Then There Was You: A Single Parent Collection

by Gianna Gabriela

  “You’re teaching teachers how to be better teachers. You’re teaching students about the responsibilities of their actions. You’re still going to be teaching, so think about it like that.”

  I never thought about this position being one where I’d still get to teach. “I thought this job was finding out what everyone needed and making it happen.”

  “That’s your main job, but this is an elementary school. From your time teaching, you know that children are sponges that observe everything. They’ll learn from you, whether you want them to or not.”

  I smile. “This is true.” I decide to be more trusting than usual and ask Hannah a few questions. “So, be honest, am I in over my head here?”

  She shakes her head. “Nonsense. If anything, you’re exactly what we needed. A breath of fresh air. New ideas. New energy.”

  “Do you think the other teachers will appreciate a new perspective from someone who hasn’t been doing it as long as they have and now gets to tell them what to do?” I ask candidly.

  “Absolutely. It won’t happen all at once, but you’ll get them all on board. As long as you do a good job, it won’t matter how long you’ve been doing it.”

  “How do I start getting them on my side?” I ask. I really want them to like me because that would make my job a lot easier.

  “You’ve already started. That line about coming to you if they are lacking any resources, that definitely earned you some brownie points.”

  “That’s what I was aiming for!” Talking to Hannah is so easy. Even though I met her earlier today, her personality is already making me feel comfortable.

  “You’ll be fine,” she says with the certainty I lack. Her words and unfounded confidence in me are helping me believe that I can, in fact, do this. Coming back here is a risk I never thought I would take. But I’m hoping I made the right decision.

  6

  CHRISTIAN

  “Daddy, I’m home!” I hear Ari yell as she walks through the front doors of our house. “Grandma and I went out again!” It’s Friday and already I haven’t been able to pick Ari up from school the entire week. Mom’s been helping me out and staying with her until I get out of work.

  “Where’d you guys go?” I ask her as I walk out of the kitchen and meet her in the living room.

  “She took me for ice cream,” her huge smile says it all.

  I pick her up from the floor, lift her, and hug her tightly. “Your grandma is always spoiling you.”

  “That’s because I’m a princess,” she says resolutely.

  I nod. “You are.”

  “And a warrior,” she adds and I smile.

  “This is true,” I tell her, kissing the top of her head.

  “And a fighter,” I laugh at that last one.

  “But you don’t get into fights, right?” That’s not something I’d ever want her to do. Defend herself, yes. I teach her to defend herself always. But not seek out fights. I want to raise her to be better than me.

  She shakes her head. “No, Daddy. What I mean when I say I’m a fighter is that I don’t give up.”

  “Ohhh, so you’re not a quitter,” I say and she nods.

  “Exactly!” Her arms hold me tightly as I walk us over to the kitchen. “So, now that you’ve had your ice cream, think you’ve got space in your belly for dinner?”

  “In a few minutes, I’ll be hungry again.”

  I set her down on the floor. “Do you wanna go upstairs, shower, and change into pajamas? Then maybe you’ll be hungry enough to eat.”

  “And then can we watch a movie, Papa?” she asks. Just like my mom, I can’t say no to her either, so I guess we’re all spoiling Ari. She’s a good

  kid though, deserves everything I can possibly give to her and more. “I don’t know,” I tell her, putting on resistance I know won’t last.

  “Pretty pleaseeee,” she begs, looking up at me with the puppy dog eyes she knows get her what she wants every time. I crouch down so we’re eye to eye.

  “Give me three reasons why we should watch a movie,” I tell her, “And then we’ll see if that convinces me.” I read somewhere that allowing kids to try and use arguments to convince you to do what they want helps them develop their intelligence, so I’ve been making Ari do it.

  I look at my daughter’s face as she thinks of the best three reasons she could possibly use to convince me. The reality is, she doesn’t have to work that hard, we’re definitely watching a movie. My mom always said that everything’s a teaching moment though, so I let her continue.

  “First, today is Friday. So, it’s the weekend,” she starts counting her reasons with her fingers. “The weekend means time to rest from a long week.”

  “Okay, that’s one.”

  “Two…” she starts, “I put away all of my toys and my room is clean.”

  “Clean room, I like that. What’s the final reason?”

  She gives me her winning smile. “Because you love me.” That one wouldn’t win her a real debate, but it works on me every time.

  I laugh. “This is true but that’s not a real reason to watch a movie.”

  “Yes, it is!”

  “I’ll let you get away with it this time,” I tell her, knowing very well I’ll let her get away with that one always.

  She kisses me on the cheek. “Thanks, Daddy. I’ll be down soon.”

  “What do you want for dinner?”

  “Could I have mac and cheese?” I knew she was going to say that. I was so sure of it that the mac and cheese is already ready and in the oven.

  “Of course you can, Ari.”

  “You’re the best dad in the whole wide world,” she tells me. I doubt that, but I’m definitely trying to be the best father I can. I’ll do anything for this girl. She’s my world.

  She starts walking away but, before she disappears from my sight, I ask her one more question. “What movie do you want to watch?” I throw a prayer that the answer isn’t what I think it will be.

  “Moana please,” she says, exactly what I feared she would.

