Somehow Cecilia was glad to have reached this day. The uncertainty had been excruciating. Even if she knew that the likelihood of hearing from Lord Neil had decreased with each passing day since the theater, the weakest flicker of hope continued to burn in the very deepest corner of her heart.
Today, that flicker could be put out, and she could focus her attention on her new obligations. At least they would provide her with some distraction from the hundreds of thoughts of Lord Neil that passed through her mind each hour.
She’d written to Rosamund yesterday to see if she would like to join Cecilia at the Egyptian Hall, hoping that spending some time among beautiful artworks would bring momentary peace to her mind. And she was desperate to share her thoughts with someone. Of course she most wanted to speak with Juliet, but that seemed an impossible challenge at the moment.
And besides, it had been some time since she’d been able to have deeper conversation with Rosamund since she had been carted all around London with Lady Henshell on a full calendar of calls.
Violet helped Cecilia into one of her finer dresses, for the museum was a place of refinement and gentility, but she had some time before Rosamund arrived in the fine Henshell family carriage. Cecilia took the opportunity to practice on the pianoforte until her friend arrived, lest she be overcome with unwanted thoughts if her hands and mind remained idle.
A small gasp startled Cecilia as she entered the drawing room, causing Cecilia to gasp in response. The scene she saw surprised her into silence.
“Sissy...” Juliet mumbled from her seat on the pianoforte bench. Her cheeks were red, as if she’d been caught sneaking chocolates just before dinner.
“Jules, what are you doing here? Were you actually...playing?” Cecilia couldn’t keep the incredulity out of her voice.
Juliet had never enjoyed practicing musical instruments of any kind and had avoided it with all her might during their younger years. More often than not their governess and their music master had had to chase her down the halls and nearly drag her to the instrument.
Juliet’s blush deepened and her eyes remained downcast. “I was trying to. I wanted to learn that piece you wrote, but it’s not coming together.”
“You know all you have to do is ask and I can help you with it,” Cecilia said softly, stepping forward carefully as if her sister were a wounded animal that might bolt at any moment. And judging by the way her eyes glanced to the door and window, Cecilia might not have been too far off in that assessment.
“I know. Maybe some other time.” Juliet stood, smoothed out her skirts, and began inching towards the door—still without making direct eye contact with Cecilia.
But this was the first time Cecilia had been alone in a room with her sister and she was not about to squander the opportunity. She stepped directly in front of Juliet, blocking her escape path.
“Jules, what’s been going on with you? You haven’t been yourself since your fight with Mama. I can understand why that would weigh heavily on your mind. But I don’t see why you should be avoiding me as well. Have I done something to offend you?”
“No, no. I’ve just been distracted by my own troubled thoughts. I’m terribly sorry I haven’t been available to you recently.” Juliet sighed and lowered her head.
“It seems we’ve been caught in a very tumultuous period and it’s made a mess of us both. There’s no need to apologize for dealing with your own struggle.” Cecilia smiled weakly and took one of Juliet’s hands in hers. She had missed her sister desperately of late, but above all she was glad that they could support each other now.
“But tell me,” Juliet said with a sad smile, turning to Cecilia. “I’m afraid I haven’t given you the chance to speak of what’s happened between you and Lord Neil. I can only imagine how painful it must be, whatever it is.”
“Actually, I invited Rosamund out today for a trip to the museum and I was going to speak with her about it all then. Why don’t you join us?”
Juliet smiled with relief. “That would be very nice indeed. I haven’t been out of the house in some time. It's starting to feel like a cage. I think a change of scenery will do me well. And I’m in a better place now to hear you out and lend my support.”
Cecilia returned the smile, thrilled to have her sister back on her side.
Cecilia had only been to the Egyptian Hall once before, during her first Season, but the place had left a deep impression on her. She'd thought about visiting again multiple times but her schedule had always been so filled with engagements.
