by Sabrina Kade
I blink, so startled by his question that it takes everything I have not to sprint from the room, out the cave, and into the woods to never return.
Iriel’s expression is painfully triumphant.
“You enjoy this, yes? You think it is great to have two males wanting you for their mate?”
“I don’t.”
“You should not act as you do.” This time he doesn’t ask permission, invading my personal space. He doesn’t touch me again, but he’s so close that my trembling breaths must bounce off his chest before entering my lips again. “We have discussed this. You cannot tempt two males. Prince Korben will not like it. My brothers are already suspicious. If you want to be safe, if you truly wish to be safe here, then you must officially Choose me for your mate. Then, I can stop Drazal. I can protect you fully. But you must stop teasing him. Choose me, Fee-Bee, and everything will be all right.”
He stares down at me, hopeful for the words to come. After all, I almost said them last time he was this persistent. But I don’t feel like that girl right now. I won’t Choose him merely because he’s looming over me.
“Choose me,” he says again.
I lift my eyes and square my jaw. “No.”
He hisses lowly in his throat. “No?”
“No. I am not Choosing you as my mate. Not today.” Not ever. “I’m not ready to have a mate, so please stop asking me. When I am ready to Choose you as a mate, you will be the first to know.” I swallow hard, gathering all the courage I have left. “You will not ask me anymore.”
“I will not?”
“No.” I shake my head. “You will not. You say Prince Korben will not want me tempting two males? Do you think he wants to hear that you’re forcing me to Choose you as a mate?”
Another hiss. Low. Dangerous.
I start thinking about running away from him and to the Gathering Room, maybe. To find Sloane. Or Layla. Or Prince Korben and Blythe. Someone to help me out of this mess. Or even Drazal.
“You feel I am forcing you?”
I blink, staring up at Iriel. Is he serious? “Of course I feel like you’re forcing me.”
His expression shifts, and though I’m preparing myself for his anger, he takes a shaky step away and pushes a hand through his bed head. After scrubbing another hand down his face, he steps further away and sits on the edge of the bed, never taking his eyes off mine. “Dolan mentioned this to me, but I did not want to believe him. You feel threatened by me, yes?”
I can barely put coherent words together. This surprises him. He’s shocked that I feel like he’s threatening me to stay with him. Is he so deluded? Is he so out of touch with reality that he can’t see how his actions and words may be interpreted?
Ugh, but pity whispers against my ears. He looks positively shaken.
I don’t move to comfort him, though — not this time. I’ve fallen prey to Iriel’s self-realizations too many times in the past.
“If you feel I am threatening you, it is only because I am afraid of losing you.”
My lips tremble. “You have a funny way of showing how much you want me to stick around.”
“Yes. Dolan spoke about this as well, which is almost humorous because his mate did not want him for many rotations. It matters not because he has her now, and I still do not have you. I want a mate of my own. I want to build a family. Perhaps you do not understand because these things do not matter to humans, but it is the greatest honor to have a mate and a family. Even one you do not like.”
My lips curls in disgust. “So, you don’t like me?”
“I did not say that. I do like you, Fee-Bee. Please do not misunderstand, but now that I have small pieces of you, I am growing greedy for more. I see my brothers so happy and satisfied with their human mates, and I want only a small piece of that for myself. Otherwise, I am so miserable on this rainy planet. I did not choose exile. Exile was chosen for me by my family, and I did not imagine ever having a mate. But then you females showed up, and I wanted one. I wanted one so badly! And when Korben claimed the one with the large chest and more and more females were snatched up, I panicked. Please do not misunderstand, I snatched you because I wanted a mate, but now I want you as a partner as well.”
I try to resist huffing under my breath. Despite his attempt to cover his tracks, Iriel’s basically admitting that he didn’t want me specifically. He only wanted a mate. Any mate. He probably wanted one that wouldn’t fight him. He likes that I’m delicate and soft-spoken and shaken by the Todas, and eventually the dilewilers. He saw that Drazal had messed up by taking me into dilewiler territory. He grabbed me and kept me scared of leaving his side. And though he’s trying to make his words sound less hurtful than they are, the meaning is obvious.
