Purgatory

by Hayley Smyth

  “Mrs C, just come with me, you can use the bathroom and have a shower.” He turned and left the room, leaving me no other choice than to follow behind. If I made a run for it, who knew how far I’d get before either my legs gave way or I ran into someone.

  We stopped outside a nondescript door at the bottom of the stairs. Benny pushed open the door and handed me the dress. “Clean yourself up; I’ll be outside if you need me.”

  His face told me to not argue, numb and aching, tired and confused, I hobbled into the tiny shower room. A limp showerhead hung on one side of the room; the walls were a mucky cream color, there was a metal toilet with no lid, a tiny basin with a mirror so small I wondered why bother.

  I used the toilet, spent ages trying to figure how to turn the shower on before realizing that hot water wasn’t a luxury I was going to have, and so I stood beneath the cold trickle and scrubbed my skin raw using my own hands. Angry red marks appeared on every inch of my flesh, and I watched as the filth and blood swirled down the drain, mesmerized by it, wondering how I had any blood left to shed. Looking down at my body, I saw the bruises, the marks, the scabs from healing burns, scars from years before, and before I could stop them, the tears fell. Choking, chest-wracking sobs that tore through me as my fingers danced across every wound I could see. I cried so hard oxygen couldn’t flow freely to and from my lungs, screaming, I ripped the mirror from the wall and hurled it across the room, watching as it smashed into pieces.

  Losing my footing on the wet tiles, I fell to my knees and continued to cry and scream. So lost in my breakdown, I didn’t hear or notice Benny rush to my aid. By the time I’d stopped screaming, I was wrapped in a black towel, and Benny was holding me to his thick chest, stroking my hair.

  I jumped out of his touch, it felt like a betrayal against Jaxon, eyes wide, heart thumping.

  “I’m sorry,” he stammered. “I didn’t know what the fuck else to do.” He looked apologetic, one big hand rubbing his shaved head.

  Catching my breath, I just closed my eyes and shook my head, I was beat.

  “You need to get dressed, Mrs C,”

  I took a deep breath and nodded.

  Once I’d dressed and fingered my hair into submission, Benny marched me up the stairs. Voices grew louder, and before long, I could decipher whose they were.

  But nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing could have prepared me for what I was going to see when Benny opened the doors.

  Chapter Thirty Three

  Ella.

  It didn’t quite register at first, that the man stripped naked, beaten and bloody and chained to a metal contraption was Jaxon Murdoch, and when it did my legs moved on instinct, and I ran to him, barging past Benny, and to my surprise not one person stopped me.

  His arms and legs were chained, leaving him completely vulnerable, his face swollen, beautiful dark eyes puffy, his head hung down so his chin touched his neck, and blood oozed from a cut across his forehead. Sweat covered his body, and his chest rattled with each breath he took.

  I cried out, touching his bare chest with soft fingers. “Jax…”

  “Ella, honey, I’m glad you could join us at last.” Amy’s voice was contrite, sickeningly sweet. “Benny, get Ella a chair, would you, babe? I want her right next to Jax for this.”

  I turned on my heel, face flushed with anger. “Why, Amy? Why Jax? What has he done to deserve this?”

  She laughed. “Aside from fucking you, you mean?”

  I cringed, watching as Vlad slid next to her, gazing at her like a love-sick puppy.

  Benny ushered me into yet another chair, and I could feel my temper rising. Listening to the shaky breaths of a man who had shown me so much in such a short amount of time was breaking me in two. Looking at the faces of all the evil around us, I’d never wanted to fight so much before. From somewhere a determination to survive this blossomed; it crept up my throat and swirled around my mouth.

  Hang on, Jax, I thought, please, hold on.

  Jax and I were flanked either side by several men, there was no getting out of whatever this was, but my eyes were searching, looking for a weak spot in their formation. Jaxon had sacrificed so much for me; now, it was time for me to try for him.

  Vladimir and Amy sat a few feet away now, waiting for the room to silence. Up until I met her, I never thought I’d meet another human being who loved a show as much as Vlad, and I couldn’t keep the sneer and shake of my head hidden as my thoughts plagued me.

