Change (Finding Anna Book 5)

by Sherri Hayes

  “Are you feeling guilty again? Last night you’d mentioned that you shouldn’t have liked me spanking you.”

  Was I feeling guilty? I didn’t know if that was the right word. “No. I feel . . .” I hesitated, trying to come up with the right word and failing. “I don’t know.”

  He tilted my chin and placed a kiss on the tip of my nose. “Go get yourself ready. I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

  When I didn’t move right away, he raised an eyebrow in question. I hurried out of bed and did what I was told. He’d revisit the subject eventually. That, I knew for sure. Stephan didn’t tend to let things go before they were resolved.

  I took a quick shower, dried my hair, and got dressed in jeans and a T-shirt. Since it was raining and we had no real plans, I figured we’d most likely be staying in. I was almost done reading my book and I was hoping I’d have time to finish it.

  Stephan was in the kitchen as promised. He’d pulled on a pair of jeans that rode low on his hips and a dark green T-shirt. I loved that shirt on him. It brought out the green in his eyes.

  He brought two bowls of cereal to the island, placing one in front of me. “Orange juice or apple juice?”

  “Apple juice, please,” I said. We rarely ever had cereal. I usually cooked, even if it was just eggs and toast.

  He sat down beside me, and we ate our breakfast. Other than a few comments about the rain, neither of us said much.

  Once we were finished, he gathered our bowls and glasses, rinsed them, and put them in the dishwasher. Then he returned to stand by my stool and placed his hands on my hips. “We’re going up to the playroom this morning.”

  My eyes went wide and I gripped his forearms. I wasn’t sure if I was trying to hold him still or make sure he didn’t let go of me.

  “Breathe, Brianna. We aren’t going to play, but I want to talk more about when Ian spanked you.”

  “O-okay.” That wasn’t how I’d envisioned spending my morning.

  He gave my hips a gentle squeeze before helping me to stand.

  I followed him up the stairs to the third flood where he’d set up the playroom. Or at least, started to set it up. He’d been working on it a little at a time since we’d moved in, but since we never used it there really wasn’t any hurry to get it done.

  Anxiety curled in my belly with every step as we made our way up the stairs. I held tight to his hand, so tight I wondered if I was hurting him. Stephan didn’t say anything, though. He just kept walking.

  We reached the last step and he pulled out his key. He kept the room locked like he had at his condo.

  The first thing that hit me when he opened the door was the smell. It was a mix of leather and the cleaning product we used in the house. I cautiously followed him over the threshold. The last time I’d seen the room it had been empty except for boxes. There were still a few, but most of the contents had either been placed on the walls or were laying on a table along the back wall.

  Stephan’s hand on my face brought my gaze to his. “I’m right here. You’re safe.”

  I swallowed and tried to remember my breathing. They were just things. I was all right. Nothing was going to hurt me.

  My breathing slowed and I leaned my cheek into Stephan’s hand. “Good girl.”

  We stood there for several moments as I relaxed farther. It was a slow process, but Stephan wasn’t rushed. He never rushed me.

  “Tell me about the last time Ian spanked you. What did he use?”

  A prickle of anxiety began to form in my gut, but I tried to focus on Stephan. He was here. He’d protect me. “His hand.”

  “What else?”

  “I don’t know what it’s called.”

  He walked backward toward the wall where he’d hung up a lot of his equipment and pulled me along with him. “Do you see it?”

  I didn’t want to look away from him, but I knew I’d have to if I was going to do what he asked. Tightening my grip on his hand, I turned my head to look.

  There were more implements on the wall than I remembered being in his old playroom. Then again, his old playroom at the condo had been much smaller, less than half the size of the room we were in now. Maybe he had them put away.

  As I looked at everything in front of me, memories began to surface. Not only from the last time Ian spanked me, but from other times. I did my best to breathe through it. To concentrate on the things I could feel in the present and not allow the past to pull me in. If Stephan hadn’t been there with me, I don’t know if I could have done it.

