The Bad Guys Chronicles Box Set

by Eric Ugland

  “We continue to move away from the important task here,” Godfrey said. “I am still committed to serving the Empire, and I cannot imagine an imperial succession will go well now. If we have reliable information about a plan against the Emperor, I think the Emperor needs to hear it.”

  “Okay, one, I think it’s reliable,” I said.

  “That’s because you were there,” Matthew replied. “You saw the men talking. We have to take your word for it.”

  “You think I’m lying?”

  “No. I know you, but the Emperor does not. His people do not.”

  “Fair point,” I said, “but my second part is where I’m more concerned, do you even have a way to talk to the Emperor?”

  “Matthew does.” Godfrey said. “I don’t think you’re lying, but it stretches credulity to think these men are plotting something so treasonous and can do so without tripping any alarms.”

  “According to Matthew it’s common knowledge that Valamir would like the Emperor dead,” I said. “I just happened upon a real timeline.”

  “And I’ve heard a lot recently,” Matthew said. “Plenty of interesting things out there, but nothing that can be confirmed. Mahrduhm seems to have pulled back some of its troops, at least from the southern sector. Not sure what’s going on in Rumib.”

  “We pushed them back hard when I was there,” Godfrey said, hopping up to sit on a barrel. “Unless something spectacular happened, we still hold the pass. I could check with my Legion contacts, see if Mahrduhm is doing anything differently there. Or in the south. We had seen some activity on the other side of the KingsEnd Highlands and the plains there.”

  “What about Carchedon?” I asked. “Has there been an invasion or anything there?”

  “Not since the last one,” Godfrey said. “But we walloped them pretty hard the last time they marched on the isthmus. I doubt they’ve recovered properly yet. Not that we have nothing to fear, but I would be surprised if they wanted to come at us already.”

  “Might they make a play if the Emperor dies unexpectedly?” Matthew asked.

  Godfrey took a sip from his mug and looked at the wall.

  “Tough to say, really,” Godfrey said. “Soldiers are a superstitious bunch, and might be hesitant fighting then. Also, no telling who’ll be in charge of the Legion. Might pull garrisons in from the borders to sit in the capital. Might push Legions out to take territory, try and boost their own bonafides. I suppose that might be an opportune time for an invasion. Especially if they knew something about our military plans. Or our military leaders.”

  “Titus and I have to stay removed from this,” Matthew said. “We can’t be too involved in sussing this matter out, or else we might be seen as getting back in the game we promised we’d leave. Otherwise, I would be helping you here.”

  “Me or Godfrey?” I asked.

  “More you. I’m pretty sure Godfrey can handle talking to some old Legion buddies.”

  “Speaking of Legion buddies,” Godfrey said, quickly swallowing a gulp of mead, “I saw the weirdest thing on the way up to Rumib — I saw my old captain and he was running a caravan.”

  “Doesn’t seem that weird,” I said.

  “It was weird because that captain had been sent on a secret mission under the auspices of the Emperor himself. I can’t imagine a secret mission having much to do with sitting on a wagon filled with basic trading goods. Benedict Coggeshall.”

  “Did you talk to him?” Matthew asked.

  “He’s on a secret mission,” Godfrey replied as if Matthew had just asked the dumbest possible question. “I didn’t acknowledge him in the slightest.”

  “Maybe the mission is over and he retired.”

  “Maybe,” Godfrey said, but it was clear he didn’t believe it.

  “Not sure this conversation is germane to the rest of what we’re doing here,” Matthew said. “We need to get confirmation of what Carchedon is up to. If they are preparing something, they clearly have to have gotten their information from somewhere—”

  “Tollendahl,” I said.

  “I know, we get it, that’s your theory,” Matthew said. “But we don’t have confirmation. I will not abuse what favors I have left to have you tell the Emperor rumors and conjectures he most likely already knows.”

