by Leslie North
“I’m so proud of you, honey,” he said.
“Thanks, daddy.” She kissed her father’s cheek, and the smile on her face was huge.
The girl’s mom joined them, and they all hugged each other in celebration. As he watched, a sharp pang of envy cut through him. He wanted what they had for himself. He stepped back from the fence and headed for the exit. A few friends called out to him, but he just waved and kept going all the way to the parking lot where he got in his truck.
He didn’t start the engine. Instead, he tossed his hat on the seat next to him and rested his hands on the steering wheel. Taking in a deep breath, he finally let himself face what was going on in his head—let himself hear what his heart was screaming. It wasn’t enough anymore to work hard, have fun with his buddies, travel across the west, take risks, and win. It wasn’t enough to be a correspondent for some network and rest on his laurels. For the first time in his life, Cal wanted to put down roots—wanted to create a solid foundation and build something bigger than himself.
And he wanted to do it with Amy and Henry at his side. He wanted Rafael and the brothers he’d just found in his life, too.
“Dammit,” he breathed as that rolled through him. Could he do it? Could he stay in Darby Crossing, put in the work and the time to have those relationships? He’d failed at small town living before—yet when he thought about it now, he realized that the problem wasn’t really staying in one place. It had been about giving up the things he loved most in his life for a boring, unfulfilling job and a place where he didn’t have connections to others, aside from his girlfriend. The relationship hadn’t been built to last, and when it had fallen apart, there had been nothing else there that he’d regretted leaving behind.
Now, though, the rodeo wasn’t the thing he loved the most in his life. Amy was. And there were others in Darby Crossing for him to love aside from Amy, although God knew she would be enough. He could also see a future for himself there—a career that would bring him joy and fulfilment. He could see it all so clearly…with Amy right there at his side.
But Jake had said that Cal broke her heart. His fingers gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. He felt a moment of utter defeat as though he’d been bucked from a bronc after two seconds. That humiliation had happened to him in the past, and each time he’d dusted off his clothes and focused on the next event, the next prize to be won.
Could he win Amy’s heart again if he tried? That was going to take more than collecting his hat from the dusty arena floor. He’d need a plan, a strategy to convince her that he was serious about her, about staying in Darby Crossing and making a life together. He started the engine and pulled away from the rodeo. He was scheduled for another interview later, but he didn’t give a damn. All he could think of was returning to where he’d left his heart.
17
“Thanks for seeing me on such short notice,” Amy said when the receptionist ushered her into Joy Hendricks’ office. Amy had gone to the grief counselor the year after Luke’s death and had thought she’d never need to return. How wrong she’d been about that.
“I’m happy to be here whenever you need to talk,” Joy said and gestured to two plush armchairs near a window where Amy had sat before when she’d come. “Some tea?”
Amy shook her head as she settled into the chair, suddenly finding herself unable to speak. She knew that Joy would give her as much time as she needed. Joy didn’t pressure. She waited until the patient was ready to talk. Amy thought she had been ready. She’d even planned what she would say on the drive over, but when the moment came, the words all escaped her.
So she looked at her hands. She’d stopped wearing her wedding band recently. She knew Laura had noticed, but she’d never said anything. Removing the ring had been symbolic for Amy. She’d stashed it in her jewelry box and closed the lid quickly after her first date with Cal. Unconsciously, she rubbed the small callus at the base of her third finger.
“I started having the dream again,” she said eventually. “You know, the one that someone I love dies in a car accident just like the one that took Luke and his father.” In the months following their deaths, Amy had the dream often, but it was always Luke who died. Then it had evolved into other people. Laura, Henry, her mother, Brian, and Jake. She’d talked about all of that with Joy. With time, the dream faded into a rare occurrence, but three nights in a row now, it had been back in vivid detail. “The person who dies is Cal Pierce. He’s new in my life. I’ve only known him a matter of weeks, but I fell in love with him. Does that sound crazy?”
“Many people fall in love in a short amount of time,” Joy said calmly. “It’s not unusual or crazy.”
“Anyway, I have the dream and it’s so intense that I wake up sweating and terrified. I want to call Cal, even if it’s in the middle of the night, but I can’t.” Amy had had the phone in her hand the previous night and was searching for Cal’s number when she’d stopped herself.
“Why can’t you call him?” Joy asked.
“We broke up. I mean, it sounds silly because we only dated for a short time, but it’s over and I can’t reach out to him,” Amy said. Her greatest fear was that something bad would happen to Cal, and she’d be powerless to help him. It was bad enough losing him from her life. If he were hurt or killed…
“Love is love,” the therapist said. “It doesn’t know it’s supposed to stop just because two people aren’t together anymore.”
That was the entire problem—the love between them. It was big and deep and all-consuming, but not in the same way that her love for Luke had been. That had consumed her for a short time, like a firecracker with a short fuse. Once it blew, she’d been forced to realize how little they actually shared.
Her love for Cal was a long-burning flame that, if given the chance, would last through eternity. What she felt for Cal was unconditional, and she didn’t know how to get over an unconditional love. Laura had insisted that Amy would find someone else, but she knew that couldn’t be true.
