Pleasing Josie (Surrender Book 5)

by Becca Jameson

  It’s so unprofessional of me to have gotten emotionally invested in my weekend guests. I’ve done this sort of thing before. I’ve even stepped in and had sex with people when it was warranted. Never, ever have I fucking fallen for them.

  How the hell is Josie going to take this news?

  Fuck.

  I don’t have the answers. But I have to figure something out. My voice is deeper when I speak again. “It’s okay. Not everyone can fill that kind of role. It doesn’t make you less of a Dom. You know that, right?”

  He winces. “How is that helpful? I can’t be what Josie needs me to be.”

  I have a tough job here. “She has more than one side. She loves the side of her that submits to you. The side that enjoys being restrained in elaborate shibari. Do not doubt that for one second.”

  He meets my gaze. “It’s not enough, and you know it.”

  “So we have some work to do.” I force a smile I don’t feel. “Go get dressed. We’ll go downstairs and find something for dinner.”

  He draws in a breath and then nods and walks toward the door. When he reaches it, he turns around. “Thank you though, for everything, for helping us find ourselves. I know we both needed the kick in the ass. If Josie and I don’t end up staying together, it won’t be your fault. We have unmet needs. Both of us.” He turns back around and leaves the room before I can even begin to respond.

  I feel like shit. I don’t like to fail. I shouldn’t feel like a failure. Not every couple who comes to me ends up staying together in the long run. Sometimes part of the process is realizing they aren’t compatible. But this is different. I let myself fall for them. I know in my heart they would be fine together if they had the right third. They need a goddamn third. Someone who can dominate both of them.

  Not you, I remind myself. I wish I were in a different place in my life. A season where I could be available for two subs. If there were any way, I would never let them leave this house tomorrow.

  But I’m not in that place. It’s not possible. I have to let them go and arm them as best I can with options. All I want to do is insist they stay, and I have no right.

  Chapter 21

  Josie

  I’m sitting on the back patio in the round swing, my legs drawn up tight against my chest. I’m barely swaying because I have no way to give myself a push, and I’ve been sitting here a while.

  Master Grayson and Master Quinten are in the kitchen behind me cleaning up from dinner. They sent me outside as soon as we finished, and I’m not sorry. I need space to think.

  I’m staring out at nothing when I hear the door slide open behind me. I know in this position they can easily see my pale blue panties because my dress is short and my knees are raised. I don’t care.

  Master Grayson gives my chair a push before sitting in one of the wicker chairs with the dark green cushions nearby.

  I smile at him and close my eyes, tipping my head back to enjoy the sway.

  Master Quinten takes a seat in the opposite chair so that we are in a sort of triangle to each other.

  No one speaks for a while, and finally, I turn my head to find them looking at me, and I flush for some strange reason. I set my chin on my bare knees and sigh. “I’m little,” I declare.

  “Yes, you are, princess. Does that bother you?”

  “Maybe.” I lift my gaze and glance from Master Quinten to Master Grayson. “I’m worried. It feels like this weekend has only proven something I don’t want to know.” It’s hard for me to say that. I’m afraid I might cry. My lips are trembling.

  Master Quinten shakes his head. “Don’t look at it like that. You’ve accomplished a lot already. You’re finding yourself. When you got here yesterday, you didn’t fully realize you wanted to be little. Now you do.”

  “But…” I look at Master Grayson whose brow is furrowed in concern.

  “I know,” he says. “We have a conundrum. We need to figure it out.”

  I squeeze my eyes shut and curl into a ball, lying on my side in the swing. “It’s like I’ve been the wrong person and I didn’t know it. I didn’t know I was missing something. And now…” I draw in a breath. “Now that I’ve found her, I just want to climb into my canopy bed with a fluffy stuffed animal and curl into a ball and snuggle under the covers and…” I’m not even sure how to continue.

  “And let someone else take care of you,” Master Quinten finishes softly.

  He’s right. I glance at Master Grayson who isn’t looking at me and swallow. I’m not sure what he’s feeling. Sometimes in the past day he has seemed to step up and fill a hole I need. Other times he’s been hesitant. “Sir…” I murmur.

