Finding Joy

by Adriana Herrera

  I knew she meant it. Saba was not one to say things to be nice. If she said it, she believed it.

  “Thanks.” I realized after I’d said it that I didn’t feel like talking about Miguel, so I veered elsewhere. “The job in DC is exciting, though,” I said, forcing myself to sound enthusiastic. If I was an expert at anything, it was at telling my loved ones what they wanted to hear. Saba looked at me like she suspected there was more there, but she didn’t push.

  We sat in silence, and after a few minutes, drove into what I assumed was the Hotel Marquis. I turned in my seat to get a good look at the majestic entrance of the hotel. “Wow. Someone did way too much,” I said, awed by the enormous grounds and gorgeous gardens.

  Saba chuckled as I took everything in. From the gate to the buildings, everything looked like something straight out of Vegas or Dubai. The entrance was a twenty-foot gilded metal gate, manually operated by white-gloved bellhops wearing red velvet jackets with gold embroidery. And that was only to get into the parking lot.

  It only got swankier once we were inside. I stood in the lobby and turned around, gaping at all the marble and crystal. “Saba, this is fancy. Whatever happened to your rustic tastes?”

  She smacked my shoulder as I turned in another circle. “Leave me alone, you brat. I’m old and like nice things now. Close your mouth and let’s start walking to the pool so I can buy you a beer and something with no meat in it.”

  “Fine.” I laughed and followed her through the patio leading to the pool. All the way down we saw breathtaking views of the mountains surrounding Addis. The place was gorgeous and so over-the-top. It was hard to reconcile with the fact we’d passed shanties only a few meters from the entrance. Expat life could give you whiplash sometimes. But I was not going to begrudge Saba for treating herself; she certainly deserved it.

  When we got to the pool, we found two empty chaises and ordered some drinks and food. After a minute Saba turned to me and grabbed my hand, her face as serious as I’d ever seen it. “Desta dear, you know how much I love your father and your mother.” She waved a dark brown hand in the air above her head. “Of all the people I’ve seen coming through my country to work, help, or whatever they tell themselves they do here, they’re two of the precious few I not only liked, but respected.”

  Feeling unprepared for a big and heavy conversation, I tried a bit of teasing. “Did you bring me here to make me cry, Saba Aklilu?”

  She gave me a rueful look, but carried on, unfazed. “Don’t tease your Aunt Saba. I’m serious. Fatima is still one of the few people I trust with my deepest and darkest secrets, but she never did know how to manage projecting her grief onto you.” She pursed her lips, a sad but fond smile on her face as she talked about my mother. “Your father was a man who believed in following his dreams. He did what he wanted, and what he felt had value, but mostly he did what made him happy. You’ve got to be happy, konjo.”

  And now I was blushing because that word would now forever be connected to Elias and the incredibly hot things he could do with his mouth.

  Saba was on a roll, though, and before I could interject, she said the words I hadn’t realized I desperately needed to hear. “If that job isn’t what you want, don’t take it because you think it’s what would make your mom happy.”

  I tried to look away, but she pulled my face back gently. “And really, as far as that young man who left you—even though it’s hard to see now, he did you a favor. You didn’t want to invest more time in someone who was so careless with your heart.”

  I sighed, thinking the job was a lot harder to grapple with right now than Miguel. Granted, it was probably because I’d already gotten myself involved with someone even more likely to fuck me up, but I didn’t need to go down that sinkhole right now.

  Instead, I tried to focus on this moment with Saba. “With Miguel, it’s like I was telling Elias.” I waved a hand as I explained. “He’s the logistics coordinator for the project I’m working on.” She gave me a weird look, since I’d just implied I was talking about my boyfriend troubles with a colleague, but I kept going. “At this point it’s more humiliating than anything else. Like I can’t trust myself to know who really cares for me and who just wants to play me.”

  I sat up and looked at the pool while I spoke. I didn’t know how to say the next part. “And about the job, I don’t know, Saba. Mamí would be so hurt. You know that.”

