Consume Me (Royal World Book 3)

by Geneva Lee

  Out of all the people who’d saved me yesterday, she was doing the best job of acting normally. Sometimes I even wondered if it was an act. But something else had shifted between us.

  She was friendly but distant. The closeness I’d began to feel to her was absent.

  “They’re going to be disappointed,” I said dryly. I glanced at Alexander. “Give me a minute.”

  He nodded, taking a few steps down the hall.

  “Can we talk?” I asked her.

  She shrugged and tossed the magazine on a table.

  “Shoot.” The second the word left her mouth, her casual veneer cracked. “I’m sorry. That was a terrible choice of words.”

  “You said yourself that you’re not very good at this friend thing,” I reminded her. “Look, I just wanted to say thanks.”

  “Thanks?” she repeated. “Clara, none of this would have happened if I’d stayed with you like I was supposed to.”

  “You were angry.” And she’d had a right to be. But she was also putting too much pressure on herself. “They got through Norris. I mean…”

  “Are you saying they could have got through me?” Her lips formed a perfect pout. “Now you’re the shitty friend.”

  “I’m just glad nothing happened to you,” I said quietly. I didn’t want to press my luck further. She would blame herself and hide it beneath her tough exterior. I was beginning to understand Georgia Kincaid, even if I felt like I barely knew her.

  She blinked, her eyes finding the ground, and then she stood. “Same.”

  It was an awkward hug, but it was a start.

  “Go see your kid,” she said, swiping at her eyes as she turned away.

  Alexander was waiting near the end of the hall and to my surprise, we turned in the direction opposite the neonatal unit. “The room is set up,” he explained as we approached a private hospital suite.

  We hadn’t bothered to move from the delivery room yesterday, knowing it would just mean another move eventually. That had left us with a less than comfortable situation, but neither of us complained. The recovery room was much better, especially because a tiny private NICU had been set up in one half of the room.

  Norris sat beside the incubator, both hands on his lap, and his eyes on our son. As soon as he saw me, he stood so I could take the chair.

  “I’ll give you privacy.”

  It took the help of the nurse to arrange William for his feed given the number of tubes and monitors he was attached to, but despite his early birth, he latched on easily.

  Alexander stood in the shadows and watched us, his face unreadable. My eyes danced between our fragile infant and my husband until I couldn’t stand the silence anymore.

  “What are you thinking?” I called over to him.

  He didn’t come any closer and when he spoke, my heart began to beat wildly. Something was wrong. I wasn’t going to like what he had to say.

  “I’m wondering how to keep you safe. I thought I knew, and now…” I heard his sharp inhale. “I can’t keep you safe. With all my resources and all my security, I still lost you.”

  “You didn’t lose me,” I reminded him. He needed to see that. He needed to stop allowing the darkness to pull him back under. “I’m right here.”

  “There is a way, poppet, but you aren’t going to like it.” His voice was so low that I hoped I was imagining it.

  “Don’t,” I commanded him. I couldn’t do this. Not now. Not after everything.

  But his solution wasn’t what I expected.

  “I need to abdicate,” he said at last.

  Chapter 28

  ALEXANDER

  Elizabeth peered across the room from Clara’s bed, nearly toppling over in an attempt to get a peek at her baby brother. It was the closest we’d allow her to get for the time being, but it felt wrong leaving her out. I needed my family around me right now. I needed to see clearly what mattered most.

  Clara wouldn’t share her thoughts on my plan. In fact, she’d been mostly silent since I told her that I meant to abdicate. It wasn’t as though there were other options. MI-18 had backed us into a corner, and despite gathering information from Norris and Clara, we had very little to go on.

  I’d been unwilling to leave the hospital while my son was in recovery, which left sweeping the remains of Windsmoor to my team.

  When Brex knocked on the door, his face was drawn and haggard. He shook his head as I stepped into the hall to join them.

  The hospital had been incredibly accommodating, basically clearing out a wing for our use. Then again, it was to be expected. Not that I would enjoy perks like that for much longer.

  “Nothing,” he said solemnly. “They destroyed it all.”

  I fell back against the wall. I’d expected it, but it didn’t make it any easier to hear. Not after what they’d done to Clara.

  “David?” I asked quietly. My brother had been by to visit but he hadn’t stayed after confessing that he couldn’t reach his husband.

  “His body was gone,” Smith told me. “When you’re ready we can send a team in to identify human remains on sight. But there wasn’t much.”

  The girl I’d found would be among them. I hoped that whoever she was, we could give her family closure. Not that we could tell them the truth.

  “And it’s still secure?” I asked.

  The three of them went silent.

  It had been a lot to hope for that the burning down of a royal estate would go unnoticed.

  “We’ve issued a no-fly order over the site. Of course, with the protections in place for private property, it’s unlikely anyone will dare,” Brex said, but I could tell that was the first and last bit of good news.

  “But the media has the area surrounded,” Georgia added. “We should issue a statement about it—and this.”

  That was her delicate way of telling me the hospital was ground zero for the press as well.

  It wasn’t surprising. We’d offered no news about the baby’s birth. The fact that Clara’s first birth had been via cesarean bought us some time. No one expected her to make an appearance yet. But there would be no presentation of the baby this time. No fanfare. Our son’s welfare trumped public interest.

