by A. M. Brooks
Before I can stop myself, I wonder if Jay will be there tonight. He seems to be running in the same circles as Marco and the guys. My stomach flip-flops thinking about seeing him while my head still reasons that I shouldn’t care. Groaning in frustration, I lay my head on my arm and look at the clock before climbing on the stool to get the glasses I prepped for tomorrow. Only a few hours left.
By ten p.m., I’m showered, my hair is dry. I attempted my makeup as best as I could and changed my outfit five times. Anxiety is dripping from my pores, and a flush creeps over my skin making sweat dot my upper lip. It was getting closer and closer to when Toni would be picking me up.
Pacing in front of my closet, I examine my outfit again. God, I was becoming one of those girls. I never used to have this problem. Blake would say it was time to go, and I just went, not caring what I looked like. I hated feeling this desperate need to please. The denim washed jeans I wore hugged my legs perfectly. They were ripped at the thighs showing the fishnet tights I had on underneath. A grey cut-off t-shirt that was cropped right below my black lace halter bra was covered by my army jacket. The black eyeliner I applied to my eyes made them look smokey, while the shimmer gloss I applied to my lips tinted them almost red.
At the last minute, I decided to leave my hair down in waves. I’m finally ready and have to hold a fist against my stomach to contain the waves rolling around. “Blaise!” I hear my name called, followed by a few knocks at the door. Toni was here. I leaped off my bed, quickly stepping into my black Converse on the way down the hall.
“Hey,” I greet him, opening the door so he can step in before I head into the kitchen quickly to grab the spare key.
“Hey,” he says, his voice trailing off when he looks around at the dark and quiet apartment.
“My mom is working tonight,” I tell him, feeling like I need to explain why the apartment looks like it hasn’t been lived in, even if it was a lie. For some reason, I don’t want to just tell Toni that my mom took off for another girl’s weekend. It feels personal. His eyes locked on Blake’s senior picture on the opposite wall.
“Gotcha,” he responds quietly, his eyes still on the picture. “We should go.” He slips me the smile that I knew too well it usually meant Toni was up to something.
I follow Toni out to his car, a sleek, red Corvette Z06 race car that hefrequently drove at Scar when they had been in high school. Toni was a great driver and had won many races back in the day. I knew Blake had bet on him more than a few times to win so that we had extra grocery money. Before my buckle even clicked into place, Crazy Town’s “Butterfly” was bumping from the stereo. Unable to help myself, I laugh.
“What?” Toni asks, his voice mischievous, a huge grin pulling at his lips. “I’m bringing old school back.” He starts to sing and I pretend to cringe at how off-key he is. We laugh and sing the song on repeat while he drives us out of town and toward the desert.
Scar is a dirt racing track located out of town out in the sand. It was out of Sarge’s jurisdiction and belonged on a piece of reservation. The cops didn’t care about the gambling, illegal street races or the underage drinking. It was a haven for criminals and thrill-seekers. By the time we pulled up, the place was already packed and a few races were already going.
Toni slides his car up next to Joey’s Jeep. Their friends are parked nearby, some sitting in truck beds, on lawn chairs, and on the hoods of cars. The atmosphere is filled with adrenaline. The air is thick with dust and the smell of burning rubber and gasoline. We walked over to where Stone and Joey are waiting, and I let my eyes scan the crowd, a few familiar faces stand out. Marco and Roxy were set up in the middle of the clearing, jamming to Disturbed’s “Down with the Sickness.”
My gaze stops when I notice Jay a few yards away from where we were heading. He was leaning against a neon green Aston Martin racing car. I wonder briefly if it’s his or if he knows the driver. My eyes take in everything about him from the Nikes on his feet, traveling up to his faded jeans that hang from his hips, and that thin line of tan skin barely visible from the edge of the dark blue Henley shirt. His red baseball hat was flipped backward. He looked amazing. My heart thudded to a halt when the same blonde from the party the other night slings her arm around his waist. I watch him pull her closer, his hand falling down to rest against her ass, which was barely covered in a black leather skirt. She looks beautiful and very cold. For some reason, tears pricked at the corners of my eyes causing my nose to sting.
