A Vicious Cycle

by Eliza Brookes

  They parted amicably, and Christopher made his was to his room with a weary demeanor. She knew that he wasn’t sleeping either, he probably hadn’t slept since Penny had gone missing. As much as he said he wanted to give her freedom, it hurt him when she decided that freedom meant leaving her family behind. She knew that it was late but hoped that she would be able to watch that final video. Penny had something important to say, and she wanted to give her the chance to say it. To her surprise, when she got to her door, someone was waiting there for her.

  “Tyler?” she asked in surprise, recognizing his figure as he leaned against her doorframe. She tried to muster up a friendly smile, but the evening’s events had left her drained and all she wanted was to get inside, watch the video and go to sleep. His expression told her that she wasn’t going to get to the video any time soon. “How can I help?” she sat down across from him, recognizing the same look his father had sported earlier. The need to have someone listen.

  “I was rude earlier,” he pointed out, leaning his head against the doorframe, “I’m sorry about that.”

  “It’s okay,” she said with a comforting smile, “I’ve seen my fair share of family arguments. You should come with me next time I visit my mother. We’ll put your little argument to shame.”

  “The two of you don’t get along?”

  “The only thing we have in common is our blood,” Allegra told him honestly.

  “I’m sorry to hear that. It must be hard on you.”

  “It took me a while to get used to it,” Allegra admitted with a shrug. “It hurt when I was younger, but at some point, it stopped. I realized that I couldn’t change her, and I shouldn’t change for her. Since neither of us are willing to budge, we’ve decided that the occasional phone call is enough.”

  “I can’t imagine that,” Tyler told her honestly. “Family is everything to us. My life wouldn’t be the same without them.”

  “I know that,” Allegra told him, “and it’s great that you have that. Not everyone does, though. It’s not because they’re bad people, it’s just that sometimes family aren’t the people who you think they are. For example, my friends in Llewes Cove are my family. The way you feel about your family is the way I feel about mine. We just have a different view of who our family is.”

  “That’s not what I was taught,” Tyler shrugged, “I don’t judge you. I just think that we shouldn’t dismiss our blood so quickly. Blood is thicker, and all that.”

  “I always hated that saying,” Allegra admitted. “Blood is a lot messier than water, you know. It may be thicker, but that isn’t a good thing. Take my one friend, for example. She and her sister were always inseparable, they did everything together. Then her sister murdered my great-aunt and fell in love with her husband. It’s obvious that her sister was troubled, but she turned a blind eye for so long because she thought that getting her help would be betraying her.”

  “That’s rough,” Tyler responded, “but you don’t know what it’s like to have a sister. Do you?”

  “No,” Allegra shrugged, “but did I really miss out on that front?”

  “Definitely,” Tyler said without hesitating. “Having a sister is like having a friend, a protector, a confidant, a cheerleader and a priest rolled into one.”

  “Why a priest?” Allegra asked with a smile.

  “You confess all your sins to them,” Tyler told her with a wink and she laughed out loud.

  “Didn’t you fight with her? Like all the time? You make it sound too good to be true.”

  “Trust me, I never fought with anyone more in my life. She was annoying and at times I wished I could just shake her. You know? She was stubborn, and she yelled. A lot. She took forever to get ready and was always late for everything. Not to mention, she knew how to push my buttons and make me angry. But I was always glad to have her around.”

  “It sounds like it,” Allegra said with a faint smile. “I guess I did miss out.”

  “Yeah,” Tyler nodded, “I’m sorry to say it, but you did.”

  “It must’ve been hard for you when she came back. Apparently, she was very different.”

  “She was,” he said, his eyes darkening. “but can I tell you a secret?”

  “That’s what I’m here for,” she said drily. “What use am I if I don’t find all your secrets?”

  “I suppose that’s true,” he mused, “it still feels weird telling a stranger all these things. It’s like we usually take forever to let someone in, but now you’re learning about everything in a few days. You know more about Ruby than I ever will.”

