by Lily White
I don’t know how long I raged inside that room, but when I finally stopped, when my chest heaved and blood was left dripping from my knuckles, I looked up to see Amelia standing in the doorway, tears streaming from her eyes as she watched me lose control and shatter apart.
Amelia
Where are we?
Will we ever come back from this?
Is it even possible?
Three questions that had gripped onto my mind through the last weeks I’d spent with Lennon, one harrowing uncertainty that only existed because fate was a cruel and twisted bastard.
How was it even possible that two people who’d never known each other could have family secrets and painful shames that were so inextricably linked.
At the beginning of this summer, I never would have believed that I’d meet a man I could fall in love with.
Had a person told me he would meet me in a dirty back alley, I would have laughed my ass off.
Had someone explained he would be my teacher, I would have punched them in the throat for lying.
Had someone pulled me aside and warned me that he would have been the only man who could shatter my heart as thoroughly as Lennon was breaking it now, I would have listened and run the opposite direction.
Yet, there I was, my eyes blinking away another round of wet, hot tears, my fingers punishing the keys of a piano while I poured out my soul to a man who was walking away from me.
I knew this would happen, knew when Ben showed me the truth of what Emaline and my father had done that there was no other option but for Lennon and I to walk away from each other. Not because we didn’t fit together perfectly. Not because the heart-wrenching music inside him didn’t harmonize with the dissonant melody inside me. But because we were two people who had become images of the hurt we tried to hide. We couldn’t look at each other without being reminded of how painful a person’s life could be.
Still, I played for him.
Still, he hovered behind me making sure I hit every note.
Still, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other when the moon held court in the sky, our bodies entangling because it hurt too badly to know that one day we would be forced to let go.
“That’s good,” Lennon said after clearing his throat, his deep voice filling the room to blend with the last echo of music that vibrated from the piano’s strings. “I think you’re ready for this tomorrow.”
My body sagged, my head far too heavy, my soul puddling over the stone floor beneath my feet because I was too much of a coward to ask the questions screaming in my head.
“I don’t feel ready.”
His hands touched my shoulders and electricity sparked down my spine. He always had that effect on me, since the minute he ran me down when we first met.
“It’s like I told you the first day in class. Music isn’t only about the technical skill, it’s about how it can make a person feel.”
And how does it make you feel? I didn’t ask. How will it make me feel if you were to give up on us and walk away?
Spinning around on the bench, I lifted my eyes to a man that had deep shadows darkening his gaze. Beyond those, I knew there was heat, but since the day he learned the role my father had played in Emaline’s death, I couldn’t shake the feeling that, when he looked at me, all he could see was a person to blame.
No, it wasn’t my fault, but I was the daughter of a man who’d played a part. Not that my father had known what he was doing.
I wasn’t only the daughter of James Dillon any longer, I was the woman who had opened Lennon’s eyes and given him a reason to hate his sister for what she had done.
Do you know what it’s like to love and hate a person at the same time? Do you know how much it hurts when they’re dead and gone, giving you no hope of healing the pain they caused in your life?
Lennon knew...because I had shown him.
And I knew he couldn’t look at my face without being reminded of why he should never have come back to Sheldon in the first place.
Even with pain swirling behind his blue eyes, he was still the most beautiful man I had ever seen.
Lennon’s voice was a whisper, his dark gaze locked to mine. “You’re ready for this, Amelia. I wouldn’t lie to you about that. And one day, I’ll be proud to listen to the music you’ll make in your life while knowing I was one of the people who trained you.”
My heart clenched at his words, the tone of them so final that it scared me to ask if he would still be by my side when that day finally came.
Upstairs, boxes were stacked against walls, his belongings packed, his boxes labeled, mine packed and ready as well. Even while preparing for the day we’d leave this house, I hadn’t yet found the bravery to ask what he planned to do once we learned if I would be leaving for Hastings.
