Then There Was You: A Single Parent Collection

by Gianna Gabriela

  I wrap my arms around him and tilt my head back. He kisses me like, well, he’s leaving. Slow and hard. It’s like he’s trying to tell me more than he can say. His hands slide down, lift my skirt, and push away my panties. He drops to his knees, and I lean against the wall, trusting whatever he’s going to do to me will be good.

  “Never wanna hurt you.” He takes one of my legs and tosses it over his shoulder, and I let him. God, I let him. “Just wanna make you feel good,” he mumbles more to himself than me right before he does exactly that. “Wanna taste you again.” He makes me feel fantastic. Beautiful. Loved. His tongue licks and strokes while his fingers enter me and curl inside. He’s only had me the one night, but he already knows my body better than I do.

  I grab his hair in my hands and tug on it as waves of pleasure drown me. He doesn’t let up, only slows down as I ride the crests until they fade away. When he stands up, he sucks his fingers, licking my wetness off them, showing me what he does to me.

  Unable to hold myself up, I slide to the floor, heaviness in my heart weighing me down. He leans only far enough to cup my jaw. “Come home with me.”

  “Okay,” I whisper. Weak, so weak. And if I end up regretting it, I can blame it on the alcohol. Even though I’ve only had two and a half glasses of champagne.

  When he slides his thumb across my lips, I open my mouth. The taste of him, of his fucking hand turns me on. His groans as he pushes it in, my flavor foreign but still hot somehow. My eyelids weigh a million pounds, and they fall closed as I suck his finger. “You gonna wrap your pretty lips around my cock like this later, baby doll?” I nod, and he pulls his hand away. “Yeah, you are.”

  Yes, I am.

  “You ready to go back out there?”

  “Yeah.”

  He helps me up and straightens out my dress before leading me back to the party. For the rest of the night, he doesn’t keep his hands off me. Like I’ve always wanted, almost like we’re an actual couple. At this point, I don’t even care. Let my family see. Have people ask me what’s going on with us. I’ll take this night, these hours with him, and cherish them for what they are.

  Temporary.

  Except for tonight. Tonight is something I’ll never forget.

  As Ryan is dancing with Olivia again and my sister with our father, Jay comes up to me. He sits next to me on the open chair, and I hold my hands out. “Gimmie.”

  After kissing the top of my nephew Jaydon’s head, he hands him over. I sniff his hair and sigh. “I miss that new baby smell.”

  “I hope it never goes away. It’s so… clean.”

  I gently bounce him in my arms and gaze down at the perfection they’ve created. “I know. Babies remind you that there’s still good out there.”

  “Whoa.” He laughs. “I’m the cynical one. What’s with that talk?”

  “Nothing.”

  “You okay?” He leans in closer and puts a hand on my knee. “I know we haven’t hung out much lately, but you know I’m always here.”

  Nodding, I blink rapidly to push away the tears. “I know.”

  Olivia squeals, and we both look over at her as Ryan spins her around the dance floor. It’d be so nice if she had him all the time. Hell, I wish he’d stay just so she could have him. A lone tear trickles down my face, and I hate that I’m letting my guard down.

  “Talk to me,” Jay says firmly.

  “I’m fine.”

  “You’re not okay.”

  “I’m okay, it’s just…” I don’t want to discuss this with him especially since Ryan is his friend. It’d be awkward for him. Not to mention it’s his damn wedding day. It’s a happy time that I won’t ruin. “I’m fine. Tired.”

  He pats my leg and stands, then leans down to whisper. “I know you’re lying, but if you ever want an ear, I’m here.”

  My nose stings, and I nod. “I know that, Jay.”

  He takes Jaydon back and I watch him walk away, then direct my attention once again to the dance floor. Time seems to speed up as the night goes on. Ryan effortlessly makes this one of the best nights of my life. He dances with me, gives me his cake, and makes me laugh so hard my cheeks hurt. Olivia clings to him and he never once seems irritated about it, in fact, he laughs nearly as much as I do.