As if he can feel my gaze on him, Jay’s head shoots up. I look away just in time and plaster a fake smile on my lips while I follow Toni over to where the guys were standing in a circle.
“Blaise!” Joey yells, pulling me into a side hug. His other arm is wrapped around a pretty Native American girl I don’t recognize. I’d kill for her thick hair though. We both smiled and laughed at Joey’s attempt to hug us together.
“‘Sup, little B?” Stone’s voice cuts across the circle. I lift my chin at him in response. The party continues around me, and I let myself sink into the familiarity of it. The bass pounds causing vibrations in my chest. The smell of the open air, the roar of the engines in the distance and the cheer from the crowd; I miss nights like this.
Stone watches me from where he was standing with a knowing look on his face. Blake... he had loved nights at Scar, too. He lived for them. Without thinking, I make my way over until I am standing right in front of Stone. He hands me a beer, towering over me in the process. I take it from him, twisting the cap off easily. Four months sober and now I’ve drunk two weekends in a row. Party on, Blaise.
“Ya thinking about him, too?” Stone asks me.
“Always,” I respond. He nods, biting his lower lip. Stone was hot, there was no doubt about it. He is a few years older than me, but like his name, Stone was all beautifully angled and hard. He rarely smiles. His demeanor icy. Stone wasn’t nice to me, but he wasn’t mean either. He has always just been distant. He watches and doesn’t speak unless he has something to say.
“I miss him,” he tells me before his eyes sweep the crowd, hiding any emotion from me. I just nodded in response.
“Hey, guys!” Toni waves us toward the tracks. “Joe is up next!” I notice that the majority of the crowd was now moving toward the lined up cars. My gaze swings to Joey’s car only to find Jay leaning against the side as well. He looks down at the engine with Bobby, a kid I graduated with, who works at the garage in town. The blonde was still attached to his hip, practically embedding her fake claws into his forearm. I look away before he catches me staring again. I’m angry at myself for thinking about him as much as I have been when he clearly doesn’t care. Obviously the other night was an anomaly enhanced by liquid courage.
I make myself focus on Joey who was buckling himself in before the crowd pushes off to the sides. Joey and Bobby pull their cars toward the front line. I can feel the weight from Jay’s gaze on me now that he has seen me. Feeling embarrassed, I shrink further into Stone and Toni who are standing on both sides, flanking me. I try distracting my brain watching Joey whip around the outside edges, cutting Bobby off in the third corner, giving him the momentum he needs to race across the finish line. I cheer with everyone else around me when he comes to a stop. Seeing Joey race was almost poetical. He could handle any car or motorcycle and drive flawlessly. He lacked fear which was dangerous for any opponent in a race. Watching Joey at Scar again had my heart racing.
Joey drives his car back over to where we were standing, sliding out of his seat, and collecting money from anyone who had made the poor choice to bet against him. Bobby drives back to where his friends are, only this time when I glance, Jay and the blonde are gone. They left together. My heart pinches. I push down the emotion, close it off, and sweep the pain away. I have no claim on Jay.
“Blaise,” Toni says, laughing at me, he must have said my name a couple of times judging by everyone else’s expressions.
“Sorry,” I tell him, my cheeks blushing.
“I
t’s okay.” He laughs again. “We’re going to Marco’s, a few people are heading there, want to go?”
It’s a tempting offer, but the thought of my bed suddenly seemed much better. I wasn’t sure if it was because Jay showed up with another girl or the memories from being at Scar, but I’m suddenly just ready to be by myself again.
“Nah,” I respond, shaking my head. “It’s been fun, but I should get back. Got to work in the AM. I’ll catch a ride with that chick I work with,” I tell them, nodding over at Molly.
They all nod, giving me side hugs before disappearing into the crowd. I wait before heading into the darkness toward the trail leading to the main road. I lied about getting a ride from Molly, deciding a run back into town would be better for me. The farther away from the fire and crowd I get, the colder I began to feel. I wrap my arms around my frame, walking fast, suddenly aware that someone was following behind me. I whip around, almost tripping over my feet before slamming into Jay’s solid body.
