#SomethingLikeFate

by Marco May

I lay beside him and kissed his lips. “I don’t want to say goodbye to you when it’s time for you to fly back home.”

  “I know.” He nuzzled his nose against mine and pecked my lips a couple of times. “Maybe we can think of something, I don’t know, but right now, let’s just enjoy the time we have left. Okay?”

  I nodded and rested my head against his shoulder. “Hey, Gary?”

  “What is it, my love?”

  “Would you like to stay at my place tonight? I’d really love to have you with me every day until you have to fly home.” After all that we’d done, it made sense to have him sleep with me every night. I’d already broken some of my own rules, so what was one more? It’d be the first time I had a guy over at my apartment since I hadn’t lived there when I’d dated my exes.

  Gary chuckled. “Missing me already?”

  I laughed softly and looked at him. “This is so fast, I know, but…I can’t help how I feel. And I know you feel the same way.”

  “I do. And yes, I’d love to stay at your place tonight. I can check out of here when we leave.”

  We kissed some more, always with so much more passion than what I’d been used to, which made me fall head over heels faster than my rational mind could keep up with.

  Gary ended the kiss and gave his triumphant smile. “Should we take a shower now? Might as well take advantage and save you a day of your water bill.”

  I returned the smile. “I showered this morning, but sure. I’d love to take a shower with you.”

  He planted one last deep kiss on my lips, a fast one, and jumped off the bed. His cute and hairy butt was in full view, and its semi-round shape proved that bubble butts weren’t always everything. Mine was rounder and a little bigger than his, and I sometimes felt subconscious about it.

  I got off the bed and followed him into the bathroom. It was bright with light colors everywhere, everything so elegantly furnished and decorated.

  Gary turned on the faucet of the shower tub and fiddled with the temperature. “You like it warm, or…?”

  “Warm is good. The A/C’s on, so it’ll feel better.”

  “I actually like it nearly hot, like on the highest end of warm.”

  “Wow. No, definitely too hot for me. I could even go lukewarm, but I think it’s a little cold in here for that right now.”

  “I agree. Warm it is.” Gary stepped inside to let the water run down his beautiful body.

  I stepped in after and closed the curtain, and I admired him in all his glory. I observed every part of him as if it’d been the first time. Just like he could stare at me and my body all day, so could I with him. It was one of the best parts about our untitled relationship, that we were comfortable around each other and didn’t have to be shy anymore.

  Gary turned around, gave me his winning smile and pulled me into his drenched arms, the water partially running over me. He kissed me and searched for my tongue until we made out for a while, our erections frottaging as if dancing to a sweet melody only they understood. He moved to my cheek, then my ear, then back to my lips and stopped to smile. “How sure are you that you want to be with me forever?”

  I was surprised that I didn’t even have to second-guess Gary’s question. “I don’t want anyone else. You’re all I want and I’m yours.”

  He looked pensive for a moment, then sighed. “This is probably so insane, but…would you ever marry me right away?”

  Would I? I had to admit that I was taken aback by the unexpected question, or was it an actual proposal? Things were moving way too fast, just like all my past therapists and psychiatrists had warned me not to do, but I found myself not even caring. Life was too short, and after two failed boyfriends and many equally failed dates, I’d been convinced I’d never find the right guy to spend my life with, even though I was only twenty-one.

  The familiar heightened elation I’d experienced for many dark years struck me in one go after having blocked a lot of the memories of my supposed “condition,” but I shoved aside the negativity and concern about being dangerously impulsive. It was different this time. I’d make sure it’d be. Yeah, okay, I’d said similar the last time, but that was then, and it was different with Gary. I hadn’t been treated for my “condition” for so long, and I refused to believe I’d fall back.

  Gary sighed and tightened his smile. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you like that—”

  “Yes, I’ll marry you!” I tightened my hold on him and smiled harder. People did all sorts of crazy things every day, and while I’d just been getting to know Gary, I knew I’d never find a guy I’d click and connect with on such an intense level in less than a week. Maybe I was crazy, too. “What do we have to lose? I’m yours, I submitted to you, and you’re so much better and more real than any guy I’ve met!”