  Finally, my gaze landed on something that looked similar to what Ian had used on me. “The silver.”

  Stephan followed my gaze and removed the item from the wall. “This?”

  I sucked in a breath. “Yes. But it was . . . bigger.”

  The item Stephan held in his hand had a black handle and a bunch of little silver beads. Ian’s was almost twice the size, including the silver beads that had felt as though a swarm of bees were stinging my legs all at once.

  Stephan lifted my hand and placed the silver thing on my palm. It felt strange, but not anything like I thought it would. For some reason, I thought it would be a lot heavier with the beads.

  “It’s called a silver ball ticker. If you run it lightly over the skin, it’s almost like a caress.”

  Stephan

  She was looking at the silver ball ticker as if it might jump out of her hand and bite her. When she’d pointed it out as the instrument Ian had used on her, I was a little surprised. This wasn’t exactly the first thing that came to mind when it came to torturing someone. Then again, it did sting quite a bit when enough force was used. And she’d said the one Ian had used was bigger. I’m sure that would influence the result.

  “Have you . . . have you ever used it?” she asked, her voice shaking a little. It was subtle, but I knew her better than anyone.

  “No. I purchased it not long before you and I met.” I didn’t need to fill in the blanks. Brianna and I did a lot of sensation play, but nothing that involved impact. I would love to use a crop on her, or even a flogger, but I hadn’t felt she was ready. After last night, though, I was beginning to rethink that.

  I knew the next question that was coming before she asked. “Will you use it on me?”

  “I don’t know,” I said, taking it from her and replacing it on the wall. “Our play has evolved a lot over the last four years. Anything is possible.”

  A shiver ran through her and I wrapped my arms around her waist, bringing her body flush with mine. “I know it’s scary, but you enjoy our sex life, do you not?”

  “Yes. Very much.” Her voice was muffled against my shirt, but I heard every word.

  I chuckled. “Remember the first time I tied you to my bed? The first time I pinched your nipples? Pulled your hair?”

  “I remember.”

  Looking around the room, I tried to imagine what it must look like to her. To her, everything in this room was a potential torture device. I’d sat for hours listening to her talk about what Ian did to her, how he’d manipulate the most basic things. I still hadn’t been able to use nipple clamps on her even though I knew she’d love them because he’d placed them on her and left them for hours, leaving her nipples so sore she couldn’t even touch them without pain.

  My ire for Ian Pierce knew no bounds and, in a way, I was sad that he was dead. I’d wanted him to suffer, to have his freedom taken from him like hers had been. And even though I regretted his quick and easy death, that didn’t mean I’d wanted the man who shot him to pay any more than he already had. Even with the strings I’d pulled through my lawyer, Oscar, the poor man was still sentenced to five years in prison.

  “I hate that I’m so scared,” Brianna whispered, bringing me back to the present.

  “I know, sweetheart.” I kissed the top of her head and pulled back enough that I could look into her eyes. “I want you to start coming in here at least once a week.”

  Her eyes grew wide with panic.

  “
You don’t have to do anything. I just want you to open the door, walk inside, and stand here for at least five minutes.” I tucked her hair behind her ear. “Do you think you can do that?”

  I watched as the muscles in her throat moved in an exaggerated fashion. “I think so, Sir. I will try.”

  “Good girl.” Tilting her head up, I kissed her. “Since it’s raining, I was wondering if you’d like to watch a movie with me.”

  For the next few hours, we lay cuddled on the couch, my arms around her as we got lost in what was on the screen. Brianna was content to pass the rest of the morning away lounging on the sofa. No drama. No demands to pay more attention to her than the movie. It was wonderful.

  Once the movie was over, we made some sandwiches before heading to our workout room. As with most things in the new house, it was larger than the one in my condo. All the equipment was the same, but we were able to spread it out more.

  Brianna began on the treadmill, while I did a little weight training. We tried to get in at least three workouts a week, which had been a little difficult since moving into the house. I still hadn’t completely unpacked my playroom and Brianna was still working on organizing the kitchen and pantry exactly how she wanted them.