“What are you doing?” he asks, stepping toward me as I continue backing up.
“What are you talking about?” I ask, cocking my head to the side.
“You shouldn’t be here,” he spits venomously, his jaw clenching.
“I was invited,” I throw over my shoulder as I turn back around, sprinting toward a vacant car in the distance. I could give two fucks about what Jay has to say right now. He spent all night ignoring me with some chick all over him and now he’s demanding to know why I’m here. He has no claim on me.
“It’s dangerous,” I hear him say, his voice a whisper of breath against the sensitive skin on the back of my neck.
“You’re here,” I remind him, whipping back around ready for a confrontation. I suck in my breath when his chest pushes against my front. His head tilts down so he can look into my eyes. Those dark brown orbs probe mine, reading my thoughts and analyzing my secrets. He makes my knees weak. I chew on my bottom lip anxiously, waiting for him to speak, when his eyes dart down following the movements of my teeth.
“I’m working,” he replies, though he looks distracted.
I laugh. “Is that what you call it?” I scoff before practically sprinting the short distance to the road. He chuckles behind me.
“Are you jealous, Blaise?” I stopped dead in my tracks, my fists clenching until my short nails leave crescent moons in my palm.
I turn around ready to flip him off, instead Jay grabs my arms, spinning me until my back hits the side of the abandoned car. He crowds closer while I’m still in shock. My back rests against the tinted window, his torso holding me in place. Our hands grapple, fighting for dominance. I try to push away, but he slams me back again. I release one hand and bring it up, resting it on his chest, pushing against him to give myself space.
“Come here,” he breathes against my lips before taking my mouth with his. He tastes so good, minty with a hint of liquor. My lips answer every pull and sweep of his tongue, my body melts into his, and my legs climb up around his waist to grip him tighter against me. His hands release my wrists and I automatically entwine my arms around his neck. I can feel the brutal force of his grip on my backside.
Everything around us blurs and disappears until it’s just him and I. His body demands more, rocking into me, forcing my legs to tighten farther around his waist until the inside of my thighs shake. It was like he had a hot wire to my brain when he starts rolling his hips slower and pressing harder. My breath hitches and lodges in my throat when I feel him slide his hand between our bodies. Strong fingers grab through the material of my jeans adding pressure right where I crave it. Three more controlled strokes and I’m coming undone, my body buckles and sags into him. A small moan escapes from my lips.
Jay sets me down suddenly, my feet barely touch the ground before he’s pulling himself away from me.
“Fuck,” he mutters under his breath. My cheeks heat red, and suddenly I feel embarrassed. I march away from the car as fast as I can on shaky legs, ready to put this night behind me and sleep off the feeling of being unwanted. Jay’s warm hand wraps around mine, pulling me to a stop before he’s back in my space. His hands cradle my face, forcing my eyes up. I know tears are shimmering in mine, and I prepare myself to see the pity or rejection in his. My breath catches. His dark orbs eat mine hungrily. Soft lips touch my forehead causing me to shiver slightly.
“Get in the car, baby. I’ll take you home.” His words mean something in my brain, only my body can’t respond. I think I’m in shock. Jay once again has managed to turn my world upside down.
Confused and turned on, my body still humming from the explosiveness, I get in the car as Jay rounds to the other side and gets in too.
“This is your car?” I ask, my brain and mouth starting to connect again. His eyes slide to mine and he smirks.
“Didn’t think I’d dry fuck you against just anyone’s car, did you?” he responds. I don’t answer because honestly, I hadn’t been thinking at all. A total random person could have been inside the car and I wouldn’t have noticed.
“Where’s your truck?” I say while still trying to process my life.
“I returned it,” he answers while carefully maneuvering over the bumpy path to the main road. He cracks the windows and lets the breeze in.
“I thought it was yours,” I respond with a shrug of my shoulder.