  Master Grayson lifts his gaze slowly and sighs. “I’m sorry, Josie. I’m letting you down.”

  I jerk to sitting. “What do you mean? You’re not letting me down.” I don’t want him to feel this way. I hate it.

  He nods. “I am. I wasn’t totally honest with you earlier.”

  I frown. “When?”

  “When I spanked you.” He draws in a breath. “It’s not my thing. I totally enjoyed watching Master Quinten spank you, but I’m not the right Dom to strike you.”

  I blink a few times, taking this in. “Why didn’t you say anything?” I murmur.

  His shoulders drop. “Because you loved it so much, and I wanted to make you happy.”

  “I am happy, Sir.” I grab the sides of the swinging chair. “I love you.” I want to be sure he knows this. “Being little…it’s just one side of me. I don’t have to play in this sandbox if it’s not something you want.” A piece of my heart is ripped out as I speak. I’m lying to him. I’m holding back tears too.

  He shakes his head. “Don’t be ridiculous. Your little side is important to you. We’re going to figure this out. I love you too, Josie.”

  I curl in tight again, uncertain. Confused. I try to visualize us going back home and I can’t picture what sort of dynamic we might be able to settle into. My brain can’t come up with anything at all. It’s scaring me.

  “Why am I like this?” I ask the night at large.

  Master Quinten draws in a slow breath finally. “There’s nothing wrong with you, if that’s what you mean, princess. You know you’re not alone. You have two friends who are both littles. Lucy and Sabine. I’m sure they’ll both be willing to help you understand yourself better in the coming weeks. Some people enjoy the freedom of living as a child. It’s not nearly as unusual as you might think.”

  I lick my lips. “I don’t get it. How is being a little freedom?”

  “Because you don’t get to make as many choices. Littles turn their decision-making over to their Master or Daddy or Mommy. They enjoy an environment that has restrictions and boundaries. It’s freeing to not have to be the one to choose what you’re going to eat or when you’ll go to bed or what you’ll wear.”

  I chew on my bottom lip, thinking about his response.

  He continues. “Living in a structured environment allows you to just be. Relax. Curl up like you are now. Most littles I’ve encountered enjoy an extremely strict home where they choose very little and must obey a set of rules. If they push on those boundaries, they get spanked and sent to timeout. It’s a constant reminder that they’ve entered into an arrangement where they’ve turned over their decision making to someone else.”

  “Sabine is naughty,” I point out, my voice falling into that of a young girl.

  Master Quinten chuckles. “I’ve heard. She’s new to the lifestyle, princess. She’s testing her Daddy still. She needs firm boundaries. As time goes by, she will behave better. Unless she simply enjoys having her bottom spanked.”

  I think about Lucy. She’s different. “Lucy’s a good girl.”

  “Yep. She’s been Master Roman’s little for five years. They have a well-established dynamic.”

  “Was she naughty when she first became his little?” I ask. I think Master Quinten has known them longer than that.

  “Not that I recall. Lucy’s a pleaser. S
he doesn’t like to get in trouble.”

  “What kind of little am I?” I ask in my babyish voice once again.

  “I’m not sure yet, princess. Probably somewhere in between. I bet you’ll get yourself into trouble for a while just to see what you can get away with, but I doubt you’ll enjoy spending much time with your nose to a corner.”

  I shake my head. “I don’t like timeouts.” After a moment, I look toward Master Grayson. He’s been quiet.

  I feel bad for continuing this farce. It’s like I can’t stop it. And Master Quinten is so good at being a Daddy to me. He’s watching me, and he’s smiling. “Master Grayson?”

  He winks at me, though it might be forced. “I know. I’m quiet. I don’t have all the answers. I don’t have any of them really.” His expression sobers. “I can tell you that I love that you’ve found yourself. Being a little suits you beyond my imagination. And you can’t begin to understand how attracted I am to you when you’re little. It’s hot as hell. My cock has been hard since we got here. I want to scoop you up and fuck you senseless.”

