It’s not just me. At first, I thought I was the one shaking things up with my newfound desires. But I’m not the only one. Master Grayson has another side, too. He’s a switch. Which means now we both have needs we can’t meet for each other. He has made it clear he isn’t Daddy material, and it goes without saying that I certainly can’t dominate him.
I’m worried this weekend with Master Quinten has compounded our issues instead of resolving them.
Master Quinten rubs my back for several minutes before pulling me onto his lap. “Why don’t you go take a shower? And then we’ll get you dressed and get downstairs.”
I nod. “Yes, Sir.” As I slide to the floor, I have mixed emotions. I wish Master Quinten would bathe me, but he hasn’t suggested that this morning.
I hurry through my bathroom routine, and when I step out of the shower, Master Quinten comes through the door. He’s holding up two dresses. “Which one would you like to wear today?”
I point at the pink one. It’s a polyester blend with puffy sleeves, smocking that will cover my breasts, and a skirt that will start just below my chest.
He sets it on the counter, takes the towel from me, and finishes drying me off. When he’s done, he squats in front of me, and I hold on to his shoulders to step into my panties. He pulls the dress over my head next. God, I love how he takes care of me. I’m aroused again just from the attention. Finally, he points at the stool under the vanity. “Sit, princess. I’ll fix your hair.”
He brushes through the long length before gathering it into two sections and putting two high pigtails above my ears. When he finishes, I spin around, my skirt flaring out. “How do I look?”
He smiles. “Like an angel. Come here.”
I shuffle over to him, and he takes me in his arms and cups my face. His lips descend to mine, and seconds later, I melt into him. I love how he kisses me. I’m going to miss this so much.
“Let’s get downstairs. Master Grayson will be waiting,” he tells me when he releases my lips.
Chapter 25
Master Grayson
It’s our last day, and I’m conflicted as I enter the kitchen. No matter how many talks I’ve had with Quinten about our options, I’m devastated. My foundation has been shaken.
Quinten is cooking breakfast, and he has just handed a dish to Josie. “Can you carry the plate of pancakes to the table? Use both hands.”
She picks up the plate and slowly walks toward the table.
Quinten turns his attention to me. “Will you grab the juice and the glasses? There’s a plastic cup for Josie.”
I set the glasses on the table and then the juice. Afterward, I pull out Josie’s chair.
She giggles as her dress flares out and her bottom hits the seat. “Thank you, Master Grayson.”
I scoot her in and then tug one of her pigtails. “You’re welcome.”
“Stop squirming, princess,” Quinten says, though I didn’t even see him glance at her.
“Yes, Sir,” she murmurs, stilling her thighs before she tugs her dress over them to no avail. The skirt is too short to hide any part of her.
Quinten opens a drawer and pulls out a small lid, which he brings to the table and seals over Josie’s cup before tapping her on the nose. “There. Now you won’t spill.”
I watch her as she takes a sip, holding the cup with both hands. She’s adorable. This woman I have lived with for a year is suddenly someone else, and I’m just as attracted to her, if not more. But I’m not her Daddy. Quinten is. Does she need this full-time? I can’t do what he’s doing.
My chest tightens as I glance at Quinten. I’m angry with him. He’s going to destroy us with his determination to remain alone. I wish I had the instinct Quinten has to be Josie’s Daddy. If only that were the case, we could ride off into the sunset. But it’s not the case. Far from it.
As I take my seat, Quinten sets a hand on my back and smooths it up to my neck. Can’t he sense my frustration? If not, he’s not very in tune with people.
When I lift my face toward him, he smiles before releasing me. Is it forced? Or is he relieved we’ll finally be out of his hair today?
Damn him.
And damn my traitorous body. I’m aroused from his touch. I’m submitting to him. I’m dominating Josie and submitting to Master Quinten. It’s not even awkward. Not with Master Quinten, anyway. I don’t see how the hell this would work with a different Dominant.
