When I'm With You

by Donna Hill

  The microwave dinged.

  Commercial.

  * * *

  Avery stood over the bed, watched him sleep. She should leave it alone. He said it was nothing, but her antenna pinged, and she wouldn’t rest until she knew for sure. She turned away and went to take a shower before turning in for the night. In the morning. They’d talk in the morning.

  * * *

  Something woke her. She blinked into the darkness, tried to pinpoint what had crept into her sleep. She reached for Rafe, and the space beside her was empty. She sat up, peered into the darkness and made out his figure sitting in the chair by the window. The full moon cast him in a forlorn halo.

  “Rafe?” She tossed the covers aside and got out of bed and padded over to where he sat. “You okay?” She caressed his cheek and sat on the arm of the chair.

  “Yeah. A little restless. Didn’t want to wake you.”

  “Can I get you anything?”

  “I am kind of hungry. Fell asleep before dinner.”

  “You needed the rest.” She stood. “I’ll heat up something.”

  “Nothing too heavy.”

  “How about a bowl of lobster bisque and a small salad?”

  “Lobster bisque! Don’t tell me Alice fixed her secret weapon?”

  Avery chuckled. “A tall container full.”

  “You have got to have some.”

  She stood. “Maybe I will. Be back in a minute.”

  * * *

  What he told Avery was only partially true. He was restless, but it wasn’t because of pain. It was because he couldn’t shake the notion that he’d seen Janae in the crowd. Only an instant, like mist. You know it’s there but can’t really see it. Maybe it was his imagination and the drugs they’d given him that had him seeing things, but his gut told him differently. What would she be doing here?

  He shifted in the chair and slowly lifted his injured leg to rest it on the footstool. Coming to terms about Janae was the most difficult thing he’d ever done. Walking away after seeing her, hearing what happened to her and all that she’d endured, tore him up inside. From the moment he walked out the door he’d questioned—off and on—his resolve to not look back.

  “Mind if I turn on the lights?”

  He pulled away from the turn of his thoughts. “No. Go ahead. Hmm, smells good.”

  Avery walked over and gingerly set the tray down on the small square table.

  “Looking mighty good in that little pink nighty,” he teased and ran his fingers along her bare thigh.

  “Bet you say that to all the girls.” She sat in the opposite chair and reached for the bowl of soup. “Now let’s see what makes this legendary.”

  “I need to tell you something.”

  Avery stopped the spoon halfway to her mouth. “Okay.” She took a spoonful, and her eyes closed in bliss. “Oh. My. Goodness. This...this is...” She took another mouthful. “Heaven.”

  Rafe grinned. “Yeah, told ya.”

  She set down her spoon with a soft click against the white porcelain bowl, focused on his distracted expression. “What’s wrong? What do you have to tell me?”

  Rafe looked right into her eyes. “This will sound crazy, but today when we were leaving the hospital, I swore I saw Janae.”

  Her nostrils flared. “Janae? That’s...why would she be here? You said she was in Florida.”

  “She is. I don’t know.” He shook his head. “It was only a couple of seconds and when I looked again she was gone.”

  That was it. He had seen something or thought he had. She didn’t know what to think or how to feel. She gripped the arms of the chair. “Tell me honestly, are you really over Janae?” He started to speak but she held up her hand to stop him. “I’m not accusing or...whatever. I just need you to be as painfully honest with me and yourself. What the two of you had and how it ended or didn’t changed your life, your heart, and then to find out that she’s still alive...well it’s not something that you simply ‘get over.’ I wanted to believe that you could. I needed to believe it. But that’s not reality. The fact that you think you saw her in a crowd after your own near-death trauma says volumes.”

  Rafe hung his head. “You’re my psychiatrist now?”

  “What!”

  “Forget it.” He slowly lowered his leg to the floor. “I love you. I loved her. I won’t deny that. I can’t. But she was then. You are now. The fact that I think I might have seen her in the crowd doesn’t mean that I have some sort of distorted fantasy about me and her reuniting. Or that we’re bound in some kind of way because of what happened to each of us.”

  Avery pursed her lips. Why was she still so afraid? He’d proved his love for her time and again. He’d loosened the reins on his business so that he could relocate to DC for her. He’d come back to her even after she’d accused him of thinking she was a gold digger. He didn’t run when she was terrified of her own health; instead he simply said they were in it together. Time and again he’d confirmed his love for her. So why?

  She linked her fingers together. “I’ve never had a love like this,” she said slowly. “I know I’ve said it all before, and I thought that I was finally finding that space in here,” she pointed to her chest, “to simply accept that I’m capable of being loved the way you love me.”

  “Avery, darlin’, you’re the toughest, most intelligent, determined woman that I know when it comes to your career. You would move mountains for your job. Actually risk your life for your job. But when it comes to us—me and you—the slightest thing and you’re ready to jump ship.”

