by A. M. Brooks
“Alverez is cartel from Mexico. He supplies Mamacita to different clubs in Vegas. His daughter, Scarlett Reyes, is his go-to person. She does all his appearances and deals,” Seth tells me, answering my question from earlier. “All our deals with them started out easy. Just deliver the drugs and get the money. We were nameless, faceless, and it paid big.”
“Then how did it change?” I step closer to Seth, forcing his eyes to mine. All our memories together flash through his eyes and right to my soul. The person I loved first is gone and replaced with this broken individual in front of me.
“I was sick that summer off and on so I didn’t go with. They still went though because there was a rumor that the payouts would be almost triple. Alverez was talking about opening his own casino. When Blake got back he was different. Withdrawn, the guys were barely talking and when they did it was almost in code. I asked Stone what his problem was and he threw punches instead. I said fuck that, basically, and refused to go anymore if they were going to hide things. I started my part time job around the same time and they drug tested.” Seth states.
“You know what happened?” I turn to Trent, who, in turn, looks to Jay.
“Let’s talk about this part later,” Jay responds. “We all know what happened. I’ll tell her later.” His voice is tight and I can tell he’s close to losing it. We’ve been doing a lot of sharing. Even while I still see holes in everyone’s stories, I force myself to stop talking. Seth looks close to passing out, Trent has completely shut down and withdrawn. He’s not even present anymore and Jay has probably ground his teeth to pegs by now. I step back into my own space before my legs move on their own toward Jay. When I’m in arm’s reach, his hand shoots out, snatching my jacket and pulling my body into his. Seth’s eyes flicker with pain, but I can’t stop the waves of peace that washed over me instantly. I try to ignore how that makes me feel only there is no denying it. I love Jay. I couldn’t make myself tell him this morning. Tonight he was willing to share and let me lead the conversation. I’m grateful and another small piece of closure has slid into place.
“You’re with me.” Trent motions to Seth for him to follow. We watch them leave, not moving or talking. When we’re alone and can no longer hear the crunching on the gravel, Jay turns me in his embrace.
“Your place?” he asks, looking to me for direction.
My tongue suddenly feels thick in my mouth. “Yeah.” He nods and takes my hand, leading us down the same path Trent set me on before.
When we get to the clearing, Jay’s bike sits waiting for us. “We took your car here though,” I remind him, confused.
“I know, precaution,” he replies, handing me an extra helmet. I don’t even question or second guess him this time. Instead I slide the helmet over my head before swinging my leg over the bike and settling behind Jay’s frame. I wrap my arms securely around his middle when the engine roars to life. He takes off, the momentum pushing my body into his. My eyes close and I breathe in and out. Before I can fully relax, we arrive at my building and I’m suddenly on edge again.
“You okay?” Jay asks before grabbing my hand in his and leading me toward the door. I shrug, even while dying inside. Too much has happened in the past seventy-two hours and I have no idea how much more I can take. I unlock the door and lead him inside. Jay takes one step toward the kitchen and I know he sees it. My mom’s letter. Her resignation of being my mother.
He turns to me, crumpling the paper in his hand. “Please tell me this bullshit isn’t true?”
“We said no lies,” I answer, meeting his heated gaze.
A flush creeps along his cheeks, his eyes narrow. “Fucking bitch,” he spews. “She actually left you? Here?”
I look away from the intensity of his gaze, wrapping my arms around my middle. His words hurt even though I know he’s concerned. “All her things are gone,” I confirm for him. My mind rejects the idea again. How a mother not only voluntarily leaves her only living child but wants to leave is beyond me. How sick and selfish is the person who would do that?
I wait for Jay to speak. I can feel his eyes on me, watching, roaming everywhere while he reads me. Minutes go by before either of us speaks. Suddenly he moves past me, stalking down the hall until he reaches my mom’s room. The door whips open and I jump where I’m standing. From here, the echo of drawers being open and closed. My eyes have already seen the evidence yet I can’t stop my feet from shuffling forward toward the scene again. Jay storms out, almost colliding with me in the process.
