Crash Into You

by Diana Morland

  The nurse pulled the curtain between the beds as she left, and Gianna immediately took Megan’s right hand. “Okay, that doesn’t sound too bad.”

  “Except for the X-ray. Damn, I hope all this is covered under my insurance.” It probably wasn’t. Getting Joe and Karen to set up insurance for the small company had been bad enough; the insurance they had wasn’t any better than what Megan could find on the marketplace.

  Gianna squeezed her hand. “Hey, before you know it you’ll be up and about better than ever.” She stood up and planted a kiss on Megan’s lips. Her breasts pressed against Megan’s chest, jostling her injured shoulder, but desire still shot through Megan like she hoped the painkiller would soon.

  She had to catch her breath when Gianna sat back down. “This is ridiculous. You broke my damn shoulder and I still want you.”

  Gianna grinned at her. “You heard the nurse. I didn’t break anything. I just separated it.”

  Megan rolled her eyes. The bed was starting to feel uncomfortable, and it was hard to concentrate on their banter. “Yeah, first you separate my shoulder from my neck, then you’ll separate me from my money. Is that how it goes?”

  She thought her gold-digger joke was pretty feeble, but Gianna rolled with it. “You don’t need to worry about that, babe. I’ll take good care of you, forever and ever. You do look pretty cute all helpless on the bed like that.”

  Megan froze as panic crashed through her, all her muscles tensing up, the shoulder sending a jolt of pain through her body. “Don’t say that.” Her voice came out strained and harsh.

  Gianna’s eyes widened and her grin dropped off. “What? I’m sorry, babe. What did I say?”

  “Don’t act like… you want me powerless.” Megan was in control this time. That was the only reason this relationship was okay. If she didn’t have any power, any control, then Gianna was no better than Cari and she was better off alone.

  Gianna swallowed and shook her head. “I didn’t mean that. I was joking. I mean, you were joking about thinking I was going to take all your money, right? If you’ve been serious about everything you’ve said to me, I need to rethink this relationship.” She grinned again, but it was weaker.

  Megan nodded carefully. “You’re right. I was joking. I’m sorry, I overreacted.” Adrenaline still seemed to be pounding through her veins, but rationally, she knew she was telling the truth.

  Gianna patted her uninjured shoulder. “It’s okay, babe. If that’s something that gets under your skin, I’ll avoid it in the future.”

  Megan sighed. “Thanks.”

  Another nurse, a heavyset black woman with a warm smile, came in with two cups. “Here you go, miss, a painkiller for you. And then I’ll be back in a few minutes to take you to the X-ray room, all right? Give the painkiller a little time to work.”

  “Thank you,” Megan said. Gianna helped her get the pill into her mouth, then she swallowed the cup of water, washing it down her throat.

  The nurse turned to Gianna. “You her girlfriend?”

  Well, that was a question Megan hadn’t expected to hear. Her only comfort was that, based on Gianna’s flushing cheeks and widening eyes, the same confusion was flooding her system as Megan’s. “Uh…”

  The nurse smirked. “Well, don’t all answer at once. You can come to the X-ray room with us, if you’re staying with her, but if you’re planning to call anyone else you ought to do it now.”

  “I’ll stay with her,” Gianna said quickly.

  “Good girl.” The nurse gave a sharp nod and walked away.

  She left silence behind her. Gianna and Megan stared at each other, so quiet that Megan could pick out, over the hum of hospital equipment, the soft, almost papery whispers of the old women at the other bed. She hoped they were both a little deaf and hadn’t been able to hear her conversation with Gianna.

  “We don’t have to talk about that now,” Gianna said. “If you don’t want to.”

  Megan swallowed. “Better now than once the painkiller hits my system.” She had been thinking that if it came up, they would talk about it. But now she wasn’t so sure she wanted to.

  Gianna’s hands were folded in her lap. “Look, I know I told you I was a slut, but I really like you, Megan, and I haven’t seen anyone else since we met. It seems like you might have some, well, issues, so I didn’t want to push it, but I’m ready to say this is a relationship if you are. If you’re not, that’s okay, too.”

