My Man Sandy

by W. W. Jacobs

  Produced by Al Haines

  [Frontispiece: Cover Art--Sandy]

  MY MAN SANDY

  BY

  J. B. SALMOND

  SIXTH EDITION

  SANDS & CO.

  EDINBURGH: 37 GEORGE STREET

  LONDON: 15 KING STREET, COVENT GARDEN

  1919

  PREFACE.

  These sketches are taken from a series written originally for newspaperpurposes. Revision of them has made their author keenly conscious oftheir defects; but Bawbie and Sandy are characters who might becompletely spoiled by improvement. The sketches are thereforepresented as they were hastily "rubbed-in" for serial publication.

  The "foo," "far," "fat," and "fan" of the Angus dialect have beenchanged into the more classic "hoo," "whaur," &c.; otherwise thesketches remain in the form in which they have gained quite anunexpected popularity amongst Scottish readers both at home and abroad.

  ARBROATH, N.B., _April, 1889._

  CONTENTS.

  I. SANDY SWAPS HIS POWNEY II. SANDY STARTS TO STUDY GEOMETRY III. SANDY AND THE DINNER BELL IV. A TALK ABOUT HEAVEN V. MISTRESS MIKAVER'S TEA PARTY VI. SANDY'S SECOND LESSON IN GEOMETRY VII. SANDY'S MAGIC LANTERN EXHIBITION VIII. SANDY AND THE RHUBARB TART IX. THE GREAT STORM OF NOVEMBER, 1893 X. SANDY AND HIS FAIRNTICKLES XI. SANDY STANDS "EMPIRE" AT A CRICKET MATCH XII. A DREADFUL DISASTER IN THE GARRET XIII. SANDY AND BAWBIE'S SPRING HOLIDAY XIV. LOVE AND WAR XV. SANDY MAKES A SPEECH XVI. SANDY'S CHRISTMAS PRESENT XVII. AT THE SELECT CHOIR'S CONCERT XVIII. SANDY RUNS A RACE XIX. SANDY REVENGED XX. SANDY'S APOLOGIA

  MY MAN SANDY.

  I

  SANDY SWAPS HIS POWNEY.

  He's a queer cratur, my man Sandy! He's made, mind an' body o' him, onan original plan a'thegither. He says an' does a' mortal thing on asystem o' his ain; Gairner Winton often says that if Sandy had been inthe market-gardenin' line, he wudda grown his cabbage wi' the stocksaneth the ground, juist to lat them get the fresh air aboot theirruits. It's juist his wey, you see. I wudna winder to see him someday wi' Donal' yokit i' the tattie-cairt wi' his heid ower the fore-endo't, an' the hurdles o' him whaur his heid shud be. I've heard Sandysay that he had an idea that a horse cud shuve far better than poo; an'when Sandy ance gets an idea intil his heid, there's some beast or bodyhas to suffer for't afore he gets redd o't. If there's a crank wey o'doin' onything Sandy will find it oot. For years he reg'larly flangthe stable key ower the gate efter he'd brocht oot Donal' an' thecairt. When he landit hame again, he climbed the gate for the key, an'syne climbed ower again an' opened it frae the ootside. He michtacarried the key in his pooch; but onybody cudda dune that! But, as Iwas sayin', it's juist his wey.

  "It's juist the shape original sin's ta'en in Sandy's case," theGairner said when the Smith an' him were discussin' the subject.

  "I dinna ken aboot the sin; but it's original eneuch, there's nae dootaboot that," said the Smith.

  There's naebody kens that better than me, for I've haen the teuch endo' forty year o't. But, still an' on, he's my ain man, the only aneever I had, an' I'll stick up for him, an' till him, while the lampholds on to burn, as the Psalmist says.

  * * * * * *

  "See if I can say my geog, Bawbie," said Nathan to me the itherforenicht, as I was stanin' in the shop. He'd been sittin' ben thehoose wi' his book croonin' awa' till himsel' aboot Rooshya bein'boundit on the north by the White Sea, an' on the sooth by the BlackSea, an' some ither wey by the Tooral-ooral mountains or something, an'he cam' ben an' handed me his geog, as he ca'd it, to see if he had a'this palaver on his tongue.

  I've often windered what was the use o' Nathan wirryin' ower thaeoot-o'-the-wey places that he wud never be within a thoosand mile o'.He kens a' the oots an' ins o' Valiparaiso, but michty little abootBowriefauld. Hooever, I suppose the dominie kens best.

  Nathan was juist busy pointin' oot the place to me in his book whenthere was a terriple rattlin' oot on the street, an' aff he hookited tosee what was ado. He thocht it was a marriage, an' that there micht bea chance o' some heys aboot the doors. What was my consternation whenthe reeshlin' an' rattlin' stoppit at the shop door, an' I heardSandy's voice roarin', "Way-wo, haud still, wo man, wo-o-o, will ye!"

