Her Best Friend's Lover

by Shiloh Walker

  Voices echoed in Lauren’s mind as she gripped the book tightly to her chest, so tightly her knuckles were white.

  Being a single mother is a tough job, Lauren.

  If I can’t have a family with her, then I don’t want one, period.

  You weren’t expecting this.

  I love her, Lauren. Even if she doesn’t ever love me, that doesn’t change the fact that I lost my heart to her the first time I saw her.

  Do or don’t. Will or won’t. Lauren stopped her pacing and turned to face the father of her child. And decided fiercely, that she wouldn’t. She couldn’t. She would not bind him to her, wouldn’t destroy their friendship. And she wouldn’t destroy herself. He would come to her now, if she told him, but it would be for the baby. Not for her, never for her.

  She knew, from experience, what it was like to be an unwanted child, a burden. By God, she swore fiercely, this child will never know that feeling. She had been given a gift, the most precious gift she could have imagined. Her child would never be an obligation.

  Dale took a few steps forward until he was just a few feet away from Lauren. Her face was pale and fierce, her eyes glittering brightly. Something inside his gut twisted and he decided he didn’t want to know what was going on.

  But he reached out anyway, carefully taking the book that she held clutched to her chest.

  What to Expect When You’re Expecting.

  “This isn’t just some recreational reading,” he said, raising his eyes to hers.

  “No.”

  “You have been sick. Morning sickness?”

  “Yes.”

  Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, Dale studied her pale face. “You’re pregnant.”

  “Yes.”

  “You just had your period the week before I left. I was only gone three weeks. Are you certain?”

  “It wasn’t my period, turns out. It was just some cramping. A little light bleeding. Some women have that early in pregnancy.” She almost smiled as he flushed a dull red. “I’m a little over a month pregnant. It should stop within another month or two.” She breezed nonchalantly through that sentence, hoping he wouldn’t start to remember anything about that little-over-a-month ago time period. Hoping he would.

  “Who’s the father?” he asked calmly, although inside he was jumping with nerves. Had it been her? he wondered. Had it really happened, or was he going crazy? Had it been her? That night that he couldn’t quite remember, and wasn’t able to forget. And why didn’t the thought scare him to death?

  Looking at him out of those clear gray eyes, Lauren lied through her teeth. “Nobody you know.”

  “That’s going to have to be remedied soon, don’t you think? After all, we’re best friends and you’re carrying his baby.”

  “No. I’m carrying my baby,” she corrected. “He doesn’t want a family.”

  “Maybe he should have thought of that before he took you to bed without protecting you,” Dale snapped, tossing the book to the coffee table. “I don’t want a family either, which is why I damn well wear a rubber every time I sleep with a woman. And what if he has something?” Before she could speak, he turned around, looked at her and demanded, “Who is he? I’ll go talk to him.”

  “No, you will not. Dale,” she said, reaching out, catching his arm. There had been hope for a second that he remembered, and changed his mind about wanting a family. But the cold, flat look in his eyes totally destroyed that faint hope. “Dale, listen to me. It’s my responsibility as much as it his. More. I knew how he felt about a family and I didn’t care.”

  “Lauren, he’s got a responsibility.”

  “No. If I couldn’t provide for the baby, it would be different. But I can. Birth control is just as much the woman’s responsibility.” Granted, Lauren had never needed it before, and certainly hadn’t planned on needing it the night in question.

  “You can be both father and mother?” he asked sarcastically. “I’m talking about more than money here, sweetheart.”

  “And so am I,” Lauren replied calmly. “I grew up in a house where I wasn’t wanted. My dad didn’t want me, and my mother really didn’t either. You don’t know what that’s like, Dale. Your parents adored you. Mine tolerated me until I was ten years old and then my father up and left. A few weeks later, my mother left me in a hotel room and took off.” Her voice trembled slightly and she paused taking a deep breath. With her eyes hot, her voice intense, she said, “I know what it’s like not to be wanted. First hand, I know what it’s like. Being passed around from one home to the next, sometimes just for the money you bring the family. And just as you find one family you like, who likes you, they take you away again. I know, Dale, how it feels to not be wanted. You can’t hide that sort of thing, especially not from a child.”

