Kai

by CORY CYR

  I had lost all sense of who I really was—the man who never found older women appealing and saw fat females just as a means to increase his bank balance. I mean, how would it look if the guy who owned the world’s classiest fitness club had a girlfriend who wasn’t fit?

  I’d never been ashamed of who I was until now. Tegan deserved that prince, and I was a prick. No better than the men in her past—possibly worse because I wanted to keep her hidden. I’d convinced myself it was because of the financial and business ramifications. But even though Reese and Jasper would be pissed that I’d overstepped my bounds with a client, they would get over it. Though, I also knew there would be shock, confusion, and I would have to justify my choice. It would be humiliating, even if I told them it was only sex. I couldn’t even rationalize it being only physical because of who she was and how she looked. They would want details. I had so many young and hot girls offering daily.

  I had to stop this nonsense. This—whatever it was—with Tegan couldn’t go on. I had to quit before it went too far.

  It’s already there. You have feelings.

  What I felt was inconsequential. My livelihood and reputation were in jeopardy. But this woman hypnotized me. I couldn’t walk away, even when I knew it was inevitable.

  How could I expect her to stick to a plan when she anticipated sex along with it? All of this was my fault, starting the minute I had sex with her.

  “I’m going to go to my room to take a shower. Will I see you later?” she asked as she retrieved her shoes and tote.

  We needed to talk. But if I ended us, she might regress. I could already tell she had lost quite a bit of weight and was physically getting stronger. But emotionally, I could destroy it all.

  “If you want to come back later, we’ll have dinner.”

  “Really, are you sure? I know you’re apprehensive about people finding out about me, and it will still be daylight. I could come back after dark, as usual.”

  I walked out of the pool and twisted a towel around my waist, finger-combing my wet hair. “I’m not concerned. Let’s have dinner and talk.”

  “Okay, give me an hour or two.”

  I crossed my arms. “Take your time. Call me about twenty minutes before you plan to arrive so I can order our meal.”

  Tegan smiled. “That makes sense. How will you know what I want?” she questioned as she reached up and brushed a kiss across my lips.

  “I’ll always know what you want.”

  * * *

  Tegan called about two hours later. I had showered and shampooed my hair, washing away the chlorine and contemplating my next move. After I dressed in dark-gray linen pants and a light-blue dress shirt, I ordered our dinner. Our meal consisted of vegetable lasagna with a mixed green salad. Her portion had been carefully weighed and prepared with our special dressing. I had a much larger serving, along with a medium-size chef salad. I had spoken with the front desk a month ago, placing all calls or visitations after five on permanent do not disturb.

  She looked gorgeous in a flowing tie-dyed dress, her hair wild and loose. My skin tightened as I stared. Even with the smell of food wafting around me, my hunger surfaced only for her. Why couldn’t I walk away? She was now my addiction. God help me. We ate on the balcony so we could watch the sunset.

  “This is really good. I’ve never had lasagna like this,” she commented.

  “It’s all the veggies, and our chefs found a way to cut the calories to about four hundred for our weight loss clients. With the salad, I think it’s less than seven hundred calories,” I pointed out around a forkful of raw spinach.

  “Regardless, it’s filling and doesn’t taste bad. Honestly, this is the most salad I’ve ever eaten. I still want cupcakes, though,” she confessed with a wicked grin.

  I adjusted my crotch with my free hand. “I guess we’ll have to figure out a way to get your mind off of cupcakes, then,” I replied while waggling my eyebrows. I knew that referring to cupcakes meant sex. I hated that the logic in me screamed, Walk away! but my body burned for her. “I’m curious. How did you stay so thin when you did… adult films?” It left a sour taste in my mouth to keep referring to it as porn.

  “Coffee, cigarettes, and cocaine.”

  My fork dropped. “How the hell did you quit smoking and doing coke?” I asked, deeply concerned. Her admission caught me off guard.

  Tegan’s hand touched my arm, causing heat to consume my entire body. “You know it’s all right to refer to it as porn. It won’t offend me. I kicked everything when I got married. I had the illusion that I might have kids. I’m glad that never happened because I grew up without a father, and I never wanted that for my child. Me happy with a husband and kids wasn’t meant to be.”

