A Cowboy State of Mind

by Jennie Marts

  Annie wrung her hands. “Oh gosh. I really did love having a bird when I was younger, and I’ve always thought someday I would get another one.”

  “Seems like your someday is today.”

  Annie gave a resolute nod. “Yes, it does. Okay. It’s a deal. I’ll take them.”

  Bryn smiled. “Perfect.”

  “I’m not sure who got the better end of that deal,” Zane muttered.

  After breakfast, they got Tiny situated in her new home. The pig roamed the fence line, sniffing its new surroundings, then took a carrot from the pile of produce Bryn had dumped into the trough and settled in a shady spot.

  “Welcome to the family, Tiny,” Bryn told the pig as she leaned over the fence and scratched her behind the ears. The pig blissfully closed her eyes and leaned into the scratch. She really was a cute thing.

  “You sure she’ll be all right outside like this?” Annie asked. She twisted the fabric of the small stuffed animal she held in her hands. “She does spend a lot of time outside in our backyard, but she usually sleeps in the basement.”

  “We’ll keep an eye on her. Don’t worry. She’ll be fine,” Zane assured her. He gently pried the stuffed animal from Annie’s hands and placed it in the pen next to Tiny’s snout. The pig rested her nose on the toy. “After they leave, I’ll hose down the dirt in the pen and give her a good muddy spot to roll around in. She’ll love it,” he quietly told Bryn as they followed the ladies back to the van.

  Zane loaded the lovebirds and all their gear into the back seat and buckled it in. “You ladies have a safe trip.”

  Both women hugged Bryn. As Annie tearfully thanked Bryn again, Shirleen opened her arms and wrapped Zane in a hug too.

  “It was so nice to meet you,” she said, closing her eyes as she rested her head on his chest. “Thanks for taking the pig and setting up the sty and feeding us breakfast and giving Annie the lovebirds.”

  Bryn pressed her lips together to keep from laughing. How many more things could this woman thank Zane for? The sun? The moon? Electricity? The invention of the cell phone? Chocolate? Netflix?

  Zane patted Shirleen’s shoulder in that awkward way that people who are uncomfortable with huggers do. But the woman didn’t seem to get the hint and just held on to him.

  “All right, Shirl,” Annie finally said. “Let the handsome man go and get in the van.”

  Shirleen gave one more squeeze, then released Zane. “Really. Thanks for that hug too. It made my day.”

  “You’re welcome, ma’am,” Zane muttered, then gestured toward the barn. “I’m going to go check on the horses.” He ambled off and Bryn noted that all three of them watched his departure. The man did look good from that perspective. Actually, he looked good from any perspective.

  Bryn hoped the women couldn’t see the heat rising to her cheeks as she thought of the many perspectives of Zane she’d seen, and felt, the night before. She waved as they climbed into the van and turned around in the driveway.

  Annie rolled down her window. “We’ll keep in touch,” she called before driving away.

  Bryn checked her watch. They still had a few hours before Zane had to be at work and her shift started at the diner. Plenty of time for her to show Zane a few things she was thankful for too.

  * * *

  Later that afternoon, Bryn set a plate holding a pile of chips and two warm grilled cheese sandwiches on the table in front of Elle. After her shift, she’d come home and showered and dressed and had been watching the puppies when Elle stopped by. Bryn had been thrilled to see the young widow, who had dropped in to see if there was anything she could do to start her volunteer activities. Bryn had already eaten lunch but insisted on feeding Elle and loading her arms with squirming puppies as she filled her in on their early morning visitors.

  “Seriously?” Elle asked, picking up a small chip and popping it in her mouth. She shifted in her seat, careful not to displace the three sleeping puppies balanced in her lap. Lucky sat obediently by Bryn’s chair, his eyes alert and watchful in case a loose chip or bread crumb happened to fall on the floor. “Two women drove all the way here from Kansas and dropped off a two-hundred-pound hog at your house? This morning?”

  “Shhh,” Bryn said, holding a finger to her lips. “She doesn’t like to be called a hog. It’s degrading.”