  That strengthened Gary’s expression, and he gave me a deep kiss. “I mean, same-sex marriage is legal now, so why not?”

  “Why not!” I kissed him back and melted from his embrace. I couldn’t believe we’d just agreed to marry when we barely knew each other. What an intense first date, a nontraditional date. I’d had no idea things would lead this far so fast. At best, I’d thought we’d give each other a chaste kiss or just hold each other with our face masks and clothes on, or something. I wasn’t exactly sure what, but definitely not sex, much less a marriage proposal. Though, it had felt more like lovemaking to me with as tender and passionate and beautiful as the sex had been, and it continued to blossom into something deeper than I’d been ready for. I’d never forget this moment for as long as I lived.

  Chapter 15

  We arrived at my apartment, and I gave Gary a quick tour that took all of a minute or two with as small as it was. Neither of us knew how long he’d stay in Michigan, so my home was also his for the time being. I looked forward to a new life with my fiancé. Wow…fiancé. It was insane how we condensed what normally took a few years for most couples to less than a week, yet I was elated and not even worried about anything. What had gotten into me? I’d always been a marriage-minded hopeless romantic with numerous fantasies of a wedding and a honeymoon, but I’d never imagined I’d agree to get married to a guy I barely knew, and so soon.

  As we stood in the center of the sole room, Gary grabbed me for a tight hold and smiled. “We can get married after I get back home so I can pay for all the expenses. We’ll have a private wedding, just the two of us and a few witnesses. What do you say, my love?”

  I couldn’t believe it was happening. I could almost faint from the shock of our insanity. Sometimes, I wondered if I pinched myself, I’d wake up. No, it wasn’t a dream, or rather, it was a dream come true. “I’m ready.”

  Was I? Yes, yes, I was! It was normal to have the tiniest of jitters. Nope, no more dark thoughts. I focused on the idea of becoming Gary’s husband, and it not only turned my heart into a molten mess, but it brought my erection back to life. I was ready to do anything and everything for the very man standing in front of me. I was so full of bliss and horniness that I found myself taking off my clothes.

  Gary smirked. “Horny?”

  “Yeah.” I played with myself. “This time, I want you inside me. I don’t want to wait anymore.”

  He looked touched by my strong desire to be taken by him, and he peeled off his clothes as well. “I don’t have a condom, just so you know.”

  “I don’t either, but who cares? I trust you. I mean, we’re getting married!”

  “We are.” Gary took my hand and led me to the bed. He lay on his back. “You can ride me. It’s my favorite position because I get to look into your eyes while you enjoy my big stick.”

  I giggled. “Silly.” I grabbed a bottle of lube from the nightstand and poured a decent amount on every inch of Gary and in my butt, as well as some to stroke myself with. I set the bottle near us in case we needed more, and I climbed over him.

  “Ready, my love?” Hunger was written all over his face, his eyes of lust locking with mine.

  “Yeah.” I had to ad
mit I enjoyed that position myself because it allowed me to take some control in case of any discomfort. It wasn’t my first time at the rodeo, after all. I grabbed his shaft and aimed the head into me, and I was so elated about everything going on that I ignored the initial pain while sliding every inch of him inside of me.

  Gary lifted the corners of his mouth into a triumphant expression. He knew he’d won me just like I’d eventually wanted him to. He knew I’d eventually submit to him, which I’d fully done at will.

  I felt all of him inside of me as soon as my butt cheeks rested against his skin, and I started moving little by little while stroking myself.

  Gary brushed my cheek while clearly enjoying the physical connection between us. “I’m inside you, Santiago.”

  I gave him a horny look. “You are, and I love it. It’s starting to feel really good now.”

  “Yeah, my love? I’m making you feel good?”