  “She may be hurt, but I also know that life goes by in a blur. If you know this work doesn’t fulfill you, find what does and go after it.”

  I was grateful for Saba’s encouragement, but I was just not there yet. I grabbed my cold bottle of beer from the little table between us and took a long sip. “Thanks for saying all that, really. For now, I’m happy to be here hanging out with my second favorite old lady.”

  She balked and I cracked up. “Naughty boy! I’m going to make you pay for your own beer if you keep calling me old!”

  Saba let things go after saying her piece and started telling me a funny story about a coworker. By the time the server came with our food, I was wiping the tears from my eyes. We grabbed our sandwiches and chewed in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the perfect weather and delicious food. I was picking at the fries on my plate when Saba looked over at me. “So, what’s the plan for the next few weeks?”

  “Work,” I said, trying hard not to sound too excited about the prospect of a few more weeks with Elias. “We have to run another survey. I think we’ll be out there for another three weeks. I have about ten days on the back end to do some travelling once we’re done. I was hoping to go to the Simien Mountains and Gondar. Elias said he knows of a few good places that plan tours for people travelling alone.”

  She nodded, then gave me a look that made me nervous. “Tell me about this Elias. It’s the second time I’ve heard about him in twenty minutes.”

  I knew I was blushing again, but the image of Elias on his knees with my cock stretching out his lips was going to have that effect on me for a while.

  I cleared my throat and looked at the deep end of the pool, which had suddenly become extremely fascinating. “Umm, he’s part of the team. For this project. In the field. I mean—he’s with Aid.”

  “Uh-huh.” Saba was not buying it. “And you’re on very friendly terms, I see.”

  I could go with that. We were on friendly terms.

  “Yeah, he’s great.” I grinned because I couldn’t help it. “He’s a psychologist. Actually, he’s considering going to New York for a PhD at Columbia. I mean, he got in, but he deferred and is deciding whether to go or not.” And that was not making me fret, and I was not wondering what it would be like for Elias to be at Columbia while I went to NYU.

  I would never do that because I wasn’t delusional.

  Saba dipped her head approvingly. “Ambitious, but not too proud to do a less fancy job while he gets himself through school. I like him already.”

  As Saba said that, I thought of how meticulous Elias was about getting the supplies ready for us while we were in the field. The careful way in which he approached everything. And before I knew it I was gushing about him to Saba.

  “He’s great at his job too. There was not a single supply or emergency he wasn’t prepared for in the field. Even when Sam, one of the expats, majorly fucked up and we had to scramble to go out on the field without him.” I narrowed my eyes, thinking about what an asshole Sam was that day. “Elias just took over one of the teams without missing a beat.”

  Saba was looking at me with a smirk on her face. Knowing her, she was probably plotting some kind of romance, despite the many issues that could bring me in Ethiopia.

  I rolled my eyes at her. “Saba, stop scheming.”

  She scrunched her eyebrows and tried for an innocent expression.

  I wasn’t buying it. “I’m not even sure what’s going on with your eyebrows and eyes right now, but if it’s some corny idea about me and Elias, stop it. It’s not happening.” I actually clapped my two hands tog
ether, because yeah, we needed to shut all this shit down.

  She just laughed at my protests. “I’m not doing anything with my eyebrows. He just sounds like a nice man.” She snapped her fingers then, and the wide smile that followed set my alarms off. She was up to something. “Actually, he sounds like a great fit for a program I’m hiring for at the moment.”

  As soon as she mentioned a job, I got fidgety. Elias was supposed to come to the States for a PhD, where I could get to know him better.

  Riiiight, all under control here.

  I tipped my head to the side and tried not to glare at her. “Well, he’s thinking about school in the States. I’m not sure if he’s the right guy for that.”

  Oh man that was the face of someone who had my number.

  “Uh-huh. You forget I’ve known you your whole life, Desta Joy. Don’t think you can fool me.” She waved a finger in my direction. “You like that man.”