She only wished she didn’t have to carry such a heavy heart with her as she walked through the massive, ornate halls. But having her two dearest friends by her side helped ease the weight on her shoulders.
They had walked through the exhibits mostly in companionable silence, occasionally pointing out artifacts or works of interest. Juliet and Rosamund both seemed to hold back any questions they had, waiting for Cecilia to broach the subject.
Oddly, now that Cecilia was here, she wasn’t sure where to start or what she wanted to say about the situation. After all, no amount of unburdening her heart through conversation would take away the heartache left behind.
Perhaps coming here had been a mistake after all, Cecilia realized. Everywhere she looked she saw Lord Neil. She would have loved to come to such a beautiful place with him and hear his thoughts on all these magnificent works of art and curiosities.
In fact, many of the depictions of faraway lands around the world, places that seemed almost fictional to Cecilia, reminded her of the fantastical world in those adventure novels. She could almost see the heroes galivanting about the pyramids in Egypt on their way to defeat some monster or corrupt foe. And since seeing that letter in Lord Neil’s drawing room, Cecilia could not untangle the adventure novels and the baron in her mind.
“Cecilia?” A curious voice broke Cecilia’s concentration and she jumped, turning to find Rosamund peering at her. “We didn’t realize you’d lagged behind. You’ve been staring at that creature for quite some time.”
Cecilia turned back to whatever had captured her attention and jumped again as she came face to face with a preserved rhino. Juliet, who had walked back to rejoin them, laughed a bit too loudly and the sound echoed through the large room. A few other visitors clicked their tongues at her but as always, Juliet paid them no mind.
“I’m sorry. I was lost in thought,” Cecilia admitted as she put a hand over her heart to calm it.
“Is that so? And about what, might I ask?” Rosamund prodded with her wily voice, a brow arched over her curious eye.
“You look as though you already know the answer,” Cecilia chuckled.
Rosamund and Juliet glanced to each other. “I’m sure we do, but you did invite us here to discuss what troubles you, did you not?” Rosamund pouted, getting more eager to hear the details now that Cecilia had alluded to the situation.
Cecilia sighed and resumed walking so they could continue to take in the museum. “Of course my mind is on Lord Neil, which you both know.”
The other girls nodded quietly, allowing Cecilia to speak in her own time for which she was grateful as she sought to gather her scattered and foggy thoughts.
“I felt as though Lord Neil understood me, he appreciated my perspective and opinion. For the first time since making my debut, I felt that this man could really be the one I’d waited for for so long. And I thought everything was going very well. I even anticipated that he might have a more serious conversation with me about his intentions. But it seems I failed to give him enough encouragement and he’s turned away from me.”
Cecilia swallowed hard, a wobbly lump lodging itself in her throat.
Juliet looped an arm through Cecilia’s and gently patted the back of her hand while Rosamund rubbed comforting circles on the small of Cecilia’s back. Cecilia knew that Rosamund in particular must be dying to get to the meat of the story, but she appreciated their patience and support as she steadied herself to continue.
“I won’t pretend to understand why he has cut contact with me so suddenly. I can’t help but wonder if...maybe Lord Neil isn’t so different from anyone else.
“And now Mama and Papa have already scheduled a series of engagements for me for this week, until I either indicate that I find one of the gentlemen suitable, or they choose one for me. I must have been a fool to think I could find true love. Maybe it is true that such a thing only happens miraculously, for the lucky ones in our world.”
She couldn’t stop her voice from breaking as she confessed the deepest, most painful feelings that had taken up residence in her heart over the past few weeks. Warm tears collected at the corners of her eyes and the dull ache in her chest flared into a sharp incessant stinging.
“Oh, dear,” Rosamund cooed as she turned Cecilia toward her and swiped at her eyes with a gloved finger.
“Thank you for sharing with us, Sissy. I can’t imagine how you must feel right now, or how much it hurts to give voice to your suffering.” Juliet’s voice was quiet and concerned, her hand wrapped tight around her older sister’s.