  Silence in the room. It was the first time Matthew intimated he had some sort of connection to the Emperor himself, that we might actually be able to deliver the warning to the highest power in the land. I was more than a little flabbergasted, and my estimation of my mentor shot up.

  “What about those paired journals?” I asked.

  “I had some hopes for those, but looking into them, it’s nothing more than the agricultural minister attempting to control the market enough to boost her own profits.”

  “What? Really?”

  He nodded. “She was working with a few unsavory types to over-report grain yields, and then buy up supplies. I suppose potentially the minister has some knowledge of upcoming events, and so she’s stocking up on food in case things in the capital go truly tits up. But I doubt it’s anything more than vague political corruption.”

  “Can we, I don’t know, report her?”

  “Already done,” Matthew said. “It’s likely she will be replaced and reprimanded in the very near future.”

  “Okay, so you want me to sneak into the Carchedon embassy?” I asked. “See what I might find?”

  “Probably also the Mahrduhm one,” Godfrey added. “More so than Carchedon. I fear they will get in the middle of anything big that happens here.”

  “Sneaking into two embassies. Probably not a big deal.”

  “It will be a pain in the ass,” Matthew said. “However, both are enemies of the Empire, off and on. This means there are definitely ways imperial spies have slipped in and out of the buildings to get information for the Emperor or the Senators. I know for certain there are secret passages in the Embassy of Mahrduhm—”

  “You’ve used them?”

  “I have had contacts who’ve used them.”

  “Great, so where are they?”

  “That I don’t know. Somewhere the public is able to reach, but that’s the limit. As far as Carchedon, I know less. That one will be a bigger challenge, but I’d be willing to bet it’s something you can figure out. The most important element is finding proof we can deliver to the emperor. Can you do that?”

  You have been offered a quest by Matthew Gallifrey:

  One Wrong Turn Rights Another

  Sneak into the Mahrduhm Embassy and/or the Carchedon Embassy and retrieve proof of Valamir’s plot to kill his brother.

  Reward for success: Unknown

  Penalty for failure (or refusal): Unknown, perhaps the end of the Empire

  Yes/No

  Obviously there was a singular choice I could take: “Yes.”

  “Good,” Matthew said. “And, for the time being consider your time at the pit on hold. This takes precedence. And I don’t think I need to say this, but just in case either one of you is feeling stupid at the moment, nothing discussed in this basement will be mentioned anywhere outside of this basement.”

  “What about the sub-basement?”

  Chapter 118

  My stupid joke got a smile from Godfrey, which I considered a win for the day.

  Upstairs, the crowd was getting rowdy around a familiar blonde bearded warrior who looked a bit odd when he wasn’t wearing his armor. Leofing stood at the bar, holding court. He saw me come out of the back room, and his face broke out into a big smile.

  I knew having a holy knight follow me around while I attempted to infiltrate government agencies through illegal means was not going to work out well. So I introduced Leofing to Matthew, got him accepted as part of the group. Then, I told Matthew it was his job to get Leofing into adequate housing.

  Matthew made a face, but I was already on my way out of the tavern.

  I made it about two steps outside before Shae caught up with me.

  “Where a
re you going?” she asked, still holding her mug of ale.

  “Just, uh, have some errands to run,” I said.

  “Errands? It’s night out.”

  “Errands wait for no man. Or woman.”

  “Seriously - what do you need to get done at this hour?”

  “This hour? It’s barely after nightfall.”

  “Still dark out, dangerous…”

  “Nothing I can’t handle, and my errands are nothing too exciting.”

  “Can’t they wait?”

  “No,” I said. “Sadly they can’t.”

  “Oh,” she said. She gave me a wan sort of a smile, and headed back into the Heavy Purse.