  “Yes, Sir.” I knew that every time we’d have sex, I’d resort to calling Gary by his rightful title. It felt natural to call him that, and it made me feel more about him, just like I felt more of his inches inside me with every movement.

  He started taking some of the control by placing his hands on my hips and giving me thrusts in a series of rhythmic movements. Not once had he let go his gaze on me. “I love being in you. Feels so wonderful.”

  I moaned and sped up the pace of my stroking. It was the first time in my sex life that I’d get off twice in one day since I didn’t count masturbation.

  Gary also quickened his movements and gave me harder thrusts, going so deep that I swore he found my prostate and kept hitting it each time.

  When I’d first seen his size, I’d questioned whether I could take it, even though it wasn’t gigantic or anything. I was surprised I’d been able to take him so far with only a little pain when he’d first entered me, which had faded away quicker than I’d thought after relaxing enough. The bliss from my fast future with him dominated everything and left no room for worries about anything, especially not the dark thoughts.

  Gary’s eyes burned into mine while he went faster and pounded me by surprise. He hadn’t come across as the type who’d be rough, at least not with me.

  At that point, I was bouncing on him to where I could hear my cheeks slapping against him. Still no pain, and I was getting close the more I motioned my hand for my own pleasure.

  The harder he stared at me, the tighter his jaw was, and the breathier his sounds were. “I’m actually getting close, my love.” His hands pressed harder on my hips.

  “I want it all in me, Sir. Give it to me.”

  “You want my love in you?”

  “Yeah, give me your love, all your love. I need it, Sir. I want it all inside me.”

  Gary practically beat me from behind the more rapidly he moved, his hands gripping my hips even harder. After huffing deep breaths and looking completely lost in lust, he cried softly, and his body shook.

  The fact that he flooded my insides aided in my release, and after just a few more strokes, the glorious ecstasy took over and consumed me for short but sweet seconds, leaving me moaning louder than I’d intended. I remained on him but managed to hunch over to reach for his lips.

  He returned my kisses with extra passion and whispered, “I love you.”

  “I love you.” And I did, or so I felt. Soon, those words would grow even bigger to mean a lifetime of togetherness until death did us part. As nervous as I suddenly was at the thought of actually committing to him so fast and contractually, I told myself that everything would be perfect. It was Gary, the man who’d quickly become the love of my life, and I only prayed it would stay that way forever.

  I prayed it wouldn’t be a self-destructive mistake like all the other ones I’d repeatedly made, every one of them having led to an attempt to end my life.

  Epilogue

  On my fifty-fifth birthday that warm and sunny day, I knelt in front of my ex-husband’s grave. It had been five years already. My heart sunk as it always did at the cruel reality of his cancerous death and the heart-wrenching memories we’d shared throughout the years. I’d never been prepared for any of it, but it was God’s will, for whatever reason I’d never understand. While it got easier over time, there would always be a hole in my heart, but I would also never stop loving him.

  It was odd, though. Despite how much I loved my ex-husband, I’d never felt as if he were the true love of my life. That was still reserved for Gary, wherever he was those days. It would always be, and no matter how many years it had been since our short-lived but beautiful relationship had ended without the marriage happening, I couldn’t move on from him, at least not emotionally. It might have been silly in the eyes of most people, but it wasn’t in mine. My love for him hadn’t affected my past marriage, and my ex-husband had known the whole story and had loved me, regardless, but I knew that if I’d had another chance with Gary even during my marriage, I’d have taken it without a second thought.

  I sighed and formed a tiny smile of both solace and pain. The flowers were indeed lovely, and my friends from the new liberal church I attended were too kind to continue adding more every so often. I’d never asked for them to do it, but that was partly why we were dear friends.

  I looked at the sky and smiled a little harder. “Thank you for the years we had together. You’re in heaven now, and God is with you, keeping you safe and happy.”

  I lowered my head, gave the grave one last longing glimpse and a final touch, and got up to head to my car. I started the engine and drove away from the cemetery. I didn’t feel like driving to my small house in the suburbs, a house that felt larger without my ex-husband there anymore.

