Beth's Eyes

by A J Estelliam

  ‘You stupid fucking bitch,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘You think I did this?’ he asked fiercely, his eyes wide and troubled.

  ‘Well, yeah! You have me tied up in some kind of dungeon, Ray!’

  He shook his head again and again and then lifted a hard fist to punch himself in the head.

  I frowned at the display, confused and terrified he was about to snap. Would he kill me here? Now? Would anyone ever find me or would I rot tied to a chair in some strange dungeon?

  As he repeatedly hit himself, I stared at him, watching his turmoil and feeling completely baffled by it. It wasn’t until footsteps sounded that I realised my error, my huge mistake. As another person walked down the stairs, clad in the same clothes as Ray and the same balaclava too, I knew I had been wrong. When the person reached the bottom of the stairs and saw the scene before them, I knew.

  ‘Rachel,’ I said, in stunned disbelief.

  I watched as she ripped the balaclava off and stared at me with maniacal eyes. ‘Hello, sis,’ she snarled, her lips curling in disgust. ‘Welcome to our lovely home.’

  Chapter 11

  I gaped at the woman before me, who I knew, but looked completely different now. She wore men’s heavy clothing and I knew without asking that she had been the person killing women; not Ray.

  ‘Nothing to say, Beth?’ she asked, spitting out my name like it was something disgusting.

  ‘Why?’ I asked, shaking my head a little.

  ‘Fuck you,’ she replied, stomping towards me in heavy boots.

  She lifted a hammer and nail from a nearby wooden table and stepped towards me.

  ‘Did you enjoy seeing your slut nailed to the table?’ she laughed, her voice low and evil.

  I shook my head, straining against the ropes as she placed the nail on the centre of my hand and lifted the hammer.

  ‘It’s a bit like what happened to Jesus, isn’t it?’ she said, then threw her head back and laughed. When she stopped, suddenly, her eyes were wide and crazed. I saw the insanity in those eyes and wondered how I had failed to recognise her before. She was completely lost in mania and as she lifted the hammer, I clenched my jaw in preparation of severe pain. When it came, it was horrific. I couldn’t look at my hand either, it was too much. She moved to my other side and repeated her actions. Another blow of the hammer, on another nail. I cried out, screaming in pain. The woman before me just laughed.

  ‘Fuck sake, Rachel,’ Ray muttered, as I whimpered in pain.

  ‘Shut up, pansy,’ Rachel said, lifting the hammer in warning to him. ‘If you’d been a better husband, you would have done this for me as I asked in the first place.’

  ‘I’m not a killer, Rachel,’

  ‘Yeah, but you’re just about everything else, aren’t you, you fuck-wit. Liar! Cheat! Lazy-fuck…such a stupid, fucking, lazy cunt,’ she spat.

  I stared at the display, temporarily distracted from the pain in my hands.

  ‘Good for nothing, fucking dick,’ she continued, and then whirled on me. ‘And you! For fuck sake, couldn’t just die the first time, could you?’ she ranted. ‘I hate you so much, fucking perfect prick…always the favourite…always the downtrodden, poor little adopted kid. Fuck sake,’ she muttered, shaking her head, ‘give me fucking strength. You’re a loser…an orphan with no-one who loves you. You may as well be dead, then I can have them for myself. Why share them with you? Fuck sake, even the inheritance! Fuck that. It’s mine. It’s all mine.’

  I shook my head, shivering with the intense pain I was experiencing. Sweat was dripping down my face from the agony. ‘I don’t want any of it. I never did! All I wanted was love.’

  ‘Yeah, and that’s the worst part,’ she yelled, leaning down and slapping me across the face. ‘They loved you more, fuck head! Once you were around, there wasn’t enough for me! They didn’t love me anymore.’

  ‘Of course they loved you! They love you more than anything!’

  ‘Don’t be a dick,’ she said, reaching for a knife. ‘The only way they can love me like in the old days is to have you out of the picture…’

  ‘But when they catch you, you’ll spend the rest of you days in prison! They’ll hate you for hurting me.’