  I threw my hands up in exasperation and laughed. “What’s not to like? He’s hot as hell. I mean, God, Saba, he’s so fucking beautiful. His eyes, and that mouth.” I sighed. “His hair is on the long side.” I shook my head while she grinned at me. “Just curls everywhere, which for some reason I find intoxicating. Everything about him is so damn sexy.”

  I slouched against the chaise, closing my eyes. “It’s a problem, to be honest.”

  Saba’s voice was pure mischief. “You took that man to bed already, and you’ll do it again.”

  I snapped my eyes open at that and had to chuckle at the glee in her voice. “Saba! Oh my God. Why are you so shady? Seriously, you’re like a second mom. I can’t talk about this stuff with you.”

  She laughed at me again. “It’s true, and you know it.”

  I put my hands over my face, muffling my words as I spoke. “Can we stop talking about Elias, please?”

  I looked at her through my fingers, and she finally took pity on me. “Fine. Tell me about your plans for your days off. I can recommend some new places.”

  I slumped on my chaise dramatically and raised my hands in supplication. “Thank God.”

  Saba shook her head and looked at me like I was an adorable mess. After that, the afternoon passed without any more intense conversations.

  By the time we were drying off and heading to the dressing rooms, the sun was setting. As we walked to the showers, Saba looked at me, her face serious. “Desta, why don’t you invite Elias over to the house for dinner? It’ll just be you and me.”

  I stopped in my tracks and stared at her, freaking out a little. “Oh no. I’m not going to be Mr. Needy and invite him over less than twenty-four hours after I had him—”

  I quickly covered my mouth before I said something that would be cause for mortification until the end of my days.

  Saba clucked, a hand on her hip. “I already told you I knew you’d taken him to bed. What’s the harm in inviting him to the house? It’s just dinner. Besides, you’re both adults, and my dear, we are still in Ethiopia. You won’t have many chances to spend time with him in a place where you can flirt to your heart's content.”

  “Saba.” My fake whining was next-level. “You don’t even know if he’s gay! I never said he was, and besides, there’s nothing going on.”

  She looked at me like I was the most pitiful thing on earth. “Invite him anyway. Like I said, he sounds like a good fit for this new program I’m hiring for. This could be a good opportunity for him.”

  “You’re shameless. Fine, I’ll text him even though he said he’d be busy today.”

  She gave me a thumbs-up, already walking off. “Great. See you in the lobby, dear.” She headed into the ladies’ dressing room as I took my phone out of my pocket, trying to ignore the butterflies in my stomach as I typed a message.

  Desta: Hey, what are you up to? Still busy with your mom?

  Elias: Hey *smiley face emoji* No, we got back some time ago, just watching TV with my niece. Did you have a nice afternoon?

  For some reason, the image of him watching a cartoon movie or something else equally adorable with his niece made me feel all mushy. For all I knew, she was twenty-five years old.

  Desta: What are you watching?

  I was text flirting now.

  Elias: Tangled! LOL After last night I wanted to see it. She’s six, so it did not take a lot of convincing to get her to watch with me.

  I was officially obsessed.

  Desta: Are you trying to copy my smolder? Because I can tell you right now, it won’t work.

  Elias: *wink emoji* I don’t need the smolder to get what I want.

  Aaaand I now had an erection… Deep breaths.

  Desta: Wow. Someone’s a little too sure of himself.

  His response? The kiss emoji.

  Desta: So, actually, I was wondering if you were up for coming to dinner with me and my friend.

  Elias: Oh? Someone from Aid?

  Desta: No, it’s my mom’s friend. It’ll be at her house, but I was telling her about you and she said I should invite you over. She’s making me a full Habesha feast, not sure if you’re up for it??

  Elias: Unlike you, I can ALWAYS eat injera. *smiley face emoji* That sounds nice actually, my mom is going to my aunt’s with my sister and I was hoping to get out of having to go too.

  My insides flipped over in excitement, which should have concerned me.

  Desta: Excellent. We’re at the Marquis now but should be heading to her house soon. She lives in Jacros. I can give you more details once I get them from her.