“I don’t like having the same vehicle for more than a few days when I’m on certain cases.” His voice drops off as if he said more than he wanted. My heart thuds in my chest and fear coils down my spine. Being near Jay makes me forget the why of him being here. Murder. He hits the play button on his radio and the Red Hot Chili Peppers floods the small space. I relax back into my seat while he drives us back toward civilization.
When we get to my apartment complex, Jay parks the car with ease into my mom’s empty spot before shutting off the ignition. He moves as if he’s done this a hundred times before. Like it’s a memory ingrained in his mind and he doesn’t ask for my direction. My mouth parts in surprise, the questions are on the tip of my tongue, but Jay moves faster. Before I can blink, he opens my door, dragging me from the car, and pulls my body against his again. Any alarm bells that were about to go off are now on silent. His hands run from my shoulders down to my waist leaving scorching heat in their wake. One touch and I realize I don’t have it in me to lie about where my mom is. Lie that he shouldn’t come in because we wouldn’t be alone, or to even pretend that I’m not basically on my own, living with my brother’s ghost. Not tonight, tonight I want to feel like I did the last time Jay touched me, even if he doesn’t remember. Jay’s been bringing life into me again, just by being in this town and he doesn’t even know it.
Jay’s mouth was on mine. His hands pull me closer and I cling to him, pulling him into me. I ignore how right and how perfect this feels. Without separating, we manage to get to my apartment. Somehow we get in the door while he lifts me off my feet, half carrying and half dragging my body down the narrow hallway right into my room.
The street light across the road sheds an orange glow through the room contrasting with the darkness. I can sense Jay’s eyes on me, watching me. I feel sexy and bold, my fingers slowly lifting the hem of my tank top, exposing skin to him. The fire in his eyes encourages me to keep going. I quickly throw the top off over my head. My hands go down to my pants, undoing the button and peeling them off my legs. Standing in front of him in my lace boy shorts and bra is not awkward, but familiar. His eyes rake my body up and down. Wanting to entice him further, my fingers skate to the back of my bra to the clasp.
“Don’t,” Jay says, his voice husky. He moves toward me slowly, like a predator and I’m the chosen prey. His hand snakes out, wrapping around mine, and pulling my hands away from the clasp. His eyes, now hooded, never leaving mine. He lifts the hat from his head and sets it down on my dresser. It fits perfectly in the empty spot as if it was meant to be there. His shirt lands next to mine on the floor. For the first time I get to look at his perfect
ly sculpted chest. Lean muscles twitch on his six-pack under my gaze. Jay is all smooth, tan skin except for a trail of dark hair around his navel that descends into his jeans. A single tattoo is etched across his left pec. A cross with two sets of Roman numeral writing weaves around it.
“Like what you see?” Jay asks, a hint of a smile on his lips. I was totally checking him out and I didn’t care. I reach my hand out letting my fingers run over each groove and dip, feeling the heat emanating off him. His breath hitches and a flush sits high on his cheekbones. My body shakes when he groans, and I slip my fingers under the waistband of his briefs. Last time I didn’t get to feel or take the time to explore Jay. We had been frantic and the timing was urgent. This time we could stay in the moment. I could enjoy every inch of Jay. My hand wraps around the silky smooth skin of his cock, rubbing up and down until his head falls back in surrender.
“Blaise.” My name is scratchy coming from his mouth before his hand wraps around my wrist, yanking my hand away from him. I don’t get a chance to protest before he’s all over me, my panties drop, my bra falls to the floor, and my body is pushed down onto my bed. A slight chill ripples over my skin when he detaches from me long enough to slip his pants down and free himself. I watch fascinated as he rolls the condom down his length before climbing over me.
Without warning, Jay pushes his body into mine, impaling my hips to the bed. I hiss at the fullness, a silent cry leaving my mouth before a wave of tingles flush my body. Our eyes meet, his brown orbs are pitch black, one of his hands cups my neck, pulling me into a primal kiss. His lips are strong as they guide mine, pulling, biting, and messy to the point our teeth clash a few times. I struggle to breathe, the loss of oxygen only intensifying my building orgasm. Each thrust from Jay pushes my body up the bed. I wrap one arm around his neck and use the other to push back against the wall before my head slams into it.