  I started my walk uptown, wondering if there was something intrinsically wrong with me for ignoring the beautiful girl quite obviously trying to spend more time with me. Why was I getting involved in such massive politics? It wasn’t wise. There wasn’t much to gain, at least not at any level I could discern. Best-case scenario, I save the Emperor and return to anonymity being a mid-level thief in a guild run by old folks who preferred baking cookies to committing crime. A guild that seemed to no real advantage for long-term membership.

  I grew tired of walking pretty quickly, and as soon as I got to one of the major north-south avenues, I hailed a late-night cab. As usual, the driver looked to be the type of weirdo who’d do anything in order to make quick gold. I did my best to ignore his attempts at conversation.

  It didn’t work.

  “You got kids?” the guy asked through a mouth of broken teeth.

  “No,” I replied.

  “Good.”

  He got the horses moving. The beasts were surprisingly good-looking for the carriage. And the man. They were huge, nicely muscled, with sleek coats and full manes.

  The carriage, on the other hand, was a really rough affair. Shoddy wood and a surprising number of iron bars. Something I really only realized once I was inside the thing. Which was really a sign I should have noticed prior to getting into the rolling cage.

  “Shit,” I said.

  The driver cackled, and pulled a lever. There was a loud clank, and I could see that I was now locked in.

  “You catch on quicker than some of the others,” the guy said.

  “Yeah, I’m a real smart cookie,” I said.

  He chuckled.

  “Might as well sit on back,” he said. “Got a long trip ahead of you.”

  “That really interferes with my plans.”

  “Oh I bet it does.”

  “Do this often?”

  “Sure do.”

  I looked between the bars and saw that we were taking a hard left. Heading towards the port. Of course.

  “Selling me down the river?” I asked.

  “Never heard it like that,” he said. “Mind if I use it?”

  “Can’t see why not.”

  “Appreciate it,” he said. “You be nice, and I’ll maybe have a word with the captain, get you a topside cell.”

  “And if I’m not nice?”

  “Chained downstairs with the rest.”

  “Don’t suppose I could pay my way out of this.”

  “Don’t suppose you can, being that I’ll be taking all your worldly goods as soon as I hand you over.”

  “Oh, well, in that case, I suppose I should just rest here.”

  “I wish all my captors were as relaxed as you.”

  “Comes with the territory, I suppose.”

  “Territory?”

  “Territory might not be the right word. I’ve just come to, I suppose, a certain realization.”

  “Life flows through some gods’ will?”

  “No. If I’ve got a horrible disease, what does it matter where I go to die?”

  He looked back at me, the horses continuing on as if they knew the way. It made sense they were such big powerful horses considering how heavy the iron wagon had to be. Ol’ Toothless gave me the once over, then the twice over, really doing his damndest to figure me out.

  “Nah,” he finally uttered. “You look fit as a fiddle.”

  “Mainly because I have my pants on,” I said. “Foul things happening down below. But not to worry. I’m only contagious if you touch me. I probably won’t infect much of the ship, right?”

  “What is it, this disease of yours?”

  “No idea,’ I said. “Got it working the pits.”

  “You work the pits?”

  “I did.”

  “You quit?”

  “Got sick, had to quit. Too many open sores to work in that muck any longer.”

  “That’s disgusting.”

  “You’re telling me. I’m the one who has to look at all the pus leaking out.”

  “Pull your pants down.”

  I nodded as if this was just normal, and stood up. “Not gonna see much in this light,” I said, “going to need to get up close. But the smell’ll probably get you first.”

  He reined in the horses, and pulled to a stop near a glowstone lit lantern. Then, he turned around in his seat, and got really close to the bars, peering in at my nether regions.

  It made it the perfect point to stab him in the eye.

  He didn’t even scream.

  And I almost felt bad. Almost.

  GG! You’ve killed a Human (lvl 14 Slaver).

  You’ve earned 750 xp! What a mighty hero you are.

  His fault, really.

  I scanned the area for a lock, for something I could pick to get out.

  Nothing. It was mechanically closed, and not something I had the strength to bust through. I could use shadow step to get out, but I was still scared of the spell. Well, scared of the creatures it called to me.