  “Don’t think of me as a stranger,” she told him, “think of me as your priest. Your secrets will come to me anyway.”

  “It’s not that kind of a secret,” he said with an amused smile.

  “All secrets are the same.”

  “You’d think so,” he said thoughtfully. “Haven’t you learnt that no secret is the same?”

  “I’ve worked on a few cases now,” Allegra told him, “and I’ve learnt that secrets are shadowy things that you don’t tell anyone else. Some have less of an impact than others, but people don’t want them out. Secrets are like cancer. They eat away at everything until you can’t recognize anything. It’s better to get them out.”

  “When you put it that way,” he shrugged, “I still believe my own theory.”

  “Okay, fair enough. What’s your secret?”

  “I thought she was being difficult on purpose,” Tyler said slowly. “When she came back, I mean. I thought she was looking for attention coming back like that. It was supposed to be my moment of glory, and all of a sudden, she races back with this massive secret and this horrible attitude. I was so angry I wouldn’t speak to her.”

  “Why was it your moment of glory?” Allegra asked him.

  “My dad was about to retire and promote me to his position,” Tyler said heavily. She could tell that this must’ve meant a lot to him. All he ever spoke about was the business, so the thought of his sister ruining everything he’d been waiting for must’ve been more than he could bear.

  “Wow,” Allegra whistled, “that’s a big deal. Did you try and talk to her about it?”

  “Yeah, I confronted her, but she just slammed the door in my face. She accused me of being selfish. That’s funny, because it’s what I was accusing her of. I wish I’d listened to her. Maybe if I’d been kinder then she wouldn’t have been so angry with me. I may as well have delivered her to the murderer.”

  “You can’t think like that,” Allegra told him kindly, “you didn’t mean it. I’m sure she knew how important all this was to you. If you two could talk again, you’d know that she didn’t blame you at all. She was going through a tough time, she knew how important the promotion was for you.”

  “It’s all I worked for, my entire life. I didn’t want everything to start off badly. She was fighting with everyone and my dad was reconsidering his retirement. He thought that he should postpone it because he couldn’t handle all the tension at home. I was losing everything because she couldn’t put a brave face on. I was so selfish. She was right. I should’ve stopped and thought about it for longer than a second. But I didn’t. I moved out into a hotel because I didn’t want to see her anymore.”

  “When did you move out?”

  “The day before she disappeared,” he told her honestly, wincing as the words came out. “I know that makes me look bad, but you have no idea what it was like in the house. She was like a bomb. You couldn’t say anything without her yelling at you. I felt like I was walking on eggshells in my own home. I told her to get her act together, then I’d come home.”

  “That’s a shame,” Allegra said sadly, “but I still don’t think it’s your fault.”

  “That’s not the secret,” he told her in shame. He sighed deeply and looked away, his eyes misting over as he tried to collect himself.

  “You can tell me,” she told him gently, “don’t worry, I won’t judge you.”

  “She called me,�
� he said, his voice thick as he tried to fight his emotions.

  “When?”

  “The day she disappeared,” he said, taking his phone out to show her. “I ended the call. I didn’t even answer her. She could’ve been calling for help, and I ignored her.”

  “So, when you accused your father of not protecting her?”

  “I meant I didn’t protect her,” he said, a tear finally escaping. He wiped it away viciously, staring at the floor as if it was the source of all his problems. “I’ll tell him I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”

  “You don’t know she was calling for help,” she told him, “she could’ve been calling to apologize, or because she was looking for her toothbrush, or something. Don’t beat yourself up about it. You didn’t know what was happening. You were hurt and confused, just like she was. Now that you know what she was going through, you don’t blame her. If she knew how you were feeling, she wouldn’t have blamed you either. I promise.”