He only wanted a female. He didn’t care who she was.
Still, something Iriel’s said does catch me off guard. “You didn’t choose exile?”
He shakes his head. “I did not.”
“So, how did you end up here? You said your family chose exile for you?”
He frowns. “They did.”
Questions bubble on the tip of my tongue — questions about Iriel’s past and how he came to be here. I’m afraid to ask. Mostly because I’m so scared he’ll tell me. He’ll find a way for me to pity him. To see him as a real person and not some random means to an end. That’s how he keeps me. He has layers and layers ready to be peeled away, and the more I question, the closer I’ll get to his core. Then I’ll never be able to leave him.
And I do want to leave him. Eventually. Hopefully.
But that doesn’t mean I’m enjoying his pained expression.
“Iriel,” I mutter, stepping closer. “I’m sorry—”
“I do not need your apologies. And I do not need your pity.” He stands, advancing on me with a few quick steps. “You do not want to Choose me. Fine. I will not threaten you. But I ask you, Fee-Bee. Will you stay with me?”
“Why? Why would you want me to?”
His shoulders slump. “I cannot cope with the loneliness without you. You are one of the few things I can stand about this painful exile. With you, I rise each morning with high spirits. And though they may be crushed by the end of the day, knowing you will be in my bed, I can go on. I cannot lose that, Fee-Bee. I cannot lose you.”
His words send a sharp stab right in the gut. I want to tell him no. I want to scream and run away. I was so close earlier that now I’m cursing myself for sticking around. He’s worked his way back in. The air in the room grows hotter and hotter, as though making it impossible to breathe. When did this room get so small? And so hot?
I have to get away.
“If you want me to be with you, I need to also spend more time with the girls,” I manage to croak. Iriel’s eyes widen as though shocked by my words, and I can’t say I blame him. He’s asking me to stay with him to cope with pain and loneliness, and I’m asking permission to run away. There has to be a way to soften the blow. “I’m suffocating. I need to spend time with other people.”
“My brothers?”
“No. Other women. Sloane and Layla. I hear everything you’re saying, but I have needs too. And I’m barely breathing here. I need to get away and think about everything.” I lower my voice to that submissive, docile tone that works on Iriel almost as well as his does on me. “Would you be opposed to me spending more time in the Gathering Room?”
“I speak to you about my feelings, and you wish to be away from me.”
“Only at times,” I stammer. “As I said, it’s hard to be with you twenty-four seven. That’s a lot for anyone.”
“Chosen mates want to be together.”
“That’s just it. We’re not mates.”
“You are mine,” he insists, reaching for me. I stumble away, and his hands freeze in empty air before lowering back to his sides. “Is there a stronger chance you will Choose me for a mate if I let you see the females more often? Is that something you want?”
The look in his eyes forces me to hesitate. I
’m a liar. I’m a baby, and a liar and I’m trying to reject him slowly and as painlessly as I can get away with. My rejection shouldn’t be slow. It has to be like a Band-Aid, ripped right off without mercy. He won’t understand unless I slap him across the face and kiss another alien in front of him, which I’d never do. I’m too afraid of what would happen.
“I don’t know if it will or not,” I say, hoping there’s some truth in my words. “I need to be around others, that’s all. I need to be away from you—”
“Because you don’t want me.”
“I don’t know what I want!” I squeak before I lose my nerve. Iriel hanging over me is enough to make the hairs on my neck stand on end. I’ve pushed this far. I’ve got to keep pushing, or this will all be for nothing. “I want to talk to the girls more often. I want to believe you’ll be okay with it.”
“What if I said no? Would you still go?”
A challenge. I square my jaw. “I would. But I don’t want to sneak around. Which is why I’m asking you instead of doing it.”
