The Searching Soul

by Ronald Zastre

  “Winston says that we were talking to Donald, not Ackerman,” Alice continued, unfazed.

  “What the hell was Winston Adams doing anywhere near this thing?” Mac yelled.

  “I—”

  “I’m not finished! This office, this job, is my life and I’ll be damned if I’m going to have it ruined by a snotty nosed researcher.”

  Carl was watching Alice’s reaction. Alice was still, but a nasty look was forming on her face. She sat up and moved forward, bending over Mac’s desk, supporting herself with straight arms.

  “Look buddy!” Alice shouted, looking directly at Mac. “You asked me to come in as an independent and I did, and then got sent away without any answers, and then you guys call me back in. I was instructed to give you a profile on Donald compared to Ackerman. I’m doing that the best way I can.”

  “Nobody instructed you to bring Winston in!” Mac hadn’t quieted.

  “Is that what’s got your craw?” Alice laughed. “You have this thing about Winston, and I can tell you, you are full of shit with your opinion of Adams.”

  Carl grimaced. Mac settled back and relaxed in his chair, a little smile spreading over his face. “If I find out that either you, or that screw-up Adams ever comes close to this issue, again, I will have you both arrested!”

  Carl flinched again.

  “And what is that supposed to mean?”

  “It means, you snotty little bitch, you and your opinions are no longer welcome.”

  “No big deal. I’ll do it on my own then.”

  “You cannot! I order you to stay away from it.”

  “You can’t order me, I have a federal grant to do research and this is in my field.”

  “I will have you put in jail!”

  “Go ahead! I’ll sue you and this agency and have the name on the front door changed to, ‘The Smithers Space Agency’.”

  “Get out!” Mac screamed.

  Alice calmly gathered her stuff up and walked out.

  ***

  “I don’t think you handled that very well,” Carl suggested after Alice had left.

  “Oh, you don’t?” Mac returned.

  “No, I don’t,” Carl renewed. “What’s got into you Mac?”

  “I have a program to run!” Mac bellowed. He sat back, trying to regain his composure. “We have just dogged a bullet and need to get on with things. This just complicates the issues,” he said in a much lower voice.

  “I think we should see what Winston’s got to say about this.”

  “He’s nothing but a trouble maker,” Mac’s volume went up again.

  “Winston helped us out getting the rescue mission up so quickly, don’t forget that.”

  “And how did he do that?”

  “Mac, he ate crow to back us. When the religious right had us in their sights, he slowed them down. You know, if it hadn’t been for him, I predict Donald would still be out there. The good Reverend Hollsworth had a fairly good following and it was growing.”

  “Hollsworth’s a fool, and Winston helping us is bullshit. He’s in there for personal gain.”

  “Maybe, maybe not, but I think he wants answers, just like we do.”

  “I will not, and I repeat, will not deal with Adams!” Mac said shouting. “This is none of his business! This is my deal!”

  Carl gave him a concerned look.

  “You know what I mean,” Mac said quickly.

  “I don’t know Mac. I think we need all the help we can get.”

  “You’re overreacting Carl. You are seeing problems where they don’t exist.”

  “I hope you’re right.”

  “Carl, Ackerman explained himself very well, can’t you see that?”

  “It’s too pat, just too clean.”

  “I’m inclined to trust one of our own people rather than a media whore like Winston Adams.”

  “Well, Mac, is it okay if I keep an open mind about all this?”

  “I don’t like your implications Carl.”

  “I’m only implying that I’m not satisfied. I can’t just drop it if I’m not comfortable.”

  “Do what you must, I can’t stop you.”

  “No, you sure can’t Mac.”

  “But be advised though, I can do something about little tight ass Alice.”

  “I’d leave that one alone Mac.”

  “Bullshit, she stirs anything up, and I’ll have her rear.” Mac pounded his desk, “You tell her to stay the hell away from Winston too.”

  “You invite her in, you kick her out, and then when I bring her back in, you don’t like her answers, so you kick her out again.”

  “Yeah, well, she’s another trouble maker.”