It was ridiculous, really, that fear - but every time I tried to ask the question, it always swelled and became stuck in my throat, tears threatening my eyes at what I somehow knew would be his answer.
In truth, I was a coward and a fool. I knew that, by not asking the question, I wouldn’t have to face the truth that he would be leaving me at the end of the summer.
“Thank you,” I said around a lump in my throat.
Humor danced in his eyes. “For what?”
There really was only one answer. “For disciplining me.”
The reference was sexual, yes, but it covered so much more than he realized. Lennon hadn’t just taken me under his wing to push me toward a future in the only area I cared about, he’d also stepped in to strip me away from a life that was running me down a path of destruction.
Before him, I hadn’t feared making a living by committing crimes. Before him, I hadn’t valued myself enough as a person to stick up for myself against my brother. Before Lennon, I’d never realized that there was music inside so breathtaking and beautiful that I never wanted to fall asleep again without it singing me to sleep each night.
His skilled hands had created that song, and even though what would occur between us was dark and uncertain, I knew I would never stop singing it as long as he walked this Earth.
Lennon’s lips tugged up into the arrogant smirk I’d grown to love, his hands reaching to grasp mine and pull me to my feet. Letting one of my hands go, he reached up to wrap his fingers within my hair, a war going on inside him that was so obvious it brought tears to my eyes.
Tugging me toward him, he leaned down to press his mouth to mine, my lips parting as his tongue swept in my mouth to slide over mine. Shivering at the intensity of his kiss, I tried to memorize every detail: his scent, his heat, his taste.
My fingers twisted into the fabric of his shirt and my heart pounded against my chest as he picked me up from the floor, one strong arm bracing me around my lower back as my legs wrapped around his waist.
How he safely navigated the halls and climbed upstairs while still kissing me was anybody’s guess. Dropped backwards into the bed, I stared up at him beneath heavy lidded eyes, my body coming to life to see in his hard expression all the dirty things he wanted to do to me.
However, beneath the desire ran a cold line of fear. I worried that this would be the last time I saw him this way. Call it paranoia...or maybe even precognizance...but I couldn’t shake the feeling that if I won the scholarship tomorrow, Lennon would say goodbye and I would never know what is was like to touch him again.
His voice was a deep croon. “Take off your clothes for me. Slowly, so I can enjoy this sight.”
Why did it feel like he was memorizing this moment as well? Taking that one last look before turning his back on all we had.
I did as he said while his gaze held me in its grasp...dark, penetrating, so damn erotic that it consumed me.
His lips parted as I slid the panties off my legs. Moving forward, he locked his hand over my shoulders to shove me down against the mattress, his other hand grabbing my knee to spread my legs wide open.
“Stay like that,” he demanded his eyes sweeping down my body, studying me w
ith such lazy fascination that I could feel his gaze as if it were fingers exploring me.
“Fuck, Amelia, just like that.”
The muscles of my inner thighs burned in the position he’d directed me, but I wouldn’t dare move, wouldn’t take the chance of disappointing him.
Lennon ran his fingertip down my slit so gently that my body trembled, my chest arching up to silently beg for more.
“I wish you knew how addicted I am to this tight, wet hole.”
His mouth was so hot against my swollen, needy flesh when he dipped his tongue inside me that I cried out in surprise and pleasure, my fingers gripping the sheets beneath me.
Licking up to suck my clit between his lips, he slid three fingers inside me, pumping them before pulling his mouth away just enough to growl against my skin, “Come on my face, beautiful. Show me how much you want this.”
It was impossible not to obey, my thighs shaking against his hand as he lapped at my clit, pumping his fingers inside me with one hand while holding my leg open with the other. My climax roared through me like a ravaging storm, my back arching off the bed as my head rolled over the mattress.
He chuckled against my skin when I’d finally relaxed again, an arrogant man that knew he owned my body.
“Eyes on me, Amelia.”
