When I'm With You

by Donna Hill

  “We kind of lost touch when she moved to New York with Justin.”

  Avery wouldn’t have relocated to New Orleans for him, even though he’d been willing, much like his brother Justin, who uprooted his life for the woman he loved. He finished off his second drink as the dark clouds loomed closer.

  “You’re a long way from home yourself.”

  “Here on business.” His jaw tightened. “How ’bout another refill.” He held up his empty glass.

  “You know we have the best crab cake sliders this side of the Mississippi. Why don’t I bring you a plate with that next drink?”

  He half grinned. “Sure thing.” He grabbed a handful of mini pretzels from the glass bowl she’d subtly put in front of him, and tossed them in his mouth. He chewed thoughtfully, thinking about relationships that were his examples: his sisters and their husbands, his aunt Jacquie and Raymond, Justin and Bailey, and even his father and mother, when she was alive. They were all willing to sacrifice a part of themselves for the person they’d committed themselves to. That’s what he’d been willing to offer Avery, beyond his body, his soul, his fortune. Obviously she didn’t feel the same way.

  Addy returned with his food and his refill. “Need anything else, let me know.”

  “Wish it was that easy, darlin’,” he said into his glass. “Wish it was.”

  * * *

  Addy made sure he was good and sober before he left Baldwin’s nearly three hours after his arrival. He could tell the drinks had grown weaker as the pretzel bowl grew larger and was topped off by two cups of coffee.

  “I want to thank you for a very pleasant afternoon,” he said after paying his tab. “I’m pretty sure you’re the reason I won’t be a stain on the street.”

  “You just be careful out there, and I hope whatever is bothering you works itself out.”

  He pushed to his feet. “I’m sure it will one way or the other. Always does.” He winked.

  “Take care.”

  “You, too.”

  Addy walked to the other end to serve a customer. Rafe reached into his pocket for his wallet, returned his credit card and took out a hundred-dollar bill. He wrote “thank you” and placed it under the pretzel bowl.

  He stepped out into the late afternoon sunshine, glanced back at the awning. Baldwin’s. He shook his head, hopped on his bike and revved the engine. Hopefully Avery would be long gone by the time he returned. He needed to get ready for his trip to Florida and finally clear his plate of the distant and soon-to-be past so that he could move on.

  Chapter 16

  “I’m listening,” Kerry said while she settled on the paisley printed side chair.

  “I haven’t been honest...about my health.”

  Kerry sat straighter. “What are you talking about? You said the doctors cleared you.”

  “Only because I haven’t told them what’s been going on with the headaches.”

  Kerry frowned.

  “They haven’t gone away. Sometimes they are almost blinding.” She paused. “I stopped taking the pain meds for a while before my physical so there would be no drugs in my blood.”

  Kerry hung her head and then looked across at her friend. “Why?” She held up her hand. “Don’t tell me—because of this damned job.” She blew out a breath of frustration. “Are you crazy! Over a job. Seriously? What good is it going to do if you pass out or worse?”

  Avery worried her bottom lip with her teeth. “My job, my career—it’s everything that I’ve worked for. Can’t you see that?”

  “What I see is someone willing to sacrifice their health and maybe their life for a job that will replace you in a heartbeat with a plaque on the wall. Not to mention that you could be putting everyone around you in jeopardy if you have one of those episodes on duty. I know how important this promotion is for you. It’s a chance to prove something to your father.”

  Avery looked away.

  “But, girl!”

  “I was scared. I am scared that it’s something more than the after effects of the explosion.” She blinked slowly. “It’s the real reason why I broke it off with Rafe.”

  “What? What are you talking about?”

  Avery curled up tighter in the chair. “Rafe has already lost so much. Everyone in his family told me what losing Janae did to him.”

  “Yeah, but apparently she ain’t lost,” she snapped.

  “That’s not the point.”

  “Then what is? ’Cause I don’t get it.”

  Avery dropped her bare feet to the floor and leaned forward. “If something is really wrong with me...something serious, I can’t saddle him with that. I won’t.”

  “You’re being very...Avery. Stubborn and single-focused. That man loves you. You love him.”

  “It’s not enough.”

  “Hell if it ain’t. Sickness and in health.”

  “After the ‘I dos.’”

  “You don’t even know what’s really wrong. For all you know, it could be the medication, or your recovery time is just longer than they thought. It could be a bunch of things.”

  Avery wiped a tear away.

  “I can’t let you do this. You’re going to the doctor and let them run whatever tests they need to run. And we’ll deal with whatever. As for Rafe, that part is up to you, but going to the doctor is not up for debate. I’m going with you.”

  “Okay,” she conceded. “As long as you come with me.”

  “Not a problem. Make the appointment.” She stood. “You’re staying here tonight.”

  Avery nodded.

  “I’m going to see what’s in the fridge, or we can order.” As she passed Avery she squeezed her shoulder. “It’s going to be okay.”

  Avery stared off into the distance. What if it wasn’t?

  * * *

  “Please stow away any electronics, put tray tables up and ensure that your seat belt is locked. We will be landing in the Sunshine State shortly, where the weather is a balmy 80 degrees.”