  Finally I spotted what my driver used to trap me. It was a simple sort of lever. I used the driver’s belt to loop around the lever, contorting my arm through the iron bars until I could get the proper leverage to pull the thing and release the door.

  I heard a loud, satisfying clunk. The clunk of freedom.

  I got out of the carriage, grabbed the corpse, and chucked it in the back. My initial impulse was to drive to the Senate district and make my visit in style. Perhaps style isn’t the right word. But as I looked at the carriage, I knew I’d stick out up there. As much as the horses were gorgeous, the wagon was hideous. There was also the corpse in the back, and that probably wasn’t going to be easily overlooked by the powers that were busy protecting the embassies.

  “Back to the apartment,” I said.

  Chapter 119

  And there I was, thinking driving a wagon was easy. It took me nearly twenty minutes to get the damn horses turned around, and the carriage with them. Then I had to figure out how to actually drive the thing. The horses were reasonably compliant — I hated to think what kind of mess I’d have gotten in if they’d been more stubborn animals.

  We limped along together, going slowly through the gates to Old Town as if we were just world-weary travelers. No one seemed to notice the trail of blood we left behind. Perhaps the city was just so jaded after generations of violence that blood hardly seemed like a signifier of anything important.

  I knew there was a back way to the stable, but I wasn’t sure which alley was ours. And, frankly, I was a little nervous about driving the horses through the dark. So I just pulled up in front of the tavern, and hopped down. The horses stamped a little at the crowds, but no one seemed to mind them.

  I walked into the light, and realized no one was super keen about me being near them. Which, I suppose, had something to do with all the blood I was covered in. Maybe the eye juice from the kidnapper was the real nasty nasty, who knows? In any case, I was gross. Which meant it was a good idea I’d come back, because I didn’t want to attempt an embassy invasion smelling and looking like a murderer.

  Titus came out in a flash, knowing automagically that something was upsetting his clientele. When he saw it was me, he half-smiled, but shook his head.

  “What in the hells happened to you?” he asked, grabbing me tight by the
shoulder, and steering me back outside.

  “A little argument over a carriage fee,” I replied.

  He stopped when he saw the carriage sitting outside the tavern. Then, he hauled me down the street far enough that we had a modicum of privacy.

  “What kind of argument was this?” he asked.

  “Fatal?”

  “And you took the carriage?”

  “Seemed stupid to leave it behind.”

  “Don’t you think someone is going to come looking for it?”

  “No. I don’t think anyone is going to want to claim this as their property.”

  “And why not? Those horses—”

  “It’s a rolling cage,” I interrupted him to say. “I got in, the bastard trapped me, and was headed to drop me off on a boat. Selling me down the river.”

  Titus shook his head again.

  “The body’s still in there?” he asked.

  “Yes.”

  He stared at the wagon. Then at me, then at the bar, and then finally he looked up into the sky.

  “You wait here,” he said. “I’ll get someone to drive it around back. You need to get cleaned up before being seen in public again. Meet us in the stable.”

  I went into my apartment, took a quick shower, and got another set of clothes on. Clean again. I threw the clothes away. My laundry situation was getting dire.

  I went through the empty bakery and out to the stable.

  Matthew, Leofing, and Godfrey were standing around the wagon, the horses nowhere to be seen. Though given the noises coming out of the stables, I figured they were settling in to their new home.

  “This is an interesting find,” Matthew said. “You came on this randomly?”

  “It was random for me,” I said. “I can’t tell you if the driver had been watching me. Is the body—”

  “It’s been taken care of,” Matthew said.

  Godfrey hauled his bulk up to the seat, and pulled the lever. There was the loud ka-thunk and the carriage cage was sealed once again. I watched both Matthew and Leofing try to pull the door open, but once it was shut, nothing short of a giant (ha) was going to get out of there.