  She threw her head back and laughed. ‘Oh, I don’t plan on ‘hurting’ you, Beth. This isn’t about giving you a slap. I’ve going to fucking kill you, bitch. Then I will probably maim you, and cut you and deposit your limbs in different places around the country. Fucking hurt you…what a fuck-wit,’ she laughed.

  I looked up at her, eyeing the woman who had once seemed so quiet, calm and gentle. ‘What happened to you, Rachel?’ I asked gently.

  She reared up, startled and annoyed. She rushed me, holding the knife to my throat and pressing into the skin hard. ‘Don’t try that with me, you fucking idiot. I’ll cut you before I tell you all about my problems! Try living with that fuck-wit over there! Too spineless to do anything about everything! No swimmers to give me a child! Wanking over porn and cheating on me with his secretary. You want to hear all the dirty secrets he holds…you want to hear why I’m this fucked up? It’s because of this spineless shit-head,’ she shouted, releasing me to turn on him with the knife.

  I watched in horror as she fronted up to her husband, waving the knife around dangerously.

  ‘I’d fucking kill you, you cheating fuck!’ she screamed. ‘I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!’ she yelled and lifted the knife to strike.

  From nowhere, an explosion sounded. I gasped, stunned as Rachel fell to the floor. My eyes flew to Ray and saw the gun he held, the fear in his gaze. He looked panicked, like a deer in headlights. I didn’t know what to do, felt completely powerless to help him, or stop him. He turned to me, and lifted the gun. I felt paralysed with fear. Would he shoot me?

  I watched as he gasped in desperate breaths of air, again and again. He clenched up his face and I saw his hand tightening. I closed my eyes tightly, wondering what it would be like to be dead. The blast sounded loudly and I very quickly realised that I wasn’t dead. I opened my eyes and stared at the scene on the floor. Rachel lay dead. Ray lay dead. And I was still bound tightly against the chair…and surrounded by death.

  My breathing began to accelerate as I watched the blood accumulate underneath Ray. Half of his head was missing, and flesh, blood and grey matter was everywhere. I tried to calm my breathing, but I was hyperventilating. It was all too much and my body began to respond in kind. I began to struggle against my bindings, now frantic and crying aloud. The chair shook and wobbled dangerously. Within moments of my struggle, the chair toppled and I went crashing down, still bound to the chair itself. My hands had ripped off the table, still with nails in them and the pain was intense.

  I lay there, stunned. I concentrating on trying to get my breathing under control. I felt so scared, so terrified. As I scrabbled about on the floor, still held captive, my hand brushed something cold, hard and sharp. The knife!

  My fingers scrambled to get hold of it and slowly but surely, I inched it into my hand. Easing the knife around, I began working on the ropes that held my wrists. It was slow progress, but I felt the give in the rope as I began to succeed. Over and over again, I moved the knife against the bindings and eventually, they gave way. Easing my hands away, I groaned in agony as I stumbled to my feet. Stepping over the bodies at my feet, I ran up the stairs.

  When I reached the top of the steps, I realised where I was. It was their home…which led to the forest from the back garden.

  I ran out of the back door and didn’t stop. I didn’t know where I was going, and I didn’t stop to call the police or to get help. I just kept running. The field I ran across was littered with my blood as I dripped from my wounds. I blinked away the sweat that ran freely down my face as I ran and cried loudly with pain.

  ‘Beth!’ a voice called, loud and ever so familiar.

  I didn’t turn, I didn’t stop, I just ran and ran. I was nearing the forest edge and all I wanted to do was get in there. I wasn’t sure
why and no coherent thought entered my head but I just ran.

  As my feet passed from field to forest, I stumbled, my legs betraying me. I stumbled again and again until I collapsed down onto the forest floor. Turning over slowly, I groaned in pain as my whole body was filled with the most incredible pain. I stared up at the moonlit sky and saw a white light filling my gaze. The pain began to ease bit by bit and my breathing slowed to a halt. As I drifted off into oblivion, I wondered if I had died.

  ‘Beth!’

  I couldn’t move, or function. Everything hurt.

  ‘Beth! Beth!’ the voice called desperately.

  I couldn’t respond, even though I could hear the voice. I sank back down into the depths of pain I was experiencing, and wasn’t able to do anything but rest.