  “Rafe, I—”

  “No. I need you to listen. It took me sixteen damned years to even take a chance on falling for anyone. Anyone. Sure, there’ve been women in my life. I admit that. But none of them got beyond the walls I’d built—until you. When I met you, Avery, I knew I wanted to try again. But it seems like the harder I try, woman, the harder you push back. Maybe it’s all the fucking years of second-and triple-guessing people, always on high alert, waiting for the shoe to fall, to uncover the bad guy that has you in a place where you can’t trust.” His eyes roamed over her face. “Everyone is suspect—even me.”

  She drew in fluttering breaths. “You’re not—please don’t believe that.”

  He limped to his feet, wobbled for a moment and then steadied himself. “It’s not me that shouldn’t believe it, darlin’. It’s you.” He stood over her. “If we’re going to make this work you’re going to have to trust me and trust yourself. Trust that what we have is real and that the boogeyman is not behind door number two.”

  Avery slowly stood. She cupped his face in her hands and he slid his arms around her waist. “Please be patient with me.” She kissed him. “You had sixteen years and multiple trial and errors to get where you are now.”

  He started to respond but decided against it.

  “I promise it won’t take me sixteen years.”

  His lips flickered with the beginnings of a smile. “You sure about that?” He pulled her close.

  “I’m not sure about anything.” Her eyes caressed his face. “But when I’m with you, I believe anything is possible.”

  “That’s all I need,” he said, lowering his head.

  “Oh really?” she cooed and raised her mouth to meet his. “You sure that’s all you need?” She brushed her lips across his.

  Rafe palmed her rear and pulled her tight against him. “Far from it. Anything you can do about that?”

  “I’m pretty sure I can...”

  Chapter 28

  “I don’t know, Q. Some days I figure it’s gonna be all good, and the next I’m not so sure.” Rafe absently ran his finger across the small scar over his eye. He picked up his mug of coffee and put the phone on speaker.

  “I hear ya, bruh. Look, if anyone knows what you’re dealing with, it’s me.”

 
Rafe could kick himself for being such an insensitive prick. Quinten not only lost his twin sister, Laci, to gun violence, he lost Nikita, the first true love of his life, in a tragic car accident. No one was sure if he would ever come back from that. He’d given up on everyone and everything and then one day he met Rae. He and Quinten had bonded years ago, but their bond was strengthened by the experiences that they shared. Yeah, Quinten did know.

  “Do you still think about her?”

  “Nikita?”

  “Yeah.”

  “All the time. Not the same way or with the same pain, but yeah I think about her.”

  Rafe was quiet. He slowly turned the mug on the counter.

  “You’re not being disloyal to Avery to think about or even still have feelings for Janae,” Quinten said, filling in the space and the unasked question.

  “How do you balance the two, make it work?”

  “Man, you know I was beyond f’d up after Nikita. But Rae helped me get better. I let myself go with how I felt instead of trying to fight it. Wasn’t easy. You, my brother, have a very rare circumstance.”

  “Yeah, for real.”

  “Doesn’t mean you can’t move past it. I’m pretty sure part of what’s spooking Avery is Janae literally coming back from the dead. It’s one thing to fight off a ghost, but flesh and blood is a whole other story. Look at it from her perspective. And you gotta remember that less than six months ago she was nearly killed, and then your plane crash. I’d be spooked, too.”

  “When did you get so insightful?” he teased.

  “Man, while you was busy running the streets and dating supermodels and whatnot I was being domesticated. Tapped into my ‘feminine’ side.”

  Rafe burst out laughing and Quinten joined in.

  “But on the real. We lucky, bruh.”

  “Lucky?”

  “Yeah, both of us got a serious second chance.”

  Rafe sipped his coffee. “Yeah, we did.”

  “So like she asked you, give her a chance and give yourself one, too.”

  “Thanks, man.”

  “Not a problem. My bill is in the mail.”

  “Along with my check,” Rafe said laughing.

  “On another note, how you feeling?”

  “Day by day. Ribs are still sore. They took the staples out of my thigh yesterday. At least I can get in the shower now.”

  “I know that’s a relief. Hey, I’m working on some new stuff. I’ll send it to you. See what you think.”

  “Cool. I need to get back to my music. Going stir crazy.”

  Quinten laughed. “Anyway, bruh, like I said, give Avery a chance. And give yourself one, too.”

  “That’s the plan.”

  “Later, man.”

  “Later. Give my love to Rae.”

  “Will do.”

  Rafe turned the speaker off the phone.

  Alice poked her head in the door. “Going to run some errands. Need anything while I’m out?”

  “No. Thanks. I’m good.”

  “Okay. See you in an hour or so.”

  Now that he had the house to himself, he decided to take a long, hot bath to get some of the kinks out, and then grub on one of Alice’s magic containers and head to his studio. Maybe he’d compose something for Avery and surprise her when she got in from work.

  Garbed in his favorite pair of grey sweats, with a bowl of homemade chicken soup in his hands, he headed to his studio.

  His in-home studio was modeled after the major recording studios. The soundboard was state-of-the-art and the soundproof plexiglass-enclosed recording space came equipped with standing mics, a keyboard, a drum set and a six-foot couch to crash on.