  He opened to his mouth, once again, to argue. But he closed it on a sigh, recognizing the steely determination in her eyes. And he couldn’t fight her logic, nor could he blame her. “He knows you’re pregnant?”

  With a guileless smile, she honestly answered, “Yes.”

  “And he won’t live up to his responsibility?”

  “If I asked, he most certainly would.” Her hands came up and closed over her still flat belly and her voice shook with urgency. “But this isn’t a responsibility. It’s a child, my child, Dale. If he wanted me, wanted a family, it would be different. But he doesn’t. And I won’t subject myself, or my baby, to that, not in this lifetime.”

  Dale smiled slightly, his admiration for her, already high, climbing yet another notch. She was so damn regal, so proud. “This isn’t an easy road you’re walking, Lauren.”

  “Since when have I ever wanted easy?” she asked, smiling. “That’s your road, not mine.” Hell, Lauren thought, I probably wouldn’t know easy if it bit me on the butt.

  Cupping her face in his hands, he smiled down at her. “You’ll be a great mom,” he told her, placing a chaste kiss on her forehead. “Congratulations.”

  She gave a weak laugh and said, “Thank you.”

  And then she promptly passed out in his arms.

  * * * * *

  Dale decided, later, thinking back, that he had handled it quite well. After all, it’s not every day your best friend passes out on you. If he hadn’t gone to hug her, she’d have slid to the floor in a boneless heap. He had carried her to the couch, panicking, calling 911. Her eyes flew open and she yelped when a cold washcloth was swiped across her face. Dale was cussing and swearing a blue streak, hands shaking, his heart jumping around inside his chest. Worry and fear knotted in his stomach and he figured it would be sometime before they faded.

  The worry and fear was shortly joined by embarrassment when Lauren stared at him as though he had grown two heads after he told her he had called an ambulance.

  But, bless her heart, she said nothing, simply picked up the phone, called dispatch and informed them the ambulance wasn’t needed.

  “How do you know you don’t need to go to the hospital? You passed out!”

  “I am pregnant, Dale,” she said slowly. “Pregnant women do that sort of thing. I get dizzy. I get morning sickness. I spend more time in the bathroom than I ever did before. I spend more than half of the day sleeping.”

  “How do you know something isn’t wrong?” he demanded, staring at her pale face and worrying. “Damn it, you shouldn’t be here alone.”

  Lauren rolled her eyes and started to stand up only to have him grab her shoulders. “Stay off your feet, for crying out loud. You ought be to be resting.”

  “Dale, I’m pregnant, not sick, not dying. I feel fine,” she insisted. She stared at him, bemused and wondering if he was this bad now, how would he have acted if she had told him he was the father?

  Knowing him, he’d worry himself sick and drive her insane. He’d end up resenting her, because she wasn’t the one he wanted. And suddenly, her eyes filled with tears. Staring at her, seeing those clear eyes suddenly full of distress, watching as her lower lip started to tremble, Dale de
cided it was time to panic again. “What’s wrong? I’m sorry. Whatever I did, I’m sorry.”

  Disgusted with herself, she firmed her lower lip and blinked the tears away. “Nothing. I also start crying for no reason. I hate that,” she whined. Hating hearing the petulance in her voice, but unable to do anything about it.

  Compassion filled him and he wrapped his arms around her, tucking her head against his shoulder. “Honey, you have every reason to cry, if that’s what you want to do.” Those words, so gently spoken, broke through her decision to be strong and not cry. The tears welled up again and started leaking out. And she couldn’t think of any reason why she shouldn’t stay there, her face pressed against his shoulder, crying silently.

  Lauren rose earlier the next morning than she had in the past few weeks. It was just a little before eight when she stood in the kitchen, drinking decaffeinated coffee. Didn’t seem the same, kind of like drinking nonalcoholic beer, but she was hoping to fool her body.