“I should be thanking you for listening to my pitiful tale. I feel like I’ve been such a fool for holding onto these ideals when the end result would have always turned out this way.” Cecilia continued to sniffle quietly as they made their way through the exhibit, the tears swimming in her eyes blurring her surroundings.
“Hush now, I won’t hear any talk of pitiful this or foolish that,” Rosamund clucked. “There is nothing wrong with your desires and they don’t make you abnormal in any way. I'm sure many people feel the same, but it’s difficult to find matches made in love because other factors take precedence at times. And I won’t have you feeling less than the kind, wonderful, talented, smart woman you are. Any man would be lucky to have you as his wife and life companion.
“I have to admit that I’m also surprised by Lord Neil’s behavior. I never knew him well, but he always seemed to be a genuine and pleasant gentleman to me. If a little shy. I can’t fathom why he would do such a thing to you, and it angers me greatly. But I will say this. Your situation is far from ideal, but use this opportunity to your benefit. Take your mind off the baron with all your upcoming engagements. You never know, something unexpected just might happen. If any of us can have hope for that, it would be you, Cecilia.”
Rosamund smiled warmly at her friend, the corners of her eyes wrinkling with the mirth that came so naturally to her.
“I agree,” Juliet chimed in. “Lord Neil has just lost the greatest treasure in the world. But one of these gentlemen might just be the right one to recognize it. I know such a thing is far easier said than done, but keep an open mind. We may be at the point of having no choice but to accept the situation. But that doesn’t mean some good can’t still come of it.”
Cecilia breathed in deeply, as if hoping to soak up her companions' words out of the air. Every beat of her heart still felt like a bruise being prodded, but she felt more centered. She didn’t know if she would find love in any of these courtships set up by her parents. But, as Rosamund said, the unexpected was always a possibility.
If Cecilia had nothing else to cling to, she could at least hope for a pleasant match. A meaningful life could still be lived without love. But even as Cecilia said those words to herself, she felt something within her deepest core wither and crumble in on itself.
“Thank you, my dear friends. Your words have done much to fortify me. I can’t say that it will be easy to convince my heart to let go of Lord Neil, but I can try my best. And some distraction will be good for me.”
“There’s my brave girl!” Rosamund cheered and numerous heads whipped around to glare at her. She seemed to remember that they were in a museum, but rather than shrinking under the annoyed gazes, she simply shrugged her shoulders at Cecilia and Juliet, wrinkling her nose playfully. “Why don’t we hop in my carriage and make a quick stop at Gunter’s?” She suggested, nearly skipping at her own tantalizing idea.
“Ah yes,” Cecilia giggled. “Ice serves as a great distraction as well.”
But as they finished in the exhibit, passing by the large works of art and preserved creatures and expansive murals, Cecilia’s wounded heart continued to beat to the same broken drum—if only I could be here sharing this beauty with Lord Neil...
Chapter 14
Solomon paced about Henry’s library, one arm folded behind his back and the other propping up his chin. His brows were creased with a deep line between them. He looked almost like a stage actor, playing up the drama before delivering a sobering and plaintive monologue. Not unlike the actors Henry had watched a few weeks ago, when Miss Richards had still been by his side.
“I do hope you know the rug you are abusing was quite expensive. Should I send the bill to your London home or your country estate?” Henry grumbled from his armchair, closing the philosophy book he’d been attempting to read.
His friend needed no further prompting. With a dramatic flair, the earl spun around on one heel and brought his hands to his hair.
“I simply do not understand what is happening,” he cried out in exasperation, ignoring Henry’s gibe. “Why would Miss Juliet say she cannot continue to see me? And without telling me what error I made to turn her away from me? It makes no sense, I tell you.”
“Is that because you have never been refused in the past? You were always the one to pull away first.” Henry put his book on the small table beside his chair. He suspected no reading would be accomplished whilst Solomon was still in the room.