  The flight attendant’s announcement clicked off. Rafe gazed out the window as the landscape of Florida began to break through the puffs of white.

  He’d barely slept the night before, leaving his mind and body on edge. When he’d returned home, there was a space in his soul that wanted Avery to be there to fill it. But the larger space, that dark hole that had begun to spread, was glad that she wasn’t.

  The plane bumped down on the tarmac and cruised to the gate. Rafe unsnapped his seat belt, got up and retrieved his carryon from the overhead, and then helped a young mother who was trying to juggle a sleeping baby and two bags.

  “Here, let me help,” Rafe offered and gently took the bags and draped them over his shoulder.

  “Thank you so much,” she breathed in relief. “I think my son must have gained five pounds while he slept,” she joked. She peered down at the baby’s innocent face.

  “He slept the whole trip,” Rafe commented, walking down the aisle, behind the woman.

  “He is an angel. Never gives me a minute of trouble and he loves to travel.” She laughed lightly and kissed the baby’s forehead.

  They exited the plane and walked out into the arrival terminal.

  “Do you have luggage?”

  “No, but my husband is meeting me in baggage claim.”

  “So, you live here?” They walked side by side through the throng of travelers.

  “Yes. About five years. Originally from New York. My husband’s mom got ill so we relocated here. You?”

  “Visiting. From New Orleans.”

  She smiled. “I thought I heard a little twang,” she teased.

  Rafe chuckled. “I should have picked up on the New Yawk.”

  She wagged a finger and grinned. “I told my husband that we may have moved South but I was keeping my New Yawk accent.”

  T
hey entered the baggage claim area and headed for the exit. She peeked over heads and between bodies and then suddenly her face lit up. She raised her arm and waved.

  “There he is.”

  A tall, medium-built man in a white T-shirt and khaki shorts came toward them, but it was clear that he only had eyes for his wife and son.

  The instant they were close enough his fingers threaded through her Angela Davis afro and pulled her in for a long “find a room” kiss.

  Rafe lowered his gaze until the couple reluctantly separated. Their son was wide awake now and apparently just as happy to see his father as his mother was, as he began to bounce in his mother’s arms and reached for his father. The man lifted his son into his arms.

  The scene in front of Rafe was simple, happened every day, but for him it hit his gut in a way that saddened him. This was what he’d hoped for—to have his own family to come home to. Maybe this kind of life wasn’t in the cards for him. That realization broke something inside him.

  The woman turned toward Rafe. “I am so sorry. Sweetie, this nice man helped me with my bags. I didn’t even ask your name.”

  “Rafe Lawson.”

  “Thanks, man,” the husband said and shook Rafe’s hand before taking the two bags from him. “Glen Dawkins, and you’ve met my wife, Selena, and our son, Gabriel,” he said, sliding his arm around the waist of his wife.

  “Pleasure.”

  “Thanks again,” Selena said. “Enjoy your stay.”

  Rafe offered a tight-lipped smile, gave a short nod to the couple and walked away. He couldn’t imagine that enjoyment would factor into his visit.

  Once outside, he called for an Uber, and a half hour later, he was in his hotel room at the W.

  Rafe sat on the side of the king-size bed that faced the beach. From the panoramic window of his fifteenth-floor suite the pulsing expanse of Miami Beach spread out before him. Any other time he would be planning his night out on the town; instead he was mulling over the inevitable. He stared at the face of his cell phone, used his thumb print to open the screen and scrolled for the number stored for Janae. He looked at it, tossed the phone across the bed. Not yet.

  Rafe stood, walked to the window and opened the terrace doors. He leaned on the railing and inhaled the scent of ocean air.

  Why put off calling Janae? It was the only reason he was in Florida. But to see her, confirm for himself that the voice on the phone was truly Janae, would upend everything he’d believed and grown to accept all these years. Where would that leave him—them?

  He turned away from the setting sun and returned inside. He picked up the phone from the bed. This time he dialed her number.

  “Hello?”

  “It’s Rafe.”

  “Hi,” she said with that same sweet inflection that he remembered.

  Rafe closed his eyes for a moment. “I’m in town. Only overnight. I thought we could meet tomorrow.”

  “Yes,” she said almost before he could finish.

  “Where?”

  “You can come here if you don’t mind.”

  “Text me the address. Noon work for you?”

  “Fine. I’ll see you then.”

  “Tomorrow, then.”

  Rafe disconnected the call and realized that his pulse was racing. He dragged in a breath, looked at his screen again, swiped for his messages and snorted a derisive laugh. Nothing from Avery.

  His phone chirped with an incoming message. Janae’s address. He slid the phone into his pocket, picked up his room card key from the dresser and went in search of the bar.

  Chapter 17

  “Ready?” Kerry asked while she checked the contents of her purse.

  “As ready as I can be.”

  “I’m just glad the doctor was able to see you on such short notice.”

  “Guess he heard the low-level panic in my voice. He wants me to go straight to the diagnostic center for the CAT scan, then come to his office.”