  This is what it would be like. To be happy and feel loved by a good man. I wish things could be different with him, I really do, but it’d be stupid to pretend he’s not leaving. Before I know it, my sister is thrown over Jay’s shoulder and he carries her out to go to their fancy hotel for the night. Olivia leaves with my parents, and Ryan takes me back to his place.

  I drop to my knees and pull him out of his dress pants and suck his cock as I promised. He gently fucks my face until his movements become erratic and then carries me to his bedroom where he throws me on the bed. I land on my stomach, and in one smooth move, he yanks me back by my hips, tilts me so my ass is in the air, and slides in. He makes me dizzy with pleasure. God, it’s so much… so good and so right, I wish it was something that could last forever. I wish I could experience this every day. I wish he wasn’t leaving, and I had the guts to ask him to stay.

  But I don’t. What I do is take everything I can while he’s still here. I take it all from him just as I give everything to him. We climax together, and I enjoy the security of his arms around me as I drift off to sleep.

  I wake up slowly, his fingers gently gliding over my skin. I have no clue how long I’ve been sleeping, but it’s still pitch black, so it couldn’t have been long. His lips tilt up into a gentle smile, and I decide it’s now or never.

  Because I know I’m confusing him, I give him the truth. He should understand why things are the way they are. I want him to understand. He needs to know I’m not playing games; that this is my life and my daughter’s life. It’s our future and not something I’m willing to risk.

  “He died, Ryan,” I whisper to him. His chest is to my back, and his arms hold me tight in his bed.

  “Who?”

  “Josh, Olivia’s father.” We lie together, and I pour my heart and soul out to him, so he gets it.

  I hear him suck in a breath, and his arms, already tight, hug me impossibly tighter. “Fuck, baby. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” He wouldn’t. Nobody talks about it anymore, and I want it that way. I don’t want Olivia overhearing something and trying to process things she can’t fully understand yet. She knows her daddy loved her, and she knows he’s in heaven. That’s enough for now. She doesn’t need to hear any of the gruesome details.

  “I was, um, I was in labor in the hospital, waiting for him to show up. God… so much pain. I just remember the pain and how I thought I would pass out from it. I couldn’t get an epidural because Olivia arrived so fast. Josh tried to come faster, but he got in an accident on the way and died.”

  He slowly opens and closes his eyes, then wipes my tears away with his thumb.

  “He never got to meet her and—” I choke on a cry, words failing to come out, refusing to form. He lets me use his strength, soothing me with encouraging promises and gentle kisses. I pull him over the top of me and beg him to make it go away. Plead with him to just give me a night… just one more when I don’t have to remember.

  “Opal, you’re hurting, baby doll, and I don’t want you to regret anything more that happens.”

  “I won’t,” I promise. “Please, Ryan. You’re the only one who can take it all away.” He’s the only one who makes it all disappear.

  “Baby…”

  I grab his face. “One more time. Just once more, Ryan. Please.”

  He kisses my lips and then rests his forehead on mine. I see the moment he decides to give me what I need, what we both need. It’s sweet, and it’s wild. It’s soft, and it’s hard. It’s all the things I ever wanted, and it’s everything I didn’t know I needed.

  But the next morning, while he’s still asleep, I let him go for good.

  7

  RYAN

  As I drive to Opal’s house, I try to tell myself
how stupid it is, how dumb I am. But even knowing so doesn’t make it any better. We said that was it the night of the wedding, and as I’ve kept my promise, so has she. Which isn’t surprising since I woke up to a note. A freaking note telling me thank you for a memorable night.

  But at least now I know why she’s so closed off. I saw the pain in her eyes, and it hasn’t left me since she left my bed two weeks ago. It also makes me understand that she’s not ready for another relationship, so staying here would be pointless. I might like the chase, but I’m also smart enough to know when to wave that white flag. She doesn’t want more. And I can’t make her.

  After what she told me, I swear a part of my soul bled for her and the pain she’d been through. I’m leaving tomorrow, and before I go, I selfishly want to see her once more. I just want to hold her. At least say goodbye to her in person.

  I knock on her door and see a shadow pass over the peephole.