Flicking my eyes open I almost came again to see the shimmer of my arousal wet on his lips, his hands moving slowly to open his belt, unbutton his black slacks and push them down his legs. He’d stripped off his shirt before demanding I look at him, and I couldn’t stop tracing every hard ridge of muscle with my eyes.
A work of art, he was a man that had been carved by the Devil, steel temptation wrapped in velvet sin, a tease like nothing I’d ever known before. My eyes lifted to his face and locked with his, our stare unwavering as he crawled over me to grip my cheeks and open my lips, his tongue invading my mouth as his cock was driven into my body.
I moaned and he latched onto my bottom lip with his teeth, his hips dancing between my legs slowly at first, a pounding rhythm that increased in speed.
It wasn’t long before he forced me to come again, my inner muscles gripping him with the desire to never let go.
Even when tender, Lennon was rough, but I’d learned that he knew every dark need of my body, an instrument he’d mastered from the moment we first touched.
After an hour of taking from each other all that our bodies could give, I found myself wrapped in his arms, my hands gripped over his wrists, my eyes closing as my tears slipped down my cheek to soak into my pillow.
. . .
“You look perfect, but if you don’t hurry, you’re going to lose that scholarship simply for not showing up.”
Although his tone was filled with bemused humor, something about Lennon’s voice sent a spike of panic down my spine.
Glancing at him through the reflection of the mirror, I fixed my lip gloss, dabbing at the corners of my mouth with a tissue. This was my third attempt at applying my makeup. Unfortunately my arms were shaking with nervousness, making it practically impossible to apply everything just right.
“Sorry, but it’s hard to paint all this crap on my face with my hands trembling.”
“You don’t need all the crap on your face. Natural beauty shouldn’t be covered up.”
I turned and smiled to see that, even for this performance, he couldn’t be bothered to dress in anything another person would consider appropriate. But then, that was Lennon, as usual. The only time he’d ever followed dress code was for his symphony performance.
“Penguins,” I said, my shoulders shaking with quiet laughter.
His eyes glimmered, a tiny flicker of sadness rolling behind them when he shrugged his shoulder. “This jacket is good luck.”
Tilting my head, I forced a grin, my eyes searching his for answers. “Oh yeah? And why’s that?”
“I was wearing it the first night you let me spank your ass.”
We stared at each other for several silent seconds, his body finally pushing away from the wall as he extended a hand for me to take. “Let’s go. I’ve invested way too much time in you for you to piss it all away because you couldn’t get your makeup just right.”
Allowing him to lead me downstairs, outside, and to his SUV, I buckled myself in as he rounded the back, my eyes sliding his direction as he climbed behind the wheel.
“Aren’t they going to wonder why we’re showing up together?”
He grinned while starting the engine. “I’m not sure it matters anymore. It’s not like I’m your teacher.”
No. He wasn’t, not in profession at least. But in other ways, this man had taught me everything I knew. “Julia is going to be pissed to see she was wrong about which student you were fucking.”
Lennon watched the backup camera as we pulled out of the driveway, the corners of his lips curling as he purred, “I’m almost eager to see her so scandalized. Should we tell her how I was sure to fill every hole in your body?”
My mouth fell open and he glanced at me before reaching to tip a finger beneath my chin and push it closed. “Careful, Miss Dillon. Keep looking at me like that and you might be late for far different reasons.”
The drive to the performing arts center took half an hour, my hands wringing in my lap as we tore down the highway. Every so often, Lennon would reach over to lay his hand over mine, his eyes darting my direction for just a second.
“You’re ready, Amelia. Stop letting your nerves get to you. I’ve never heard any person play the piece you picked as perfectly as you do.”
Not that my choice was hard to make. Stravinsky’s Firebird...a piece that perfectly described my life. Dark. Chaotic. Discordant and atonal. A piece that was intended for an entire orchestra to play, and yet I was playing it alone.