  I was on the floor doing sit-ups when I noticed Brianna staring. Her cheeks had a slight flush to them, but I couldn’t tell if that was because she was blushing or because of her workout.

  As she continued to stare, I felt myself begin to get hard. And the harder I got, the more uncomfortable it was to do sit-ups. Or any other exercise for that matter.

  Lying back on the floor, I cupped the bulge in my pants. Her gaze rose to meet mine. “Come here.”

  She climbed off the exercise bike and made her way over to where I was lying on my back. I patted the mat beside me and she lowered herself onto her knees.

  “Were you enjoying the view?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

  “Yes, Sir.”

  I gave my erection another rub as I thought about her getting all hot and bothered watching me. “Remove your top. I want to see you.”

  Reaching for the hem of her sports bra, she worked it over her sweaty torso and head before dropping it on the floor. Her nipples were like little pebbles. All I wanted to do was suck them, so that’s exactly what I did.

  A low moan came from deep in her chest as I sucked the tiny tip into my mouth. Such a sexy sound.

  When I released the tender flesh with a pop, her pupils were dilated, and I knew the flush that was covering her cheeks and neck had nothing to do with her workout. There was nothing more beautiful than an aroused woman.

  I lowered myself back to the floor and pushed the shorts off my hips. My cock sprang free pointing at the ceiling. It was hard and aching and ready for some attention.

  Placing one hand at the base of my cock to steady it, I brought the other up to cup the back of her neck. Brianna knew what to do. She leaned down and swallowed my cock.

  I’d thought the blowjob she’d given me four years ago had been amazing, and it was. Her technique had been perfect. She knew exactly how hard to suck, lick, and had even been able to swallow my entire length down her throat, something I’d only ever seen done in movies. Now that she was more relaxed and we had a solid relationship filled with love and trust, amazing didn’t begin to describe how what she was doing to me felt. If anything, she’d gotten better at it and I hadn’t thought that was possible.

  She swirled her tongue around the head before sliding back down my shaft until her lips met the skin at the base. Then she swallowed and her throat contracted around me in a way that had me gasping for breath and wanting to pound into her at the same time.

  I twisted her ponytail around my fist and began lifting my hips in time with her mouth, increasing the friction. Brianna didn’t miss a beat. She relaxed her throat and let me find the rhythm I desired.

  Sweat poured from me as I continued to thrust into her mouth at an almost wild pace. I felt my climax approaching and instinctively held tighter to her hair. Her humming response was all it took for me to explode down her throat.

  As I eased my hold on her hair, Brianna slowly released me from the warmth of her mouth. When she turned to look at me, she was grinning, and I couldn’t help but smile back at her. The little minx loved to service me. She loved watching me lose control, which she knew didn’t happen often.

  I pulled her down on top of me and crushed her mouth to mine. “You have the most talented mouth on the planet.”

  “Thank you, Sir.” Her pleasure made me happy. I was so glad she was able to find joy in sexual acts after what she’d gone through.

  As much as I didn’t want to, I knew we needed to get showered and changed. My aunt and uncle would be here in a couple of hours and Brianna needed time to fix dinner.

  That didn’t mean there wasn’t a little time for some multitasking and showers were great for that sort of thing. I stood and helped Brianna to her feet. The faster we got to the shower the better.

  Chapter 9

  Brianna

  Dinner with Diane and Richard was nice. Stephan gave them a tour of the house, minus the playroom, and Diane couldn’t stop saying how much she loved it. It gave me a sense of pride. I wanted Diane’s approval of our home.

  After the house tour, we played cards and talked until after dark. It was so normal, and I’d found that I’d enjoyed myself quite a bit more than I thought I would. When they finally left a little after ten, I was drained but content.

  Stephan made sure the house was locked up, and then pulled me over to his chair. I rested my head on his shoulder and sighed.