  “I don’t understand,” I said. “You’ve both got what you wanted, why all this? Does more blood need to be shed?”

  Amy’s nostrils flared as she got to her feet, heels hitting the floor, she stormed towards me and gripped the arms of the chair. Her mouth was so close to my face I could smell the lipstick, the strawberry shampoo of her hair.

  She opened her mouth to speak, but Jax groaned, his voice made my heart soar. “Bird?” His head remained cast down, but his arms moved a little, metal clanging loudly, and Amy’s head snapped to the intruder.

  “Bird?” She laughed.

  “Jax, I’m here, I’m right here,” I said, paying no mind to Amy’s rising temper.

  Amy grabbed my chin and forced me to look into her green eyes. “He led me on and then pushed me away, leaving me with no choice but to accept Carter’s twisted version of love.”

  She was trying to provoke a reaction from me, one I wouldn’t give her. It wasn’t easy hearing about Jax’s past, but I couldn’t lose focus. Not now.

  “How I opened my heart to him, told him every part that was dark and ruined and trusted him, and, like every other man in my life, he pretended to care, pretended he understood, but once he’d had what was between my legs I was worthless to him.”

  “Fuck…you,” Jax said through mouthfuls of blood.

  “So, this was all for revenge? For something that happened years ago?” I asked, trying to pull my head from her grip.

  “Oh, Ella, I’m just getting started, honey.” She stood tall once more, moving over to Jax. Her manicured nails traced lines down his abs and he pulled, with what little energy he had, against the chains. “So, life went on, didn’t it, Jax? There was absolutely nothing stopping you from admitting your feelings for me, nothing other than your constant need to make Carter happy, and yet who was it you ignored yet came to when life got tough? It was me. You knew that with one look, one touch I’d fall for it without question. To you, I was only good to fuck.”

  “Ella,” Jax groaned. “Ella, don’t listen to it.”

  In one fluid motion, Amy raised the back of her hand and struck him across the face; blood flew from his already bleeding lips, splattering the floor with a sick squelching noise. “I spent years being ignored by you, by Carter, and I will not be silenced anymore.” Her voice grew louder; my whole body shook and trembled.

  She turned and cleared her throat, her back straightening and green eyes alight with retribution. “So, when I’d discovered Carter was fucking that piece of shit, Marnie, I snapped. I went to Vladimir, and we came to an agreement.”

  Vladimir joined her, both of them looking out towards their captive audience.

  “I wanted power, a voice, revenge, and Vlad wanted an heir-” she gave me a cold glare. “An heir that he could use.”

  “And you’re so sure you’re going to have a son?” I snapped..

  Vladimir laughed, the first noise he’d made in a while. “Of course not, but, you see, Ella, Amy is someone I will happily reproduce with, I love her, and she will be a better mother than you could ever have dreamed of being.”

  Anger surged me forwards, and I flew towards them both with clenched fists, I was inches away from Amy, my hands outstretched ready to snap her neck between my bare hands when a gunshot rang out, stilling me.

  Jozef held a gun in the air and then pressed it against Jax’s head. “Sit down, Ella. I will blow his goddamn brains to Nevada if you take another step forward.”

  We were trapped. Again. Jax and I in the room I’d been
the day before.

  The party was underway now, and Jax hadn’t said a word to me. He’d sat on the floor, back pressed against the wall, hands hanging over his knees, half-naked, and every time I looked at him, I cried. There’d been a few times I thought my words were getting through to him, but it seemed nothing was going to pull him from this hole he was inside.

  I couldn’t get through to him, and we were running out of time.

  Amy and Vlad wanted his blood.

  They wanted to tear the Murdoch’s apart for all the years of secrecy and betrayal, heartache, and lies, for Jax not being able to love Amy.

  That was something I’d tried not to think about; her words tried their best to rattle me and second guess everything I knew about him, but we’d come so far, and I’d have been naive to think that he didn’t have a past before me.

  We all did, and it was up to us to not let them dictate the rest of our lives; if I could find the strength, then I prayed Jaxon could, too.

