Hot Dog Girl

by Jennifer Dugan

  “Because I can’t stop thinking about how this is our last summer to swim here,” I blurt out, because apparently the filter on my mouth has completely stopped working. Nick shrugs and peels off his T-shirt. I try not to stare.

  “I get that. It blows. But it’s still here now.” He tosses his shirt behind him and reties the little strings on his board shorts. “What’s the point of sitting here being sad about the future when we could be enjoying what we have while we have it?”

  I open my mouth and then snap it shut because he sort of has a point.

  Nick grins, nudging me with his knee as he steps to the edge of the pool. “Last one in’s a rotten egg.” He gives me a little smile and then dives in, the water swallowing him whole and leaving tiny little ripples in his wake.

  “You heard the man,” Seeley says, standing up to kick off her clothes. My eyes slide up her body, marveling at how put-together she always manages to look. She’s wearing her favorite white bikini underneath it all, which stands in stark contrast to the sleek purple hair on top of her head. “Come on.” She laughs.

  Seeley jumps into the pool, a giant cannonball that sends a wave splashing up all over my legs. A couple of the pirate guys follow suit, whooping and hollering as they backflip into the pool. I stand on the side, watching them having fun and trying not to feel self-conscious about the fact that they all have athletes’ bodies and I . . . don’t.

  “You coming in?” Marcus asks. I forgot he was here.

  I could say no. I could go back to sitting at the edge of the pool, beg off for some excuse or another, and just let my insecurities swallow me whole. But everyone is laughing and having fun, and even Marcus, who never swims because he hates to get his hair wet, looks like he’s about to jump in too.

  I yank my shirt over my head and add it to the pile, kicking off my flip-flops and tugging down my shorts. A bead of sweat trails down my spine, dipping beneath the top of my tankini only to get sucked up in the waistband of my bottoms. I slide my thumbs under the elastic, tugging it back into place, and do my best not to compare my curves and sliding lines to everyone else’s hard edges.

  I turn around just in time for Marcus to yank me into the pool after him. It was meant to be playful and fun, but he caught me off guard and I’m left choking and sputtering in the water, chlorine burning my nose as the panic sets in.

  Two big arms wrap around me and tug me back toward the side, holding me up until I can stop coughing long enough to grab on myself. I assume it’s Marcus, and open my mouth to apologize for being such a colossal doof, but it’s not. It’s Nick swimming in front of me, looking worried.

  “You good?” he asks, and his eyebrows crinkle together a little while he waits for my answer.

  “Yeah, perfect. I mean, nobody’s ever actually died from embarrassment, right? So, I think I’m pretty safe.”

  Nick laughs and splashes a little water at me. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about.”

  “I literally almost drowned trying to get into a pool.” Saying that triggers another coughing fit, and I bury my face against my arms with a groan. “Please swim away now.”

  “What if I don’t want to?” he asks, and I lift my head to look at him—which is the exact moment Seeley swims up in a panic trying to make sure I’m not dead.

  She thwaps me hard on the back and spins me around to face her. “Oh thank god. If Marcus drowned my best friend, I would have had to kill him.”

  “Hold that thought,” I say, and look back at Nick, but he’s gone off to the other side of the pool and seems to be having a very intense conversation with the other guys.

  Seeley hoists herself up onto the platform and holds her hand out, which I take, slipping twice and scraping my thigh in the process. Awesome. Seeley tosses me a towel and we wrap ourselves up, walking over to the trampoline to sit where it’s dry.

  “I’m glad you’re not dead,” Seeley says, bumping her shoulder against mine.

  “Me too.” I glance back at Nick once more. “I can’t believe he saved me,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper.

  “Yeah, well, he’s CPR certified, so doesn’t he have to?”

  “Marcus is too, and he was closer.”

  “Well, then Marcus is a jerk, and you should be pissed.”

  “But Nick saved me,” I squeak, biting my lip.