  “There’s something we should talk about.” I lowered my voice. Despite the privacy afforded us, I knew better than most that some subjects had to be carefully handled. “I’ve been trying to think of a way to stop this and with nothing to go on…”

  “We’ll keep looking,” Georgia said fiercely. She elbowed Brex and he nodded in agreement.

  “I know you will, but there might be an easier solution.” I took a deep breath, uncertain how they’d react. “They’re only interested in me because I’m King.”

  From all the clues we’d pieced together that had become obvious.

  “We can’t do anything about that, Poor Boy.” Brex looked at me like I was off my nut.

  “Can’t we?” I said grimly.

  “Are you talking abdication?” Smith wasn’t one to mince words. “I’m no fan of the throne—present company mostly excluded—but I don’t see how that solves our problems.”

  “Who would take the throne?” Georgia asked. “Sarah? She can’t handle it.”

  I shook my head. I hadn’t told them the truth about her father yet.

  “Edward?” Brex asked. “That would be throwing him into the deep end.”

  It was an issue I hadn’t really considered. If Clara and I renounced our claim to the throne and our children’s claim, the line of succession would have to pass to someone. But MI-18 knew that Albert wasn’t Sarah or Edward’s father, and I had no doubt that fact wouldn’t stay secret for long.

  That would leave the throne to Henry. I wasn’t sure he would appreciate it. There was also legitimising Anders, who would hate me forever.

  “I think you have a lot to think about,” Smith said. “Let us worry about Windsmoor.”

  Taking that off my plate was the least I could do.

  Ducking back into the sui
te, I found Clara curled up asleep with Elizabeth. I watched my wife and daughter for a moment. Would I be protecting them by turning over the crown? That was what really mattered. Parliament could sort out who to name as the bloody monarch.

  The trouble was that I knew it wasn’t that simple.

  Norris was sitting vigil next to William’s incubator and I joined him.

  “Something on your mind?” He knew me too well, which meant there was no reason to beat around the bush.

  “I told Clara I want to abdicate. It’s the only way I can think that will protect them.” I looked over to my wife and daughter’s sleeping forms.

  “But you’re not sure it will be enough,” he guessed. Norris had a way of seeing through to the heart of the problem. The truth was that the line of succession wasn’t what made me hesitate.

  I nodded. “I have resources now that I won’t have if…”

  “But those resources failed you,” Norris added quietly.

  “I’m not angry.” I really wasn’t. Not at my team. Not at my people. Not even myself. We’d been out-maneuvered. It was a simple fact and one I needed to face. I didn’t have the energy to be angry. I was too tired.

  “I know, but it puts you in an impossible position.” He studied me for a moment, then glanced to my son. “He’ll have your life. Your daughter will. It’s a life of duty but also privilege.”

  I knew that better than anyone. I’d fought it for so long that I’d begun to wonder if I’d ever really accepted my role.

  “There are many things we don’t control in life,” he said. “Our parents, for one. Your parentage took a great deal of choice from you. I don’t think you’ve ever forgiven them for that.”

  “Maybe I haven’t.” My tongue was dry in my mouth. Was that the real obstacle that had stood between me and my father for all those years? Had I blamed him for something neither of us could control? “Will my children feel the same?”

  “Only if you doom them to.” Norris shook his head. “Albert was a hard man. He protected people by driving them away. He put up walls instead of building bridges.”

  “Sounds like someone I know,” I muttered. I was more like him than I cared to admit. I’d pushed Clara away again and again, deciding what was best for her. I’d acted without consulting my family. I’d distanced myself just as he had.

  “You have something your father never had.” Norris looked to Clara. “A woman who loves you more than you can love yourself.”

  I felt the same way about her. “I don’t deserve her. Is that how my father lost my mother?”

  My father had loved my mother deeply. I’d never doubted that, but I’d never understood their relationship either. I felt like a cad asking Norris, but he didn’t seem to mind.

  “He lost her because he didn’t deserve her. He cheated. He lied. Perhaps it was to protect her, but it pushed her away.” Norris leaned forward and stared me down. “Your love for Clara is nothing like that. Don’t doubt true love. Have faith in it.”

  “And that will save me?” I asked. I needed to know it could. I needed to know that, regardless of what I chose, I could forge a different path with my children.

  He smiled slightly, his eyes growing sad. “It saved me.”

  “Hey.” The sound of my brother’s voice startled me, and I nearly dropped the tea bag I was holding. Clara needed a pick-me-up and despite her strong affinity for coffee, I knew that tea was what she needed.

  I wasn’t prepared to speak with Edward alone. So far there had been a crush of people surrounding us every time he’d popped in. It had saved Clara and I from facing him. “Tea?”

  “Were you expecting me?” He looked at the cup and screwed up his face. “Obviously not. I don’t drink darjeeling—neither does your wife.

  Frowning, I dumped it out. “Good to know.”