  “Happy?” he asked as he laced our fingers together.

  I nodded. “It was a good day.”

  He brought my hand up to his lips and kissed my knuckles. “Yes. I seem to recall several good parts.”

  Heat spread through my cheeks as I remembered what had happened in the workout room. Just thinking about him in my mouth had my body preparing itself for him. He hadn’t been inside me since the previous night and I was hoping that things would lead to that before we went to bed. I always slept better after we’d made love.

  And it was making love. The difference between what Stephan and I did, and what had happened to me before I met him, was night and day. Those men had used me, not caring what I wanted or if I was getting any sort of pleasure out of it. Stephan always took care of me. He always put my needs first.

  Stephan chuckled as he noticed my blush. “I know exactly what you’re thinking about, love.”

  I turned my head to hide my face in the crook of his neck.

  His chest vibrated with his amusement and he kissed the top of my head before making me look at him. “I do love when you get flustered. Your skin turns a lovely pink color. It reminds me of the way you look right before you come.”

  It wasn’t like I didn’t know my skin turned a pinkish color from the chest up when I was about to come. There’d been several times when he’d made me watch in a mirror and I’d seen the way my body reacted. Sometimes he even pointed it out. But it didn’t help tame the blush I was dealing with at the moment.

  He rubbed the back of his hand along my heated cheek. “Do you remember what I told you when we were up in the playroom?”

  I swallowed. “Yes.”

  “How do you feel about what I’ve asked?” His voice was gentle, soothing, yet firm at the same time.

  “I’m nervous.” I pressed my lips together and met his gaze. “But I think . . . I think I can do it.”

  He kissed the tip of my nose and guided my head back to his shoulder. With that small gesture, I knew he was pleased.

  I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feel of being in his arms—my safe place.

  After a few minutes had passed, he spoke again. “Are you ready for bed?”

  As if in response, I yawned.

  Stephan laughed. “I guess I have my answer. Come on, let’s get you your beauty sleep.”

  I stood, a little disapp
ointed that it didn’t seem as though we were going to have sex but understanding that it had been a long day. He followed behind me, turning off the lights in the living room behind us. Right as I started to head toward the bathroom to brush my teeth, he grabbed me by the waist, pulled me against him and kissed me with enough passion to send my pulse racing. I guessed we weren’t going to sleep just yet.

  The next morning, I woke with my breasts feeling a little sensitive. Stephan had used the rope to bind my breasts and spent quite a while playing with them the night before.

  Not that I was complaining. At the time, it had felt really good. I’d come three times before he’d found his own release and we’d both collapsed in a sweaty mess.

  That was why the first thing we did upon waking up was shower and change the bed sheets. He’d helped me wash but didn’t take things any farther than that even though I kind of wanted him to. I didn’t know what it was, but I always seemed to want him.

  About six months ago, I’d asked Dr. Perkins about it. She hadn’t really given me an answer. Instead, she’d said something about hormones and addiction. It didn’t make sense, but I hadn’t asked her to explain.

  Maybe I should ask Dr. Katlin.

  After finishing breakfast, Stephan headed upstairs to the study and I put the sheets we’d stripped off the bed into the washer. With that done, I began to think of all the things that needed done around the house. I’d changed the sheets on the bed Logan and Lily had used the day after they’d left, but I’d yet to clean the room itself.

  I gathered my cleaning supplies and went upstairs to tackle the room. As I was finishing up and thinking about what to do next, I realized I was procrastinating. I’d promised Stephan I would do as he’d asked and spend at least five minutes in the playroom. I needed to be brave and do it.

  Logically, I knew nothing was going to jump off the walls and hurt me. That didn’t make it any easier.

  Leaving my cleaning supplies in the hallway, I walked to the staircase and climbed the steps to the third floor. Every step felt heavier than the last until I was finally standing in front of the door that stood between me and the playroom. Stephan had left it unlocked for me, so I knew all I had to do was turn the handle and walk inside. That was easier said than done.