  “Oh, sorry.” Elle pressed her lips together to keep from laughing. “I didn’t realize she was such a sensitive soul.”

  “She’s actually a very sweet pig. She even comes when you call her.”

  Elle struggled to hold it in, but the laugh burst from her. She covered her mouth with her hand and tried to control her laughter. “I’m sure she is a very fine swine.” Curtailing another giggle, she stuffed a bite of sandwich between her lips and let out a groan. “Oh my gosh. This is so good. Speaking of being a pig, I’m planning to eat both of these sandwiches. I haven’t had a grilled cheese in so long, I forgot how yummy they are.”

  “Thank you.” Bryn was pleased to see the other woman eating. “I use two kinds of cheese, cheddar and provolone. And real butter on the bread.”

  “Sounds like I’ll be as big as Tiny if I keep letting you feed me,” Elle said around another bite of sandwich. She had already finished the first half and pushed the last of the second into her mouth.

  “Good. You could stand to put on a few pounds. You’re too thin.”

  Elle shrugged. “I didn’t used to be. I used to love to eat. When we lived in the city, Ryan and I ate out all the time. We loved to try new restaurants and different kinds of entrees. Since he died, I just haven’t cared about food.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up Ryan.”

  “It’s fine. In fact, it’s good to talk about him. This was his town, he loved it here, but no one ever seems to want to talk to me about him. If they do talk to me, it’s almost as if they do everything to avoid bringing up his name. Like they think maybe I’ve somehow forgotten he died and left me alone in his town, and if they say his name, I might suddenly remember.”

  “I’m sorry.” Bryn didn’t know what else to say. “That must be hard.”

  “It is hard. This whole freaking life is hard. But what am I going to do? I’ve tried barricading myself in that big house and all that accomplished was to alienate everyone in this town who might have eventually become a friend. Present company excluded. And I tried throwing myself into my work and staying so exhausted that I’d forget to eat and fall into bed at night. And that didn’t work either because I don’t actually sleep more than a few hours a night anyway. For the record, I don’t recommend widowhood mixed with insomnia as a weight loss plan. All I achieved was to walk around like a zombie whose wardrobe didn’t fit anymore. And now I don’t even have that job to throw myself into, so instead I’m going to focus on you and what you’re trying to accomplish out here. And maybe in trying to help someone else and save some animals, I might end up saving myself.”

  Bryn swallowed. That was the most she’d heard Elle say about her struggles after Ryan died. The other woman must have been feeling more comfortable with her. Plus, a good grilled cheese sandwich had a way of making everything better.

  “Speaking of helping you,” Elle continued, as if she hadn’t just disclosed the struggles of her husband dying, “I’ve been going through the donations and the GoFundMe stats, and I think you need to create an LLC and set up a business bank account. I’ve already been working on your social media and researching the best place to set up a website for you.”

  “Okay,” Bryn said, trying to switch to business mode.

  “I thought I’d take some pictures of the animals this afternoon to use on the website. I’ve already taken about a million of the puppies, but I want some of the horses and, of course, of Tiny. And I was hoping you could get permission from your friend Tess to use a couple of the photos of you from the article she wrote. They were real
ly good.”

  “I’m sure she wouldn’t mind, but I don’t think we need pictures of me,” Bryn told her, imagining a shot of herself next to the giant hog…er…pig. “I’m not the important one—the animals are.”

  “Which is why you need to get your ducks in a row, so to speak. You’ve got these animals depending on you to house and feed them. And you’ve got people willing to help, so we need to make hay while the sun is shining. Which is why we need the bank account. But you’ve got to list the name of your business to get the LLC registered on the Colorado Secretary of State website. Have you given any thought to what you want to call this place?”

  “Um, no. I’ve always just called it home.” Bryn blew out a breath. “I had no idea rescuing a few horses would be so complicated. I don’t even know what an LLC is, let alone how to register one.”

  “Well, that’s why you have me. And don’t worry, it’s simple. I can teach you.”

