Soul Forgotten (Blue Star Series Book 1)

by Laura Winter

  “Sorry,” the doctor whispered. “There’s a lot of bruising. I think I should run some scans—“

  “No,” Clara snapped. She tried to lower her sweatshirt but the doctor held it up.

  “I strongly suggest—“

  “I said no. Just wrap it so we can leave.”

  Clara didn’t let me protest, digging her fingers into my upper arm as the doctor took out another bandage and wrapped it around her stomach. The woman walked us back out to my parents who jumped out of their seats to greet us. After sharing a few words with my mom, my parents guided us out the front door.

  52

  Clara

  I stood at the window, looking out at the plaza lit by a fading sunset and street lamps. Most of the lot had emptied, but there were still a few people walking around outside. Angie and Tom had taken us up the stairs of one of the buildings which turned out to hold a lot of apartments. Their apartment only had one room so Tom was busy trying to get me the apartment across from theirs while Angie went back to House to grab clothes for Nate and I. Nate was busy cooking something for dinner but I couldn’t stand the smell so escaped to the bedroom to open the window and breathe fresh air.

  So many things felt wrong now. Without the Cold Soul, I expected my temperature to return to normal. The winter air should have been bitter against my face, but it felt normal. And though I should have been exhausted, I couldn’t imagine laying down to sleep. For four months I had watched myself die in my dreams. Now that it had actually happened, I was terrified of what might come next. I felt like I was in a constant panic attack that never went away, the scene with Richard replaying in my head on a loop. The people here hated Finnley — hated me — and now so did I. This was all my fault.

  Someone knocked on the door but I didn’t respond.

  “Are you trying to freeze us?” Angie asked as she slid past me and shut the window, shivering.

  “Sorry,” I mumbled, rubbing my eyes as I tried to erase the image of the knife in my stomach. It was too late. I felt my chest tighten, crawling up my neck as I tried to pull my collar away to breathe. Tears rolled down my cheeks as Angie grasped at my hands.

  “Hey, now. Easy.” She finally grabbed me in a hug, pinning my arms to my sides so I wouldn’t thrash. I buried my face into her sleeve and just gave in. For a good five minutes, she held me, running her hand over my shoulders trying to comfort me. When I finally stopped shaking, she lifted away and held my cheek. “Sweetie, talk to me.”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I keep seeing it… the knife, the blood. Now everything is just wrong and I have to see how much everyone hated Finnley and I’m just alone.”

  Angie guided me into the chair and knelt in front of me. “Clara, I’ve known you your whole life. First as Finnley, and now as Clara. I need you to listen to what I’m about to say.” She waited until I nodded before continuing. “Finnley was not awful, she was brilliant and misunderstood. You fought against your father since you were born and kept that all inside. No one understood what that was doing to you. You had to suffer because of what we did with the Blue Soul when you were a baby, constantly fighting the voices and your dad. Your mother raised a fierce and amazing young woman and she would be so proud of you.”

  I sniffed. “I wish I could remember her.”

  Angie took my hands and helped me stand up again. “I will tell you everything you want to know, about Finnley and your mother, but you need to eat something first.”

  I let her lead me out into the dining room, the smell of roast and potatoes hitting me hard as I tried to hide my gag. Food sounded terrible right now, but I was somewhat impressed with the spread that Nate had set up. When House did all the chores and cooking for me, I never realized that Nate could make something like this.

  “Wow,” Nate said as he walked over and kissed my forehead. “Don’t act so surprised. When your parents leave you to fend for yourself, you learn a thing or two.”

  “Watch it,” Tom grumbled.

  Angie just laughed. “We deserve that. Looks like we’ll both be home for good now.” Angie sat at the head of the table next to Tom who had already dished up his food.

  Nate pulled out the chair for me, helping me down. “Are they kicking you out completely?” he asked, sitting down.

  “No, just removing us from The Assembly, but not because of you. We lied to them for years about you two and now we have to face those consequences,” Tom said with a shrug.

  For spending all their time here, I was surprised they were so casual about the situation.

  Angie reached over and patted my hand. “Clara, you need to eat something.”

  I took another look at the food but shook my head. Nate frowned and pushed away from the table.

  “Alright, C. Chicken noodle soup and crackers. You’re not allowed to say no,” he said, dishing it from a pot on the stove. I guess he had been prepared for me to reject the food. I accepted the bowl and dunked a cracker, forcing myself to swallow.

  Nate seemed to relax as Angie leaned forward. “Since I never got the chance to hear about it, tell me about your relationship. The only thing I know about is the morning your father caught you sleeping together.”

  Nate choked on his food as his mom stared across the table at him. Tom winked at me as I held in a laugh.

  “I don’t get why this is always so funny to you people. Nothing happened!” he stammered, his cheeks a bright red.

  “Ah, but that face tells me otherwise. Maybe just not that night.” Now Angie turned her gaze to me. I threw my hand over my mouth in shock as she nodded. “That’s what I thought.”