  I still had to wait a week for our daughter to fly there from Paris, having finished her first year at a university as an art major while fluent in French. Even though we’d adopted her as a baby and had raised her together and had spoiled her with so much love and affection, she’d always be our little girl no matter how much of a young and successful woman she’d grown up to become. I’d finally be less alone in the house when she got there, and it helped that we communicated regularly. Even my parents accepted her while still struggling to accept me.

  Gary came to mind again. Every so often, I drove to downtown Detroit where I used to live, and because it’d been the last place I’d seen him, it always brought back the kinds of memories that flooded my eyes every time. Okay, so I was an emotional person, I admitted that. It was Gary, though. I’d never felt anything so strong like that for anyone else, not before and not after my time with him. Sure, I’d succeeded in life. I had my career as a well-known author of numerous gay romance novels, I had my own house and new car paid off, I’d had a very vanilla but great marriage that had lasted twenty years, I had a beautiful daughter to love and be loved by until death, and my therapy sessions and medications had greatly reduced after much improvement with almost no more suicidal ideations. So, I really couldn’t complain about anything in life.

  Except I still felt another hole in my heart, a bigger one, and that was because Gary wasn’t there to patch it up. Where was he those days? He should’ve been pushing sixty already, and assuming he was still alive, did he ever think about me from time to time?

  I decided to drive downtown as I frequently did, but instead of stopping to look at my old apartment as usual, I was in the mood to take a stroll along the Detroit Riverwalk. Parking was always tedious and often not cheap just about anywhere in downtown, but that was okay. I needed some air from all the emotions building up inside of me.

  After finding and paying for a parking spot, I walked a good distance under the hot sun until I reached the Riverwalk. I leaned against the metal rail, plenty of people walking, jogging, and biking past me at random. I cast my eyes at the Detroit River and downtown Windsor in Canada on the other side, and I tried to smile but managed to lift only one corner of my mouth.

  I was romantically lonely, and I felt it harder that day. I hadn’t bothered with any
dating services or going to gay bars to meet a man. What was the point? I’d never find anyone else like Gary, and I’d especially never find anyone who’d last as long as my first and only marriage had. Oh, who was I kidding? I was lonely because I’d chosen to be that way. I’d kept myself in decent physical shape and in great health for my age, and while I was no model, I was still handsome enough to have some kind of luck. It probably helped that I had just a few gray hairs for someone my age, but then, I was interested only in older men, so it probably didn’t matter. Maybe just one stop at a gay bar for a glass of pop and some conversation didn’t hurt, after all, if I’d even find someone interesting enough. I stayed at the Riverwalk for some more minutes to enjoy the view, continuing to admire the scenery that always made me feel relaxed.

  I was finally ready to go to the bar, so I turned to start walking back to my car until I stopped and focused on a man visibly older than me limping toward my direction with a prosthetic leg on his left side. He wore bandage wraps around both hands. His eyes scanned all around his surroundings as if admiring the scenery, and when he happened to glance at me, he stopped as well. The more we stared at each other, the more he looked oddly familiar until it suddenly hit me with shock.

  My heart pumped faster than I’d been prepared to feel, and I swallowed a lump in my throat. It couldn’t be. There was no way.

  He limped a little closer and narrowed his eyes. After a moment of awkward silence between us, he asked, “Santiago?”

  I could barely breathe from the intense emotions hitting me like a huge wave. It was Gary. It was actually Gary. But how?

  He inched even closer and gave me a warm smile that I’d longed to see for decades. “I finally found you,” he said breathily. “Wow, I found you!”

  My eyes watered, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop any tears from falling down my face. Gary looked so many more years older than he was, especially being fully gray-haired and visibly wrinkled, and he wasn’t in the greatest shape, far from the model-esque physique he used to have, yet it didn’t matter to me. All I could think about was having him back in my life after all my old feelings and the fond memories came pouring back like a flood.