  “It could still happen. You never know. Mr. Right might be just around the corner. You’re wealthy, beautiful, and you’ve worked hard to lose weight, and it shows. You started a business that became a worldwide corporation. And from what I read, you’re a very talented designer. You must meet men every day.”

  She stopped eating. “I never thought about it. I assumed that part of my life was over. I’d resigned myself to the fact that I’d always be solo, and once my company went public, I’d travel. Now I’m not sure of anything.”

  I didn’t want to think about her final words. What had I done? Technically, once her stay ended, she would be fit. Losing weight would change her life, because the reality was men were pigs. We wanted a partner that was equal to ourselves. Someday, Tegan would have all that. I would be but a minor footnote in her life. I had no doubt she’d remember her time here, but once she met someone else, I’d be just a memory.

  I leaned back in my chair, admiring the sunset and the quiet sounds of the ocean below. I doubted I would be able to set new guidelines. No physical contact unless it had to do with exercise. No more private pool dates. I was convinced I could follow these rules, with the exception of sex. How could I be in her presence every day and not touch her?

  Because it’s the right thing to do.

  I’d never done the right thing in my life. Women were a disposable commodity. Tegan could be easily replaced.

  “You’re being very quiet. Is everything all right?” she asked as she wiped her mouth with a napkin.

  I stood, taking our plates into the kitchen, rinsing them so I could place them in the dishwasher.

  “Want some help with that?” she asked as she circled her arms around me.

  My cock stood at attention while the rest of me tensed. I needed to say something. We’d agreed on honesty. I couldn’t bear to hurt her, and I knew she would be crushed. Hell, maybe that wasn’t the case. She might be okay with it.

  Who am I trying to kid?

  Tegan would hate me. She would convince herself she wasn’t good enough, that it was all about her weight. And what she thought would be true. Well, it was her age and weight. And I would deserve every bit of her animosity because I’d earned it. The worst part was I had to have her one last time. I would fuck her, then quietly enforce my new rules without telling her. She would always believe everything was her fault… when it was me who wasn’t entitled to a woman of her caliber.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Tegan

  Kai was oddly silent tonight. He seemed to have things on his mind, and he wasn’t the only one. I was developing feelings for this man. I had truly believed that any emotions I would have in the future regarding the opposite sex were dead and buried. Kai had awakened all of me down to my entire soul. I knew I was being ridiculous and us as a couple had a shelf life, but I loved the fantasy. The one where my age and weight didn’t matter. He accepted me just as I was.

  But that wasn’t reality. He was my personal trainer. Was this something he did often? Did he regularly screw his clientele?

  I was furious with Ronnie for bringing me here. But she wasn’t responsible for spreading my legs. I did that of my own cognizance. I couldn’t even be sure why I did. I’d fucked extremely good-looking men when I did porn. But
Kai… he was beautiful. That man far exceeded anyone I’d known. Not only was he visually breathtaking, but he had a kindness he tried to suppress because it probably seemed unmanly to him. But I had witnessed it. I smiled to myself, thinking I might even be willing to give up cupcakes for him.

  “So how about some dessert?” he asked as he began to unbutton his shirt.

  “Got any of those low-fat, sugarless cupcakes?” I bantered, pulling his undone shirt from his body. “God must have stopped when he created you, because I have seen a ton of chests and cocks, but none as impressive as yours.”

  He devastated me with a sensuous smile. “So about that dessert… We’ll have to eat naked.” He made a spinning motion with his one hand.

  I turned my back to him, and he unzipped my dress and let it fall to the carpet. I spun around, standing there in a lilac-colored bra, matching panties, and white Grecian sandals. I felt ugly and shamed because my body was so much larger than what he was used to.

  “Jesus, I thought I was full from dinner, but looking at you makes me want to eat all over again. I do believe I’m obligated to return some of the past oral gratifications I’ve received.”

  I felt pensive as I noticed his hard-on. “Maybe I should take care of you first,” I teased uneasily as I reached for his zipper.