It was a confusing mesh of sound that assaulted the ears, but in parts, the melody came together making a person understand just how beautiful the music really was.
I thought of Lennon in those parts, and I worried that while I played this afternoon, I wouldn’t be able to hold back my tears.
“I didn’t realize we’d be performing in such a large place. It’s a bit ridiculous if you ask me.”
He laughed, grumbling under his breath, “I knew you never read the program materials. I’m surprised you were able to find your way to attend the first class.”
Slapping at him, I told him to shut up, but my voice went silent when we pulled into the large parking lot to find it full of cars.
“Why so many people?”
Lennon paid the parking attendant and drove forward. “Music teachers and directors from high schools and youth symphonies attend this event every year. They like to know what’s expected of a finalist for a Hastings scholarship. I’m sure there will be alumni here as well. The rest of the audience are music lovers from the area who come to hear what the future of talent has to offer. This is a big deal, Amelia.”
Pulling into a spot around back that was reserved for performers, he killed the engine.
“I wish you wouldn’t have told me that,” I answered, my stomach rolling over in my stomach.
My head spun his direction when he gripped my chin and tugged. Expression serious, he held my stare.
“You have this. I’ve never doubted you. Be excited, beautiful, because today is the day you achieve everything you’ve ever wanted.” He paused, his hand reaching so he could trace his thumb along the line of my jaw.
“You are an amazing woman, Amelia. Which is surprising considering how I met you.”
I laughed, my nerves easing just a little at the joke.
His gaze caught mine, expression serious again. “You make me proud for how far you’ve come along. This summer has been...”
Sighing he didn’t finish the thought, but he didn’t need to. His eyes told me all I needed to know.
Heart hammering in my chest, I hoped he would be part of that everything he told me I’d achieve. A life in music, and a life by his side, would be a dream I’d n
ever believed I could have.
A sigh blew over his lips, his expression softening. “We should get inside.” Lennon almost sounded sad to say it.
After exiting the car, he ran around the front to open my door and help me step down. The champagne colored silk of the gown he’d bought me swirled around my ankles as I wrapped my arm in his and followed him inside.
Entering through a back entrance, we rushed backstage, Julia’s eyes widening immediately when she saw me with Lennon. I smiled at her, trying not to hold a grudge at the part she’d played in getting him fired.
Before letting me go to take my place, Lennon lowered his mouth to my ear and whispered, “I’ll be watching you from the audience. Just pretend it’s me you’re playing for.”
The only thing about that was that it was true. When it came to who heard my music, he was the only person that mattered.
Lennon’s blue eyes met mine and held my stare for a few silent seconds, his lips brushing my mouth when he leaned in to kiss me before letting me walk away.
Leaving me standing in place, Lennon walked toward a side door that I assumed led out to the main auditorium, his steps pausing as his hand fell on the knob, his head turning so that he could look at me one more time. Flashing me a sad smile, he pushed the door open and disappeared into the hallway outside, just in time for Mrs. Crux to step up behind me.
“You look stunning, Amelia. Are you nervous?”
Stripping my eyes from the door through which Lennon had left me, I spun in place to meet Mrs. Crux’s kind stare. “Yes.”
She touched my shoulder, her gaze glimmering. “I snuck a peek at what Julia’s chosen student is going to play. Trust me, Amelia, if you pull off The Firebird like you did in class, you’ll run circles around your competitor. Most professionals can’t play that piece. But the competition is beginning, so you need to take your place.”
I followed Mrs. Crux to a side area, my hands smoothing down my skirt as the lights over the stage brightened and Julia walked out with her student to introduce him to the audience.
Nerves have a funny way of speeding up time, because by the time I felt like I could catch my breath, it was my turn to play, my legs unsteady as Mrs. Crux led me onstage. I did my best not to look out over the audience before taking my seat at the piano, my hands hovering over the keys as my name was stated over the loudspeaker, Mrs. Crux’s eyes meeting mine to tell me it was time to begin.