  “But you’re not a Daddy,” I point out, my lip trembling again.

  He sighs. “I’m not. I don’t have the instinct to take care of you like you crave.”

  I glance at Master Quinten who is pensive now, his fingers steepled in front of his lips, tapping them. He draws in a breath now that we are both looking at him. “I think you two would benefit from adding a third to your relationship.”

  A third? Is he insane? Is he seriously suggesting we find someone else who isn’t him and let them into our lives? How can he be so flippant about this? I have whiplash from all the times I’ve noticed he’s just as interested in me and Master Grayson as we are into him. Either he’s an amazing actor, or he’s lying to himself about how easy it will be to send us packing tomorrow. I can’t possibly be sure which is the case.

  He keeps talking. “It won’t be an easy task, of course. It will take time to find someone who fits you. However, you can still play and satisfy your needs in the meantime at Surrender while you remain on the lookout for him or her.”

  Her… I hadn’t considered a Mommy figure. I’m not sure how I feel about that idea. But fuck him. Fuck him for his nonchalance about us.

  Master Grayson’s brows are drawn. He’s just as displeased as me, but at the mention of a Mommy, he jerks his gaze to Master Quinten. “A woman…”

  “Maybe,” Master Quinten points out and then looks at me. “Keep your options open. Just because you’ve spent a full day as a little doesn’t mean you’ll crave it full-time. It might feel like that right now, but it’s hard to say. It’s too new. Lucy eventually needed an adult life outside of being Master Roman’s little, so she went to college, got her degree, and works outside the home. She divides herself into two compartments.”

  “Sabine doesn’t,” I point out. I’m feeling defiant.

  Master Quinten shrugs. “Sabine hasn’t been in the lifestyle long enough to be sure of that. She may very well reach a point where she craves both worlds. It’s not unusual for you to be feeling emotional overload right now. You might even be convinced you never want to switch back, but you need to take a step back and slow down a bit. It’s possible you can keep your foot in both worlds.”

  I’m angry. I’m frustrated. I’m also scared. Not just because I’m little. I’m frightened about what the future will hold. At this moment, I don’t ever want to be big again. But I understand what he’s saying. It’s like someone handed me the corner of a new kind of delicious candy bar. They keep giving me another small chunk. I want more. I’m starving for it. Maybe in a few days it will lose its appeal and I’ll be able to come up with a balance. One that includes the life I’ve had with Master Grayson for over a year. If our relationship is even still salvageable.

  I close my eyes again and picture Master Grayson dominating me. The sobering expression he gets when he hovers over my body. The way he slowly circles me when he attaches me to the bed, one limb at a time. The way my heart races when he’s finished even before he touches me. God, I love that.

  I open my eyes and meet his gaze. I shudder when I see that very look on his face now. The expression that tells me he’s aroused and would like nothing better than to snatch me off this swing, carry me upstairs, and drive me to the edge of sanity with his ropes and blindfolds and fingers. Is he thinking the same thing as me?

  Master Quinten shoves off the chair to standing and comes to my side. He leans down and tucks his arms under me to lift me. “It’s time for bed, princess. You’re way too comfortable on this swing.”

  The moment he’s holding me, I can no longer hold on to my anger. He smells so good, and he’s so strong. I love when he holds me like this. I wish I knew if he loved it as much as me. If so, why does he keep insisting he can’t be our third?

  Unable to keep myself from enjoying this closeness, I wrap my arms around his neck as he carries me toward the door. Master Grayson is already standing there and he opens it for us to pass by, but he stays outside. Perhaps he realizes I need more time with Master Quinten.

  I’m sad as Master Quinten ascends the stairs. This is my last night here. Tomorrow we’ll go home. I don’t want to leave. When we reach my room, Master Quinten sets me on my feet and pats my bottom. “Go use the bathroom and brush your teeth, princess.”

  I drag my feet to do as he’s told me, sighing against the door as soon as I’m alone. I take my time using the toilet and brushing my teeth and then I head back for my room.