His shoulders bunch together and relax slowly. He goes to take a step closer to me and then decides against it. I believe he thinks I’m going to Choose him eventually, so he’s trying to give what he thinks will please me. He’s still searching for a way to make me his. It’s almost scary how much he wants a mate for his own. He talks about how lonely he is. How much he longs for a wifey and family. He deserves that.
He deserves someone who wants all of that with him.
“Your request is strange, Fee-Bee,” he admits. “This is not usual on the fatherland.”
“Good. Because we’re not on the fatherland, and I’m not an alien. I’m a human.”
“You are Fee-Bee.”
My heart hiccups when he says my name, though it’s all wrong. Despite everything, I don’t want to hurt Iriel. He’s not a monster. He’s lonely. Confused. Desperate.
“And you are mine,” he tacks on at the end. “If this is truly something you want, then, of course, I will deny you nothing. Still, I do not like it.”
“I’m sorry,” I say truthfully. And I am. I see how much my request confuses Iriel and how hard he’s fighting to keep me in his lair until I submit to him. “Is that a yes, though? Can I leave?”
His expression shifts. “You wish to go right this instant?”
I lick my lips. Fight, Phoebe. Fight. “Yes. I want to go to the Gathering Room.”
“Alone.”
“Yes.”
“Without me.”
“Without you, Iriel.”
“To speak with other females.”
“Yes.”
“And to my brothers.”
My mind wanders. Will Drazal be watching over the halls near the Gathering Room when I return? The thought makes me excited, and I inch toward the doorway of Iriel’s room. I think of Drazal, waiting on his growth spurt, and those bandages on his hands and feet. He would never make me feel like this. He would never make me beg to see the other females. He’d only want to make me happy. And yes, Iriel is trying, but he’s only giving me what I want because he thinks it improves his chances of me Choosing him in the end.
Drazal would give me what I want because he knows how happy it would make me.
“I’m sure I’ll talk to some of your brothers.”
He hisses, scales splaying. “I do not like this. You are mine. You should not speak to my brothers.”
“Even ones with mates?”
“I would not mind if they were mated to one of the females. Most of them are.” His frown deepens, as though he wants to say something else, and then decides against it. “You are difficult, Fee-Bee. When you woke this morning, your arousal filled my nostrils. I thought it was because you were thinking of me.” He bends slightly at the waist, forcing me to look him in the eyes. I back against the wall, prepared to fling the curtain aside if I have to escape. “I thought you were going to Choose me, and now you ask to put more distance between us.”
I swallow hard. My voice is shaking, but my words are clear. “Yes. I’m asking for more distance between us. Please.”
He narrows his eyes. “Go then. Take your distance. Just know that if there is ever any danger, a human female cannot protect you. I can. And when that danger comes? The females will run to their mates, not to you, Fee-Bee. But I will be here. I have Chosen you. You are mine, and I will give you what you want because you are afraid. You feel safest when I am near. Because of that, I am fine with you going to the Gathering Room.”
He pulls away and stumbles back to his bed, and as much as I want to scream and shout that his words are lies and I’m not afraid, there’s still some truth there. Iriel knows how to bring me back to him. He knows how I function. Briefly, I glance over my shoulder to look back at him, wanting to bury myself under the covers. It’s safe there. It’s secure there.
But it’s also dull. And it is lacking. Empty.
I pinch my eyes shut and fling the curtain aside.
Run. Don’t look back. Whatever you do, Phoebe, don’t look back.
I don’t.
***
“Well, well, look who’s back lurking around.”
I grimace when I notice a cluster of gorgeous, elegant women in the corner of the Gathering Room. Three out of the four State Girls. Still no Arizona, but my heart hiccups when Kansas, Dakota, and Alaska all sit up straighter when I peek in the doorway. I glance up, and Hujun merely nods. I want to ask him if Drazal’s on guard duty later, but I’m too afraid to draw more attention to myself over Drazal. Not to mention Alaska is watching me. Like she’s waiting for something.
Maybe they’ve been waiting for me to return.
“Come on over, girl,” Kansas says, waving her hand.