  “Thanks,” he said heavily, but Allegra knew that her words didn’t lessen his guilt. The knowledge that he ignored his sister during her last moments would haunt him for the rest of his life. He would always wonder how things would’ve turned out if he’d just answered that call. It wasn’t healthy, it wasn’t logical, but it was how things would be from now on. She knew that, because that’s how she felt about her great-aunt.

  Her great-aunt had asked her to come home after ten years of silence, and she had dragged her feet. She thought that she was going to get a lecture or that they would have to finally confront their problems. When she finally arrived in Llewes Cove, her great-aunt was dead.

  “If I could go back, I would’ve worked harder to be closer to her,” he vowed. “We were so close when we were younger, but it’s my fault that we weren’t anymore. If I had worked harder or paid more attention to her then she wouldn’t have been so confused.”

  “She could’ve also tried to get closer to you too,” she pointed out.

  “It wasn’t her responsibility,” he said firmly, “I was the oldest, I should’ve taken better care of her.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Tyler got up without a word and walked away, his hands reaching up to wipe away the tears that were flowing freely. She didn’t say a word to stop him knowing that he needed to be alone. It was time to watch the last video. She knew that she wasn’t going to let herself rest until she found out what Penny had to say.

  “Henry talked to me today,” Penny said without preamble. She sat with her arms folded in front of her. Her body language seemed off, and she kept fidgeting with a pen in front of her and she kept looking away from the camera uncomfortably. “I told him what I’ve found. You know, I can’t believe we weren’t close all this time. He’s a good man. A lot more interesting than I thought. He helped me out, he’s been looking for his real parents for a long time.”

  Penny sighed heavily, and her shoulders slumped forward as though she was carrying a heavy weight on her back. It wasn’t pleasant to watch her like this and Allegra wondered if it was a good idea to let Violet see her daughter like this.

  Penny clenched her jaw and shut her eyes tightly, as if she could shut all the bad things out. “I was wrong,” Penny said, her voice cracking painfully. “Henry told me what I needed to know, and I know that I was wrong. I don’t think Ruby got away. I think that this story has a bad ending, and I don’t want to know how it ends anymore. I want to stop.”

  Then stop, Allegra begged the girl silently. It was too late, but part of her wanted to reach out and tell the girl that she didn’t need to do any of this. She could go back to school, change her major and live out her dreams. She didn’t owe anything to the past.

  “I can’t let it go,” Penny said suddenly, as if responding to Allegra’s silent pleas. “Something happened to Ruby, and I need to know what it is. The more I think about it, the more I realize how wrong running away would be. Ruby knew this before I figured it out. She talks about doing the right thing. She wanted to be free, but she was going to do it in the right way, the way Margaret did. Margaret marched up to her father and told him the truth. The family reacted badly, but she gave them a choice. She didn’t just disappear and make them wonder what happened. That’s how I know that something happened to her. She was brave, she was going to do things the right way.

  “That’s what I have to do. I have to stop hiding and tell the truth. I’m afraid. I’m so scared, but I have to tell him the truth. He’s going to hate me. So much.”

  She took a deep breath and got up, and Allegra wondered if that’s how the video ended. Her fears were allayed when Penny sat down again, except this time she had her phone in her hand with a determined expression on her face.

  “I’m going to call him. He moved out yesterday, but I think it’s time to tell him. I don’t want to do it alone,” she said somewhat sheepishly, grinning at the camera. Penny typed in a name and put the phone to her ear.

  Allegra quickly paused the video and zoomed in. Her heart went still when she realized that Penny was calling Tyler. This video was taken on the day she disappeared. Allegra looked around in suspicion, a chill running down her spine when she realized what she was looking at.

  “Tyler?” Penny asked, “I wish you’d pick up the phone. I’m sorry about yesterday. I’m ready to tell you everything. Please, just come home. I’m so scared.”

  Allegra frowned at the screen. Tyler had mentioned a phone call, but he hadn’t told her that Penny had left him a message. If he listened to the message, then his guilt would be eased. Why hadn’t he mentioned it to her?