  “You should aim higher than someone helping you not die,” Seeley says. “That’s sort of setting the bar pretty low, you know? Most people would try to help someone not die, if they had the chance.”

  I scrunch up my shoulders. “I think you really overestimate mankind.”

  “Well, I think you really underestimate your self-worth.”

  “Whatever,” I laugh.

  “No, not whatever,” she says, and she looks kind of serious. “Stop selling yourself short. There are people who would die for a chance with you, and you’re too busy mooning over a guy with a girlfriend.”

  I frown. “Nobody is dying to get with me, trust me. I’m the weird girl who always says the wrong thing and ends up puking in the breakroom on opening day. But this isn’t about me, this is about you. Can we just move on to phase two of getting you a girlfriend?” I wrap the towel tighter around me and huddle in. “So, okay, Angie didn’t work out. Who else do we have to consider?”

  “Oh my god, Lou. Why won’t you let this go? Why do you get to be all woe-is-me about dating, and I don’t?”

  “Because you’re the one that actually has a chance!”

  “Lou,” she says, but I hold up my hand.

  “Whatever you’re gonna say, just don’t. Just let me do this. Let me make this the best summer of your life, while I’m still figuring out how to make it the best one of mine too. Please?”

  Seeley looks away, but I can tell by the way her lip quirks up that I’ve won her over. “Well, when you put it like that—”

  “Perfect.” I grin. “Now, all we have to do is find a girl that’s willing to say ‘I love you, Seeley. You’re the most important person in the universe to me. And also I am single and would like to date you exclusively. For all times. But most importantly, I love you and you are my everything.’”

  “Awww, Elouise.” Seeley laughs all dramatic and fake-breathless-like. “I love you too.”

  “Oh,” Nick says, and I didn’t even know he was there. “Wow.”

  I turn around, getting ten shades of red because of course he would walk up when we were being such total dorks. “Hey, Nick.”

  “I thought you were hooking up with Angie now,” he says, narrowing his eyes at Seeley before looking back to me.

  “It didn’t work out between them,” I say.

  “Oh,” he says again, and then he looks down for a second.

  I bite the edge of my thumbnail. “You win some, you lose some, right?” And yeah, okay, if I could maybe just be a little less awkward, that would be swell.

  Nick scrunches up his face; he looks sort of sad. “I guess.”

  Wait, what? I look at Seeley but she just shrugs.

  “I didn’t know you guys were a thing all of a sudden,” he says, and his tone seems a little off. “Seems really fast to me.”

  And okay, is it me or does he sound a little jealous? I can really, definitely, maybe build on this, I think. I mean, what would happen if—

  “We—” Seeley says, but I cover her mouth with my hand.

  “Haven’t been together long,” I say, at the exact moment she bites me and I jerk my hand away.

  Nick’s eyes flash just enough to let me know I might be onto something here.

  He looks away and scratches the back of his neck, but when he looks back, he has his usual smile plastered on his face. “I’m happy for you guys, really, you just caught me off guard. We should all go out sometime. Jessa loves double dates. But, good for you guys, seriously.”

 
“We’re not—” Seeley says, but I shoot her a look.

  “—telling a lot of people yet,” I finish, and now it’s Seeley’s turn to look at me like I’m losing it.

  “Oh, gotcha. Yeah, people can be real assholes about stuff like that.” He rubs a towel all over his head, which makes his hair stand up in a thousand different adorable directions. “I actually have to go pick up Jessa soon, so I gotta run.” He pauses for a second, biting the inside of his lip. “She mentioned wanting to hit up the movies tomorrow night. You guys wanna come?”

  “Uhhhh,” Seeley says.

  I hold back a smirk, but inside I’m grinning down to my toes. “Yeah, definitely.”

  “Cool.” He grabs his clothes and starts walking barefoot toward the parking lot. “I’ll shoot you guys a text with the time and stuff.”

  “Sounds good.” I smile, watching him walk off.