  Kerry walked over to where Avery stood, putting on her jacket. She put her arm around the shoulder of her friend. “I know you’re scared, but it’s going to be okay. I feel it. But you have to believe it, too. And no matter what the doctor says, we’ll deal with it. I’m here for you.”

  Avery’s luminous brown eyes welled with tears. She pressed her lips tightly together and nodded her head.

  “And you’re going to talk to Rafe. Tell him the truth. He deserves it.”

  Avery glanced away, took her purse from the hall table. “I’ll think about it. Rafe is busy reconnecting with his lost love.”

  “You know that’s not what’s going on. It’s what you want to be going on so that you have a way out—blame him so that you won’t have to tell him that you’ve been lying to him.”

  Avery jammed the straps of her purse over her shoulder. “I know what I’m doing,” she snapped and walked to the front door.

  “No, you don’t,” she muttered.

  Avery tossed her a “not today” look over her shoulder. Kerry stuck out her tongue.

  “I carry a gun too, ya know.”

  Avery huffed and stifled a chuckle. Kerry knew her better than she knew herself and always had a way of making her see the light, even when she didn’t want to.

  “I’ll call him,” Avery said, barely above a whisper, once they were seated and belted in Kerry’s Honda.

  Kerry lifted a brow. “Good.”

  “After I get the results back.” She held up her hand to stop the retort she knew was coming.

  Kerry put the car in gear and pulled out of her driveway. “Fine.”

  Avery didn’t realize just how frightened she was until the nurse told her to get undressed and put on the gown, and that the doctor had ordered an MRI rather than the CAT scan. She knew instantly that the reason for the change was the doctor was concerned that something was missed on her earlier CAT scans. MRIs produced much more powerful images that revealed issues deep in tissue and bone.

  She wanted to run out and just say the hell with it. But she knew she couldn’t go on this way. She wanted her life back, free of pain and fear. Besides, she’d never get past Kerry, who was sitting in the reception area, waiting for her.

  She hung up her clothes and put on the gown. A few moments later the nurse came to take her to the exam room. The tube-like contraption looked like something out of Star Wars.

  The technician helped her onto the table and positioned her.

  “This will take a while,” the technician said. “And the noise can be unsettling, but I need you to remain as still as possible. We don’t want to have to do this a second time.” He made some adjustment to the panels on the tube and then left the room.

  Moments later she heard the voice of the technician. “Ready to begin. Please don’t move.”

  Avery closed her eyes, tried to tune out the rhythmic metallic bang of the machine and said a prayer.

  Chapter 18

  Rafe crossed the expansive lobby of the W hotel and stepped out into the blazing sunshine and pulsing energy of Miami. The Audi convertible rental that he’d picked up at the airport was driven to the front door of the hotel by the valet.

  “Your keys, Mr. Lawson,” the valet said.

  “Thanks.” He took a twenty from his wallet and pressed it into the young man’s hand.

  “Thank you, sir. Thank you.”

  Rafe gave a quick lift of his chin in acknowledgment and got behind the wheel of the Audi. He adjusted the mirrors and the seat to accommodate his height, punched in the address on the GPS, put the car in gear and drove off.

  He’d been to Miami a few times over the years, mostly to party along South Beach, which is known for its glamorous nightspots and celebrity-chef eateries. He’d lost track of high-end stores and indie fashion shops he patronized that lined the shopping strip on Lincoln Road Mall. So, between th
e parties at night and the beach during the day, he really didn’t pay much attention to street signs and landmarks. But from what he could recall, not much had changed since his last visit.

  * * *

  The streets, even before noon, were teeming with a montage of revelers, many of whom looked like they were coming in from the night before and others just getting started.

  Rafe took Ocean Drive to the A1A. According to the GPA, he should arrive at Janae’s place in twenty minutes. Staying focused on the building traffic helped to keep his thoughts off what he was heading toward. But every time traffic slowed to a halt, a flash of Janae would jump in front of him.

  He was so torn between simmering anger at the deception that had gone on for more than sixteen years, and the unresolved feelings he’d buried that had begun to bubble to the surface.

  Her house was less than five minutes away. He took the next exit and drove along Orchard Road and began checking addresses. Number 5856. He slowed and turned the car onto the short driveway and pulled up to the single-story home. The large bay windows wrapped around either side of the front door, which was covered by a portico. The lawn looked freshly mowed and the shrubbery clipped with precision. A single towering palm stood sentinel.

  For several moments Rafe sat behind the wheel, gripping it with both hands. The house didn’t look like anything he’d ever imagine for Janae. But then again, he no longer knew this Janae. He turned off the engine. There was no turning back. Whatever happened on the other side of the door, he’d deal with.

  The front door opened in concert with him stepping out of the car. For an instant the world stopped spinning. It was her, in the flesh, and not her at the same time. His heart hammered so hard in his chest that it was difficult to breathe. And then she smiled. It was Janae. He would never forget the smile that lit up every corner it touched.

  Caught in the surreal moment he slowly walked down the rest of the driveway and stopped at the bottom step.

  “Rafe...”

  Her hair was long now, framing and hiding her face at the same time, not like the short twists she once wore that showcased her wide eyes and high cheekbones.