  “My brother and I used to be inseparable,” Penny told the camera, smiling faintly. “There was nothing that I couldn’t tell him. He was like my best friend. But everything changed when he went to high school. I get it, it’s not cool to have your little sister hanging around, but it’s more than that.” Penny’s smile faded as she remembered what happened. “He became mean and spiteful. He changed very quickly. I didn’t recognize him anymore. All he’d ever talk about was himself. How he was succeeding and how he was winning at life. Every conversation, everything. It was all about him. When I tried to change the subject, he’d get very angry. I just stopped talking to him after a while.

  “It got worse because grandma used to call him her golden boy. Nothing I did was ever good enough, she was always yelling at me about something. Then he started with the same thing. He’d tell me that it was my fault, that I should try and be more like him. They’re like twins. It’s ridiculous. He’s obsessed with the family. He’s always going on about the family’s reputation. I swear, they could be mother and son. It’s so stupid. He chooses not to see anything outside of his little bubble.

  “Ruby says that’s how Sarah was. She says that Sarah had a diary too, I just need to find it then I’ll have the whole story. I need to know what my grandma had to say. The way things are looking right now, I think I’m close to something big. I just hope I’m ready when it comes.” Penny gave a funny half-smile that indicated how anxious she was. She gave the camera a funny two-fingered salute before the screen went black. And with that, Penny was finished telling her story.

  Allegra jumped to her feet and stormed out the door with one destination in mind. Her frantic footsteps echoed throughout the dark house as she all but ran to James’ room.

  “What?” James yelled after she knocked insistently for what felt like hours.

  “Where is Henry’s office?”

  “It’s the middle of the night!” James blinked blearily, but when he saw her expression his eyes widened. “What did you find?”

  “Take me there now,” she said, not bothering to explain herself. He nodded and wrapped his dressing gown around him before he led her off into the dark and unknown. Henry’s office was close to where Ruby’s door had been, and Allegra felt an uneasy sense of guilt when she passed the woman’s door. She was so close, she wasn’t going to give up on her.

  James knocked politely and shot her an anxious gla
nce over his shoulder, but she didn’t wait for Henry to respond. She pushed past the butler and burst into the room. Henry had been on his way to open the door, and his mouth dropped open when she walked in, pulled James with her and slammed the door shut.

  “Please,” he said drily, “come on in.”

  “Penny spoke to you the day she disappeared,” Allegra wasted no time in getting to the point. James sputtered and took a surprised step back, giving Henry a suspicious glare as he did it.

  “I imagine she spoke to a few people,” Henry said reasonably, sighing as he sat down.

  “You told her something about Ruby,” Allegra reminded him. “You knew she was investigating, and you warned her. Why did you do that? What were you so afraid of? What did she ask and what did you tell her?”

  “Are you sure you want the butler here?” Henry asked, glancing quickly at the suspicious James.

  “I’m here for protection,” James snapped, giving Henry a haughty look.

  “You’re here because I didn’t know where his office was,” Allegra mentioned absent-mindedly. James gave her an offended look which she ignored. “But now that you mention it, it might be a good idea to keep him around. Tell me what happened Henry. It was her last day. You told her something and suddenly she was different.”

  “I know,” Henry said sadly. He shrank into himself and laid his head in his hand. He looked at her with a broken expression. “I told her not to chase after ghosts. She was looking for a fairy tale ending, but there wasn’t one. There’s only pain in the past. She didn’t listen. She never did. That last day, she came to me with the truth. Lillian and Sarah told everyone I was Margaret’s grandson, and so when I was eighteen, I went to England to find my family.”

  “You went to find Margaret?” James asked in surprise.

  “Yes,” Henry said, a look of pain crossing his face. “I found her husband. They never had children. He was sterile. I didn’t have a family. When I came back, Sarah let me work at the business. I thought I could be free and find my real family, but I had no one but this family. And I’m not even part of it.”