  The next time I awoke, everything was white. I blinked, feeling less pain than before. I could open my eyes, and what I saw was incredible. I was in a hospital! I was safe! I could have cried with relief. Someone had got to me in time. Someone had got me out of the forest and into a safe haven.

  ‘I was wondering how long it would be before you woke,’ a sleepy voice said beside me.

  I started, shocked. ‘Oh!’ I exclaimed, looking at the woman who sat in the chair watching me. She had the most incredible eyes I had ever seen, and she was looking at me with an intense expression.

  ‘You’re safe, Beth,’ she told me, laying her hand on mine.

  I pulled it away, automatically, confused over why this doctor was being so familiar with me. I frowned at her.

  ‘Beth? Are you alright?’ she asked.

  I looked at her with confusion. ‘Who are you?’ I asked, baffled.

  Her eyebrows rose in surprise and she sat back in her seat, stunned.

  ‘Are you my doctor?’ I asked her, shifting in the bed uncomfortably.

  The woman swallowed hard, visibly. ‘I, uh…yes…that’s right. I’m your doctor. You, uh…you don’t remember me, Beth?’

  ‘Should I?’ I questioned, frowning at her again.

  ‘Uh no…no…no reason why you should remember me,’ she replied. ‘Do you remember why you’re here?’

  I nodded a little. ‘Yes. My sister tried to kill me,’ I said in a low voice. ‘And her husband killed her and then shot himself…’

  ‘That’s right,’ she said glumly. ‘We found you in the forest by their house. You were close to death, Beth.’

  I lowered my gaze, feeling completely overwhelmed. ‘I’m sorry, but I’m very tired. Could you leave me to sleep, please?’

  ‘Of course,’ she replied, averting her gaze from mine.

  She looked surprisingly sad, I thought to myself and then watched as she left the room. Lying back and relaxing a little, I felt a strange sensation in the pit of my stomach which was unfamiliar and unsettling. I lay there for a long time, and wasn’t sure why I felt like crying.

  Much later, after a lot of medicine and a lot of sleep, I had my first visitor. The door opened and in walked my adoptive mother. She looked distraught, and she cried and rushed to me, holding me close in her arms while sobbing.

  ‘I’m so, so sorry, Beth,’ she wailed.

  I cried in her arms.

  ‘I’m so sorry…so sorry…she was so ill…’

  I comforted her as she cried, unable to tell her how bad it had been, how evil Rachel had been. I just held her and supported her through the grief. She had lost her child, even though that child had lost her mind. She was still hers, and I knew that the dual feeling of anger and sadness over the situation must be incredibly difficult for her. I held her and we talked in low voices for a long time. When she left, I was relieved. It had been so hard to see her that way. So hard to deal with after everything I had been through.

  A knock at the door sounded, shortly after she had left. I took a deep breath, getting ready for the next assault. Maybe it would be my adoptive father this time.

  ‘Come in.’

  The doctor from earlier walked in, her face set in a fierce frown. ‘You okay?’ she asked.

  ‘Fine,’ I said, briskly, averting my eyes from hers. I found her eyes too intense, almost disconcerting.

  ‘That was your mother?’

  I nodded. ‘Yeah…’

  ‘That must have been hard for her…and you,’ she added, eyeing me closer.

  I sighed, leaning back against the bed. ‘Yeah…’

  ‘Do you need anything?’ she questioned.

  ‘Just to be left alone,’ I told her.

  The woman lowered her gaze and she looked as if she was going to say something for a moment. She clearly thought better of it and refrained from speaking further. ‘I’ll leave you to it then,’ she said, turning to exit the room.

  ‘Excuse me?’ I called, as she reached the door.

  ‘Yes?’ she said, turning.

  ‘What was your name again?’ I asked.

  ‘Anderson,’ she replied. ‘But you used to call me Andi.’

  She turned and left and I was left staring at the door.

  I stared at the back of the white door for a long time after the doctor with the sad eyes left. I didn’t know why, but she had struck a chord with me. Something about the way she had looked at me made me feel a sense of…connection.

