. Will stood tall, his crutch under his left arm, the left leg of his pants pinned up, and his blond hair tousled by the wagon trip.

  “Do you fish in the river, or is there a stream or pond nearby?”

  The boys stared at Will’s pinned-up pant leg and fidgeted uncomfortably.

  “Maybe sometime you could show me where the best spots are. I’ve come to stay with my sister.”

  The taller boy elbowed his companion, and the two of them started to run. As Will watched, they ran about a block and then slowed down and looked back, laughing and pointing.

  Will turned and angrily pulled himself up the two granite steps to Alice’s front door by balancing between his crutch and the iron rail.

  Why could they not have at least stayed to talk?