  Megan stared at the ceiling and swore softly. “Are my issues really that obvious?”

  “Only if you’re paying attention,” Gianna said.

  “I guess that explains why you and Shelly are the only ones who’ve said anything.” Megan took a deep breath, trying to order her thoughts. She liked Gianna a lot. She still liked her even now, when she was waiting in the hospital to have her injury tended after Gianna had knocked her down and skated into her shoulder. But was she ready to say she was her girlfriend?

  She’s nothing like Cari, an angry, insidious voice whispered inside her. But that would be a good thing. Also, it wasn’t true.

  They were definitely different people, but both Gianna and Cari had that strong presence, that power about them. It was a huge amount of confidence and plenty of sex appeal. It was also a great capacity for violence.

  “I have a question,” Megan said. She was still staring at the ceiling, not looking at Gianna. She hadn’t thought of this until now… but now that she had, she wouldn’t be able to stop worrying about it until she knew.

  She would always hit back.

  “I hope I can answer it.”

  “This is going to sound stupid. But you didn’t do it on purpose, did you?”

  “What? No, of course not. I mean, I blocked you on purpose, obviously. But I didn’t expect to knock you over, and skating into you was a total accident. If you’d fallen at a different angle, I would have skated around you. Or possibly hit you in the head, and then we’d be having an entirely different conversation.”

  Megan turned her head to look at Gianna. “You weren’t mad or anything?”

  “No, absolutely not.” Gianna held her gaze, hands stilled in her lap. “It was just roller derby, babe. I might go a little harder on you than I do on anyone else, but that’s just because it’s a lot more fun to crash into you than anyone else.”

  Megan smiled. “Thanks.”

  “Why would I be mad at you, anyway?”

  “I don’t know.” She couldn’t think of anything. With Cari, she always would have been able to come up with something. So that was a good sign.

  But the idea of declaring anything, of saying Gianna was her girlfriend, still made her stomach twist into knots. She shook her head. “I’m sorry. I’m not ready… Let’s just call it casually dating for now.”

  “Okay,” Gianna said, too quickly.

  “But for what it’s worth, I haven’t seen anyone else since we met, either.”

  “Thank you,” she whispered.

  Chapter 9

  Gianna stayed with Megan while they took her to another room to be X-rayed, and while they took her back, and while she waited. They put her in a wheelchair to transport her; she didn’t like it very much, and it was harder on her shoulder than walking would have been, but they insisted.

  And she was, after all, a bit wobbly getting out of the wheelchair and back into her hospital bed. Must be the painkiller. It was working—she only had a little pain now.

  They waited quietly for the results after the X-ray; neither of them could think of anything to say to break the silence. Gianna was still holding her hands clasped tightly together in her lap. Was she really that worried?

  Finally, the doctor came in. She was bright-eyed and smiling; she must have gotten sleep more recently than the first nurse. “Megan? Good news. Nothing’s broken.”

  “I thought so,” Megan said, but she still felt relieved. “The nurse thought it was a shoulder separation.”

  The doctor nodded, still smiling. “It’s not a bad
one—no deformity, and as long as you let it heal on its own, there shouldn’t be any. You’re going to get a sling and I recommend that you keep the arm immobilized as much as possible. You should also be icing it. Come back in a week and we’ll see how it’s healing up, but I’m hoping after two weeks, if you treat it right, you’ll be able to move normally again.”

  Megan swallowed. Two weeks? That meant missing at least one game—it felt like a lifetime. “Can I still play roller derby?”

  That dropped the smile from the doctor’s face. She looked confused. “That’s on skates?”

  “Yes. It’s a full-contact sport. It’s how I injured my shoulder.”

  Gianna, still silent, did not volunteer that the injury had come from her.

  The doctor shook her head. “I have to recommend against it, at least for the first week until we see how it’s healing up, but probably for longer. Even if you don’t fall, you’ll need to move your arms to keep your balance on skates, and like I said, you’ll need to keep that arm immobilized. Do you have someone who can help you get dressed?”

