Happy New You

by St John Brown, Brenda

  Despite the lame outfit, my heart drops to my feet and I yearn to run beside her and cheer her on. She always put me second to her job, but I can’t help the guilt that eats away at my gut. I should be with her, motivating her, helping her with each obstacle. I know what this event means to her and instead of helping her across the finish line, I broke up with her and left her alone.

  Ignoring my impulse to run over and help her, I run after the herd, my job duties requiring that I make my way to most of the obstacles and entertain the racers with the microphone in my face, my voice blaring from the speaker held in my hand. From my vantage point, I catch sight of Allison and her team climbing up the ladder of the first inflatable and sliding down the other side before taking off running to the next obstacle. I hope she’s pacing herself. They always put the easy ones first, but even so, she’s going pretty fast.

  I head to the third obstacle, a rope swing across a plastic ball pit. I keep one eye on the first racers to reach my obstacle, while keeping the other eye on Allison and her team at obstacle number two. The race continues this way, my attention split between Allison and my duties as the celebrity host at this event. If she sees me at all, she doesn’t give me a smile, a wave, or even a middle finger.

  She’s focused. She intends to win.

  And, as usual, she doesn't even see me.

  Even as that realization digs its claws into my heart, I see her abruptly turn around and come to a stop. My gaze scrambles to find the source of her change of direction. And then I see it: Dani is stuck on one side of the inflatable wall, unable to use the rope and get herself up and over. Their other two teammates are already onto the next obstacle, having left Allison and Dani behind in a race to the finish.

  Before Allison can reach the wall, a team of four guys in bright yellow T-shirts that say “Paper Pushers” on the back sweep past her, nearly knocking her over. I see red and drop my microphone to sprint over.

  No matter if we’re together or not, no one pushes my Al into the dirt.

  29

  Allison

  November

  “Outta the way, Gottlieb!” Mr. Benson shouts as his sweaty arm shoves me to the side. He and the rest of his executive team have been breathing down our necks the whole race. We have one more stupid obstacle between our team and the finish line, but Dani is stuck on the wrong side of the inflatable wall. James and Susan, an associate who felt sorry for us and rounded out our team of four, have left us in the dust, more concerned with finishing before Mr. Benson than the welfare of their own damn teammates.

  “Total ass-kissers,” I grumble as I walk around the wall to find Dani clinging to the rope, her feet on the wall two inches off the ground. I roll my eyes, but I shouldn’t be too hard on her. Climbing a wall with a rope isn’t a skill needed in the concrete jungle. It’s not her fault Mateo hasn’t been training her all year long for obstacles exactly like this.

  Speaking of Mateo, it just about killed my attention span to run this race without throwing myself at his gorgeous man feet and sobbing my regret, begging him to take me back. I’m still debating that tactic. Showing up and helping his mom cook his favorite dessert certainly didn’t work. I can’t take much more of this separation from him. Every cell in my body feels like it’s missing some essential component. Without him, nothing functions properly. Work isn’t holding my interest, and for the first time in forever, I can’t scrounge up one ounce of concern about the yearly bonuses and promotions coming up.

  My world is gloomy and gray. And it’s all because of Mateo Ramirez and his heart-stealing magic. I was fine until he barged into my world again and pushed me to do these damn resolutions. Okay, that isn’t exactly fair. I was the one who proposed the resolutions and he showed up, repeatedly, to help me accomplish them, even when I didn’t believe in myself. I’m pointing the finger at him, but it’s all too clear that the three fingers pointing back at me are where the problem really lies.

  So I take those traitorous fingers and place them none too gently on Dani’s ass. “Up you go, woman!”

  I push with all my might while she pulls with all of hers and slowly but surely inches her way up the wall. When her elbows hook onto the top ledge, I can’t reach her butt anymore so I shout at her to keep going. One feeble leg makes it over and then she’s screaming as she tips over the side and onto the inflatable mat below. I run around the wall and pull her up by the armpits.