  Elias: I know Jacros, I am not too far actually. Just by Meganagna.

  No clue where that was, but great.

  Desta: I’ll text you specific directions soon. Does 7:30 work?

  Elias: Eshi Desta. See you then. *smiley face*

  Oh man, I was nauseous with excitement from a smiley face emoji. It was like I had lost all ability to control my fool head.

  Chapter 14

  By the time we got to Saba’s, I was questioning every decision of the last twenty-four hours. Right at the top of the list was packing holey jeans and a ten-year-old Cornell sweatshirt for my change of clothes. I looked like the token Latino frat bro at a kegger.

  I tugged at the hem of my sweatshirt, utterly disgusted. “Why did I not bring something decent to wear?”

  Saba looked up at me while opening a bottle of wine and smiled. “What are you so worried about? I thought you weren’t interested in this man.”

  “Obviously I was lying, Saba!” I moaned, and flung myself on her couch. “You know I like him! Ugh, now you made me say it!”

  She cackled and passed me a glass, patting me on the shoulder. I sipped morosely as I looked at the clock on the wall. Elias would be here any minute. I’d texted him instructions about thirty minutes ago, which was how long he said it would take him to drive over.

  I heard a car pulling up to the gate of the house and saw Saba’s guard come out to open it. I quickly got up to look and saw Elias’s Corolla pull into the big gravel driveway. I went out to meet him while Saba sat on her couch, looking amused.

  “Looks like your guest’s here.” She was having a little too much fun with this, but I didn’t have the bandwidth to come up with a snappy comeback. So I left my wine on her coffee table and went out to meet Elias.

  He got out of the car with a bottle of wine in his hand, and once again took my breath away. This time he was wearing dark gray chinos and a bright red sweater, with a gray linen scarf around this neck. He looked like some sort of bohemian poet, and I wanted to kiss him so badly.

  He walked up to the porch where I stood waiting for him, and we pressed our shoulders together in greeting. He pulled back and peered inside, but his expression changed to one of surprise when he saw Saba through the window. After a second, he shook himself and passed me the wine, eyes almost bulging out of his head. “You didn’t say your friend was Saba Aklilu!”

  I looked over my shoulder, confused by how freaked out he sounded, but found Saba placidly sipping wine
and doing something on her phone. “Oh, I guess I didn’t, but yes, that’s her. Do you know her?”

  He looked at me as if I was out of my mind. “No, but I know of her! She’s a very well-known person in Ethiopia. She’s sort of one of my heroes, actually.” Well, that was interesting. “She’s been a fierce advocate for women’s and children’s rights for decades, and lately she’s been talking about LGBTQ rights too.” He had a look of complete awe on his face when he said that. “She’s fearless. I go to see her speak whenever she comes to the university.”

  It didn’t occur to me Elias might have known Saba. I knew she was a well-respected figure here, but for me she was like an aunt. It was wild that he was this starstruck by her.

  “Just say hello,” I told him with an encouraging smile, completely charmed by his shyness and excitement. “She’s looking forward to meeting you. I told her about your research.”

  He gave me a panicked expression. “You did?”

  I rolled my eyes because he was too freaking cute. “Yes, she thought it was really interesting.” I grabbed his hand and tried to pull him toward the door. “Come on, let’s go in.”

  He didn’t move, and when I looked back he was giving me that intense look he did sometimes, his lips slightly turned up on the corners. My heart raced and I resisted moving closer while we were still outside. It was hard, though.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  “How else could I look at you, konjo?” His tone was completely matter of fact.

  He was going to kill me.

  My thoughts must have shown on my face because he winked at me and tugged on my hand. “Let’s go inside.”

  Saba and Elias got on like a house on fire, and within minutes they were in an intense conversation about the history of the fight for women’s rights in Ethiopia that lasted all through dinner.

  While we all took bites from the amazing spread of food on the table, Saba paused to look at me, then turned to ask Elias a question. “So, Elias, what do you think is the role of men in the fight to end misogyny in our country?”