We all sit down to a breakfast of sausage and pancakes, like the perfect family. But we’re not. We’re three people spending this one weekend together. Resentment mounts as I force myself to swallow each bite. Quinten is serving us and eating like our world isn’t about to fucking explode.
“Use your fork, Josie,” Quinten admonishes when she gets syrup all over her hand. His voice is calm.
My world is anything but calm.
I watch her. I can’t be sure what she’s feeling, but she’s hiding her annoyance with Quinten well. She’s eating like a small child instead of the grown woman she is. When she’s an adult, she has impeccable manners. As her little, she’s intentionally making a mess.
What am I to her? I shudder because the reality is that I’m her lover. I’m struggling with my defined role. I can’t just stay on the sidelines and watch her interact with others, as much as I’d enjoy that. I’m going to have to dominate her myself. I crave it, but what I crave is a different type of domination. I know she enjoys our dynamic, the one we’ve had for over a year. I know she will continue to enjoy it. But it’s not going to be enough for her ultimately.
When we’re done, we all take our plates to the sink, and Quinten wipes Josie’s hands and face. “Would you like to go outside for a while?” he asks Josie.
She bounces on her feet. “Yes.” She skips toward the door.
“Slow down, princess. No running in the house.”
“Yes, Sir,” she murmurs as Quinten opens the sliding door to let her out.
I follow behind them, shutting the door at my back.
Once we’re outside, she spins around. “Can I go on the swing, Sir? Please?”
“Of course. You want me to push you?”
“Yes.” She bounces on her feet and then takes off at a run. Quinten follows her indulgently.
I follow, too, still fascinated by this side of her, especially her ability to so blatantly ignore the ticking clock. At least that’s what it appears. After two days, I’m still mesmerized. Josie is so pleased. She’s glowing. Her dress is flying around. Her panties are yellow, and she doesn’t even try to hide them.
When she reaches the swing, she grabs the chains and jumps up and down. “Lift me up?”
Quinten rounds behind her and lifts her onto the rubber seat before pulling it back and releasing her to fly through the air.
She squeals. “Higher.”
He gives her another push, but sets some boundaries. “Not too high, Josie. You’ll fall.”
“I won’t fall, Master Quinten. I’m holding on tight.”
“You’ll keep it low enough that I don’t worry or you’ll get off the swing and not be permitted back on it again today.”
“Yes, Sir,” she grumbles, pumping her legs.
He pushes her a few more times and then nods toward the patio. I follow him.
“How are you doing, Grayson?” he asks.
I draw in a breath, scowling. “What do you think?” I answered with enough snark in my voice to start a fire. I look toward Josie who is laughing and swinging too high. She’s so carefree. I’m a ball of nerves.
Quinten sighs loudly as he pats the seat next to him on the small outdoor sofa. His arm is resting on the back of the cushion, and I settle against it. He sets his hand on the back of my neck and gives a squeeze. “Talk to me.”
I try to school my voice so I don’t start screaming my frustration. It won’t do any good. Quinten has made his opinion on this situation clear. He’s not interested in more than these last few hours. Or he’s at least not interested in discu
ssing options. “If she needs this full-time, I’m not her man. You know that. We all know that.”
“We don’t know that will be the case. She’s experimenting this weekend. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t crave what the two of you had before.”
I turn my face toward him and nearly growl, “We have a dynamic with you.”
He sighs. “Yes, but you can have the same dynamic with another Dom.”
I can’t hold back another second. I glance at Josie to see she is still swinging before I narrow my gaze at him. I have to work hard not to fucking scream. “Look me in the eye and tell me your interaction with the two of us is the same as it is with any other couple you’ve worked with.” I’ve made a demand, and I’m not sure how he will respond, but I need answers. It’s awkward because I’m this man’s submissive. I’m not his equal. It’s palpable. I can feel it in the air between us. He should not permit me to speak to him in this tone, but he’s made it clear he doesn’t want me, so fuck it.