I notice Ellis sitting next to her, but the moment I stroll over, she stands, hustles away and joins her mate in the doorway. He crouches down because let’s face it; he has to consider she’s not quite five feet tall and he’s several inches over seven, and the two of them speak in low voices as I take a seat next to the State Girls.
“How are you?” Kansas attempts to sound bright and cheery, but it’s so utterly false that I nearly stand right back up and run to Iriel’s room.
“I’m all right,” I say instead, sweeping my gaze over the small group. “How are you all?”
“No complaints,” Dakota says, shrugging. “Just taking a sex break. It’s raining today, big surprise, so we decided to mix things up and spend time here.”
“The second lair is better,” Alaska offers.
“They’re underground caves,” Kansas grumbles. “They’re all the same.”
“Whatever.” Alaska waves her off, before her hazel eyes land completely on mine. “So where are you coming from?”
I bite my lip. “Iriel’s room?”
“Is that a question or an answer?” Alaska asks.
“An answer?”
“So what are you doing here?”
“Doing the same as you guys, I guess. Taking a break.”
Dakota snickers before she rakes a hand through her shoulder-length sandy blonde hair. She fixes her almond-shaped brown eyes on me. “Can’t say I blame you. Sidyth equipment is a lot to handle, isn’t it?” She elbows Kansas, who only growls and stands up.
“I’m going to talk to Ellis.”
“Whatever, spoilsport,” Alaska calls. “And you,” she adds, “you’re still with Iriel then, right? No changes?”
“Uh, what?”
“I heard you spent some alone time with the young one. Dranzal, right?”
“Drazal,” I correct her. “Yeah. We’re friends.”
She rolls her eyes. “Whatever you want to call it. Does that mean you’ve Chosen the other one for a mate? It’s official now, isn’t it? Arizona wants to know.”
What the hell? For some reason, Alaska’s comment fires me up. “Then Arizona can come over here and ask me herself!” I squeak, annoyed for reasons I’m not entirely sure of. What does it matter who I’m with? What does it matt
er to the State Girls? Why are they so concerned?
Alaska only giggles. “Sounds like someone has their spunk back. Chill, girl. She worries because of what happened with the Todas. She won’t tell us what happened, but she has a special spot for you. I guess she wants to make sure you’re okay and doing your job.”
“And what is my job?”
Alaska holds up her pointer finger. “One male per customer. Please don’t fuck things up, huh? We get it’s your first assignment, and Arizona feels bad about what happened with the Todas, but you’ve got to be careful. Choose one and stick with one. These guys are aliens, and we don’t know their rules. You may think what you’re doing is okay, but to them, it could be a problem. Stick to the program.”
I frown, and Dakota lifts her chin. “Aliens aren’t humans, Phoebe. Remember that.”
“Yeah,” a new voice interrupts, and I realize Kansas is back. “Washington didn’t follow the rules and look where that got her.”
“Shut up,” Dakota says. “We’re not supposed to—”
“Not supposed to what?”
“Talk about her,” Alaska finishes.
“Dumb,” Kansas retorts. “She’s allowed to know. If anything, it could change her behavior.”
“No. No talk of Washington.” She spins back to me. “Look, rookie. You’re new. We get it. We respect it. But let me also say this. Arizona, and me, and girls like Blythe and Ellis didn’t make it this long in the business without learning a few things first. Remember though, if something seems too good to be true, it probably is. If these aliens are saying one female for each bastard, that’s what we should do. This is a good assignment, but let’s not pretend it’ll last forever.”
“But,” my mouth goes dry, “Blythe? And York—”
“They could just as easily be shipped away tomorrow with one snap of Korben’s fingers. Come on. You’re new, but you’re not stupid. We’re bought and paid for. We’re here to make aliens happy. As happy as we can keep them for as long as they’ll have us. What you’re doing with the grumpy one? That’s safe. Keep him happy, and he’ll keep you around. Do you like the young one? That’s fine, too. But only one. Otherwise, you’re messing with the system. And if you mess with the system, you’re messing with our system. And if you mess with our system—”