  Master Quinten is the only one in the room, and he’s sitting on my bed. “Come here, sweet girl.”

  I pad over to him. He lifts my dress over my head and then puts a thin white nightie on me. “You’re very quiet, princess.”

  I look up into his eyes. “I’m sad that this is my last night here.”

  He smiles and pulls me into his embrace. “I know, Josie. I’m sad, too. But we still have all day tomorrow, and by the end of the day, I think you’ll have a clearer idea of what you need from a Dom. So will Master Grayson. You two are strong, both together and as individuals. I feel confident you can work together to make sure both your needs are filled.”

  I don’t have his confidence. Not even a fraction of it. I’m worried. I’m also still angry that Master Quinten acts like he can so easily discard us. As if he’s not the slightest bit concerned. There have been several occasions when I felt confident he was as into us as we are him, but then he turns around and hardens himself, insisting he can’t be in our lives. It’s maddening.

  He lifts me into his arms and carries me over to the rocking chair. When he sits, cradling me in his arms, I snuggle into his embrace and sigh. It feels so good to be held by him. It’s confusing because I like it when Master Grayson holds me, too. I’m conflicted. Maybe I need to let this side of me go or risk losing Master Grayson. “Are you sure there’s nothing wrong with me?” I ask, my voice quivering.

  “Of course not, princess. Why do you think that?”

  “Because I love Master Grayson, but I also like it when you rock me and hold me too. It’s not the same.”

  He has one hand under my nightie, stroking my bare back. His fingers are teasing the edge of my breast, which I love. “That doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you, princess. It means you have needs that more than one person can meet. I bet there are other people you love, too. You don’t have to love one person. Nor do you have to love everyone the same way. Your heart is big enough to find a Daddy you can love while still loving Master Grayson.”

  I burrow into him, clutching the front of his shirt. I don’t want to find another Daddy. Can’t he see that? My lip trembles again as I think back on this entire weekend. Maybe I’ve totally misread him and he doesn’t have any desire to be my Daddy. This has been a business arrangement. He enjoys helping people find themselves.

  I squeeze my eyes closed. I don’t believe any of that. He really likes me. He’s demonstrated it over and over. I’ve seen his façade crack severa
l times. I’ve watched him staring at me when he didn’t realize it. I saw the blissed-out expression he had when Master Grayson sucked him off. He couldn’t have faked that.

  On the other hand, if he felt half as much for me as I feel for him, he wouldn’t talk of other Daddies or the fact that our time is over tomorrow.

  I’ve been foolish. Master Quinten is a very rich man. He’s also important. He has a best-selling book and clients. He doesn’t want some little girl and another man in his life. Of course not. Why did I ever hope he would? Even if he does care for us as more than just weekend guests, he’ll get over us fast and move on.

  I inhale his scent. I’m going to miss that part most. Or maybe the way he pats me or how he strokes my breast. Or how he dresses me like I’m precious. I even like how he spanks me.

  When I squirm on his lap, the plug presses against my tight hole. I’ve gotten used to it.

  Master Quinten taps it with his fingers. “We need to take this out before you go to sleep.”

  I wiggle and my voice drops into the higher-pitched little voice. “I don’t like it when you pull it out, Sir. It stretches my bottom.”

  He smiles and then carries me to the bed. “Silly girl. You can’t leave it in overnight.” He sits on the edge and turns me onto my belly so that my bottom is on his lap. He pulls my panties over my bottom and down my legs, removing them. And then he twists the plug in circles a few times before pulling it out.

  I flinch as the widest section forces my bottom to stretch.

  “There. All done. What a good girl.” He helps me crawl off his lap with one hand and then heads for my bathroom. I know he’s washing the plug and putting it away, and then he returns. “Climb under the covers, princess.”

  I don’t see my panties anywhere, and assume he took them to the hamper with him, so I scramble to pull the comforter back and slip between the sheets. I don’t want him to leave. When he sits on the edge of the bed again, I grab his hand and grip it. “Don’t leave yet. I don’t want to be alone.”