  The party was going ahead as planned, but after that, both of our fates would be sealed.

  I had to try.

  We’d been left in the room together, free to roam the cell, and I’d left it as long as I could; this was my last chance.

  With silent steps, I trod carefully towards this beautiful man, dropping to my knees before him and, with trembling hands, reached out to take hold of his hands. I rubbed my thumb along his knuckles, dried blood coated his strong hands, and I swallowed the lump in my throat.

  “Jax?” I whispered. I waited to see if he’d acknowledge me, but he didn’t, he remained motionless, only his chest moved. “Jax, I’m begging you. I can’t do this alone.” One hand pushed his hair from his face, mindful of the parts matted with blood, and I stroked his cheek. He was ice cold. Colder than I’d ever felt him before. “I need you. Remember the motel?” I paused, waiting for a reaction once more. There was none. “I said, ‘I think I love you?’ Well, I don’t think it, I know it. Jax, I love you so much, you can’t leave me now.”

  Startling me, breaking the wicked silence, Jax pulled away from me as though I’d burned him and staggered to unsure feet.

  I remained on the floor, motionless, scared. No. Terrified.

  “Stop, Ella!” He yelled, smashing his fist into the wall.

  I flinched, but I wasn’t backing down. “No, I won’t st-”

  “How the fuck can you love me? Huh?” He finally looked at me, and I could see his face properly for the first time. “I promised you the goddamn fuckin’ world, and what have I given you? Nothing!” He pummeled his fist over and over again into the brickwork.

  I rushed him, grabbing his upper arms with my tiny and weak hands, but he stopped. He let me hold him, and he let me wrap my arms around his waist, he let me stroke his hair. “Jax,” I cried.

  His body slumped, and together we collapsed to the floor, but he never let go of me. He held me tight, pressing his face against my chest, and I stayed quiet, allowing him to cry, letting him expel every emotion that I recognized all too well.

  Several moments passed, and it wasn’t until Jax’s sobs had quietened that I felt brave enough to speak. I knew he was hurting, but I couldn’t let him die here.

  “Jax,” I wiggled from his grasp to hold his face between my hands. I wanted to look into his eyes, and I wanted to see the face that had given me a reason to go on and fight for my child. I wanted to see the face that made my heart soar. Looking past the bruises and swelling, I could see those dark orbs, the ones that held so much and betrayed how he was feeling at any given moment. “We can’t give up, not now, you hear me? We’re so close, and I know it seems hopeless, but do you know how many hopeless situations I’ve been in? I’m still here.” I leaned forward to kiss his lips, a feather-light touch, avoiding the cuts. “I never knew why I carried on, and I never understood why my mind didn’t completely break and have me end it all. I know now why I kept on fighting.”

  He looked at me, his eyes wet and shiny.

  “I was waiting for you, Jax, so don’t you dare leave me now, don’t you dare give up on me because everything we have both been through will have been through nothing. I love you, Jaxon Murdoch, and you can’t stop me.”

  Taking my breath away, Jax crashed his mouth against mine, our bodies fell to the floor with him above me, and I cried in relief, kissing him back, although acutely aware of his injuries.

  “Jax, you’re going to hurt yourself,” I said through a smile.

  “I don’t give a fuck, bird. I’m sorry,” Jax said between kisses. “I’m so sorry; I love you.”

  Jax.

  The physical pain was indescribable. There was no way of telling what part of me wasn’t broken; even so, it had felt like nothing compared to hearing Ella beg me to come back to her. I wobbled, I admit it, I was embarrassed; I was broken, and I still hadn’t told Ella that we’d found Sarka, her daughter.

  In a moment of pure selfishness, I’d launched myself at her, after so long wondering where the hell she was and knowing she hadn’t given up, was too much to bear without feeling her flesh on mine. Her hair was shorter now, by her ears, and as I ripped the dress from her body, I noticed new marks, new cuts, and wounds, but nothing would ever or could ever dim her beauty.

  “I missed you so damn much, bird,” I groaned into her mouth, my hands pushing her thighs apart.