  “We’ll see Mac, we’ll see.”

  “I can’t order you to stay away from her Carl, but I can strongly recommend it.” Mac gave Carl a serious look.

  “Recommendation acknowledged.”

  “You’re going beyond the Agency here Carl. I’m warning you for your own good, this is something you don’t want to get on the wrong side of.”

  Carl was about to leave, but stood for a moment, thinking. “The wrong side of what?”

  “Huh?”

  “You said the wrong side of, the wrong side of what?” Carl questioned.

  “It was just a figure of speech,” Mac said, not looking up.

  Chapter 34

  CARL ENTERED HIS APARTMENT - and Amy was sitting on the couch, obviously waiting for him.

  “I tried to call you this afternoon,” Amy said sounding angry.

  “I’m sorry, I got the message, but it’s been hectic.” Carl looked at her. She was definitely mad about something. “I hope it wasn’t something important,” Carl tried to apologize.

  “Talked to Jim Maddox this afternoon,” she said in short concise words.

  “And?” Carl asked, going into the bathroom.

  “He is a little upset,” again the short precise speech.

  “Huuhmm.” Carl knew it was something important and he’d better pay attention.

  “Alice got jumped today!” Amy shouted accusingly.

  “That did happen, but the only thing that got hurt was her pride,” Carl said, sticking his head out of the bathroom. “She’s pretty tough though, I’m surprised she ran to anyone so quick.”

  “She’s in the hospital!” Amy shouted at him.

  It took a second for the severity of the comment to impact. When it did, he reacted by heading out of the bathroom, colliding with Amy who was headed in.

  “What?” Carl cried. “I thought you were talking about the meeting we had?”

  “That too!” Amy slammed her fist on Carl’s chest. “Someone tried to kill her, right after.”

  “What!” Carl grabbed her fist as it headed toward his chest again. “You can’t be serious! You think we had anything to do with something like that?”

  “I don’t know Carl, but I don’t like to be put in a situation like this.”

  “Amy, she was probably mugged or something. She’s—”

  “She was not mugged!” Amy cut him off. “The police said it looked like a hit. They didn’t try to rob her. You had better figure out where you stand buddy. I don’t, I won’t, I will not have anything to do with someone who operates like this.”

  “You can’t think I had anything—”

  “Willing or not, it needs to be fixed!” Amy pulled away from him and walked quickly for the couch in the living room. She reached down, picked up a suitcase that Carl had not seen and headed for the door. She walked through the door without saying anything more.

  Chapter 35

  A SERIOUS LOOKING - police detective was in Mac’s office, his notebook open. He declined the invitation to sit down, hovering over Mac at his own desk.

  “Yes, I chewed her out, but she deserved it,” Mac admitted, “but I certainly did not have her beat up.”

  “She says, they tried to kill her,” the Detective said.

  “We don’t try to kill people we have disputes wi
th, it makes us look bad,” Mac barked.

  “I can appreciate your humor.” The Detective shook his head slightly. “I doubt if the victim would see it that way though. I have to know exactly what was said, and by whom.”

  “I can’t remember everything.” Mac turned to Carl. “Could you Carl?”

  “Not verbatim, it was pretty heated though,” Carl said, and Mac gave him a nasty look.

  “Were any threats made?” the Detective asked.

  “We were mad, it meant nothing.” Mac shrugged. “She threatened me, I . . . yelled back.”

  “Did you, or did you not threaten Ms. Smithers?”

  “I threatened to have her arrested, nothing more.”

  The Detective looked at Carl. “That’s about the extent of it,” Carl said. “She was threatened with arrest, nothing more.”

  “Arrest. That sounds fairly serious.” The Detective pursed his lips. “She was deemed a risk of some sort, maybe?”

  “She signed a nondisclosure form and she was close to reneging. This is serious business because we’re talking about a Federal Agency.”

  “I guess,” the Detective said. “That’s all for now, but I’ll be in touch,” he added, turning to leave.