  Seeley waits until he is totally, definitely, 100 percent out of sight to turn back toward me. “What the hell.” She grits her teeth.

  “What?” I ask, trying to buy myself time.

  “You told him we were together! What are you doing?”

  “It’s not like I had time to think.”

  “Right, of course not.” She pushes off the trampoline and picks her clothes up off the ground.

  “Wait.” I chase after her, tugging on her wrist to keep her from walking away. “Are you seriously mad?”

  “It depends: are you seriously asking me to do this?”

  “What?”

  “It doesn’t even make any sense, Lou. How is this going to help you guys end up together? He doesn’t seem like the kind of Neanderthal that would see two girls dating and suddenly have to have one of them.”

  “Eww, gross. If he was like that, I wouldn’t want to be with him.”

  “If you’re not doing it to get his attention, then why are you doing it?”

  “You saw him. Didn’t he seem jealous to you? This could be my chance to figure out what’s really going on between us, all incognito-like.”

  Seeley sighs. “I don’t know whether to be relieved that you’re not actually some tired stereotype or if I should just be worried that you are this delusional about Nick being in secret love with you.”

  She gets a little shouty at the end there, and I take a step back. “Please,” I beg. “People have thought we were together before and you didn’t care. Like half the park assumes we’re dating at any given moment.”

  “Yeah, but we always correct them.” She pulls her clothes on and looks at me. “Remember how annoyed you were last time? You said, and I quote, ‘Just because Seeley always dates girls and I mostly date girls doesn’t mean that we’re dating each other.’”

  “That was because it was Gordo, and he was a being a perv about it.”

  “Gordo is always a perv about everything.”

  “That’s beside the point.” I sigh. “Come on, let’s just see what happens.”

  “This is completely messed up. You get that, right? Maybe he is jealous and you’re right, but maybe he’s totally happy with Jessa and this is all in your head.” She hangs her head back and groans at the sky. “You’re just gonna end up hurting yourself, the way you always do whenever one of these schemes goes bad.”

  I cross my arms. “I can take care of myself.”

  Seeley raises her eyebrows. She doesn’t even have to say it; I know what she’s thinking.

  “Okay, fine, I acknowledge there’s a certain degree of risk here, and historically my ideas don’t always work out the way I want them to. But sometimes they do!”

  Seeley crosses her arms. “This is different.”

  “I’m begging you here.”

  Seeley shakes her head again. “I don’t know.”

  “You know you wanna say yes.”

  “I’ll think about it.” Seeley rubs her hands over her face. “I should go home. I’m gonna see if I can catch a ride with Marcus.”

  “Come on, I can give you a ride. Don’t be like that.”

  “No,” she says. “He’s practically my neighbor anyway. It makes more sense. Just text me later or whatever.”

  “Okay,” I say. “If you’re sure.”

  “I am,” she says, jogging away to catch up to him. And I wave as she disappears around the corner, because, hey, at least that wasn’t a no.

  CHAPTER 12

  Me: How hot do you want your girlfriend to be tonight????

  We’ve barely talked all day, but I told myself it’s probably because she was busy helping her mom make new living arrangements for Grandma Bobby, and not because she’s still mad about our fake date. Apparently, her mom wasn’t happy with the old place, so they’re moving her grandma to a newer, more expensive facility nearby. Seeley said she’s giving part of her paycheck to her mom now to help pay for judo, which is why I offered to cover the movie tonight . . . but then she got weird about it, so I dropped it. Until now.

  I wrench open my closet and flop onto my bed to stare at my clothes. What does one wear when heading to the movies for a faux date with a faux girlfriend? I don’t even know. I grab my phone again and stare, like if I look hard enough she’ll write faster.

  The little dots that tell me that she’s writing back appear on the screen, but then they disappear. They reappear a few more times, sometimes for long stretches. I bite at the skin on the side of my nail and wait. When I absolutely, positively cannot stand it for another second, I fire off another text.