“Lost love is a different kind of grief,” Amy said. “How can I get over it? That’s why I came today. I’m hoping you can tell me what to do.”
“Let me ask this. Are you sure that getting over these feelings is the only option?” Joy continued before Amy could speak. “It’s been my experience that when love means this much to someone, they don’t really want to get over it. They want to find a way to make it work. Ask yourself this: Is there no way forward for you and Cal?”
Amy sat back in her chair and turned her gaze toward the window. The sky was bright blue and beautiful. She focused on that and thought about her and Cal. She’d told him she couldn’t go travel with him, and he’d told her he couldn’t stay. It had seemed a complete impasse. Was it?
“He wants me to leave home and go on the rodeo circuit with him,” Amy said. “He’ll be a commentator for the upcoming season. I don’t want to live like that. I like being here, and I want Henry to grow up with a connection to the ranch.”
“Is a long-distance relationship out of the question?” Joy asked. “Or maybe something halfway in between? What about living here during the off season and on the road part of the year? Even traveling with him in the summer when Henry doesn’t have school might work.”
“I hadn’t thought of all that,” Amy said, feeling a little bewildered.
“They’re just possibilities. I’m sure you can think of others. Compromises can be made if you’re both willing.” Joy leaned a little closer. “I guess the real question is, do you want to make it work with Cal? If you do, you’ll see a way around the obstacles together.”
Why hadn’t she considered that there might be another option? Why had it been all or nothing in Amy’s mind? Because of Luke, she realized. Life had been all or nothing with Luke. He’d bulldozed over her often enough to convince her that there was no such thing as compromise in a relationship. He wasn’t mean or vindictive about it. He had been the golden boy for so long that he expected everythin
g to go his way. Their marriage had been no different.
But did it have to be that way with Cal? For all the two men looked alike, their personalities were vastly dissimilar. For one, she had plenty of proof that Cal knew how to compromise, to look at something from a different perspective. When they decided to officially date and she’d been worried about what others would think, he’d immediately suggested that they’d keep it private, and they had. And when they’d fought about him allowing Henry to ride his pony, Cal had apologized to Amy for overstepping his boundaries instead of assuming he was the one owed an apology. Luke would never have admitted to being wrong.
He was indeed a different man than her husband. Even the rodeo was an example. Cal had no real stake in that when he arrived in town. He just did it because a friend asked him to. And whenever he received thanks or praise from the townspeople, he was quick to share any credit with others. He was loving and giving and forgiving. She didn’t want to lose him.
Maybe there was a way forward, a way for them to love each other and be partners in life. It might not be perfect for either of them, but they could make it work. The idea of being with him even part of the time sounded so good to her. She had to convince Cal that their love was worth working for and that she was worth compromising for. And she thought she knew the first step in doing that.
“I think we could find another way if we tried. Thank you, Joy.” Amy got to her feet. “Thank you. I know what I need to do now.” Amy was out the door before the therapist could say more, plans forming in her head.
On her drive home, Amy contacted a real estate agent and set up an appointment for Saturday afternoon to see available houses.
Saturday afternoon found her standing outside the first stop of the house shopping trip. This was the place she’d most wanted to see.
“It’s pretty,” Henry said, getting out of the backseat of Amy’s car.
“It sure is,” Amy agreed. She studied the old farmhouse with its wraparound porch. The house was painted a soft green with deeper green and pale yellow on the gingerbread style trim and the porch spindles. It was sort of magical looking under the old oak trees that shaded it.
Henry bounded up the steps and dashed across the porch while Amy shook hands with the realtor.
“The house comes with just the property on this side of the road, a little more than three acres,” Sophie Lawrence explained. “I’m glad I finally talked the family into splitting the parcel. They’ve listed the barn and acreage on that side of the road separately.”
Amy looked across to the large white barn that was surrounded by several outbuildings and included fenced-in pastures. “How big is that part?”
“Two hundred acres. I’m still hoping to find a taker for that, but I’m hopeful that at least the house will sell now that it’s offered separately. No one even nibbled at the property as it was, and it’s sat on the market for over a year.”
Amy knew that. She’d driven by the house often enough. It wasn’t on the way from town to the ranch, but she sometimes detoured to go past it. It called out to her because it felt homey and warm. Only in the past two days had she seriously considered buying it. She’d received life insurance money from Luke’s death, plus she’d been banking her salary for the past three years since she didn’t have to worry about paying rent. It added up to a nice nest egg. A chunk had been set aside for Henry, but she had plenty left for a down payment, now that the house was being priced to sell.
Money hadn’t really been what stopped her from leaving the ranch in the past. The biggest barrier had been fear of the unfamiliar and fear of hurting Laura’s feelings. But Amy was tired of walking on eggshells around the memory of a man who had made her unhappy. And Cal could never live at the ranch without tripping over Luke’s presence. The only times Cal had shuttered his emotions in front of Amy had been when Luke’s name was mentioned. She couldn’t imagine how complicated it would be for him to live with her in-laws.