He stares at me a moment and then responds with a non-response. “It doesn’t matter how I feel. I’m not available for anyone right now. My schedule is full. You’re going to have to figure this out on your own, Grayson.”
“You’ve memorized that story so well, Quinten. It’s getting old.”
Quinten narrows his gaze. I expect him to admonish me for my insubordination. I’m daring him to do so. But suddenly, I see Josie fly through the air out of the corner of my eye. She has released the swing, but she doesn’t land on her feet. She lands on her knees. And when she lifts her head, her eyes are watery.
We both stand and head toward her.
She drops onto her butt. “I fell.” She’s holding her knee. It’s pink but not bleeding.
“What did I say about going too high?” Master Quinten admonishes.
She lifts her gaze, eyes glistening, bottom lip trembling. “I’m sorry, Sir.”
Quinten crouches down beside her and looks at her knee before kissing it. “You’re fine, princess. The skin isn’t broken. See?” He lifts it slightly.
She glances down and nods.
He picks her up and carries her to the swing that she likes so much on the porch. After settling her in it, he gives it a slight push. “There. Much better.”
She nods and then leans back in it and pulls her knees up toward her chest. I suspect she’s hurting inside much more than outside.
As Quinten resumes his spot on the sofa, he says, “I have every faith in you two. I know you can make your new dynamic work.”
I stare at him. Is he fucking kidding? I’m not sure who he’s trying to convince. Me? Josie? Or himself? He’s not meeting my gaze or hers right now. In fact, he rubs his thighs with his hands and then starts going over all the things we should do to balance our needs. Clinically. Like it’s no big deal and he’s the perfect psychologist. He’s not fooling me. He’s affected by us and won’t face it. His disassociation is telling. It gives me hope while it also pisses me right the fuck off.
He’s rambling about sceneing with other people at Surrender, about coming up with a new normal at home, about balancing our identities and some shit.
I glance at Josie. She’s curled into a tight ball, not moving, not looking at either of us.
I can’t take another second. I hold out a hand. “Stop. That’s enough.”
Quinten flinches, his mouth hanging open mid-sentence. “Grayson.” His voice is part admonishment, part shock, part sorrow. I’ve had enough.
“We’ve heard all of this. You’ve made yourself crystal clear. You’re not going to entertain the idea of seeing us again. Got it. So, let’s just spare ourselves the torture of these last few hours of pretending everything is just great and it will all work out. It isn’t great, and it’s not going to fucking work out. I think Josie and I should leave now.”
When I turn to her, she has pulled out of her ball slightly and her eyes are on me, wide. Her mouth drops open, and she hesitates, but then she sits up and takes my hand. Thank God. I help her out of the swing.
“You don’t have to do this,” Master Quinten says in a low voice, his head in his hands.
“Yes. We do,” I inform him as I pull a trembling Josie to my side. “Your head is so far up your ass that you’re incapable of reason.” If things were different. If Quinten weren’t flat-out denying us a part of himself. If this were an ordinary day in the world I’d rather be living in, he would never let me speak to him that way.
But he says nothing.
I lead Josie past him with a firm grip on her hand, but she doesn’t balk. Leaving him outside, I hurry upstairs and cup her face at her door. “Pack whatever you want. He said you could take the clothes he bought you.”
She nods. Tears are in her eyes, but she doesn’t defy me.
Twenty minutes later, we’re in the car. Josie is withdrawn. Not surprising. She wipes away tears every once in a while.
“I’m sorry,” I murmur when we come to a light. “I snapped. I didn’t even give you a voice.”
She shakes her head. “No. You were right. It was time to go.”
I draw in a deep breath. At least my own submissive isn’t furious with me on top of everything else.
She continues to cry silently all the way home. When we get there, she goes to our room, changes into a tank top and normal panties, and climbs into bed, facing the wall.
