Kai

by CORY CYR

  Tegan.

  I’d left because I was in denial. Did I really think booze and other women were going to clear my head? I’d slept with someone else, but I’d done it so many times before. Why did I feel full of remorse? Why was I questioning my actions?

  “Good morning,” the woman murmured, turning over and letting the sheet fall beneath her naked breasts.

  Well, there it was. She was naked and in my bed. I was a man of the worst kind. A total prick. Had I even used a condom? I smacked my head against the headboard, wishing for unconsciousness.

  As I swung my legs out over the edge of the bed, I noticed I was dressed in black briefs. I wasn’t naked. Now I was extremely confused. “Hey… I’m sorry, but I forgot your name.”

  “You forgot! Really, how could you?” she exclaimed as she sat up. “Hey, it’s okay. I was joking. I drank more than usual. I can’t swear to it, but you seemed quite toasted when we met. I think you got an early start at that party.”

  I must have been tanked, because I had no memory of any party. “I’m wondering… Did we have, you know, sex?” This was a question I had never asked before.

  “I’d love to say it was great, and I’m sure you are, but no. You were too out of it by the time we got back here. I needed to crash, so I stayed. I managed to take off your pants and shirt before you passed out. I figured you wouldn’t mind if I slept here, and I thought we could have our own party when you woke up.”

  This girl expected to fuck, and my cock was hard and willing, but my mind said no.

  I could just ignore my conscience and give her the Kai experience.

  Even in my own head, I sounded like a douche.

  I lay back down and moved to kiss her as my hands grazed her nipples. My eyes flared open as our lips touched, and I pulled back as though I’d been burned, my erection dissipating. “I can’t. I apologize. You should go. I have to work,” I uttered as I jumped out of bed to find my pants and a shirt.

  “Hey, I get it. Too much alcohol can, well, you know, make a man be less into it. It’s not a problem. You’re Kai Addison, right? I thought I recognized you from an article in the newspaper. You own that VIP Fitness Club on St. Willis,” she said, chatting away.

  “Part owner. I have three other colleagues,” I replied vaguely. “Look, I really need to get going. Judging from this receipt, the room is paid up for another night. Feel free to take advantage of that and stay if you want.”

  She got out of bed, nothing on but a light-blue thong. I groaned silently because she was definitely a woman I would have screwed before Tegan fucked up my head.

  “You sure you can’t stay?” she asked as she rubbed the outside of her thong.

  I unlocked my mobile to call the club and have them send a boat to get me. “I really need to go. Maybe another time,” I said, grabbing my bags and heading for the door.

  “Call me,” she said as the door closed behind me.

  I stopped at the restroom in the lobby and splashed water on my face. Judging from my appearance, I hadn’t shaved since I’d arrived. I quickly dug out my toothbrush and paste. It would take a while before my ride got here, so I had time to pull myself together. I couldn’t go back to VIP feeling like I did before I left. I dipped my head under the faucet to wet my hair, then brushed it back. I retrieved deodorant and a clean T-shirt from my small suitcase. After twenty minutes, I looked presentable.

  What the hell was wrong with me? I ransacked my toiletry bag, wanting to count my condoms. Just because I hadn’t screwed anyone last night didn’t mean I didn’t fuck any others the previous nights. All my condoms were accounted for, which meant either I hadn’t slept with anyone or I’d gotten so soused I’d had unsafe sex.

  No, just because last night was a blank slate didn’t mean the other nights were. Even when I was a seasoned drunk, I rarely forgot the women I’d banged. But this was definitely different because I couldn’t face my own reality. I had feelings for a woman, and she was a person I couldn’t explain, not even to myself.

  I picked up my bags and walked out to the docks. Stopping at an outdoor café, I ordered a coffee, then sat in the shade, waiting for my ride. When I got home, I would be grilled by my two closest friends and ostracized by Tegan. I’d run away like an immature little boy, my tail tucked between my legs, hoping to fuck and evidently drink myself into oblivion. Did I honestly think that behavior would change anything? My unorthodox thinking and bizarre conduct would still be a part of me. I was more confused than ever; nothing had changed. Except I had a hangover from hell and had blacked out the last four days.