“Let me stay here,” he commands, his hands cradling my face between them. My lips part in surprise. His forehead comes down to rest on mine. His scent surrounds me, easing the tension in my body. “I want to be here with you all the time,” he tells me. I want the same thing.
“I want you here,” I agree before pushing my lips to his softly. Jay continues to cradle my face and brushes his lips against mine gently, in tune to my need for comfort.
“I want to clean out Blake’s room,” I tell him, pulling away from his lips.
“Right now?” he asks, stepping back, the concern in his eyes multiplies.
I nod. “I know it’s late, but I can’t sleep. My mind is on overload right now. There isn’t much in there anyway. We can just drop it off at the storage unit.”
“Okay,” he agrees even though he probably thinks it a bad idea.
I don’t know what I expect to happen when I open the door to Blake’s room, but it’s not how I imagined it either. We make our way into the room with a box each. Jay starts removing the bedding while I take the posters and pictures down from the walls. When we moved out, Blake had already removed his clothes from the dressers and they sat empty. I open and close them regardless. Jay moves over to me, pulling out the bottom drawer until it slides off the track. He turns it upside down then feels underneath. Silently, we each work our sections of the room, overturning and looking under, until we reach the desk together.
“That’s a cute picture.” Jay nods to the framed image of Blake, Seth, Joey, and I. Our faces are tan, our smiles big and unworried. It was the first summer in years that we felt like we had a family. Blake has one arm around Seth, whose arm is slung around Joey. Joey is flashing a rock sign at the camera. I stand in front of all of them, my grin the biggest. He picks it up, popping the frame off and looking inside. I’ve done the same thing so frequently I know he won’t find anything.
“We made a treehouse on Sarge’s property that summer. We spent so much time out there Pricilla started calling it our Neverland,” I tell him. The nostalgia hits me like a tidal wave forcing my torso to bow under the pressure. “We were so close. They were family,” I mutter through the emotion squeezing my throat.
“People change, Blaise. Money also changes people. These guys had the chance to make the kind of money they’ve only ever dreamed about,” Jay tells me, his finger swiping away the tears before they slide down my cheeks. “I thought maybe it would be here,” he tells me.
“I know,” I tell him. “It’s only memories though.” Jay watches me, taking a glance around us.
“Let’s go to the storage lot,” I suggest. Jay silently agrees and follows me out of the apartment.
My face is blotchy after spending the twenty-minute drive with silent tears streaming down my face. Jay carries the boxes from my trunk to the locked stall. I spin the combination on the dial and sigh audibly when it pops open. This time I don’t even pretend to pack. I set the boxes from home onto the bench and slide to the floor while Jay goes through everything. We’re silent while he works, which is both a curse and a blessing. I don’t want to know what he finds suspicious, but then I’m also left alone with my own thoughts.
Time slips by while we’re in there. I hear Jay’s sigh that’s laced with frustration before he slides down next to me. His arm shifts around my shoulders, cradling my frame with his. “Nothing,” he murmurs into my hair.
I nod. “I know. I had hoped though maybe you would find something that I overlooke
d.”
His brown eyes meet my blue watery ones. “I did, too,” he tells me, confirming what I already suspected. “Just more memories.”
“Too many,” I agree, chuckling lightly. My eyes close and I feel Jay shift so that I’m half laying on top of him.
“Blake saw something really horrible, didn’t he?” I voice the one thought nagging me all night. Jay’s body stiffens underneath me. His chin rubs against my hair when he nods. I squeeze my eyes shut tighter, the pain in my chest amplifies until all my nerve endings are stinging in response. “I don’t want to know,” I tell Jay, tilting my face to his. “Blake worked hard to protect me from whatever it was. It was enough for him to seek you out and he tried his hardest to make it right. That’s all that matters to me.”
“Okay,” Jay responds between placing light kisses on my left cheek, my forehead, my nose then my right cheek last. He tightens his grip on me before speaking again. “I lied earlier,” he confesses and my stomach drops. I need to see his face, but he holds me immobile, trapped against him.
“I wasn’t Blake’s last call.”