I give her space for a while and then sit next to her and set a palm on her hip. I need to know she’s not mad at me. “Josie?”
“I’ll be okay. I promise.”
I’m not so sure. I’m not even sure I will. My heart is aching, and I can’t even fully share my grief with the woman I love. We’re each grieving in our own way.
We took a gamble. We met a man. We got too attached to him. We couldn’t have foreseen that happening.
And now he’s lost to us.
It hurts. It’s going to sting for a while. We might not recover from it as a couple. But dammit, I intend to try.
Chapter 26
Josie
“I’m not sure about this,” I tell Master Grayson as he drives me to work the next morning. We haven’t spoken much to each other in the past twelve hours. I know Master Grayson wanted to. He tried. I wasn’t ready.
I don’t blame him for what happened. He was totally right. My frustration level was as high as his by the time Master Quinten started his professional spiel about what we should do and not do to make our lives rosy. I was hiding my sadness and anger better than him all morning, but it was just beneath the surface.
When Master Grayson climbed into bed behind me last night and pulled my back against his chest, I relaxed in his arms. It felt right. I love being in his arms. He kissed my shoulder and said, “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” I easily responded. At least we still had each other and an unspoken commitment to give our relationship everything we’ve got. The pain in my chest was real, but I reminded myself that my love for Master Grayson is just as real.
Now, we’re in the car. It’s early. Master Grayson glances at me. “I spoke with Kellen last night. He suggested we come for breakfast and that you dress however you feel comfortable.” He grabs my hand. “If you decide you don’t want to be little while you’re working, you can always change. That’s why we brought other clothes.” He lifts my hand and kisses my knuckles.
I sigh. He’s right. I’ve packed adult clothes in a bag and put on a yellow dress and sandals. I’m uncertain. It’s not that I’m worried about being little in Master Kellen’s home. That doesn’t bother me. It’s that I’m not sure about working for him while I’m little. I’m not sure I can balance it. I’m not sure I want to.
We pull up front and Master Grayson comes around to let me out of the car. He grabs my bag from the back seat and follows me to the house.
Master Kellen opens the front door before we knock. “Good morning.” He smiles at me and shakes Master Grayson’s hand. “Come on in. Sabine is already eating breakfast. You can join her
, Josie.”
Moments later, we’re entering the kitchen where Sabine is sitting at the bar having breakfast.
Without a word, as if it’s all perfectly normal and we do this every day, Master Kellen lifts me onto one of the booster seats and pushes me up to the bar. He sets a plastic plate in front of me that looks just like Sabine’s, with scrambled eggs, toast, and apple slices. There’s a plastic cup of milk, too. “Thank you, Sir.”
“You’re welcome.” He pats my head and heads to the kitchen table with Master Grayson. The two of them sit with cups of coffee. “How was the weekend?” he asks.
My back is to Master Grayson, so I don’t twist my neck around, but they aren’t speaking in low tones or intentionally trying to talk behind my back.
Sabine glances at me and smiles, and I’m grateful she doesn’t speak because I want to hear what my Master has to say.
Master Grayson lets out a long breath. “I think Josie and I need a few days to process everything.”
That’s an understatement. I can’t blame him for simplifying. Neither of us is ready to talk about what we experienced, and I’m certain Master Grayson isn’t excited to start telling people he’s a switch.
He changes the subject. “Josie wasn’t sure how she wanted to present herself today, so she brought a bag. I told her she’s welcome to change if she decides she’s uncomfortable.”
“Of course. That’s understandable. Totally up to her.”
“I have several appointments today, and then I’m going to meet with Roman and Julius after work. Do you mind if Josie stays here?”
“Of course not. Take your time.”
I know about his meeting. He called Roman when we got home last night to set it up. He’s also adamantly insisted that he isn’t meeting with the owner and manager of Surrender to discuss me behind my back. He’s meeting with them to discuss himself. And that makes sense.
Pleasing Josie (Surrender Book 5) Page 19