  “She really would have rather have coffee, even if she is married to the King,” he said dryly. Edward’s sense of humour was intact but fraying at the edges. Normally, he looked like he’d stepped out of a magazine. Today his shirt was rumpled, his sleeves rolled up, and his hair a tangled mess. He caught me staring and sighed. “I look that bad, don’t I?”

  I had a choice to make. It would be easy to ask about David and feign ignorance. But that wouldn’t change the past. “David?”

  “There’s been no word.” Edward strolled over to the lounge chair and sank in to it looking defeated.

  “I haven’t had a chance to talk to you,” I began slowly, wondering how this would play out.

  “You’ve had a lot on your plate. David will turn up. The important thing is that Clara is safe.” The surety of his words didn’t quite cover the tremble in his voice.

  “Edward?” How did I tell him this? Where did I begin?

  He buried his head in his hands but the action didn’t quite cover his muffled sobs. I wished I could say something to comfort him, but that wasn’t my job today.

  “When Clara was taken,” I said in a soft voice, “we only discovered a few of her captors.”

  Edward’s face twisted toward me, confusion swimming in his tear-stained eyes. Slowly, I saw the gears begin to turn. “What does this have to do with David?”

  “Everything,” I confessed.

  “Oh god.” Edward gripped his knees, beginning to tremble. He stood, shaking his head, an accusation flung in my direction. “You’re wrong.”

  “I’m not. I saw him. He told me.” I wasn’t certain if this was the harder bit of news. What I had to tell him next should be the worst, but somehow I knew it wasn’t. I couldn’t imagine finding out the person I loved had betrayed me and my family.

  Clara had begun to share more details, repeating the reasons David had given her for his actions. She was convinced he’d loved Edward. Neither of us felt it made up for what he’d done.

  “Where is he?” Edward sounded hollow as though he was answering automatically. “Prison? Custody?”

  I couldn’t bring myself to answer. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him.

  “Alex.” Edward’s voice peaked, his breath beginning to speed up. “Where is he?”

  I forced myself to meet his eyes. I forced myself to confront what I’d done. “I’m sorry. I killed him.”

  Edward didn’t move. He stared at me like I hadn’t spoken at all.

  I wanted to tell him I had no choice, but that was a lie. I’d decided to face my actions. “He hurt her. He betrayed us.”

  It might not be enough of an explanation, but it was all I could offer now. I wasn’t sure he could process more as it was.

  But Edward didn’t ask any questions. He didn’t scream. He’d just stared blankly at me, which was somehow worse, until he finally turned and walked away, leaving me there with my guilt and an empty cup of tea.

  “Where’s my tea?” Clara asked when I returned to the suite. We were alone for the time being with William. Aunt Belle had arrived to take Elizabeth home for a few hours so we could focus on the baby. It was difficult enough to care for an infant without a bundle of toddler energy rocketing about.

  “I was informed you don’t like darjeeling,” I said, dumping the cup in the trash at the door. I had no idea why I’d carried it all the way back here. Maybe some things were harder to let go of than others.

  “What happened?” Clara sat up her seat, studying me anxiously.

  “I spoke with Edward.” I didn’t have to say more.

  Clara’s hand flew to her mouth. “Oh my God. Where is he? Is he here? I should find him.”

  “He left. I don’t know.” I ran my hands through my hair, trying to understand my sudden need for brutal honesty. What purpose had it served to tell him the truth? “Why didn’t I lie? Fake an accident?”

  “Because that’s what your father would have done,” she said softly.

  “I broke his heart.” I hated myself for hurting my brother this way. Why had Smith given me that gun? Why hadn’t I thought about what would happen?

  “David broke his heart. He knew w
hat he was doing,” she corrected me.

  “I pulled the trigger.” Nothing would change that.

  “And he walked into that room.” Clara shook her head. “I’m not asking you to get over it. I don’t know if you can. I don’t know if I can. But he made his choice. Believe me, I gave him a chance to change his mind. Did you talk to him about abdication?”

  “No. It didn’t seem important.” Given that was all we’d discussed the last two days, it seemed crazy. “Plus, it will only raise more questions.”

  I couldn’t give up the throne without speaking to my siblings, but that meant coming clean to them about Norris. I wasn’t certain it was the right time.

  “Maybe it isn’t important.” Clara had allowed me to do most of the talking about what it would mean if we stepped down. This was the first time she’d expressed an opinion.

  “What does that mean, poppet?” I asked.

  “It’s not my choice, X.”

  “Yes, it is. We do this together, right?” This life. This job. None of it meant anything without her by my side.

  “We do, and we’ll keep doing it together no matter what you choose.” It wasn’t much of an answer.

  “And what should I choose?” I’d cut my wife out of too many decisions, deciding what was best for her. I wouldn’t make this one without her input.

  “What makes you happy,” she said simply.

  I took her hand and held it, feeling a tingle of electricity at her touch. “You. You make me happy.”

  “Well, you’ve got me no matter what,” she promised and left it at that.

  Chapter 29

  CLARA

  It wasn’t the normal protocol to wait this long for the official royal birth announcement. One of Alexander’s grandmothers had notoriously held out for nearly two months to spite her husband. But that had been decades ago, and with the advent of social media our decision to keep the details of William’s birth private for nearly a month had speculation at an all-time high.