So Amy had found a solution to that problem by seeking a place of her own. She was more than ready to move on and find her happiness with Cal. She needed to show him that she was willing to compromise. Moving off the ranch was one way to do that.
“Ready to see the inside?” Sophie asked. She held an old skeleton key in her hand. “It may need a little updating, but the house has good bones.”
They entered through the front door into a formal parlor with hardwood floors that only wanted a buffing to shine, and intricately carved molding around the windows. Pocket doors separated that room from the next—a family room that was more a comfortable space but equally beautiful. Amy mentally began arranging the room. Soft textiles, overstuffed furniture.
Next they explored the dining room, again formal and lovely, before entering the large kitchen. Butcher block counters above cabinets painted forest green stretched along two walls. The appliances were old, but she loved the layout of the kitchen.
“Can we go down there?” Henry asked opening a door that appeared to go to a cellar. He’d been running from room to room, pointing things out that caught his attention.
“Later. I want to see the upstairs first,” Amy said.
They climbed wooden stairs that were worn smooth on the edges by generations of feet. Upstairs contained a communal bathroom and four generously sized bedrooms, each with big windows to let in light and air.
“The plumbing could use an update, and I was thinking you could convert this closet into a master bath.” Sophie opened a door that led to a walk-in linen closet just outside the largest bedroom. “If you closed off this entrance and opened it to the bedroom side instead.”
Amy leaned her head in and could see the possibility. With every minute, her excitement about the house increased, but she needed to see how Henry felt about it. He’d happily explored with them, dashing from room to room, but that didn’t mean he liked it enough to live there.
“Let’s take a look in that cellar,” Amy suggested, knowing Henry had a fascination for exploring such places.
“If it’s all the same to you, I’ll meet you outside. I don’t like cellars much.” Sophie walked back to the kitchen with them and left them to go into the basement without her. The space was exactly what Amy expected. Low-ceilinged with stucco walls and a dirt floor. It wasn’t elegant, but it was dry and Henry was enjoying looking in the nooks and crannies. Amy could already see how it could become a nice rec room—a place for Henry to spend time with his friends as he got older.
“Henry,” Amy said after he’d seen enough, and they returned to the kitchen. “What do you think of us living in this house?”
“That would be cool, but…” His exuberant smile faded.
“You don’t want to leave the ranch?” she guessed, getting a nod. “We wouldn’t be far away, and you’d see Grandma and Uncle Jake whenever you wanted.”
“Okay, but what about King?” he asked.
“King would stay with them, but you could visit him a lot, too,” she confirmed. “You can still ride your pony.”
Henry looked around the space. What was still gnawing at him? Amy went to him and placed her hands on his shoulders. “Don’t you like the house?”
“I like it lots, but,” his chin started to tremble, “what if Uncle Cal can’t find it? It took him so long to find the ranch.”
She smoothed his hair back from his face. She didn’t tell him that buying the house was part of her plan to make Cal part of their lives permanently. Henry didn’t need to worry about that. She just needed to reassure him. “I promise you Uncle Cal will find his way here.”
“In that case, I say buy it.” Henry grinned up at her, and she returned his smile.
“Good. Let’s do it. We’ll take it,” Amy announced to Sophie when they joined her on the porch.
“Are you sure?” Sophie’s eyes opened wide in surprise. “I planned to show you more houses. There’s nothing else available in town, but if you were willing to drive a bit…”
“We want this place. L
et’s start the paperwork,” Amy said. She just hoped that what she’d told Henry about Cal coming back and finding them didn’t turn into a lie.
18
Cal spent a sleepless night back at his hotel room, wrestling with his next step. One thing was clear, he needed to show Amy that he was serious about putting down roots if he wanted her to take another chance on him. This wasn’t going to be like the last time he tried to settle down. Back then, he’d desperately wanted to pursue the rodeo life. It had been his dream. When he traded that for a job he didn’t like and for a woman who only seemed right for him, it was destined for failure.
But now, he knew that being with Amy and Henry was his dream. Having them and his newfound family would be enough to make him happy—and to truly make Darby Crossing the home he wanted it to be, he just needed one more thing, an idea that he’d been toying with for years. When he’d worked with Henry and King at the ranch and again when he’d watched the girl win her barrel race, he’d felt the other dream’s pull. He knew what he wanted his next career to be. He wanted to work with kids and train them for the rodeo. Maybe raise horses for the rodeo, too. That dream meant staying in one place. Something he was finally ready to do.
Cal waited until nine and reached for his phone, putting a call through to the Rodeo Sports Network headquarters. It took a minute to connect to his contact there.
“Cal, good to hear from you,” Nick Kowal boomed over the line. “I saw video of your ride at Anders City. Congratulations.”
“Thanks, Nick,” Cal said. “I need to talk to you about the job.”
“You angling for a bigger salary? We can probably work something out.”
“No, that’s not it. I’ve decided it isn’t for me, so I’m withdrawing my acceptance.” Just saying it took a weight off Cal.