When I'm With You

by Donna Hill

  “Nothing for you to be sorry about, sis. I’ll deal with it.”

  She leaned back and looked up at him with astonishment widening her eyes. “Deal with it! How the hell do you deal with someone coming back from the freaking dead? This is some Days of Our Lives b.s.”

  If the situation wasn’t so dire, he would laugh. Dominique was a true whiz at one-liners.

  “Yeah, feels like a soap opera. Unreal.”

  Dominique dropped her arms and stepped back. “Have you told Avery?”

  He shook his head slowly. “No. Not yet.” He paused. “I’m going to Florida, first.”

  “Rafe...”

  “I need to see her for myself.”

  The siblings stared into each other’s eyes, understanding more than any words would convey.

  Dominique nodded and gripped Rafe’s upper arm. “You need me to fly shotgun, let me know. I’m there.”

  Rafe halfway grinned. “I’m good, sis. I can handle it. ’Preciate the offer.”

  Desiree waddled in from the downstairs bedroom. “What are ya’ll gabbing about?” She yawned, looked from one to the other before lowering herself into the nearest seat.

  Dominique flashed Rafe a questioning look. He gave a short nod.

  “You’re not planning to have my niece or nephew anytime soon?” Rafe quizzed, stalling for time.

  Desiree looked up at him with her brows drawn together. “Huh?”

  “Something you should know, but I don’t want you getting yourself all worked up. Promise?”

  “Don’t play with me.” She propped her arms over her belly and began tapping her right foot, picking up the pace by the second, a sure sign that she was getting agitated.

  When Dominique was on the verge of imploding, she started running her mouth, punctuated by perfectly placed cuss words. Desiree, on the other hand, would start with the pose and then foot tapping, eye-rolling and the barrage would follow. She hadn’t gotten to the eye-rolling phase yet.

  “Aunt J got a call...from Janae...” Rafe began.

  By the time he’d finished bringing Desiree up to speed, her eyes had filled with tears of despair for her brother.

  “Rafe,” Desiree said with a catch in her throat. “My God, I don’t even know what to say.” She turned to her twin, who mirrored her distressed expression. “What about Avery? What did she say about you going to see Janae?”

  “She doesn’t know,” he confessed.

  “Rafe! You have to tell her,” Desiree insisted. “How are you going to explain all this after the fact?”

  “I’ll handle it, Desi.”

  She reached out and took his hands. “You have to.”

  Rafe blew out a breath. “I will.”

  Desiree rubbed her belly and said, “Are you going to tell Justin?”

  Rafe nodded. “Plan to. Might as well bring the whole family in on it. This...Janae thing affects all of us one way or another.”

  The trio walked back over to the veranda, where the rest of the family was intently listening to Raymond’s story about one of his trips to Nigeria. All eyes turned in the direction of the three somber faces that approached.

  Rafe stepped up onto the wood decking of the veranda and leaned against the railing. “I got some news,” he began and gave his aunt a quick look...

  * * *

  The media and Janae. How long would it be before they latched onto that story? He had to tell Avery, but he needed to put his own eyes on Janae before he would really believe what he already knew. New York would wait; seeing Janae in Florida would not.

  He walked over to the small desk tucked away in a corner of his bedroom, opened the cover of his laptop and signed in to the travel website that he used and booked a flight for Wednesday morning. He’d arrive in Miami at noon. That would give him the better part of the day to make sense out of this bittersweet nightmare.

  He leaned back in the chair, gazed up at the ceiling and linked his fingers behind his head. What the hell was he going to do? Janae’s parting words echoed in his head. She still loved him. But what about him? He was engaged to Avery. He loved her.

  Frustration whipped through him, propelling him out of the chair to pace the bedroom floor. He wanted to see her again, desperately. What did that mean? What did that say about his feelings for Avery? He’d lost count of the nights he’d dreamed of Janae. There were so many versions of how he’d been able to save her. In some dreams they never made it to New York, but went to Atlanta instead. The only way to keep himself from losing his mind was to push her out of it. His stomach clenched. Admitting it, even to himself, only amplified his guilt. So, he did all he could not to think about Janae at all, what they’d had and the day that changed everything. He’d gotten good at it, good enough that he found space in his soul for Avery. Now...

  He sat on the edge of his bed, looked across the room to the black backpack that held his things for his short trip to Florida. The Lawson clan vowed to be there for him for whatever he needed, whatever he decided. But they all emphatically agreed that he could not go to Florida before he spoke to Avery.

  He knew they were right. That wasn’t the issue. The issue that he’d been unwilling and unable to speak aloud was his unresolved feelings about Janae. He’d thought he’d finally put them to rest when he met Avery, but hearing her voice, knowing that she was still alive... He turned the phone around in his hand, ignored the knot of apprehension in his gut and placed a call to Quinten.

  Chapter 13

  “Yo, wait...what do you mean she’s alive?” Quinten barked into the phone.

  “Q, a woman claiming to be Janae called the house phone yesterday. Left a number for me to call in Florida. Knew stuff that only Janae would know. I called. I talked to her. It’s got to be Janae.”