  His hand caught mine, pushing it away. “You’ve kept me at bay with every excuse in the world. That ends tonight. I plan to lick and suck every inch of that pussy,” Kai croaked as he toyed with the seam of my panties. “You’re wet and ready. Let’s go to the bedroom.”

  He took me by the hand, leading me to his bed. I sat on the mattress with my arms crisscrossed against my stomach as he pulled the blinds open with the glass door. “Want some music?”

  I nodded as my mind raced a hundred miles an hour. We’d done a lot of fucking, and I’d given him many blowjobs over the past month. Now there was no stopping him. I had run out of excuses. He would have a full view of my sex, and he was used to younger, prettier pussies. Mine would look old and used. Fucking was one thing, but Kai being up close and personal… Normally, that view was reserved for my gynecologist.

  Kai removed the rest of his clothes before he sat next to me. “Baby, don’t be nervous. I’ve been begging to eat you for weeks. I wish you would talk to me. I can tell you’re tense. How about I make you untense?” He pushed me back on the bed, sliding off my underwear but leaving on my bra, then kissing my knees, calves, and ankles.

  I rested my arm over my eyes.

  “I want you to watch me. To visually witness every lick and suck. I want you to feel this.” Two fingers spread my lips, his thumb exploring my pussy. I relaxed as his thumb tweaked my clit, rotating it. As his tongue entered, making my sex throb with raw nerves, I bit back an explosion of sobs. He stroked my nub with his tongue, then began suckling. My legs fell wide as he licked my labia. I strained to keep myself from losing it, but when his tongue began to swirl and bury deeper, I could no longer stop my release. I cried out, my body spasming, as I pulled on Kai’s hair. I could feel the rush of liquid as my orgasm overtook me.

  “Already finished?” he taunted. “That was a little too fast for me. I suppose I’ll just have to fuck that quick little pussy,” he declared as he grabbed a condom from his nightstand and posed himself above me. Once he sheathed his dick, he entered me with a sharp thrust. “Christ, you feel good.” His tone was guttural as my sex squeezed him.

  Kai twisted his body, rolling me on top of him. I stiffened, thinking I might crush him. I fought the tears stinging my eyes.

  “Baby, what is it? Am I hurting you? Should I stop?” Kai murmured as he slowed his stroke.

  “I’m embarrassed. Being on top is humiliating. You can see everything.” I choked.

  He stopped as he caught a single tear on his thumb. “I’ve been having sex with you for weeks. I put myself under you because I want to see you. All of you. I want to watch your expression as I sink deeper in you. I want to watch you letting go and falling as I fuck you. Don’t think about anything else, just this moment.”

  My eyes flashed as I studied his face. I began to return his thrusts as he pushed deeper into me. I rocked myself into his pelvis, my breathing growing short and uneven. His hands were on each of my hips, guiding me up then down on his cock. His shaft thickened, and I could feel its pulse. I too was on the verge of release, my orgasm building like a tidal wave. With one final clench, I convulsed around his dick, bowing my back.

  When we caught our breath, I rolled off, and he stood, motioning me toward the bathroom.

  “Want to rinse off? Even with the breeze, you worked me, girl. Come on. Let’s get in the shower.”

  “No, that’s okay. I’m fine. You go and do what you need to,” I replied, my eyes centered on the full condom. I watched as he gingerly rolled it down and tied off the tip.

  “Are you sure? Because I could use some company,” he teased as his hand lingered on one of my feet.

  I shook my head, and he finally retreated to the bathroom. I could hear his humming before he turned on the spray.

  Every fear bubbled to the surface. I loathed self-doubt, and I never had to deal with it seriously until now. Kai was bringing it all to fruition. It wasn’t his fault, not really. I could deal with my own shit concerning food, my weight, no life except the business, but now I had the turmoil of emotions and sex. Neither of which I’d worried about since forever. I wasn’t physically or mentally equipped to be involved in this chaos with him.