  I leant back against the bed, resting my aching body. I had been given a morphine drip for the pain and I pressed the button to self-administer more. The slow ease of the painkillers into my system was welcome relief. Everything hurt and I felt so, very alone and vulnerable. As tears dripped wetly down my cheeks, I wondered if I would always be on my own.

  Chapter 12

  A month after my brush with death, my body was healing nicely however emotionally, I was a wreck. I felt a disconcerting sense of loneliness filling me which I had never felt before. My home felt empty and my heart ached for something I couldn’t put my finger on.

  I stepped into the bathroom, and stared at my reflection. My bruises had now faded to a mix of yellow and green colours. I was too thin and my body still ached in places. Despite this, I saw strength in the mirror. I was a woman who had come through a horrific ordeal and survived. I was strong, and I would continue onwards with my head held high.

  A knocking sounded at the door and I turned, surprised. I had not had many visitors recently, and had only been out to my parents’ house.

  I hurried down the stairs and checked who it was through the peephole. It was my mother. I sighed, and opened the door.

  ‘Hey Mum.’

  ‘Hello,’ she said, looking tired.

  I held the door open in welcome to her. She had been a nightmare to deal with in the weeks that followed the death of her daughter and son-in-law. She had become swallowed up by grief and there were times when I had felt like I couldn’t cope with her outbursts. She was so distraught by Rachel’s death that I wondered if she would ever recover.

  ‘You okay?’ I asked her gently, as she stepped into the room.

  ‘Not really, no,’ she told me, turning to look at me.

  ‘What’s the matter?’ I asked, feeling concern rush through me.

  ‘What do you think is the matter, Beth?’ she exclaimed, sounding annoyed. ‘My daughter is dead! I’m the mother of a killer and the mother of a murdered child. How do you expect me to be reacting?’

  I swallowed the words that I wanted to say. ‘Would you like a cup of tea? Coffee?’ I asked her softly.

  ‘No, I don’t want a cup of fucking tea,’ she responded, swearing for the first time in my presence.

  I gasped in surprise. ‘What did you say?’ I said, in stunned horror as the memory of Rachel’s face that day appeared in my mind.

  ‘I’ve had just about all I can take, Beth,’ she said, her hand reaching into her bag. ‘I can’t do this anymore. And I don’t want you here anymore,’ she told me, lifting a gun to my chest.

  I gaped at her, waiting…just waiting for her to do it.

  ‘It’s over, Beth,’ she said angrily, and then shot me in the chest.

 
As I fell to the floor, my head hit the coffee table painfully. The knock startled me and I felt myself drift into unconsciousness.

  The heavy weight that was pressing down on my chest was quickly lifted as the bullet-proof vest I wore was wrenched away from me to help me breathe. I came too in an instant, reaching a hand to my head where I had knocked it. it hurt but there seemed to be no blood coming from the wound.

  I blinked against the light as policemen helped me to my feet.

  ‘Get the doctor in!’ one of the men called, checking my vitals.

  ‘I’m okay,’ I murmured, rubbing my chest where the gunshot had hit me. It felt like a pretty hefty bruise but at least I wasn’t dead, I mused.

  ‘You were right,’ Detective Jess Love said to me as she bent beside me.

  ‘Huh?’

  ‘About her,’ she said, indicating the woman who was being dragged kicking and screaming in cuffs to the door.

  I shrugged, slumping against the edge of the sofa. ‘She was unhinged.’

  ‘You knew she would come for you, didn’t you?’ she questioned.

  I nodded, feeling dejected, but my eyes were scanning the room.

  ‘How did you know?’

  I looked back at Jess Love, the police officer who seemed to care more than the average copper. ‘She got this look in her eyes…it reminded me of…well, of her…’ I said, quietly.

  Jess nodded, looking at me closely. ‘I think you need something…’ she said then, considering me carefully.

  ‘What’s that?’ I asked, frowning.

  ‘Medical attention,’ she said, and smiled and winked at me. She then stood and left and someone else came around to the front of me, bending before me. She cleared her throat and spoke.

  ‘Hello. I’m Doctor Anderson May. I’ll take a look at your injuries now,’ she said, her eyes sad and withdrawn from emotion.