  “Come on, slowpoke, only one more to go!”

  She rights her turkey hat and we take off running. “Thanks for coming back for me.” She’s looking at me from the side of her eyes, like she isn’t sure if I’m still talking to her. After she ratted me out to the partners for that mistake on the Pritchett file, I’ve done my best to ignore her entirely.

  I shrug. “We’re on a team. Can’t leave a teammate behind.”

  “Even if it means losing the race?” Mateo’s deep rumble of a voice comes from my other side, making my knees weak and my heart trip in my chest.

  He looks beautiful, all sweat and muscle running next to me. God, I’ve missed him. Missed us.

  All the sounds of the race around us fade as my focus zeroes in on him. I hear his breath, not as labored as mine, of course. I smell his cologne and sweat, and the scent takes me to every delicious naked encounter we ever had as a couple. His dark eyes show concern, a sight I’ve been dying for ever since he looked at me with disinterest at his mom’s house.

  I slow down and then stop, right there in front of the final obstacle, waving for Dani to keep going. She doesn’t. She hovers, a shameless eavesdropper to a conversation I hope to God turns private in nature.

  “Aren’t you going to finish?” Mateo asks. His eyes flicker to the beam I have to run across without getting hit by the inflatable wrecking ball and tossed into a pool of water below.

  I grin, shaking my head. “I couldn’t care less about this stupid race, to be honest.” Then I start laughing, so hard I have to rest my hands on my knees. Because that’s what hysterical women do when their whole life is falling apart and they don’t give a shit.

  Mateo’s big hand rests on my back and I nearly come on the spot. His touch is divine and it cuts off my laughter, stealing the breath from my lungs.

  I want this man.

  No, I need this man.

  “Al, are you okay?” he asks, his voice lowered so only I can hear.

  I stand up straight, bereft when his hand drops from my back. “No. No, I’m not okay, Matty.” I swipe tears from my cheeks, from laughing or crying, I’m not sure.

  His face falls and he looks as dejected as I feel. His hands land on my shoulders and he pulls me into him, wrapping me in his strong arms, my face pressed against his racing heart. “Go finish the race and then we’ll talk, all right?” he whispers in my ear.

  I nod, but I don’t pull away. I can’t leave the one place I’ve been dying to be to run a race I don’t give two shits about. I feel him kiss the top of my forehead, the part not covered by the turkey gizzard hanging from my hat. Then he pushes me away.

  “Get your ass in gear, Gottlieb!” Mateo, the trainer, is back in full effect it seems.

  I give him a sad little smile and take off toward the beam, towing Dani behind me.

  “Holy shit, Allison. That was some serious tension back there. If I wasn’t totally in love with Dakota, I’d put a ring on that boy and lock it down.”

  “Shut up, Dani.” I’m one step onto the beam, trying to time my sprint across, with a wrecking ball swinging in a circle in my path. I have to make it across this damn thing so I can talk to Mateo. Ain’t nothing going to stop me now. Not even Dani and her irritating comments.

  “Come on, you guys!” James yells from the other side, by the finish line. He and Susan clearly already made it across without us.

  I flip him off with both hands and then make a mad dash across the beam, not even looking down at my feet. I’m Usain Bolt, I’m going so fast. The speed of light has nothing on me. Right as I’m about t
o declare my victory by putting my foot on the stable platform on the other side, something hits me from behind, like a linebacker tackling the quarterback.

  I go down, but not without a fight.

  I cling to the beam, my feet fully submerged in the pool below. I kick wildly and only succeed in soaking my leggings and my turkey tail. Then I see Mateo’s face in my mind. He taught me better than to flail around like this. So I heave a foot over the beam and pull myself up, straddling it and inching my way to the platform. God bless every pull-up Mateo made me do over the last year. I’m going to finish this damn race, even if I have to crawl. Which I do. Right across the finish line.