  “Uh, hi.” She steps back and motions for me to come in. When she closes the door, she immediately puts the chain on and clicks the deadbolt, her eyes bouncing around the room and her hands fidgety.

  “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah. What are you doing here? I thought you went home after the wedding.”

  “I was supposed to.” But again, I couldn’t bring myself to go.

  She crosses her ankles and bites her lip, gently swaying her body. “Did your job get extended or something?”

  “Yeah. Or something.”

  “Hi, Ryan!” Olivia runs out of the kitchen and straight to me with her mismatched cowboy boots and a princess crown.

  I scoop her up. “Hey, shortie. How’s it goin’?”

  “Are you here to eat with us? Mommy’s making corn dogs.”

  Opal laughs nervously. “That’s not the kind of meal you invite someone to, Olivia.”

  Using a child’s innocence is low, and I know it’s wrong, but I do it anyway. “I would love to stay for a corn dog.”

  “Yay.” She wiggles out of my hold, and Opal presses her lips together. “I’ll getchu a plate. Mommy, I can’t reach the glasses.”

  “I’ll get it in a second.”

  Olivia runs back to the kitchen, and Opal crosses her arms. “What are you doing here, Ryan?” She asks the question with no heart behind it.

  The real answer is I never booked a flight after their wedding. But when it was clear she moved on and didn’t care to contact me, I decided it was time for me to go. My pride can’t take any more rejection from her. Plus, I’ve got my mother on my ass to get home.

  “I’ve got a flight tomorrow night, and I just wanted to say goodbye, Opal. I know I said I’d leave you alone, but I couldn’t leave without seeing you one more time.”

  Her face falls, and her arms drop to her sides. “Oh. Wow.” She clears her throat and then comes right to me and wraps her arms around my waist. I put mine around her back and hold her tight, remembering how damn good we fit together.

  Ask me to stay.

  But she doesn’t.

  “Well, I’ve got some corn dogs to make.” She pulls back, and before she can walk away, I grab her hand so she turns back around. “Yeah?”

  “I like you a lot. You know that, right?”

  She nods. “Yeah. I know, Ryan. But it’s better this way.” She doesn’t have to say more; her eyes tell me everything she’s thinking.

  “Want help in the kitchen?”

  “No.” She laughs. “I can manage some corn dogs. You can hang out with Olivia.”

  I don’t let her hand go until she pulls it away when she gets to the kitchen. “Hey, sweetie, why don’t you take Ryan into the living room and play for a bit while I make dinner?”

  “Okay.” She grabs the hand that was just holding Opal’s and pulls me with a strength that surprises me. “Come on, Ryan.”

  I help her start a movie, and she jumps right up in my lap. I’m not surprised it’s some kind of princess cartoon. Her detail in explaining who the characters are and what will happen to them is ridiculously adorable. It makes me wonder if Opal is the same way when she watches movies or not.

  There’s a scene where a window is broken, and Olivia jumps. “If I did that, Mommy would be mad if she had to clean up more glass.”

  “Have you been clumsy lately?”

  “No. The window broke. See.” She points at the window behind the TV, and I get up to push the curtain back.

  “What happened?” I ask, shaking my head at how unsafe a fucking piece of cardboard and some duct tape is. I don’t know how the hell I didn’t notice that when I walked up to her house.

  She sits up but doesn’t look at me, just continues watching the movie. “A rock accident broke it.”

  A what? I mull over her statement. “You mean a rock accidentally broke it?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  Okay, my protective instincts are so loud they’re almost deafening, but before I can ask her anything else, Opal calls that dinner is ready. I don’t want to freak Olivia out, so I reserve my inquisition for after she’s asleep. Because Opal and I are talking about this. Rocks don’t accidentally break windows.

  Much to Opal’s dismay, Olivia and I pretend our corn dogs are swords, and when she hits mine and it breaks in half, she can’t hide her laugh when I grab it off the table and throw it in my mouth.

  “Stop playing with your food and eat.” She tries to scold Olivia, and I wink at her as she pouts.