  ***

  “Do you believe that shit?” Mac snapped when the detective was out the door.

  “I don’t know what to believe?” Carl was looking at Mac, displeased.

  “You aren’t insinuating anything . . . are you, because if you are?”

  “Mac, everything is getting crazy. Smithers would be dead if a couple of kids hadn’t come along.”

  “Carl, she got into her own trouble. It has nothing to do with what happened here, I guarantee you. What the hell is wrong with you? Do you think I could—?”

  Carl threw up his hands, stopping Mac. “The attacker told her it was about sticking her nose where it didn’t belong.”

  “It’ll turn out to be crap, you watch.”

  “I hope so Mac, I really hope so.” Carl sat down with an, oof. “Amy left me,” he added.

  Mac didn’t say anything for a few seconds, just looked at Carl. “Over this?”

  “Pretty much, yes.”

  “Women pull this kind of shit all the time, grow up!”

  “Not this one.”

  Chapter 36

  CARL AND AMY WERE IN A RESTAURANT - “Alice Smithers has gone into hiding,” Amy said quietly.

  “I can’t blame her. Did she add anything?”

  “Not really, but she’s terrified. Winston was there.”

  “He won’t talk to me either.” Carl was miserable.

  “He thinks you may be involved?”

  “Look Amy, I am being suspected by association only. I have voiced my opinion with the Agency and I am shut out there too. I have nowhere to turn. I might as well pack it in if no one is going to talk to me.”

  “I’ll see if I can talk to Winston,” said Amy.

  Chapter 37

  CARL WAS OUTSIDE MAC’S OFFICE - standing at the open door.

  “Mac, I’ve called more than once, why the cold shoulder?” Carl said, sticking his head in.

  “I’m busy. You have anything important, or are your feelings just hurt.”

  “I was just wondering, what is this thing with you and Ackerman?” Carl asked.

  “I don’t know what you’re getting at?” Mac didn’t even look up from his desk.

  “You and Ackerman, you’ve been seen meeting quite often, alone, I might add.”

  “He’s an astronaut for christ sakes, and I run the God-damn program. Who would you have me associate with, a circus clown maybe?” He finally gave Carl a glance.

  “It just seems strange Mac, he’s not your type at all.”

  “It’s business Carl, just business.”

  “That I’m excluded from,” Carl complained.

  “You stick to your job, Carl, and if I think you need to be in on something, I’ll bring you in.”

  “He’s going then?”

  “He’s going,” Mac was definite.

  It was apparent that the discussion was over, so Carl left.

  Chapter 38

  FLORIDA, AT THE SHUTTLE LAUNCH PAD - one of the launch techs asked Carl. “What’re you doing down here?” They were in the launch control center, the Shuttle Redoubt was on the pad, and the countdown was at t-minus ten-seconds.

  “I’m not doing much at my desk. I got so bored I was spending my time grooming myself.”

  The tech looked at him.

  “I didn’t realize how much hair was growing in my nose and ears.”

  The tech didn’t retch, but hurried away.

  “It was a good chance to see another launch,” Carl shouted after him. “I usually love this stuff,” he said to himself, as the clock hit zero, and the Shuttle belched fire and smoke and started to rise.

  “I’m not so sure of this one though,” Carl commented to no one in particular, as Redoubt roared into the bright blue sky.

  Chapter 39

  “WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK - of your first time in space?” the Mission Commander Chick Wardman asked the Science Officer, Rob Anderson, after they had established orbit. The crew was getting it’s first taste of weightlessness, everyone floating to their jobs.

  “This is fantastic! I can’t wait to get out there,” Anderson said excited, hanging on to one of the many hand holds spaced throughout the cabin. “The launch is quite a ride,” he added, his feet floating upward, getting over his head.

  “Yeah, you never get used to it,” said Wardman.

  “I know, every time someone mentions how much volatile fuel this thing starts out with, I try not to be listening,” Anderson said. “How’s the reentry?”

  “It’s another thrill, kind of squashes you onto your keaster.”

  “My mother thinks I’m crazy,” Anderson said.