  Megan coughed in embarrassment. She hadn’t been expecting that question. Gianna was looking away, but Megan was pretty sure she saw a blush. “Uh, no. Not really.”

  “You can move your arm a little when getting dressed, but limit it. Try to choose clothes you can get on and off one-handed.”

  “Okay.” No more cute dresses for a while.

  “Do you need a note for your job?”

  “No, I don’t think so. I can still type and answer the phone, just maybe not both at once.”

  The doctor smiled. “I’ll write you one just in case. Oh, here’s your sling.” The heavyset nurse from before came in carrying what looked like just a bundle of fabric. She smiled at Megan, who managed a smile back.

  Between them, the nurse and the doctor got the sling onto Megan’s arm and instructed her on its use. They also gave her a pamphlet (which was a relief, since she didn’t think she could remember the instructions) and a prescription for more painkillers. Getting the sling on hurt, but once her arm was held in place, she felt fine.

  Finally, they gave her some paperwork, took her to another waiting area, and told her to fill it out and who to take it to. She sighed as she sat down at a table, counting her blessings—at least it wasn’t her right arm that was injured, and she could still write.

  Gianna sat down across from her. “Megan?”

  She jumped a little in the middle of writing her name, so that the X in her last name trailed down past the line. She finished it quickly and looked up. “Yeah?”

  “Sorry to bug you in the middle of your paperwork, but while we’re still alone, there’s something I have to ask you.” Gianna still looked nervous, her hands hidden under the table but her arms not moving.

  Megan sat up straighter, putting down the pen. She didn’t want to make Gianna think she wasn’t listening, though her stomach twisted with anxiety and most of her brain was telling her not to let Gianna ask the question. “Sure. Go ahead.”

  “I should have asked earlier. I was too nervous then, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.”

  This must be bad. She’s stalling. Megan could have made a joke out of it, but instead she nodded, trying to tell Gianna to get on with it.

  “The question you asked me earlier. About whether I hurt you on purpose. You said there wasn’t any reason to think I was mad at you, but why else would you ask the question? What did I do that made you even think to ask that?”

  Oh. That wasn’t so bad. Megan took a deep breath. “It’s not you. The question really wasn’t about you at all. My ex…”

  She swallowed, her throat suddenly dry. Sweat was breaking out on her forehead, and she lifted her left arm, only to be reminded by a twinge of pain that she shouldn’t be moving it. She wiped her forehead with the derby wristband on her right arm instead.

  She’d never talked to anyone about this. Not her parents, not her sister, not her friends in roller derby. She knew, intellectually, that she shouldn’t be ashamed of it. That it wasn’t really her fault her girlfriend hit her. But she was the one who’d never left—who hadn’t even tried to leave. She was the one letting herself be tortured.

  And in the end, like she’d always known, it had to be her who hit back.

  “This is harder to talk about than I thought it would be,” she confessed.

  Gianna put her arm on her table, her hand close to Megan, lying palm up. After a moment, Megan took it. Gianna said nothing; Megan suspected that she wanted to be reassuring, but couldn’t think of anything to say.

  “Well, I can say that she wouldn’t have done it like that,” Megan said at last. “She was straightforward. She wouldn’t have made it look like an accident.” It was hard to speak, and she could hear her voice getting hoarser. “But she always said it was my fault.”

  “She hit you,” Gianna said.

  Megan nodded, ashamed that she couldn’t say it herself.

  “I’m not her,” Gianna said.

  “I know.” She could speak again. This was easier to say. “But I had to make sure. I didn’t want to be making the same mistake again, you know?”

  Gianna took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “That makes sense. It’s a smart thing to make sure of. But you don’t still think you’re making that mistake, do you? You didn’t believe me?”

  “I did believe you,” Megan said. “I do.”

  But she wasn’t sure if Gianna heard her. She was raising her voice to be heard above the sudden shouts of “There she is!”, but she didn’t think it worked, and Gianna was turning toward the commotion.