  Playing the keyboard was not his strength, but he knew his way around enough to write his melodies. He’d been playing with some lyrics in his head that he needed to get down on paper. He grabbed a notebook and pencil from the shelf, stretched out on the couch and started to write.

  He got up, sat at the keyboard and began teasing out a melody.

  Suddenly Alice appeared and tapped on the glass. Rafe waved her in.

  “Good to see you in here again.”

  Rafe grinned. “Feels good. Didn’t realize how much I missed it.”

  Alice stood in the doorway, folding and unfolding her hands. Finally, Rafe looked up.

  “Something wrong?”

  Her expression tightened and loosened. “I don’t know how to say this—I swear I just saw Janae.”

  The pencil slipped out of his hand. He sat up straighter. “What?”

  “It’s crazy. I know. But when I was coming up the street there was a car on the corner at the red light. As I was passing the car she turned and looked at me. I was so stunned that I couldn’t react. The light changed and she drove off.” Alice shook her head. “But it couldn’t be Janae.” She gave a little shiver.

  He thought back to the day he was discharged from the hospital. Her face appeared in the crowd and was gone.

  “Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I know all that you—”

  “Sit down, Alice. Please.”

  Hesitantly she slowly lowered herself onto the end of the couch.

  “Something you need to know. Probably should have told you sooner.”

  “Told me what?”

  “Janae isn’t dead.”

  “Oh, my God.” Her hand flew to her chest. “I don’t...what are you saying?”

  “Aunt Jacquie got a call...”

  Rafe unfolded the story for Alice, who sat in opened-mouth silence, an expression of utter disbelief etched on her almond-brown face.

  “I don’t know what to say or what to feel. All these years,” she said, the sound of awe mixed with sadness laced in her voice. “Are you okay?”

  “Getting there. I mean it rocked me. I won’t lie.”

  “You said you think you saw her at the hospital and now she’s at the house.”

  “Pretty sure if that was her that you saw, then it was her that rang the bell a few minutes earlier. I ignored it.”

  “Rafe, I don’t like the sound of this. How did she know where you lived? You bought this place after—”

  He pushed out a breath. “I don’t know. But there isn’t much you can’t find out on the internet. For all I know she may have followed the car home from the hospital.”

  “That was weeks ago. She’s been here in Virginia all this time?”

  “Apparently.”

  “I don’t like this. Did she seem...okay when you saw her in Florida?”

  “I guess. I mean I think I was so rocked by seeing her again I didn’t focus in on anything that could be wrong.” I still love you, Rafe. “The last place I expected her to be is here.”

  “Avery knows?”

  He nodded.

  “Maybe you should call her, Rafe. If it really is her, then you need to find out what it is that she wants.”

  Rafe stared off into the distance. “I’ll think about it.”

  Chapter 29

  “How’s everything going with the new position?” Rafe asked while he washed Avery’s back.

  She lifted her face up to the shower and then turned toward him. “Getting the feel of things. It’s different. A lot more responsibility, learning the culture of the department, new personalities. But it’s good.”

  “Hmm.”

  She brushed her wet hair away from her face and studied his closed expression. “Something wrong? You’ve been weird all evening.”

  He blinked and focused on her. “I’m good. Just thinking about this piece I was working on today.”

  Her brows shot up. “You were in the studio?”

  He bathed in her enthusiasm. “Yeah.”

  “And?”

  “Got started on a piece. Still some more work to
do.” He reached around her and turned off the faucets.

  “Can’t wait to hear it.” She grabbed a towel from the rack, handed it to him, took one for herself and then another to wrap her hair in.

  “Soon as I’m done.” He kissed her forehead. “Promise.” He tucked the towel around his waist and strode into the bedroom.

  “We haven’t talked much about your health since you started the new job.”

  Avery curled closer to Rafe and pulled the sheet up over her shoulder. “Wow, now that I’m actually thinking about it—I haven’t had an attack in weeks.”

  “Really, nothing at all?”

  “No.” The excitement rose in her voice. She rose up halfway. “Pain free. I haven’t had to take any medication. With all that went on with you,” she draped her leg across his, “and the new job I hadn’t even noticed.”

  Rafe kissed her forehead. “Aw, darlin’.”

  “The doctor did say it would take a while.”

  “Yeah, so that doesn’t mean to go buck wild because you’re feeling good.” He chuckled.

  She playfully swatted his chest. “Guess everything happens in its own time. And speaking of things in their own time, we never did get to go to New Orleans.”

  “Hmm, true. I’m free as a bird.” He laughed. “We have to work around your schedule.”

  “Could we do a weekend?”

  “Whatever works.”

  “And we’re going to fly in a regular plane, like regular people.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  She ran her hand gently along his chest. “Better?”

  “Almost good as new. Just a twinge every now and then.” He turned toward her and ran his hand along her bare side. “Maybe we should test it out.” His mouth pressed against hers and his tongue teased her lips before dipping inside her mouth.

  She shifted her body beneath him.

  “Love you, cher,” he whispered.

  She stroked his cheek and parted her thighs for him. “Show me.”

  He made a noise deep in his throat. “With pleasure.”