  “Mom,” Nate groaned, pressing his forehead into the table.

  “Okay, okay,” Angie said, holding up her hands as she surrendered. “I’m just trying to lighten the mood. Where’d you go on your first date?”

  Seeing as Nate was still recovering, I answered. “We actually haven’t really had one. Glitch is pretty much with us all the time.”

  “Nathaniel Beckett,” Angie blurted. She threw her roll across the table at Nate as he caught it without flinching. That clearly wasn’t the first time she’d thrown food at him. “You haven’t taken her on a date? I did not raise you like that.”

  “We’ve been busy,” he grumbled.

  The rest of the night went along like that. It was strange to finally have a normal evening where I didn’t have to hide anything. With each passing minute, I could feel my chest loosen as I finally started to relax, but that’s also when the exhaustion hit me. Nate looked tired too, but he kept his eyes on me as I finished eating, worried I would stop if he looked away. That was accurate.

  I thanked Tom and Angie and picked up the keys to my apartment across the way as they cleaned the dishes from the table. Nate grabbed his sweatshirt, wrapped tight to hide the book Jeanie had given us, and followed me.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” Tom asked as he stepped out of the kitchen.

  “Uh,” Nate stuttered, glancing between me and his dad.

  Tom waited a moment before cracking a smile. “I’m kidding. Come over when you wake up.” I could hear Angie start laughing in the background.

  Nate grabbed my shoulders and nudged me out the door. “Oh my god, go before he changes his mind.”

  The apartment had the same set up as theirs, but instead there were two twin beds, our bags sitting on each of them. Now I understood why his parents were okay with us sharing the place. Nate laughed when he saw me standing and staring at the beds.

  “Ah, now I see.” He dropped his sweatshirt on his bed before stepping to the side of it, pushing it against mine. “Joke’s on them. These beds are easy to move.”

  I unzipped the bag that Angie had packed for me and grabbed my toothbrush. Right on top was Nate’s old sweatshirt. I pulled it out along with a pair of shorts and went into the bathroom.

  My hair was a complete disaster. It had air dried since the shower this morning and was a knotted mess, but I also couldn’t lift my arm
s to brush it out. It was a struggle enough trying to change into my shorts so I didn’t even attempt to get today’s sweatshirt off. I brushed my teeth and went out to find Nate flipping through the book.

  “What does it say?” I asked, walking past him to read over his shoulder. It must have been another book like the one I had found in my desk because the pages looked blank, probably some trick to keep me from reading it. “I can’t see any words.”

  Nate looked up at me, confused. “There aren’t any words to see. The whole thing is blank except for the note Jeanie wrote.”

  “What?” I pulled the book out of his hands and flipped through it myself. He was right, it was completely blank. Just an address inked onto the notebook paper Jeanie had shoved in the cover.

  “I don’t get it either. Why would she give us a blank book?”

  I tossed it back on the bed. “She must have had a reason. She told us to find this place and learn what we could. But if the place was destroyed, how are we supposed to figure it out?”

  Nate shrugged. “Maybe we just go and see what happens. But we should probably give it a couple days. The Complex is already angry with us and I don’t want my parents to get in more trouble.”

  He stood up, wrapping his arm around my waist as he pulled me into him. Buzzing surged through my body as I squeezed harder, locking my arms around his back as I pressed my cheek into his chest.

  Do you feel that buzz? I asked in his head so I wouldn’t have to lean away.

  Yeah, I do. Should we be worried about it? Or tell my parents?

  No, or they’d never let us touch again.

  Nate pulled away and I groaned as aches creaked through my body again.

  He sighed. “I’m not going to tell them, at least tonight. I just need to change so we can go to sleep.” He tugged at the sweatshirt sleeve I couldn’t get off myself. “Clearly you need help.”

  I scrunched my nose as he helped pull my arms out of the sleeves. He lifted the jacket over my head, taking my key necklace with it. Despite my left arm being hidden by a bandage, blue splotches appeared on the cloth. I had been so focused on my stomach, I had barely noticed the sting in my arm. Nate hesitated when he saw the blood, worried that I might get sick or panic again, but I reached forward and started to pull off the wrapping. He grabbed my hand.

  “Are you sure?”

  I sighed as I picked up his hand, sliding his sleeve up to reveal his bandaged arm. He had already taken his key necklace off so the blue stains were visible.

  “I’m not okay, but I can’t be weak forever.” I let go of his hand and kept unwrapping my arm, determined to get over the nausea. Nate reached his hand to my cheek and held my chin up.

  “C, you’re not weak. You are anything but weak.”

  “I need to get over this,” I said, finally pulling the rest of the bandage off. I started at the lightning shaped scar that had hopefully reopened for the last time. Nate reached out, expecting to have to steady me, but I wasn’t dizzy. It was almost a relief to see it. I sighed. “See, I’m fine.”

  Nate raised his eyebrow. “Really? So you’re ready to see your stomach.”