  At the other end of the room, Shelly, Gayle, Tara, Kristine, and Mindy were rushing in, still wearing their derby outfits, screaming and cheering. Megan felt her face stretch into a grin as she saw them. They could have had better timing, but at least they were saving her from the rest of this very uncomfortable conversation.

  She stood up to greet them. “Careful,” she said as she hugged them all one-handed. “I’m supposed to keep my shoulder immobilized.”

  “It’s not broken, is it?” Kristine asked, her face pinched with anxiety. “How soon can you get back to derby?”

  “It’s not broken, just a shoulder separation,” Megan said. “I can skate, but I can’t—”

  “That’s not what the doctor said,” Gianna interrupted her, throwing her arm out as though to physically stop Megan from talking.

  Megan shook her head. “I just have to keep my arm immobilized.”

  “And you need to move your arms to keep your balance when you skate.”

  Megan rolled her eyes. “I’m not that amateur of a skater. I can skate at a reasonable speed without flailing my arms around.”

  “If the doctor said you shouldn’t skate, you’re not skating,” Shelly said.

  “She didn’t say that.”

  “She didn’t have to,” Gianna said. She was standing now, too, her elbows pointed out with hands firmly planted on her hips. “She recommended against it. I’m not going to let you screw up your healing by messing with doctor’s orders.”

  “And neither are we,” Tara said firmly. “Thanks for watching out for her.”

  “She’s right,” Mindy said. “The better you follow doctor’s orders, the sooner you’ll be on the track again. We can’t lose our star jammer for longer than absolutely necessary.”

  Megan scowled at Gianna. She wanted to cross her arms, but she couldn’t, as a twinge of pain in her shoulder reminded her. She felt like Gianna had ripped something away from her, but in front of half her team, she couldn’t exactly let loose.

  Instead she swallowed, turned to Shelly, and said, “So you guys won, right?”

  “Barely,” Shelly said with a grin. “Two points up. Try not to get injured again, huh? We could have used you.”

  Megan managed to stretch her face into the semblance of a smile. “Right.”

  “We brought your bag with the rest of your stuff,” G
ayle said, lifting it to show her.

  “Thanks. But I have to fill out this paperwork before I can leave.”

  “I’ll drive you home,” Shelly said immediately. “Everyone else can go. Or head to the afterparty, if you want.”

  “Megan, don’t you want me to drive you home?” Gianna asked. Her hands were clasped in front of her again.

  “It’s fine,” Shelly said. “I know where she lives. I’ve driven her there enough times.”

  Megan felt a sudden flutter of panic that Gianna would think she’d lied, that she’d been sleeping with Shelly. Then remembered it didn’t matter what Gianna thought. She had never said that she’d been celibate between breaking up with Cari and meeting Gianna.

  Besides, the way Gianna had interrupted her about the doctor, taking control away from her, made her nervous. Maybe there was a reason she wasn’t able to agree to be Gianna’s girlfriend.

  “Shelly can take me home,” she said. She smiled at Gianna. “Besides, you drive the same way you skate. I don’t know if I’m safe in the car with you.”

  “Oh, that was mean,” Mindy said with a giggle.

  Gianna didn’t smile. Megan’s stomach twisted. “It was a joke,” she said. “But really, you can go home. Thanks for taking me to the hospital. I’m just going to finish this paperwork.” She sat down.

  “Yeah, okay,” Gianna said. She squeezed her hands together, then gave a quick, jerky gesture, like flicking water off her fingers. “I’ll see you later, then.”

  She turned and walked away. Megan looked down at her paperwork and wrote her date of birth; she wouldn’t let herself watch Gianna leave, even if it was to see her ass jiggle as she moved.

  Chapter 10

  Megan screamed, pumping her right arm in the air. “Get her! Faster! Faster!”

  But Helen didn’t seem to hear her. Or more likely, Helen could hear her, but that didn’t actually make her legs move any faster or any more likely to knock down the other team’s blocker. Helen was stopped again and again, and the other team’s jammer was speeding past her, Gayle, and the rest of the team on the track.