  Her hands, although gripping my back, were gentle, her blue eyes shone beneath the flickering light above us, and with one arm resting beside her head, I pushed inside of her. Nothing had ever felt better. My knees were screaming against the concrete floor, but I didn’t care; I thrust into her, moving my hips in a slow, deep, and steady rhythm. Ella met me, her hips grinding, her legs hooked around my waist as her mouth devoured my neck.

  “I missed you, too.” She cried, her warm walls clenched around me and an echoed moan that fell from my lips bounced off the walls, everything sounded louder, our skin against each other, her mouth on me, her pants of pleasure. It was all-consuming, something I’d never experienced before.

  This was making love. We may not have said anything, but we both could feel it, a new kind of bond, a new kind of connection being formed between us as I rode us both to that edge. I wanted us to fly together, to take each other in such a way that we’d never want another person again.

  I knew she was close. Her slender spine was arched, her pants coming quick now, I pushed harder, ignoring the burning agony searing through my chest and my back. I gripped her thigh and rose slightly, hips moving with need.

  “Oh, Jax,” she cried, her hands moved to my hips, and I felt her urging me forward, silently telling me she needed this just as much.

  I wanted to be as close as possible when she came, and so I sat up, pulling her into my lap, our bodies still connected and wrapped her legs around my waist. My hands snaked up her spine, sending goosebumps across her perfectly pale skin, before holding on to her hips. She soon found her rhythm and watching this incredible woman love me, I couldn’t hold on much longer.

  “Ella, look at me,” I said through gritted teeth. “I fucking love you,”

  “I love you, too,” she replied.

  And that was it. Together we fell over the edge, we flew in absolute harmony, our hands never once letting go of one another and everything I had flooded inside of her, each pump elicited a guttural growl from me as Ella buried her face into my neck. Her body spasmed, as did mine, and I never let go, I held her bare chest against mine and closed my eyes, savoring this moment to memory.

  And, just because it was the way our luck went, as I was about to open my mouth and give Ella the news, the door opened with a loud thunk, and we didn’t even bother to move apart from each other.

  “Christ, Murdoch, put on some fucking clothes, we got a problem.”

  Chapter Thirty Four

  Ella.

  “Why the fuck should we listen to you?” Jax growled, gently moving me from his lap and grabbing his boxers from the floor.

  Benny l
ooked over his shoulder before moving quickly into the room. He handed us a bottle of water each and gave Jax a clean pair of pants and a black t-shirt. “Look, mate. I had no fucking choice, alright? He threatened my family. I’ve got an ex-wife and four kids to look after, to provide for, he would have fucking killed them. So you can be mad at me, and I’m fucking sorry, but we don’t have the time to go into it right now, okay?”

  I had no idea what had happened between them, and I half expected Jax to be a stubborn ass, but he relented, taking the clothes with a weak smile of thanks.

  “It’s Carter; he’s on the roof with the kid. There’s a bad fucking storm, Jax. The man’s lost his damn mind.” He lowered his voice, “if I’m found here, my kids are dead, so I can’t stay, but you need to get to him fucking ASAP.”

  My heart slammed into my ribcage, and my eyes were wide, looking at Jax, who was finding it hard to look at me. “Jax, what child? What’s he talking about?”

  There was a sense of urgency in Jax’s movements now, despite his injuries, he threw on his clothes and ran his fingers through his jet-black hair, and then he was in front of me, gently holding my shoulders, black eyes on blue.

  “We found her, Ella, your daughter.”

  I gasped. “W-where? What?” Words eluded me.

  “It’s a long story, sweetheart. Carter found her, he took her, but he’s not in a good way.”

  There was something he wasn’t telling me, and I opened my mouth to question this, but Benny interrupted.

  “Jax, man, go! I’ll do what I can to keep everyone distracted, go!” he whispered.

  Oh, my God. Was this real? My baby girl was so close, and I could still lose her.

  No. I refused to let that happen. I knew several ways to get on to the roof without going anywhere near the dining room where the party would be happening, and so without thinking, I ran. I ran from them both, hoping and praying that once I got to the top of the stairs, the same stairs from yesterday, I’d find a way back into the central part of The Mansion while avoiding everyone.