  “I just don’t know if we need to go to all that bother. I have a regular checking account—not that I keep enough in there to make much of a fuss about—but it seems like we could just use that and save ourselves all this hassle.”

  “It’s not that much of a hassle. And you’re going to need it. Regardless of how you manage your personal account, you don’t want to mix the funds of your nonprofit with your consumer account. It’ll make it hell on your taxes.”

  “Taxes?”

  “Yes, my friend. Taxes. Welcome to the world of business.”

  Bryn dropped her head into her hands. “I just wanted to save a horse.”

  “And you did. You are. You’re saving three of them. Plus a bunch of dogs and a delicate swine. But in order to keep saving them, and by that I mean feeding them, you need the account.”

  “But I don’t have anything to put in it. So far the donations have just been made to the feed store.”

  “Which is awesome, but I’ve also collected over four hundred dollars so far from the tip jars, plus several hundred that’s come in online.”

  “Six hundred dollars? You’re kidding me!”

  “Nope. People love animals. And they love what you’re doing out here.” She flashed Bryn an impish smile. “Plus they love the romance between you and the mystery man you were sucking face with on the video. Especially since it’s so hard to tell who the man is. It’s so mysterious, and that kiss was so hot. You and I know it’s Zane, but the world of social media is still guessing. You know, online they’re calling him the Kissing Cowboy.”

  “So I heard.” Bryn told her how Annie and Shirleen had fawned over Zane when they’d first arrived. “He was on the porch with no shirt on, and I thought Shirleen was going to try to lick him and claim him as hers.” The reason Zane was shirtless flooded Bryn’s thoughts, and her body warmed with the memories of the night before and the feel of his skin against hers. She grabbed her glass and took a long swig of lemonade.

  “That is awesome. And so cool to know that you, and the Kissing Cowboy, are getting more notoriety. All the more reason why we need to get your LLC in place.”

  Bryn shook her head. “Maybe. But I still have no idea what to name the farm. I’m terrible at stuff like this.”

  “Don’t worry. We’ll brainstorm something. We can work on that this afternoon.” She popped her last chip into her mouth and leaned back in her chair. “Okay, enough about business. How was the date with the handsome veterinarian last night?”

  “Uhhh. Well…”

  Elle grimaced. “That bad, huh?”

  “No, it wasn’t bad at all. In fact, it was very nice.”

  “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

  “It’s not a bad thing. It’s a fine thing. He’s a nice guy, and we had a perfectly nice time, and he gave me a perfectly nice good-night kiss.”

  “And?”

  “And it was just kind of meh. We talked, we laughed, then he walked me to the door and gave me this funny little awkward quick peck—not quite like kissing my brother, just no real spark.” No spark, not even so much as a fizzle. Bryn let out a sigh, then offered Elle a sheepish grin. “Not like the fireworks that happened later when Zane stopped by the ranch.”

  “Wait. Zane was here? The Kissing Cowboy? Last night? And there were fireworks?” Elle refilled her glass with lemonade. “You have my attention. Who cares about the nice date and the boring peck of a kiss. Tell me more about these fireworks. Are we talking like the little firecrackers you toss on the ground or the full-blown explode-in-the-sky ones?”

  “The full-blown explosion ones. And several of them.” Bryn’s lips curved into an impish smile.

  Elle let out a whoop and held up a hand for Bryn to high five. “You go girl. I’m glad for you. I can barely remember what fireworks feel like. The last time this body felt anything close to resembling an explosion was when I accidentally crossed the yellow line on the highway and drove down the rumble strip.”

  Bryn had been taking a sip of lemonade and almost spat it out as she choked on a laugh. “Oh my gosh. That is hilarious.”

  “No, it’s not. It’s sad.” Elle gave an exaggerated wince. “But true.”

  Bryn raised an eyebrow. “Well, are you ready for an explosion? I mean one that’s not induced by driving several yards down the rumble strip on the highway? Are you at the stage where you’re thinking about looking?”