  I don’t look around the table and imagine that this could be my life every night. I don’t pretend that it wouldn’t be the best fuckin’ thing in the world to be able to come home to these two every single day. Because if I pretend, I just want it more. And I stopped wanting more a long time ago. All I’ve ever wanted is more, and every time I’ve tried to give that to someone, she’s destroyed it. Opal is no different.

  I refuse, absolutely refuse to beg for a woman to drag me around by the balls. I’ve done that, more than once, and unless Opal tells me that she wants me as badly as I want her, that she’d be willing to at least try, I won’t make the same mistakes I’ve made in the past.

  Two serious relationships and they both ended bad. Real bad. Fucked up thing, they were mirror images of each other. You’d think I’d have learned from the first, but it took the latter to make me realize most women are the same.

  Sweet and nice one minute. Talkin’ about family and the future the next, giving me hope that I could have it with them one day. Then making me feel like shit because I had to leave them alone for work. Wiping tears when I walk out the door. Telling me they don’t know if they can date someone who gets shot at for a living. Even though I’d tell ’em it’s not a goddamn movie and shit like that doesn’t happen every day, they still guilted me for leaving them.

  It’s not like it was months at a time. I’d be gone a couple of weeks every few months or so.

  God, I felt so much guilt I didn’t see it. I was desperate for what my sister had. Wanted what my brother did, what my parents still have. And I fell for their lies. The protector in me, the man I am down to my bones fell for that goddamn shit. Because soon as I was gone on assignment, they’d find someone else to warm my motherfuckin’ bed.

  Fool me once and all that… but I fell for that shit twice.

  I don’t think for a second Opal’d be that kind of bitch. She’s too goddamn sweet to play me like that. But what she is, is a woman. And I’ve learned the hard way even sweet and warm can turn to ice real quick. I’ve given her openings—more than enough of them for her to just ask me—but she hasn’t. So I’m done. I’ve been done tryin’ for a few years now… at least, that was what I told myself until about five months ago when I saw a goddamn angel standing on the sidewalk.

  But she doesn’t want what I have to give. She doesn’t want me. Got screwed over by women who said they wanted me, so what kind of fool would I be to give everything up for one who openly admits she doesn’t?

  For the little cutie currently curled up in my arms, I wish things were di
fferent. I so wish things were different because for her mama, I’d try again to find what I gave up looking for.

  I set Olivia in her bed and read a little bit of the story she fell asleep to last time I was here. Her eyes get droopy, so I close the book and push some of her hair off her face.

  I hate having to tell her this, but it’s the right thing to do. “Before you fall asleep, I wanted to say goodbye.”

  She opens her heavy eye lids. “Where are you going?”

  “Back home.”

  “Are you coming back?”

  “I might to visit Jay.” Lie. But I can’t tell that to her face. My pride won’t let me come back.

  Her little yawn makes me yawn, too. “Can you stay longer?”

  Can I? Yes. Do I have a reason to? No.

  “I wish I could, short stuff, but I need to go. My family misses me, and I miss them.”

  She snuggles deeper into her pillow. “Mommy’s scared, Ryan. Don’t leave.”

  The hair on the back of my neck stands up. My stomach drops, corn dog swirling and threatening to come back up thinking for even a second that Opal’s in danger; that Olivia knows her mom is scared means Opal must really be freaked about something. “Why is your mommy scared?”

  Her chest rises and falls. “They’re so loud sometimes, and I cried. We can hear them in my room and I hafta sleep in her bed sometimes.” She yawns again. “She says it’s going to be okay because we’ll be moving, but I know she’s scared, too.”

  Jesus Christ. “You’re scared?”

  “Can you sweep here?” She barely lifts her eye lids but does it enough to look at me. “Then I won’t be scared.”

  Despite the anger and unwanted fear weighing me down right now, I push it aside and kiss the top of her head after she drifts off, then go downstairs where Opal is washing dishes.

  Coming up behind her, I shut the water off and spin her around. Before she has the chance to protest, I put a finger over her mouth. “What is Olivia talking about saying you’re scared?”

  Her eyes widen and then become misty. I drop my hand, and she dries hers on her jeans. “After they arrested the neighbor kid, I’ve—”