  The yacht showed up two hours later, Reese at the helm. I groaned because I was too tired to endure a lecture. Rolling my suitcase up the ramp, I tossed my shoulder bag onto the deck. Before acknowledging my friend, I padded into the kitchen and retrieved two bottles of cold water.

  “Feeling better?” Reese smirked.

  “Jesus, you didn’t need to bring the yacht. And to answer your question, yes, I needed the time away.”

  “Care to elaborate? I’m dying to hear about the women.”

  I pushed my sunglasses up as I sat, hoping the wind and ocean spray would make me feel better. “Nothing special to report. Just much-needed relaxation.”

  “You sure left in a hurry. Why’s that?” Reese inquired.

  “What’s with the cross-examination? All of us have taken time off. You’re acting as though I snuck away in the night.” Actually, it was early morning. “You two were notified. You seem overly interested in my business. Why’s that?” I questioned, my jaw beginning to tick.

  “I don’t know.” He shrugged. “It just seemed odd that you couldn’t even wait for someone to take you over to the mainland. I guess it’s just my natural curiosity. You left in such a hurry that you took the speedboat.”

  “I grew up around boats all my life. Maybe I felt the need to get back to my roots. Now seriously, Reese, I’m done with this inquest. You’re giving me a headache. Can we just not talk?” I demanded.

  “Whatever you want.”

  The minute we docked, I slung my bag over my shoulder and retrieved the other. It was early afternoon, and the place was bustling. I went straight to the lobby and stepped into my elevator. I couldn’t wait to take a shower and get unpacked. My penthouse was exactly as I’d left it. I pulled back all the blinds and opened the windows, then sauntered into the bedroom. Because I had left the bed unmade and closed the sliding glass door, I could still pick up a hint of Tegan’s perfume.

  Disrobing down to my briefs, I lay face down on the pillow Tegan had slept on. Images bombarded my mind as I scrunched my face into the feathers. My cock got so hard I flipped over for fear it might break. Confusion raised havoc inside me as I tried to reject what I was feeling. She had gotten to me. Reached into my core and carved into a part of my heart. I had spent years cultivating this impregnable shell so I would never feel pain. But I, in turn, inflicted it.

  I’d always relished the label of arrogant prick or bastard. Those terms never bothered me because women weren’t important to me. But now torment seared my heart because the last person I wanted to call me those names was Tegan, even though I had earned it and much worse because I took off like a frightened adolescent.

  I didn’t know how to care for someone. These feelings were foreign. I would only end up hurting her because my business and vanity meant more to me than anything.

  That’s not true.

  As I dragged myself to the shower, I struggled emotionally. I pushed down my briefs and stepped under the cold spray. My dick throbbed as I began to fist it. I poured baby oil onto my length as I began to slide my hand up and down in a rapid motion. My moans echoed as I pumped faster and faster. I hadn’t needed self-gratification in years. Willing women had always been available. God, but this felt unbelievably good. Pearls of white filled my palm as I braced myself against the tile and Tegan’s face appeared in my memory. I tugged once more, hoping to drain every drop from my shaft.

  Onl
y marginally satiated, I shampooed my hair and washed my body, letting the remnants of the past four days spiral down the drain. This battle inside me had to end. I had to figure out what to do, and I needed the advice of an impartial party.

  I hadn’t talked to Riley in over a year. Even though we considered ourselves best friends, he had a wife and a growing family, and I had VIP. He lived in Alaska, and I moved home to the Virgin Islands. We’d been friends for eight years, but distance and life changes had lessened our communication over time. But he was levelheaded and smart, especially when it came to things like this. If anyone could help settle this feud inside me, it was him.

  I dried myself and threw on a pair of shorts, grabbing my phone on the way to the kitchen. After pouring some juice, I walked out to the balcony and plopped down on a chair. The salty breeze combined with sunshine should have relaxed me, but I was nervous while dialing Riley’s number.