  “No way. I am nowhere near that stage. I had my fireworks. Ryan was the love of my life, and I can’t begin to imagine even lighting sparklers with anyone else.” She stared down at the puppies asleep in her lap and tenderly brushed her fingers across the neck of the brown-and-white one.

  Bryn reached out a hand and rested it gently on her friend’s arm. There was nothing to say, nothing to do, nothing that would bring Ryan back.

  Elle blinked at the well of tears shining in her eyes. “Wow. Enough of that sad business. Let’s go back to talking about you and your wild night with Zane.” She pulled her lips into a smile. “Tell me more. I know he is ridiculously hot, in that broody lone wolf sort of way, but how do you feel about the guy? Do you really like him?”

  Bryn let out a shaky breath. “I do. So help me, I do. It scares the heck out of me, but there’s something about him that just pulls me in, and I’m powerless to fight it.”

  “You might have a right to be. Scared, I mean.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know. And maybe I shouldn’t even say anything. I’ve been around Zane, and he seems like a decent guy—he helped save those horses and these little guys.” She glanced down at the puppies again then back up at Bryn. “I’ve just heard some things, around town, you know. About him. About Zane.”

  An uneasy feeling crept along Bryn’s spine. There was always gossip around town about anyone who was different or who didn’t fit the small-town mold. “What kind of things?”

  Elle gave a small shrug. “Just about how he used to date a local girl.”

  Bryn huffed out a breath. “I’m sure he dated a lot of local girls.”

  “No, actually, he didn’t. They were talking about him at the hairdresser’s today. I think the woman he was with at the Creed last night works there. Kim or Chrystal, maybe.”

  “Kim,” Bryn confirmed, trying to keep her teeth from gnashing together. “Kimberly Cox. If it was at Carley’s Cut and Curl. She works as a receptionist there.”

  “Yes, that’s the place. Anyway, Zane used to date a girl name Sarah. Sarah Sears. Like the department store, I think. Does that sound right?”

  “Yes. I mean, I didn’t know her. She was older than me and went to school a couple of towns over. But I knew her sister, Stephanie. She left town for a while, went out of state to nursing school. But now she’s back and working as an RN at the hospital.”

  “Well, apparently this Sarah and Zane were pretty serious. She was the first girl he’d dated for more than a few weeks. But it d
idn’t end well.”

  “Since when do serious relationships ever end well?”

  “This was different. When I say ended, I mean Sarah died.”

  Chapter 14

  Bryn swallowed. “She died? How?”

  Elle picked at a stray thread of her placemat. “I guess of a drug overdose. They didn’t say if it was accidental or on purpose.”

  Bryn covered her mouth with her hand. “Oh no.”

  “There was some speculation about how much Zane was involved in all of it, but no one really said for sure. I guess she was only eighteen when she died. They said Zane left town right after that. Apparently he got in some big fight with his dad, then took off and joined the military. These last few months are the first time he’s been back in town for any length of time in years.” This time it was Elle’s turn to cover Bryn’s hand. “I’m sorry. I know this is all just beauty shop gossip, but I thought you should know. It sounds like Zane’s got some pretty rough history.”

  “We’ve all got history. And the only ones who would really know what happened are the people involved. I’ve got history too. But this is Zane’s story to tell. I’m not going to judge him until he chooses to tell me his side of it, if he does.” Elle’s revelations might explain some of the comments he’d made the night before.

  “You’re right,” Elle said. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m a little embarrassed telling you anyway. I don’t usually pass on gossip. Goodness knows enough of it has flown around this town about me.”

  “It’s okay. I know you didn’t have malicious intent, and you were only trying to protect me. That’s what friends do.”

  * * *

  Later that night, Zane pulled into Bryn’s driveway and parked next to the barn. Bryn had texted him earlier to ask if he was hungry. He’d replied Always, but his response was a reaction to the kind of hunger that didn’t have anything to do with food.

  He hadn’t been able to get his mind off Bryn and the time they had shared the night before. If she hadn’t invited him to supper, he’d planned to show up with a pizza.