  “Damn,” Quinten dragged out. “Whaddaya gonna do?”

  Rafe paced the kitchen floor. “I booked a flight to Florida.”

  “What about Avery?”

  Rafe ran down his plan.

  Quinten sputtered an expletive from between his teeth.

  Momentary silence hung between them.

  “Hey, no way around it, bruh. Gotta know for sure,” Quinten said. “And when you do, you will deal with things between you and Avery.”

  “Yeah. I know.”

  “Say the word and I can fly down there to ya. No problem.”

  “Naw. I’m good. I’ll take care of it. See what she...has to say. Figure it out from there.”

  “I’m here if you need me.”

  “Thanks. I’ll let you know what happened. Say hey to Rae for me.”

  “Will do. Easy, man.”

  “Yeah. Later.”

  * * *

  “Damn, girl,” Kerry whispered. “How in the world did they know where you were going to be?” She poured them both a glass of wine.

  “Who the hell knows?” She paced her kitchen floor and vacillated between anger and defeat. She ran both hands through her hair. “This is my damned job, my career they’re messing with! The director all but told me that I’ll be on desk duty indefinitely. He can’t risk my personal life jeopardizing the people I’m assigned to protect. He even suggested that maybe I should take a leave of absence.” Her eyes burned with tears of fury.

  Kerry muttered a curse. “This might not be the right question, but have you spoken with Rafe?”

  She tossed her head back and laughed bitterly. “Rafe! Rafe! Him and his family are the reasons why this happening.”

  “I’ll take that as a no,” she muttered.

  Avery cut her eyes in Kerry’s direction. “What...you think I should call him, that he’s going to ride in on his white horse and fix this mess?”

  “No. But I do think he needs to know what’s going on.”

  Avery plopped down on the kitchen chair. She gazed off into the distance. “He
said he was going to take care of it, that all this would pass,” she said, her voice weighed down with disappointment.

  “I’m sure if there was anything that he could have personally done, he did, A.”

  Avery sighed heavily. “I don’t even know anymore.” She turned her pained eyes toward her friend. “I was totally humiliated today.”

  Kerry reached across the table and covered Avery’s clenched fists with a comforting hand. “It’s gonna be all right, girl. Ya’ll love each other. You’ll get through it together.”

  Avery sniffed, blinked back tears and reached for her glass of wine. “Yeah, until the next shoe drops.”

  “But until it does, which more than likely it will—simply because that’s life—you need to talk to him and let him know what’s going on.”

  Avery took a sip of her wine. “I will.”

  “Good.” She pushed back from her seat and stood. “I gotta run. Date,” she added with a half smile.

  “Enjoy. I’ll be fine. I promise I won’t walk out into traffic.” She forced a laugh.

  “See you tomorrow.”

  “Okay. Thanks for coming by.”

  “I got you.” She gathered her things and left. “I’ll come by after. I can tell already that it’s going to be an early night. Leave the key.”

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  “I know.” She pecked her cheek and left.

  Avery stared at her cell phone. Once she’d finished her glass of wine, she reached for her phone. It rang in her hand.

  Chapter 14

  “Hey, darlin’,” he gently greeted. “I need to talk to you...”

  After he’d spilled his guts about the reappearance of Janae and his plans to fly out to see her, Avery was quiet for so long that at first he thought she’d hung up, until he heard what sounded like muffled sobs.

  “Avery...cher...please don’t cry...talk to me.”

  “What do you want me to say?” she finally managed. “You’re stunned...confused...whatever. I get it,” she said. The fire returned to her voice. “That’s not what’s killing me inside. What’s killing me is that you lied to me, Rafe. You knew you were planning to see her and even if you didn’t know for sure, you never said a word. I could tell something was wrong when we talked, but I convinced myself it was my imagination. You were going to let me believe you were going to New York. From everything you’ve decided to tell me, if it wasn’t for your family, you might not have said a damned word! How am I supposed to marry a man that would lie to me? But the real question, the question that is turning my stomach is, why? Why would he lie to me? And none of the answers that I’ve come up with have me and you working out.”

  His whole body jerked in alarm. “Avery. Wait a second. Listen to me.”

  “No. I’ve heard enough. Have a safe trip. I hope it’s everything you want it to be. Goodbye, Rafe.”

  The sound of the dial tone vibrated in his ear. He dialed her back. The call went to voice mail. He tried three consecutive times with the same result.

  * * *

  “What are you going to do?”

  Avery propped her bare feet up on the circular ottoman and took a sip from her glass of wine. “Go to work tomorrow,” she said and stared off into space. “Try to salvage what’s left of my job.”

  “You know what I’m talking about, A,” Kerry said.

  Avery blew out a slow breath. “I can’t marry a man that would lie to me. I can’t marry a man that’s still in love with someone else.” She sniffed as tears threatened.

  “Who says he’s in love with her? Did he tell you that? Come on, Avery. What would you have done in the same situation? No one could have been more blown away about the woman coming back from the dead than he was. You know why you’re doing this,” she said softly.