  She had hardly slept. She knew she was doing what was best for all of them, but that didn’t make the guilt any easier to bear. She had lied to her best friend, the man she loved. She was depriving her child of its father. But she didn’t see how she had any other choice.

  Lauren couldn’t live with Dale, let him be the father he would insist on being, knowing that he loved another woman, knowing that he resented that his child wasn’t hers. She wouldn’t lie under him in bed at night while he made love to her with his eyes closed so he could pretend she was Nikki.

  Lauren had dealt with a lot in her life, had put up with a lot, made sacrifices. But that wasn’t something she was willing to do. She downright refused.

  If only he could love her.

  If only, she scoffed silently. ‘If only,’ she thought wearily.

  Movement outside caught her eye. She turned her head, cocking it as she watched Dale drop to his knees in her vegetable garden, weeding. A smile spread across her face as she realized what he was doing.

  Dale was of the mindset that pregnant meant fragile. He had been adamant last night that she lift nothing heavier than a glass of water, do nothing more than rest on the couch. Scowling, she raised her false coffee to her mouth. She was tired of resting already. And she’d be damned if she’d give up her gardening.

  She flinched when Dale nearly trampled a fledgling rhododendron bush. She tossed the rest of the coffee and stormed outside. Nope. She wasn’t giving up her garden.

  * * * * *

  Lauren was barely three months pregnant. She was still so tired, but the morning sickness had passed. Once she was up and about, her energy built up and she was moving around almost normally. Standing naked in front of the mirror in the bathroom, she studied her body. So far, she couldn’t tell. At least, not by looking. But her breasts were becoming more sensitive. She had already made the decision to nurse the baby, at least for a while.

  Were they getting bigger already? she wondered, turning sideways to look. She couldn’t tell. She generally paid her breast size as much attention as her shoe size. But her bras were getting tighter, or seemed to be. Of course, if they got much bigger, she’d need a damn crane to help lift them, she decided with a scowl. The full white globes were still firm, though.

  All in all, Lauren thought smugly, she looked better than most women ever did.

  A knock at the door interrupted her somewhat involved study of her chest. Flushing, she yanked the robe from the back of the door and headed out of the bathroom. She swiped a hand through her tangled damp hair as she peered through the window. Dale.

  Biting back a sigh, she wondered what in the hell he wanted now.

  Dale felt like an idiot. He didn’t even know how to act around her any more. She seemed so damned fragile, sometimes. Tearing up for no reason, laughing and smiling at nothing at other times. She wasn’t sick much any more, but she still slept so much. And talk about moody. She had been acting more or less like the Lauren he knew the other day, then for no reason that he could discern, she went into a sulk that lasted the rest of the afternoon.

  She didn’t have anybody here to watch out for her. No family, no boyfriend or husband, no close friends other than him and a girlfriend from high school, Jenny Something or Other. She was so alone.

  Which explained why he was standing at her door at ten thirty in the morning, a stuffed bunny behind his back. Dale felt like a moron, but he had seen the little thing and hadn’t been able to resist buying it.

  He was so damn curious. He kept waiting for her to start showing, but from what he could tell, she wasn’t showing at all. She was more than three months pregnant now, but Dale had absolutely no experience with pregnant women and had no idea what to expect. Of course, he still kept several books handy. Some women didn’t start showing until half way through their pregnancy. Some gained very little weight at all.

  Lauren wouldn’t gain much, he figured. She was so damn graceful-

  The door swung open and he turned his head, a smile on his face. That smile froze.

  She was wearing a terry cloth robe that hung somewhere between knee and butt, leaving an awful lot of leg bare. Wet legs. Wet hair, pushed back from her face. Tiny little beads of water clung to her neck, ran down into the vee of the robe between her breasts. Dale had never felt so thirsty in his life.

  She was wet and naked under that robe.

  Wet and naked…

  Pregnant! His brain shouted. Pregnant, remember that?