  “That’s not fair. It’s different,” I grumbled.

  “Okay, sorry.”

  I nodded toward his arm. “I showed you mine, now you show me yours.”

  He smiled and lifted his shirt over his head, sticking his arm out so I could unroll the wrapping. If there hadn’t been such powerful repercussions, I would have thought his scar was beautiful. Strange. I hated mine so much before, but now that Nate and I shared the mark, it didn’t seem so bad anymore. I played with his fingers until he finally wrapped them around my hand and held it up to his chest. His other arm slipped around my waist and pulled me in tightly as he leaned down to kiss me. My pain melted away again, the energy running through my body. He carefully picked me up before lowering me down on the bed. Just when I thought he was going to stay, he stood up. I groaned but he just laughed.

  “Go to sleep. I’ll join you in a minute.” He reached into his bag and pulled out his toothbrush as I tried to focus on the soft bed underneath me. The aches were back, but the relief of finally getting to lay down almost drowned it out. I didn’t even try to pull the covers out from under my body.

  I vaguely remembered Nate sliding in next to me as my body started buzzing again.

  “Nate?” I mumbled.

  His arm rested over my body. “Yeah?”

  “Aidan and Richard…” I forced a breath. “They’re really gone, right?”

  I felt Nate’s lips press into my neck. “Yeah, they’re gone. Anything else we have to face, I’ll protect you. Always forever.”

  “I love you,” I breathed, finally letting sleep take over. I didn’t have to worry about my dreams if Nate was with me.

  53

  Nate

  I woke up to a loud crash and blinding light. I shot out of bed, squinting in the sunlight as I threw the covers off me. Clara sat up just as quickly, her hair tangled in a knot in front of her face. I blinked away the light, focusing on the source of the noise. The lamp by the window had fallen over and taken the curtains with it, shattering the lightbulb across the carpet.

  “Did you do that?” I asked, my voice cracking with sleep.

  “No, did you?” Clara mumbled, curling back into the bed as she pulled my pillow over her face.

  I rubbed my eyes, trying to wake up. “Why would I ask you if I was the one who did it?”

  “I don’t know. Shush. I wanna sleep,” she said through the pillow. Just a few seconds later, she shot up again, launching my pillow flying as her eyes widened. “Nate, holy shit.”

  “What?”

  “I’m not sore. Nothing hurts,” she said, her eyes suddenly sparkling. She lifted her arm in front of her, running her fingers along the cut that had healed over and become a scar. I lifted my arm and saw the same thing.

  “What the…” I poked at it, trying to see if it was just a trick my mind was playing. I had just woken up from a coma-like sleep.

  Clara reached out, feeling my arm too. “Do you think the buzzing energy we feel could do this?”

  I shrugged. “That’s the only thing it could be.” My fingers twitched as she traced my palm, her smile growing. In a swift move, she rolled over me, pressing me down into the bed with her lips. What happened to hating morning breath?

  Before I could wrap my arms around to flip her, I heard a knock on the front door.

  “Wow, great timing,” I grumbled as she jumped off me, but I quickly smiled. It was good to see her with energy again.

  Clara laughed as she skipped to the bathroom. “I’m not hiding in the closet this time.”

  “At least put a shirt on,” I shouted back into the bedroom as I moved to the front.

  My parents stood at the door, a panicked look on their faces.

  “We heard a crash. Are you okay?” Dad asked, hesitating when he saw I wasn’t dressed.

  Oh, right. The lamp had fallen. “Yeah, our lamp fell over. No big.”

  Dad pushed past me as Mom tried to stop him, her eyes locked on my healed arm. I think she was putting the wrong pieces together seeing that I was healed with no shirt and knocking furniture over. Ugh, I had the worst luck. I moved to the side so she knew it was okay to come in.

  Dad got to the bedroom door and turned around immediately. I didn’t have time to warn Clara before she ran out of the bathroom, still in her sports bra and shorts, but her bandage was pulled off her stomach.

  “Nate, look,” she said. She froze as she looked up and saw my parents but shrugged it off. “Okay, everyone look, I guess.”

  The bruising around her stomach was completely gone, with just a thick blue scar that had healed over.

  “How is that possible?” Mom whispered, sitting on our couch. Dad joined her, still looking embarrassed about what he walked in on.

  Clara spun around to her bag and grabbed my old sweatshirt, tossing me a shirt on her way out. “We didn’t mention this
before, because we didn’t fully understand it, but with the new connection we have this buzzing feeling when we touch.”

  I quickly clarified. “We were just sleeping. We didn’t even notice our scars until the lamp broke and woke us up.”

  Clara looked back at the broken fixture, cocking her head to the side. “I’m pretty sure I didn’t do that…”

  My mom glanced between us, deep in thought. “This is a little concerning. We don’t know what you two are going through or what this means. We’re in new territory.”

  “You can’t tell anyone about this,” my dad said, snapping out of his embarrassment. “Keep those scars hidden. This is dangerous.”