I glare, watching his throat bob. Jay shifts so that he can look down at me.
“He called you.”
“He didn’t,” I challenge. “My phone never rang. I never had any missed calls.”
“I know.” Jay acknowledges my truth. “His phone never had a chance to connect, but he tried. Three seconds was on his call log. I didn’t want to tell them. You deserve to know this. Blaise, you were his first and last thought always. From the moment he started working with me, it was all about you. He told me all about his little sister and how kind, funny, and brilliant she was. He wanted you to do better than him.”
Fresh tears leak out of my eyes, a sob racking my body. “I miss him so much, Jay. I can’t do this without him. I don’t know what to do anymore.”
Jay pulls us both to a sitting position, turning my body to face his so that our knees touch. His hands wipe away my tears. There is no sign of judgment in his eyes, only concern for me. “Blake was going to get a payout from this job. He denied the opportunity to use it on himself. He wanted a fund set up in your name. He told my director his younger sister was set on going to college. Blake wanted you to have that opportunity.”
“He was so stubborn.” I chuckle through my sobs. “That’s so like him.”
Jay smiles. “He just loved you and wanted the best for you.”
“I know,” I reply. “He was the only parent figure I had. He tried to balance it all.”
“He was a good man,” Jay agrees.
“Can we go home now?” I ask, peering at him through my lashes.
Jay’s smile turns into a wolfish grin. “I love the sound of that.”
I roll my eyes and climb up from the floor. I lock up the unit and we make our way back to the car. Jay’s hands never leave my body, instead he finds any way to touch me that he can the whole ride back to the apartment. At the front door, Jay pulls a key from his pocket and lets us in. My mouth drops open, a protest on my lips until Jay captures my mouth with his. My hands come to his chest, pushing my face from his.
“The hell, Jay?”
“I’m not even sorry. I needed in. What if something happened or you needed me?”
“Still, not okay,” I respond, anger quickly rolling in. “When?”
He can’t meet my eyes at first. “When you moved back in,” he finally answers, his gaze coming back to mine.
I’m speechless and taken aback. With all the new events, I almost forgot that Blake asked Jay to watch me. That Jay’s always been watching me. Jay’s known me longer than I’ve known him. My mind withdraws. Jay must sense the moment he’s about to lose me again, his hands clutch my cheeks, bringing my lips to his before fusing us together. My hands are trapped between our bodies while his mouth does wicked things to mine. He bites and sucks at my lips until my legs are shaking, and my need for him to fill me throbs in response.
Jay guides me to my bed where my clothes melt away and his own joins mine on the floor. My back is cooled from the sheets while the front of my body is blanketed in Jay’s warmth. He parts my legs easily and guides himself into my heat, not stopping until the tip of his dick hits my cervix, filling me completely.
“Jay.” His name is a whisper and plea as it passes my lips. I want more. I need him in a way I’ve never needed anyone.
His arms bracket around my head, caging me in, while his lips tease mine. Jay starts to move over me, pulling back until he almost slides out before thrusting back in. Each stroke is deeper than the last, taking and claiming from the inside. My hands roam his back, clutching his body to mine, leaving small crescent indents from my nails in their wake. I wrap my legs around his waist, holding on while Jay makes love to me. My orgasm swirls deep inside, building more intense while Jay continues taking me, his lips never leaving mine. The release takes me by surprise, sending my back off the bed and curling my toes. I cry out loud against Jay’s mouth. He groans in response before speeding up and chasing his own release.
“I love you.” Jay punctuates each word with open mouth kisses over my neck and down across my chest before easing himself from between my legs. He rolls to his side, gathering my body into his. My mind has been effectively wiped and cleared. Everything from before pales in comparison to the feeling of having Jay hold me. My eyes flutter and close. Jay has me wrapped tight and safe, I think before falling into a dreamless sleep.