  The sense of victory I feel is dashed when James’ voice floats down from somewhere above me. I look up, but his back is to me as he talks to Susan. “Jesus, Allison is a mess. She better hope Benson doesn’t see this. After I told him about her little mistake in the Pritchett file, he was ready to give little ol’ me the promotion, but this sad performance could really seal the deal.”

  My body goes completely still. Shock courses through me. “You!” I point a finger up at him, dead grass clinging to my wet arm. “You ratted me out? Not Dani?” He spins around and looks as shocked as I feel. Struggling to my feet, I’m too slow. Before I can launch myself at the rat-nosed traitor, Mateo and Dani materialize to hold me back.

  “Hold up. You thought I told Benson? No wonder I’ve been getting the silent treatment from you lately.” Dani’s out of breath, her nose scrunched up. “Wow. And you still came back to help me over the wall?” Her face breaks out into a smile and she drapes her arm over my shoulders. “Girl, I’m always on your side. Even when you don’t want me there.”

  “You two haven’t figured that stuff out yet?” Mateo’s eyes are guarded and he lets go of me. He doesn’t pull me into another hug and I’m disappointed. I kind of thought we had a moment earlier.

  Everyone’s looking at me, like I know what’s going on. What they don’t know is that I’m just a woman having a total and complete meltdown at a work event. Nothing is what I thought it was. I throw my hands in the air and my turkey hat slides off my head to land in the dirt, much like my life lately. “I don’t know!”

  Matty gently takes my elbow. “Can we talk?”

  I’m so surprised by his question, I just stare at him.

  “Damn, Gottlieb. I’ve never seen a finish quite like yours.” Benson whacks me on the back, joining our circle at the most inopportune time. My gaze bounces between him and Mateo, wishing I were somewhere private so I could speak honestly with Matty. But he doesn’t wait for me to make my choice. Without a word, Mateo rolls his eyes, spins on his heels and stalks off, taking my heart with him.

  30

  Allison

  November

  “That’s the kind of teamwork and determination I’m looking for in a junior partner,” Benson proclaims like he’s bestowing a blessing.

  His words have no meaning to me because the most important thing in my life just walked away. In a moment of perfect clarity, I know exactly what I want and what I don’t want.

  “Allison, why don’t you and Dani join the other partners and myself for a celebratory drink in the VIP tent?”

  I peel my eyes from Mateo’s retreating form. “Huh?”

  “Did that wrecking ball hit you in the head?” Benson chuckles, and even that sounds condescending. “I invited you and Dani to join me in the VIP tent. There are things to…discuss.”

  “Um…” I can just make out Matty’s dark head as he moves through the crowd.

  Dani steps up beside me. “Mr. Benson, I’m happy to join you for a drink, but I think Allison has somewhere she needs to be.”

  My head jerks to the woman I’ve misjudged in every way, and I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face. “Yes.” I turn back to Benson. “I’d love to discuss things with you, but they’ll have to wait until Monday.” I take several steps backward, away from my boss and toward Mateo. “I’m free from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. Have your assistant send me a meeting reminder, and I’ll put it on my schedule.”

  His features harden. “What if I told you that this was a one-time conversation, and I might forget how I feel about you by Monday?”

  Every muscle in my body contracts and my steps grind to a halt. I drag in several deep breaths to make sure my voice is steady. “I’d say, with all due respect, stop jerking me around.” I raise a brow in challenge. “You either want me for partner, or you don’t. It doesn’t change the fact that I’ve given everything I have to this firm. Nor does it diminish my value to Benson, Hyatt, and Menski. If I’m impressive enough to be a partner today, then two days shouldn’t change that…sir. Either way, I have someplace to be.”

  I bite the inside of my lip to keep from laughing. He looks like I just told him his dick was hanging out. And then there’s Dani, who’s grinning like a fool and giving me two big thumbs up behind his back.