The other man groaned in frustration, returning to his pacing. “Yes, that is true and I am surprised by that. I haven’t experienced rejection in a long, long time. But it is more than that, Henry.”
Solomon halted in the middle of the room, turning to look at Henry with such a look of distress that Henry’s blood froze for a moment. Despite his friend’s seemingly silly and over the top antics, Henry realized that he was absolutely serious.
Henry sat forward in his chair, putting his full attention on Solomon. “In what way?”
“I just can’t fathom why she would withdraw from me now. Why would she ask me to stop writing and asking for her company? I thought our friendship was progressing quite nicely. At first I wondered if it was because of your refusal to see her sister.”
Henry bit his lip at this, guilt piercing his stomach both at the mention of Miss Richards and at the possibility of having ruined his friend’s courtship. He certainly hadn’t considered this outcome when he’d made his decision to quit Miss Richards’s company.
“But something tells me it’s not that. I could see it in her eyes. There was something deeply troubling her. She seemed quite unlike herself. Yet she refused to tell me, she refused all my offers of assistance.”
Solomon rubbed his temple, his eyes racing over the rug as his feet had done not too many minutes ago, but Henry knew they didn’t see anything in the room. They were searching for some answer, some solution that could rectify the situation.
Unfortunately, due to Henry’s own current troubles, he wasn’t inclined to be hopeful about any positive results.
“Thank you for delivering the manuscript to Miss Juliet this morning. I’m terribly sorry she used the opportunity to withdraw from you. But Solomon, I fear you are going to put a hole in my rug one way or another. Why don’t we get some fresh air at Hyde Park? It’s almost the promenade hour,” Henry suggested.
Though he tended to avoid Hyde Park during this time of day due to the influx of people, he knew it to be a favorite pastime of Solomon’s. Where Henry found comfort in solitude and silence, Solomon preferred the hustle and bustle of community to rejuvenate himself.
Solomon snapped his fingers together. “A fine idea, my friend. Let’s take my carriage over and I’ll return you here afterward.”
Henry shuddered as soon as he stepped out of the carriage. Just as he’d suspected, the park was full to bursting with people of all ages and social standings walking about whil
e leisurely chatting or driving their carriages slowly so as to be able to call out to acquaintances.
Solomon, on the other hand, already seemed spritelier and he inhaled deeply to soak in the energy of the atmosphere.
Henry let his friend pick their direction and they forged ahead through the throng of people and horses and carriages. Within moments Solomon was nodding to the ladies and gentlemen passing by, acquaintances or friends from some place or other. But he didn’t stop to encourage any of them to strike up a conversation, which left Henry feeling immensely grateful.
But, Henry admitted to himself, being out during the promenade hour wasn’t entirely insufferable. He and Solomon had come to Hyde Park with the Richards sisters on several occasions at this exact time. When he looked back on those memories—aside from the heavy ache in his chest that he’d become accustomed to when he thought of Miss Richards—he found that they lacked the stressful quality of his other excursions here.
He'd enjoyed it more because Miss Richards had been there. Something about her had been able to draw him out of his panicked thoughts so he could better observe her. But as he noticed everything about her, it was as though he were finally able to fully see his surroundings, to see the world she lived in. The world he had also shared for a time.
Unbidden, Henry noticed those things now. From the way the tree branches swayed over the crowds, dappling them in dancing shade, to the way the other park visitors walked and smiled and chatted together, happy and calm and enjoying their company.
Henry clenched his fists as that all too familiar rush of pain swept over him, starting from his chest and radiating to his very toes and the hairs atop his head. There was nothing here to ease his mind about being in this crowded park amongst dozens of strangers. He would never have that comforting presence near him again, never have a conversation that was both idle and profound all at once.
Behind The Baron's Mask: A Regency Romance (Resolved In Love Book 1) Page 18