  Me: YOU KNOW I CAN SEE THAT YOU’RE WRITING, RIGHT?

  Seeley: I’m not going.

  She writes it all plain like that, like she didn’t just crap all over my hopes and dreams. I mean, I get it, sort of, but also come on. I really, really, really need this.

  Me: I’m begging you. Please.

  Seeley: I don’t think it’s a good idea.

  I close out of the message and call. When she sends me to voicemail on the second ring, I know it’s time for more drastic action. I throw on the cutest clothes I have and trot downstairs, shouting a quick goodbye to my dad. There’s only an hour before the movie, which is hopefully, probably, most likely, barely enough time to get Seeley to change her mind.

  * * *

  • • •

  My heart sinks when I pull up to her house because every single light is off, and crap, what if she took off to avoid me? But then there’s a sudden flicker of light coming from her room, a television maybe? And where there’s a television on, there’s usually a Seeley sketching in front of it.

  I start toward her front door but stop myself. I have a key, it’s on my key chain right next to my own house key . . . but where’s the fun in that? I take a deep breath and cross around to the back of her house instead.

  Twelve perfect little chunks of wood are hammered into the tree and lead perfectly up to the roof. Her parents put them up when I said having a key made sneaking over less fun. I mean, walking up the front steps and unlocking the door doesn’t have anywhere near the same magic as scaling a tree, even if the tree has cheater steps nailed to its side now.

  I reach up, dragging myself by my fingertips as my feet cling to the boards beneath me. My shirt catches a little on one of the branch stubs, and I freeze, praying it won’t rip. I’m trying to be careful, so careful. It’s not usually this hard.

  Usually, I swing up all carefree and whatnot, but also usually I’m not about to go on a double date with Nick. On a normal day, if I fell on my ass and needed stitches, no one would really care. Well, maybe my dad and Seeley’s parents, but still, that doesn’t exactly count.

  I can’t believe I’m doing this right now.

  No, more like I can’t believe she’s making me do this right now.

  I climb onto her roof and catch my breath, running my thumbnail underneath one of my other nails and groaning at the sight of all the tree bark gunk undern
eath. I chipped one too, not the nail polish—I’m not wearing any—but an actual nail. Now it’s a jagged mess, a line once perfectly filed, worn raw and ragged beneath the weight of things. Swell. There’s a metaphor here somewhere, I’m sure.

  I walk over to the window and try to psych myself up; I don’t know if I should barge in or knock on the glass first. The last time I tried to crawl in her window when she was mad, she chased me right back out. Okay, that means I should probably knock, but I’m not going to. I mean, making poor life choices is kind of my specialty, and as my best friend, she should pretty much expect this already.

  I reach my hands under the window, my heart thumping in my chest, and for the first time it occurs to me that maybe I’ll find it locked. If it is, that’s it, really. There’d be no coming back from something like that. We don’t lock each other out, like ever. We scream, we fight, we chase each other out, but we don’t ever flick the lock and say, “This is it. I’m done. No entry.”

  The tension runs from my head to my heart to my fingers, making them twitch before I’m ready to face the obvious: that I could have ruined everything in thirty seconds with one foolish idea. Maybe I should go. Maybe I should ditch the movie and head home instead—wash all this junk off my face, crawl into my coziest pajamas, and hide under the covers until my dad comes to tuck me in.

  But who am I kidding?

  On nights like this, when my head is whizzing around in about five million directions, I’m way more likely to barricade myself behind my door and pull out the postcards. I can’t help it. It’s almost like—

  The window flies up before I can finish that thought. I yelp in surprise, and Seeley reaches forward at the last second, grabbing my shirt before I fall off her roof. We tumble through her window together and land in a heap on her floor. She’s pinned beneath me, squirming and elbowing me to get off.

  I roll to the side, flopping onto my back and panting as I stare up at the ceiling. “Nice save,” I say when the adrenaline starts to fade and I feel human again.