  Benson quickly regains his composure. “Fine.” He straightens his T-shirt. “We’ll speak on Monday.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Gottlieb.”

  I glance back at my boss. “Yes?”

  “I can appreciate backbone but don’t make it a habit.” The slight smile on his face takes some of the heat out of his words.

  “Yes, sir.” I watch him and Dani make their way to the VIP tent and wait for the jealousy or fear that I’m missing out on something important to hit me, but it never does. Something far more essential to my happiness is in the opposite direction from where they’re headed.

  The man I can’t live without.

  31

  Mateo

  November

  Just get to the car, Ramirez.

  I keep repeating this as I make my way through the crowd. Thank God I borrowed my dad’s car to drive out here today. Or I wouldn’t be able to escape so easily.

  And escaping is precisely what I’m doing. I’m probably leaving a trail of blood from my broken, bleeding heart. It was a simple question. Can we talk? And she couldn’t give me an answer without getting her boss’s permission.

  Fuck, that’s not fair. I know it’s not. I don’t want her to give up her job. I’m not that much of a Neanderthal. I only want to know that I matter.

  My gut hurts almost as much as my hollowed-out chest. I miss her so damn much it’s like part of me is missing. The brief moment I held her during the race was the first time I’ve felt whole since we broke up.

  Just get to the car.

  I nearly break into a run when I see an opening in the crowd and the parking lot beyond. A quiet place to lick my wounds, that’s all I need.

  “Matty!”

  I know that voice and apparently so do my feet because they refuse to move. I glance over my shoulder and see Allison elbow a guy in the kidneys, trying to get past him.

  “Matty, wait!”

  By the time she gets to me, her face is sweaty and the fine hairs that have pulled loose from her ponytail stick to her forehead. Maybe I’m a jerk, but I cross my arms over my chest. My heart needs all the protection I can give it against this woman. “What do you want, Allison?”

  She takes several deep breaths to fill her lungs. “Matty, I’m sorry about back there. There was just so much going on. I’d—”

  “I know, Mr. Benson was giving you his attention so…”

  “No, that wasn’t it. It’s just that I was in the middle of some major life epiphanies. It was a lot to take in.”

  “Oh, really? What kind of epiphanies?” That whole statement is smeared with sarcasm. Yeah, I’m still a jerk.

  Someone bumps into us, and suddenly there are people everywhere. Allison places her soft hand on my crossed arms, and my heart pounds like I’ve sprinted five miles without stopping. And like always, I’m not immune to her touch.

  She leads me to a nearby tree. “I realized I’m sick of always competing and watching my back and spending every waking hour thinking about work. I want to spend time with my boyfriend.” A gh
ost of a smile wobbles on her beautiful lips.

  I stomp the shit out of the tiny glimmer of hope that tries to worm its way into my heart. As much as I want to believe her, she’s one hell of an attorney, which means she’s excellent with words.

  A strand of golden brown hair falls in her face. I itch to loop it behind her ear, but I keep my hands to myself and let her talk.

  “I want to have girlfriends to hang out with. I want babies who pee on me in my fancy synagogue clothes. I want to be able to cook a simple meal when I have guests over. I want to run races like this for fun, not to prove my worth to some partner who doesn’t give a shit about me or my life. I don’t want to slip out of bed and work on a contract when I could be with my very gorgeous, very naked boyfriend—or ex-boyfriend—or whatever we are now.” Her voice trails off like she’s run out of steam and confidence.

  Her hand is still on my arms, and her sad eyes make it hard to think.

  “Al, I want to believe you, I do. But I’m pretty sure that if your boss walked up right now and said he needed you for something important, you’d go. Even though we’re in the middle of this.” I glance around. “Where are the bigwigs anyway?”

  A tear slips down her cheek, and she doesn’t try to stop it. “In the VIP tent talking to Dani about the partnership.”

  Well shit. No wonder she’s upset. “I’m sorry you weren’t included. I know it was important to you.”