  “Hey, dude,” I said softly.

  “Kai,” Riley replied, and I heard him fumbling with the phone. “Shit, it’s been a while. How are you?”

  “Oh, you know. Busy. Living the life of a business owner,” I mused.

  “Yeah, I know about that. It’s been crazy as hell at work, and believe it or not, we’re pregnant again.”

  “Jesus, Riley! Ever heard of birth control? You going for a baker’s dozen?” I laughed.

  “Nope, this time we’re having twins, so we plan on a long rest after this pregnancy. Four is enough, I think. Maybe we’ll get lucky and have girls. Otherwise, Gabe will be right. We’ll have a boy band. Hopefully, they’ll be multitalented and support us in our old age,” he joked.

  “You sound happy. Are you? I mean, everything happened so fast, and we never got to really talk about shit. You got married, and I moved. You know, I do feel bad. I wish I had stayed in touch. I guess I’m not really a good friend.”

  “Hey, don’t beat yourself up. We knew eventually our lives would go in different directions. That’s just life. You know, just because we don’t talk every day like women”—he chuckled—“it doesn’t discount our friendship. We’ve both been busy. I know that. I’m thrilled you got to do what you wanted to. I subscribed to several health magazines just so I could keep up to date on Kai news, because he never calls me anymore… I’m kidding.”

  “Is the life you have the one you hoped for? Are you satisfied? I mean, it’s not as if any of it was planned. Responsibility was kind of forced on you. I knew you’d do the right thing. You were always the principled one in this friendship. You had a moral upbringing, regardless of your dad’s past. You were raised to be decent. Do you have any idea how much I respect that?”

  There was at least a minute of silence before he spoke.

  “Kai, I have known you for years, and you’re freaking me out. It’s been over a year since I’ve heard from you, so either you’ve done an about-face or something is terribly wrong. This isn’t just a ‘see how you are’ phone call. Something’s wrong. What is it?”

  I paused to swallow a choke. “I guess I need your advice.”

  “You were there for me during a very dark time, so tell me what’s happening.”

  “Christ, I don’t even know where to start,” I answered honestly.

  “Start at the beginning. Nothing is off the table. You can tell me anything, and it will stay between us. I’ll even keep it from Gabe, unless you give me permission to let her in on why you called.”

  “You remember Tawny Temp?”

  “The porn star? The babe you were so obsessed with? That Tawny?”

  I took a sip of my juice. “Yeah, that one. Well, she’s retired and is a client here at VIP. I’m her personal trainer. Tegan Scott, that’s her real name.”

  “Wait, the one that designs those killer sex toys?”

  “And how do you know about Flesh Market?” I asked with curiosity.

  “We’re married, not dead. I can’t go into details because Gabe would kick my ass or, worse, cut me off, but let’s just say we have a few of the higher-priced items. Shit, I thought Tegan Scott was a man.”

  “I can verify she is not male.”

  “Wait, did you have sex with her? You said she’s a client. Damn, Kai, I’m confused as hell.”

  “That makes two of us. She’s a lot older and overweight—not fat, just bigger than I’m used to. The woman is everything I swore against. She’s done nothing but fuck with my rules. It’s screwing with my head.”

  I heard amusement in his voice as Riley responded. “You still have those rules? Are you kidding me? Kai, you wrote those years ago. Things change, and obviously, whether or not you want to admit it, so have you.

  “I’m a mess, and I’ve been drinking again,” I confessed.

  “Jesus, Kai, please, I’m begging you. Don’t go down that road again. You are not your father. You’ve done everything you set out to do. You’ve achieved great success. You basically have your own island, for God’s sake, and now I think you’ve found love. It’s time to be a grown-up. You don’t need rules. Just follow your heart.”

  “Wait a goddamn minute. How does what I’m going through equal love? Just because we’ve fucked, it doesn’t constitute love. You know how many women I’ve had sex with? Well, just to be clear, I never loved any of them. Most of them I didn’t even like.”

  “The second you had sex with her more than once, you broke your own rules.”