  “She should be proud of you.”

  “Oh, she is, but after flying fighter jets in combat, and surviving, I think she wanted me to sell life insurance.” Anderson was looking out the side window, watching the far horizon of the planet below.

  “It was too bad about Donald,” he commented, looking over to Wardman.

  “Occupational hazards my man.”

  “My brother died in a car accident two blocks from home,” Anderson told Wardman, defending the danger. “It was really crazy. What do you think happened to him?” Anderson stayed with the subject.

  “Donald? . . . Yeah, it was. . . I don’t know,” Wardman had gotten busy with something.

  “I can’t figure it, but no one is saying much,” Anderson added.

  “Nobody knows much.”

  “It’s sure would be interesting to find out,” Anderson said, floating away.

  Chapter 40

  “YOU’VE SURE BEEN QUIET - on this mission?” Wardman commented to Henry Ackerman, the mechanical arm specialist on this mission.

  Henry just shrugged.

  “Golly Henry, I’d almost think you’re not enjoying yourself this time.”

  “The mission’s not important,” Henry finally said.

  “Not important,” Wardman said. “I thought you wrangled your way into getting back up here, and now it’s not important?”

  “I have my reasons,” Ackerman stated, moving away, obviously not wanting to talk further.

  ***

  “He sure isn’t the old Ackerman,” Wardman said to Bill Perkins the copilot, “he’s usually all goofy smiles.”

  Chapter 41

  FIVE DAYS LATER - Redoubt had completed it’s mission and was maneuvering for the reentry.

  “All right people, lets get to our stations,” Wardman instructed.

  “I finally saw Ackerman smile,” Bill Perkins said to Wardman, getting ready for the descent.

  ***

  Redoubt was on it’s way down, back to the surface. At the pilot station, Pilot Wardman made his final communication with Mission Control.

  “Houston, we will be entering blackout now, ca
tch you on the other side.”

  “Roger that Redoubt, understand, it is going to get hot for you. Congratulations, you hit the spot exactly.”

  ***

  Three astronauts in the lower compartment, Ackerman, Anderson and Walsh were in their space suits, strapped into their seats. As the shuttle began to vibrate, the astronaut in the middle, Ackerman, ha what appeared to be a foggy impression of his body rise up out of the suit. The apparition lost it’s human shape and divided, moving over the two remaining astronauts, Anderson and Walsh. The divided apparition moves down and into their suits.

  Chapter 42

  MARGE GRIMMER IS IN WITH MAC - “I took the tapes from the Redoubt Mission, and look here,” Marge gets up with a readout.

  “What are you up too?” Mac was annoyed. “There were no anomalies, this mission went smooth.”

  “Then, why does the telemetry go screwy in the reentry, like it did in both the Reliance and Reunion Missions?”

  “It went smooth. We were watching for anything and it didn’t materialize.”

  “As far as it looks from outside the shuttle, but this data is from inside, look here,” Grimmer moved over to Mac.

  “Did you ever consider maybe it’s your program?” Mac said maliciously.

  “I have been working sixteen hours a day,” Marge cried, sensing Mac’s direction.

  “Okay, explain yourself, what am I looking at here?”

  “Look at the three individual telemetries. They are different for the whole mission, and then for almost a minute they are identical, here.” Marge pointed on the readout. “They seem to merge and then here,” she pointed again, “they separate again.”

  “This is during the reentry burn?”

  “Exactly.”

  “Well, Marge, the platform goes through a rough few minutes you know. The shuttle is subjected to immense heat and stress.” Mac sat thinking. “I don’t think your program is ready, obviously. I’m pulling it for now, so go back to work and find out why.”

  “It is not the program.”

  “Have you talked to Dennis?”

  “Yes, he’s the one that said I should talk to you.”

  “Well, I have no choice but to take it off the next launch.”

  “Mac, please, I’ve worked hard. If you pull it now I’ll lose my funding,” Marge pleaded.

  “I’m sorry, but I’ve got no choice.”

  “But Mac!”