  Damn it. He really had to get over this damn fascination he was developing for her. Feeling even more like an idiot with each passing second, he thrust the little bunny at her. She stared at the bunny for just a second and then raised her eyes to his as she reached out and took it, a foolish little smile on her face as she held it clutched against her chest. A mighty fine looking chest, Dale decided, then felt like kicking himself in the butt.

  Lauren stroked the soft brown fur as she moved out of the way, holding the door open. Dale moved in, passing close enough to her that he could smell the scent of the soap she used on her skin. The scent rushed straight to his already befuddled mind and made him want to grab her and bury his face against her neck.

  What in the hell was wrong with him?

  “Thank you,” Lauren said, coming up close to him, kissing his cheek. Dale’s eyes closed and he fisted his hands in his pockets to keep from grabbing her. His eyes slid down, catching sight of those big, beautiful tits as she kissed first one cheek, then the other before sliding back down to stand flat on her feet in front of him and smile at him.

  As she moved away, he had a vague flash of something, the scent of her tickling some memory buried in his mind.

  “I’m going to get dressed,” she told him, still holding the silly little lop eared bunny against her chest.

  Dale decided then and there that he envied the little rabbit. As he turned away, he raised his hands and rubbed his face. What in the hell was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he stop thinking about her? She was his best damn friend and he wasn’t supposed to think of her like that. So why did he keep seeing her face as he drifted off to sleep at night?

  His gaze drifted up as Lauren came back into the room, locked on her face, unable to stop staring. She still held onto the little rabbit, still had that silly little smile on her face, wearing neatly cuffed khaki shorts and a sleeveless white button down top. Her hair had been pulled up into a simple twist. He wondered how she always managed to look so neat, so collected. Hell, his life was turmoil and he wasn’t the one pregnant.

  She didn’t look the way he would have thought a pregnant woman should look. She looked so…serene. At peace.

  She shot him a smile as she gracefully sat down in the papasan chair, drawing her knees to her chest. “How is your story going?”

  He shrugged, flopping down on the couch. “I haven’t been working much lately.”

  She arched a black brow, her eyes concerned. “Something wrong?”

  “Nope. I just don’t feel like working on anything,�
�� he replied, studying the ceiling intently. “Lauren, how come you and I have never gone out?”

  “We go out all the time, Dale. We went to the mall just last weekend.”

  Keeping his eyes fastened on the ceiling, he said, “That isn’t what I meant. I mean like on a date.”

  If he had been looking at her, Dale would have had the rare pleasure of seeing Lauren totally shocked. Her eyes widened, her mouth fell open and she just stared at him. Finally, she managed to close her mouth. “Ex…excuse me?” she stammered out, sitting up straighter, her feet settling on the floor.

  He swung his legs over, now looking her in the face. She looked perfectly normal to his eyes, that creamy complexion the same, those clear gray eyes the same.

  That mouth…Nope. Better off not thinking about the mouth, he decided. “I meant like on a date. I buy you dinner, take you to a movie, a play, a concert. How come we’ve never done that?”

  Calmly, she smoothed her hands over her legs, a faint, mocking smile on her mouth. His eyes dropped to those lean legs as she crossed them elegantly at the knee, then his gaze slowly rose until he was staring at that amused little smile as she said, “Dale, I’m not exactly your type. I’m only a few inches shorter than you, I don’t have red hair, and I’m not about to let you pretend I’m a substitute for a woman you can’t have.”

  He narrowed his eyes at her, started to open his mouth to say something pithy, only to snap it shut. How many of the women he had dated fit exactly that description? The vast majority. Granted, Lauren was tall for a woman, but he rarely dated anybody taller than five foot six. And so he was attracted to red heads. Lately, that midnight black hair of hers looked mighty tempting. He was tempted to tug it down from its knot and bury his face in it.

  But he was mildly insulted at the last part of her statement. Whether it was because it was the truth or because it wasn’t, he didn’t know.

  So he took a deep breath and said, somewhat cautiously, “Maybe I’ve decided it’s time I changed my type.”