  “Since I’ve been here, I’ve screwed a few more than once. Doesn’t mean anything,” I protested.

  “Look, you called me for a reason. I know you. You would have never phoned me if this wasn’t serious. I don’t see what the problem is. Gabe is ten years older, and it hasn’t affected us. I think you’re making this a bigger issue than it is. No one cares about age anymore. It’s only a deal breaker if you let it be.”

  I cringed because I knew Riley was going to lose his shit. “But she’s here because she needs to lose weight. Tegan is overweight and has no interest in a fit lifestyle. She’d rather have a cupcake than do the work. When we met, I was being generous when I set her goal at forty pounds, putting her in a size eight instead of whatever size she wears. I mean, she’s lost weight and is definitely more physical than in the beginning, but it’s probably because of me. I had no intention of sleeping with her. It just happened. I was drinking, and let’s face it; booze makes all women attractive.”

  Riley exploded. “You jerk! I thought maybe maturity had found you, but in reality, you’re still the same asshole. You’ve decided to ignore your heart because she’s not a ridiculous size two. You think your ego would take a hit publicly and the fitness club would suffer. Not everyone is as shallow as you. So you’ve decided to weigh your feelings by the pound, literally.” He scoffed. “I wish I was there so I could kick your ass for being such a dumb fuck. You don’t deserve Tegan Scott. She could do better. I am so disappointed in you. There’ll come a time, my friend, when the club isn’t enough. You’ll need more. Everyone needs love. But she’s entitled to the kind of love in which she isn’t judged by her size. God, you’re a dick.”

  I contemplated my thoughts before I replied. “I know I’m a horrible person. It’s probably why I’m drinking again. I’m just as disgusted as you are by my behavior and attitude, because when I’m with her, it’s perfect. She’s beautiful, funny, and smart. The sex is amazing. I want to be with her all the time, but I’m letting who I am in the public eye mandate my emotions. I hate myself for allowing her size to influence my feelings. I don’t want the business to suffer, and I do worry about what people will say.”

  “Hear this?” Riley growled as I heard thumping. “That’s my head. I’m pounding it against my oak dresser because your excuses are giving me brain damage.

  “I swear to you no one will care. These are all problems you’ve created in your head because you won’t allow yourself to be happy. It sounds to me like Tegan is filling a void you’ve had for a long time. I realize it’s hard to believe that you can find contentment with one wo
man. You’re going to have to understand eventually that everything you’ve accomplished and all your money isn’t worth a grain of salt if you don’t have anyone to share it with. By the time you comprehend you’re lonely, it will be too late. I bet you’ve already begun the process of alienation.”

  Riley knew me too well.

  “I left for a few days. I didn’t say a word. I just bailed. She probably hates me,” I admitted.

  “Probably. But it’s not something you can’t fix. Just be honest with her. She’ll be pissed. I mean, any woman would be. I’d soften the truth, especially if you refer to her size. Trust me. I know from experience, and my wife was pregnant.” He sighed into the phone. “I know why you are the way you are. It’s because of your dad. You don’t have to deny yourself love. You are worthy. Shit, even dumbasses are allowed love.”

  “Thanks, dude, for your wise words. How can I say shit to her when I can’t even acknowledge my feelings to myself?”

  “You’re trusting me enough to tell me the truth, and this phone call is acknowledging it all. You already knew. I didn’t have to tell you. You just wanted me to tell you it’s the right thing to feel, and, Kai, it is. You deserve it all. Don’t deny yourself love just because you’re scared. I have told you for years you don’t have to be your dad. You need to face your feelings and share them with Tegan. Do you think she feels the same?”

  I scratched my scruff-covered face. “Hell, I don’t know. I sabotaged anything she might have felt by leaving,” I said, exhaling.

  “Just be honest with her.”

  “What about Jasper and Reese? Those two will never get it. Well, possibly Reese. He had set his sights on her when she arrived. Of course, she shut him down. Maybe she shouldn’t have, because she ended up with me, and Reese is nicer.”