  “Doing what?”

  “Running.”

  Avery turned her face away from the truth. “I’m not,” she said without much conviction.

  “You figure if you can cut ties first you won’t be the last one standing. You stay in control.”

  Avery pressed her fist to her mouth.

  “Do you love him?”

  “You know I do!”

  “Do you believe he loves you?”

  She hesitated. “Yes,” she whispered.

  “Tell him that. He probably needs your support now more than ever.”

  “But what if he realizes that he’s still in love with her?”

  Kerry gave a sad shrug. “There’s nothing that you can do about anyone else’s feelings. If it’s meant to be, Rafe is gonna come back here and marry you, just like the plan.”

  Avery swiped at her eyes. “And what if he doesn’t?”

  “You’ll deal with it. You’ve never been a woman that needs a man to define her. None of that is gonna change, with or without Rafe Lawson.”

  Avery lowered her gaze and studied the remnants of her wine. This was something out of a novel, not real life. Her life was orderly, foreseeable. She was trained to spot trouble from yards away. She’d missed this one by a long shot. What would she do if Rafe told her that he was still in love with Janae? And was she really angry at Rafe for his deception, or angry at herself for the lie that she was perpetrating to everyone in her life?

  The question trampled through her mind. Was she really willing to simply give up, let go of the man of her dreams and fold like a three-legged table? Kerry was right. Deep inside, part of her wanted to be the one to walk away, to end it. Love was the one challenge she was never able to conquer. Her love couldn’t save her mother. Her love couldn’t soften her father’s heart. The two most important people in her life were lost to her. Their loss carved a hole in her spirit, made her believe she was unworthy and that love only led to hurt and emptiness.

  Loving Rafe was so blinding, like looking into the sun. It consumed her, tricked her into believing that love could bring happiness and fulfillment. But in the end, it would end. It always did.

  * * *

  Kerry rubbed sleep from her eyes and robotically fixed a pot of coffee. When Avery’s bell rang she thought she was hearing things, until it rang again. Early morning visits and late-night calls were always trouble.

  She tightened the belt on her robe and went to the door. She peeked through the blinds on the window next to the door. Her mouth dropped open. She glanced over her shoulder, back at the door and unlocked it. She pulled the door open and stood like a sentinel.

  “Kerry.”

  “What are you doing here?” she demanded.

  “I need to see Avery.”

  “Really? Now you need to see her?”

  “Kerry, is she here?”

  She folded her arms in defiance. “You have no idea what you did—what you did to her.”

  “That’s why I’m here, because I do know,” he said quietly.

  Kerry’s chest rose and fell. She glared at him for a moment longer and then stepped aside and let him in.

  “Thank you.”

  The door shut behind him. “Have a seat. I’ll go—”

  They both looked toward the stairs.

  Avery gripped the bannister. When he looked into her eyes in that way that flipped her heart, for a moment she forgot what was wrong, all the crap that happened in the last twenty-four hours, and all she wanted to do was run to him. But she didn’t.

  “You want me to stay?” Kerry asked.

  “No. It’s okay.” She came down the final step and walked into the living room. “Why are you here, Rafe?”

  “I needed to see you, cher.”

  Her insides shifted. She bit down on her bottom lip, crossed the room and sat on the side chair to keep him from sitting next to her, so that she could think—breathe.

  Rafe was not going to make it easy. He came to her, knelt in front of her and took her hands in his.<
br />
  “Forgive me.”

  She blinked rapidly against the burn of tears that threatened to fall.

  He squeezed her hands, lifted one to his lips and kissed the inside of her palm. “Forgive me, cher. I never wanted to hurt you, deceive you. Never. I should have told you everything that I knew when I knew it. Yes, I planned to go and see her without telling you. Not because I wanted to lie to you, but because I wanted to be sure before I brought my baggage and asked you to unpack it.” The ache in his voice reached his eyes as they moved inch by inch across her face and dipped down into her soul. “I love you. You.”

  She would put an end to all this, and tell him it was too late, that he should leave. Now. But she needed something different for herself. She needed to stop being afraid of tumbling into love, and allow it into her heart. For real. If there was anyone she could take that big leap with, she believed it was Rafe Lawson.

  Slowly she nodded her head, wiped at her eyes. “I love you,” she said in a shaky whisper.

  “That’s all we need.” He rose from his knees and gently pulled her to her feet, took her face in his large hands. He lowered his head and covered her lips with his.

  Her sigh mixed with his moan of relief and need.

  “I’m sorry, cher,” he whispered against her mouth before dipping his tongue into the sweetness of her mouth.

  Her arms looped around his neck, and his clasped around her back and waist and pulled her fully against his rising desire.

  “Come home with me,” he said, his voice hot with desire.

  She leaned back to look into his eyes. “New Orleans?”

  “Arlington.”

  She held onto the smile blooming on her lips. “Oh.” She tipped her head to the right side. “And what would we be doing at your home in Arlington? A girl has to get to work in the morning.” Such that it was. But they had enough to deal with. She’d deal with her own issues.