  “Are you sure?” I ask her, but what I want to say is, do you really want to watch this movie for the tenth straight weekend in a row?

  She nods excitedly. “I love Moana.”

  “Okay, Moana it is,” I give in. When it comes to Ari, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to make her happy. Nothing I wouldn’t do to see the smile on her face.

  “I’ll be back soon!” she says, disappearing down the hall. While I wait, I start setting up the kitchen table.

  Ten minutes later, my phone rings. I fish it out of my back pocket and my mood instantly sours when I look at the caller ID. Katie’s calling.

  Katie is Ari’s mom, or at least the woman that gave birth to her. We were never together. We had one messy night after I’d gotten drunk out of my mind and saw her at a party. She walked up to me, brushed her hands by mine, and led me to an empty room. I gave in. She was a pretty girl and I was going through a rough time.

  It was one night of sex that changed my life.

  I’d like to think it changed it for the best, I mean I have Ari, but it also caused some chaos in the process.

  I think about not picking up the call but knowing that won’t do anything to keep her away, I answer it, instead hoping the sooner I talk to her the faster I can hang up.

  “Hi, are you there?” she says the moment I put the phone to my ear.

  “What do you want?” I ask, instantly not hiding my lack of desire to speak with her. Whenever she calls it’s never to see how Ari is doing. It’s always about something else. Something to do with her.

  “So, I’m having a bit of a tough time,” she starts and I can instantly tell where this is going.

  “What do you need?” I ask anyway.

  “So, my parents cut me off…” she starts and I roll my eyes. It’s always the same story with her.

  A dry chuckle escapes me. “And?” I’ve never liked Katie’s parents. They never liked me either. When Katie realized she was
pregnant with my child, her parents gave her an ultimatum. She could either get rid of ‘the kid’ or lose her millions of dollars in inheritance.

  She chose to have Ari and I’m so glad she did because this little girl is my everything. I owe Katie for making that choice. Only that because, when she realized that her parents were serious about taking away her millions of dollars, memberships to country clubs, and all the luxuries she’d grown up with, she wished she had chosen differently.

  So, then she changed her choice.

  She ‘got rid of the kid’ in the only way she could now.

  At first, I felt bad for Katie and her family outing her. But then, one day I woke up to the doorbell. She stood on the other side of my door with tear stains in her eyes and my daughter in her arms.

  “I can’t do this…” she said to me as she cried uncontrollably. I wondered what she was referring to. I scanned to make sure she was okay, that no one was following her. That she wasn’t hurt.

  “Can’t do what?” I asked, taking Ari from her hands so that she didn’t get sick from being outside with the wind blowing.

  “I don’t want to be poor. I don’t want this life. I didn’t ask for it.”

  “Neither one of us asked for it.” But we were both reckless.

  “I want my old life back,” Katie said as she began crying uncontrollably. I wanted to understand her. I wanted to feel bad for her, but with my daughter in my arms, I couldn’t. I couldn’t empathize with her not wanting our child because she wanted all the money instead. That she missed the money more than she loved our kid.

  I didn’t blame her for thinking about her old life. I thought about mine too. I wanted the girl I had to let go because I didn’t want to ruin her. Didn’t want her to be disappointed in me. Or worse, to stay with me. I didn’t deserve her. I wanted a lot of things, but I had new priorities. I had a daughter now and I needed to be there for her more than anything.

  “We can’t just go back to where things were,” I tell her, trying to make her see reason.

  “You might not be able to, but I can.” Those were the words she said to me before she walked away from our lives.

  She didn’t call for a year. A whole year we didn’t hear from her while she was off on her own. Katie didn’t bother to check up on her daughter. Katie missed out, by choice, on her daughter’s first steps, first words, first birthday.

  I tried to call her. Tried to go to her parent’s house and make sure nothing was wrong. Her parents gleefully showed me pictures of Katie on a boat with some friends in what they told me was Mexico. I walked away from that house that day and lost all respect for her. I focused all my attention on my daughter. I wasn’t going to abandon Ari like Katie had. I promised to be a mom and dad for her.

  “Do you think you could send me some money?” Katie’s voice brings me back to the present.

  I bite my tongue so I don’t say what I want to. I don’t want Ari to overhear it. “Why would I do that?” I need to use the money that I’m finally starting to make to secure my daughter’s future, not fund her absentee mother’s vacation.

  “Because… you owe me.”

  “Why do I owe you?” I ask, entertaining her ludicrous words.

  “I gave you Ari.” Wow.

  “She wasn’t a toy or a gift. She was a fuc— a child,” I stop myself from cursing. “I don’t owe you anything. Don’t call again,” I tell her and then hang up the phone when I see Ari walking to the kitchen.

  She perches herself on the seat opposite mine. “Who was that?” she asks.

  “No one important,” I tell her, trying to sound calm and collected though inside I’m fuming right now.

  “Was it my mom?” she follows up and for a second I wish she wasn’t as smart as she is. I wish she was still young and couldn’t notice her mother’s absence.

  I promised myself I would never lie to her, so I nod.

  “Is she doing okay?” she asks. Her mother didn’t bother to ask how she was doing and yet that’s the first thing that comes to my six-year old’s mind.