  “Man, I feel better,” Kai said as he put on his watch. Wrapped around his waist was a fluffy green towel. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he slid on a pair of fresh briefs, then combed his hair. “You’re welcome to use the shower. I promise not to peek,” he said with a grin.

  “No, I’m fine. Plus, it’s getting late. I should go.” My eyes darted to the other room where my dress was.

  “I thought maybe you would stay here with me tonight. We still haven’t talked.”

  I sat up, gripping the sheet around me. “Ronnie would have kittens if I didn’t come home. She’d have the island patrol doing a missing person search.” I sighed. “Can we talk tomorrow?”

  “Whatever you want,” he replied, strutting to the living room, then returning with my dress. “I’ll give you some privacy.”

  With the door closed, I grabbed my panties off the floor and hurriedly slid them on, along with my dress, and then padded to the living room. He was sitting on the sofa, dressed in nothing but his briefs and fitness watch. My body hummed as I perused him up and down. I emptied the contents of my purse. Finding a brush, I ran it through my hair several times and reapplied my lipstick.

  “Don’t want anyone to know you’ve been thoroughly dined on and fucked?” he commented.

  I blushed. “No, I just have a nosy PA who has really good interrogation skills.”

  “Well, Ms. Scott, what were you doing until almost midnight?”

  “Don’t worry. You will never be implicated,” I said as I stepped into the elevator.

  * * *

  Having sex with Kai was supposed to invigorate me, but instead, I felt lost and confused. What overweight ex-porn star who was three years shy of forty wouldn’t want to be screwed by a younger man with a body like his? Okay, forget his abs and that oversized gorgeous cock. I had seen hundreds, so I knew a beauty when I saw one. He picked me. He chose me, the fat girl. Of course, I knew this affair was temporary and, eventually, we would part ways, but being with him like this should have made me happy. But I wasn’t.

  I’d experienced this feeling of anxiety when Ronnie took away my cupcakes. But this went deeper and was more pronounced. I hated this sense of impending doom. I knew Kai would end up hurting me. There was nowhere to hide. Everything would always lead back to him.

  I took off my shoes and quietly used my key card. The room was dark as I padded in. Then the light from the nearby lamp blinded me, and I dropped my things in shock.

  “Where the fuck have you been? And
don’t tell me you’ve been taking a stroll on the beach. I didn’t even see you at dinner, and I looked. T, you’ve been avoiding me for weeks. What the hell is going on?” Ronnie hissed, standing with her arms crossed.

  “I might have met someone,” I replied as my eyes scaled the carpet.

  “Really? That’s wonderful. I’m thrilled you found someone you want to spend time with besides me,” Ronnie commented as her body relaxed. “Why didn’t you say something? I’m the one that brought you here to get healthy and fit, but that’s all physical shit. I mean, it’s awesome if you found an emotional connection. Tell me about him… or her. I don’t judge.” She chuckled.

  I walked over and sat down. God, I was piling lie on top of lie. She would hate me. “You know, it’s nothing serious, just someone to hang with. He’s very nice, but once I leave here, I probably won’t be seeing him again.”

  Ronnie rubbed my shoulders. “You can do whatever you want, T. You have the means, and I’m sure if you like this guy, you’ll find a way. This is a good thing. You’ve needed a significant other for a long time.”

  “I think considering him a significant anything is moving a little too fast. This is probably just a vacation fling,” I stated with a yawn.

  “Okay, I get it. You want to keep the mystery man under wraps. But you should tell him if he hurts you, I’ll be coming for him—with a machete.” Ronnie snorted as she strolled toward her bedroom. “I’m not even going to ask his name because it makes me so excited that you dipped your toe in the singles pond. You’ll give me all the deets when you’re ready, and I can’t wait to hear about the man who finally got you to relax and enjoy.” She paused and turned back to me. “Are you having sexual relations?” she asked with a snicker.

  “No, we are not screwing. Geez, go to bed, Ronnie.”

  Oh dear God, I was going to hell in a hand basket. I lied about everything and withheld valuable information. But I was keeping a promise. Surely, I wouldn’t be punished for a good deed. I had vowed to Kai to keep our fling secret.