With encouragement from Jay, I contact Jenna the next morning and ask for help covering a couple of my shifts. Between her and another new waitress, I’m covered for the rest of the week and Luis doesn’t even argue with me when I call him to tell him the news. I’ve been an outstanding employee for the past three years. With the exception of the last few weeks, I’ve never taken time off. I swallow down the guilt I feel and try to remind myself what is at stake. After our discussion, Jay has moved in some of his clothes, shoes, and guns. His toothbrush sits next to mine in the bathroom and his towel hangs next to mine on the back of the door. Within hours of being awake, my fridge is stocked and I feel domesticated.
Jay makes me aware he needs to go to the operation site to check the cameras again. We shower together, saving the planet, all Jay’s idea and I learn it’s something I can definitely roll with. While he’s gone, my job is to talk to the landlord about extending my lease and adding Jay. Our relationship has suddenly moved forward twenty paces and I’m nervous about struggling to keep up.
“It hasn’t even been twelve hours,” I remind myself while standing in front of the fridge deciding what to make for dinner. Jay texted fifteen minutes ago that he would be home in time and I suddenly want a Reagan-style meal just like on Blue Bloods. Once this whole case is over, I decide this will be a weekly event and I’ll invite Trent, Seth, Jenna, and Logan too. My mind spins dream after dream for the future. For the first time in months, I feel as if I can finally move forward. I finally have a purpose and an idea of what I want. I also know college is in that dream, too. Hearing Jay confirm for me that Blake was planning to send me had made my resolve stronger to follow through. I can’t wait to tell Jay what I’ve decided. I shoot him another text about dinner and having good news. A few minutes go by without a response. Shrugging, he did say he would be driving, I make my way around the kitchen finding everything for a low key meal.
By the time six o’clock rolls around, Jay isn’t home and a pit of dread starts brewing in my stomach. I check my phone again to make sure I didn’t miss any calls or texts. All my bars show I have enough service where something could go through. The chicken and potatoes I made for us are starting to cool. Pacing from the living room to the kitchen doesn’t help the worry spreading in my veins. I gently pat my heart with my hand, trying to keep a level head. All he was supposed to do was go to the operation home and come back. I try to reason that if anything happened, Jay would try and contact me. And if he couldn’t then Trent would.
By seven p.m, my nails are b
it down to the nail bed and the entire meal I cooked for our first night living together is packed into the fridge. The sun has set, all I can see is darkness from the windows. My call to Jay went to voicemail, which is also never a good sign. My text message to Trent and Jay both went unanswered as well. In a last-ditch effort, I call the only other person I can think of.
“Hello?” Sarge answers my call on the second ring.
“Hey, Sarge,” I reply, starting to second guess myself. “Sorry to bother ya.”
“Blaise? It’s okay, are you alright?” His voice is thick with worry.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I reassure him. “It’s uh… McCall I’m worried about. He isn’t back yet, and not answering his calls or texts.” A few beats of silence hang between us. I almost think the line went dead when he speaks again.
“Did something happen?” he asks, his voice quieter, almost whispering.
“He just went to his main base, but he said he’d be home two hours ago and I haven’t heard anything. Like I said, he isn’t answering texts or my calls,” I explain, the panic growing thicker in my vocal cords.
“Did you try Nichols?” Sarge questions.
“Mhm,” I respond. “Same deal.”
I hear Sarge clear his throat gruffly on the other end. “I can try and reach out, but if something is going on, chances are that’s why they aren’t answering. Do you want me to put a patrol in front of your place?”
“God, no.” I laugh. “I’m probably just being stupid. I guess I mostly wanted to know if something was going on I didn’t know about.”
“Nothing that I’ve heard, yet,” Sarge states. “If anything does happen or you still don’t hear from them in a few hours, let me know.”
“Okay,” I agree. “Bye Sarge.”
“Adios,” he answers before I click the end button. Holding my phone in my hand, I stare, willing it to vibrate. After a few beats, nothing happens.
“Fuck!” I vent my anger into the room, throwing my cell onto the couch. Something doesn’t feel right, and it’s taking everything inside me right now not to run from the apartment. I sprint to my room, throwing on a pair of jeans, hat, and black Converse. If I need to run, it will be more helpful. I make a deal with myself that if another hour rolls around and there is still no word, I’ll pick up Seth and drive to the operation home.