  “She’ll be okay,” I tell her. Her parents will bail her out. As long as she does what they want, they’ll always rescue her.

  “I hope so,” Ari says and I can tell she’s thinking. I bet she has a million questions she can’t really put into words yet. One day, I’m going to have to start answering them.

  “You ready for mac and cheese?” I ask her, effectively changing the topic of the conversation.

  She nods eagerly. “Mac and cheese and then Moana.”

  We finish dinner and I throw some popcorn in the microwave. “I’ll be right back!” Ari says, running out of the kitchen.

  When the popcorn is ready I head over to the living room preparing myself for the torture to begin. “I’ll start the movie without you,” I yell jokingly, knowing that the moment I say that Ari will magically reappear.

  “Not yet, I’m coming!” she shouts from her bedroom.

  I search for the movie on Netflix. Seconds later, Ari comes in and the first thing I notice is that she’s not wearing her pajamas anymore.

  “What happened to the pajamas?” I ask though I know the answer. I was surprised she was wearing her pajamas in the first place. Friday nights are reserved for Moana and princess dresses.

  “I needed to wear this so I could be a princess too,” she says. Ari’s wearing a pink dress, like the ones you see on the TV shows my mom got her, and a tiara.

  “What are you hiding back there?” I ask when I realize her hands are still behind her back.

  She gives me a devious smile. “When I was with grandma, I got you something to wear.”

  “Something for me to wear?” I ask, wondering what the two of them could’ve possibly gotten me.

  “Yup,” she says, bringing her hands forward. “I got you a tiara of your own!” she announces.

  I look at the tiara she holds up to me. “That’s pretty.”

  She nods. “It is. I wanted you to wear it so that we can both be princesses.”

  I look at the excitement and love in her eyes as I take the tiara from her hands. Giving it back to her, I lower myself from the couch onto the floor. “You don’t want to wear it?” she asks, taking the tiara back, a pout replacing what was once a smile.

  “I think you should put it on me. I don’t want to mess it up. A princess’ crown should never be crooked, right?” I ask and the smile returns. At times like this I feel on top of the world, like I’m doing everything right.

  She smiles widely. “That’s right! I’ll put it on you and then it won’t be crooked!” she says, placing the tiara on my head.

  “How does this look?” I ask as I turn around and pose for her.

  “It looks beautiful!” she says, clapping her hands animatedly.

  “Are you ready to watch the movie now?” I ask, realizing that it’s getting late.

  “Yes, but you have to keep the tiara on the whole time we watch the movie.”

  “I wouldn’t dare take this off,” I tell her.

  We press play and start our 100th viewing of Moana. Thirty minutes into the movie Ari falls asleep, like she always does, and I finish watching the movie by myself, tiara still on my head and all. I promised I wouldn’t take it off until the movie ended and I stopped breaking promises long ago.

  7

  AMARI

  I close the door to my house and turn around. I give myself a moment to take in my surroundings. A week ago, I was scared out of my mind about who I could encounter coming back. I was worried about a million different things I didn’t want to be here.

  I did, but I didn’t.

  Right now, I watch as the wind picks up slowly and the leaves move along with it. The orange-red of the leaves reminds me of a Fall I didn’t get to see too much while I was away. Autumn has always been my favorite season and looking at all the trees around me now, I know that it still is.

  There’s something about the trees preparing to let go of everything that encourages me to
do the same. The trees lose their leaves every year, but they don’t die. They stay standing, and after cold and snow and rain showers, they come back. Every year. Like clockwork. Not allowing themselves to be defeated.

  Today, I decide to take a lesson from Mother Nature’s playbook. I won’t give up. I won’t stand down. I’m going to move forward regardless of what comes my way.

  I smile at myself, feeling like I’m genuinely progressing after feeling like I’d been stuck for years. For too long.

  Looking down at my watch, I realize that it’s time to go. It’s been a week and the work keeps piling up on my desk. Between planning a parent-teacher conference and meeting with all the teachers to see what they need, I have an insurmountable amount of paperwork on my desk.

  The fourth graders are taking a trip to the zoo. The first graders are going to the aquarium. And the fifth graders are having a field day.

  Unlocking and getting into the driver side of my car, I realize that regardless of all the work that’s waiting for me, I’m enjoying myself. Turning on the car, I pull out of the driveway. Seconds later, my phone rings and I click the button on my steering wheel and answer.

  “Hey girl heeey!” Emely’s voice fills the vehicle.

  “Wow, someone’s back to life,” I tell her. I haven’t spoken with her in a week. A whole week. Granted, I didn’t call her because everything was sort of chaotic, but I’ll give her a hard time for not calling me anyway. That’s what best friends are supposed to do.

  “What do you mean?” she asks, clueless as ever.

  I stop moving as I approach a red light. “I mean, I’ve been here for a whole week and you haven’t messaged or called me to make sure I was alive.”

  “You’re so dramatic!” she says, laughing from the other end of the line.

  I smile to myself and keep driving when the light turns green. “I’m just saying, if something had happened to me, it would be too late for you to do something.”

  “Well thankfully you’re okay.”