  "What i' the face o' the earth's ado noo?" says I to mysel'; an' I goesmy wa's to the door. Sandy had been up at Munromont for a load o'tatties. When I gaed to the door, here he was wi' a thing atween theshafts o' his cairt that lookit like's it had been struck wi' forkitlichtnin'.

  "What hae ye dune wi' Donal', Sandy?" I speered.

  "Cadger Gowans an' me's haen a swap," says Sandy, climbin' oot at theback o' the cairt, an' jookin' awa' roond canny-weys to the horse'sheid.

  "Wo, Princie," he says, pettin' oot his hand. "Wo, the bonnie laddie!"

  Princie, as he ca'd him, ga'e a gley roond wi' the white o' his e'ethat garred Sandy keep a gude yaird clear o' him.

  "He's a grand beast," he says, comin' roond to my side; "a grand beast!Three-quarters bred, an' soond in wind and lim'. I got a terriplebargain o' him. I ga'e Gowans Donal' an' thirty shillin's, an' he ga'eme a he tortyshall kitlin' to the bute--the only ane i' thecountryside. He's genna hand it in the morn."

  There was nae want o' soond in Princie's wind at ony rate. I saw thatin a minute. He was whistlin' like a lerik.

  "He sooks wind a little when he has a lang rin," says Sandy; "butthat's nether here nor there. He's haen a teenge or twa, an' he'sakinda foondered afore, an' a little spavie i' the aft hent leg; butI'll shune pet that a' richt wi' gude guidin'. He's a grand beast, Itell ye!"

  Sandy stood an' lookit first up at the horse an' then doon at hiscairt. "He's gey high for the wheels," he says; "but, man, he's agrand beast. He cam hame frae Glesterlaw juist like a bird. Neverturned a hair. He's a grand beast."

  "Hoo mony legs has he, Sandy?" says I, lookin' at the great, big,ravelled-lookin' brute. He was a' twisted here and there, an' the legso' him lookit for a' the world juiat like bits o' crunckled water-hose.The cairt appeared to be haudin' him up, raither than him haudin' upthe cairt; an' he was restin' the thrawn legs o' him time aboot, juistlike a cock stanin' amon' snaw. "Ye shudda left that billie at theknackers at Glesterlaw, Sandy," says I, I says. "I'm dootin' ye'llha'e back to tak' him there afore him or you's muckle aulder."

  "Tyach! Haud your lang tongue," says Sandy. "Speak aboot things yeken something aboot. Wait till the morn. Ye'll see I'll get roond myroonds an' a' my tatties delivered in half the time. I'll ha'e rid o'a' my tatties an' be hame gin ane o'clock, instead o' dotterin' awa'wi' a lazy brute like Donal'. I'll beat ye onything ye like, Gowans'ill be ruin' his bargain gin this time; but he'll no' get him backnoo. I'll go an' see an' get Princie stabled."

  Sandy gaed inby to the shafts, but he sprang back when Princie ga'e asqueek an' garred his heels play tnack on the boddom o' the cairt.

  "That's the breedin'," says Sandy, gaen awa' roond to the ither side o'the cairt.

  "It soonded to me like the boddom o' the cairt, as far as I cud hear,"says I, I says; but Sandy never lut on.

  The brute had a nesty e'e in its heid. It turned roond wi' avegabon'-like look aye when Sandy gaed near't. He got up on the frontefter a while, an' ga'e the reinds a tit, an' Princie began to do a bitjeeg, garrin' Sandy bowse aboot on the front o' the cairt like's he wasfoo. Sandy ga'e him a clap on the hurdles to quieten him, but aye thehent feet o' him played skelp on the boddom o' the cairt, till I thochthe wudda haen't ca'd a' to bits. Syne awa' he gaed full bung a' o' asudden, wi' Sandy rowin' aboot amon' the tatties, an' hingin' in by thereinds, roarin', "Wo! haud still," an' so on. Gin he got to the fit o'the street there was a dozen laddies efter him; screamin', "Come on youlads, a
n' see Sandy Bowden's drumadairy. By crivens, he's gotten aricht horse for Donal', noo."

  Sandy didna come up frae the stable till near-hand eleven o'clock, an'I didna say ony mair aboot his braw horse. I've heard the ministersay, it's the unexpectit that happens. That's aye the way wi' Sandy, Ican tell you. I aye expect that something will happen wi' him that I'mno' expectin'; so I find it best juist to lat him aleen.

  Next mornin' he gaed awa' gey early to get yokit, an' he took BandyWobster wi' him to gi'e him a hand. It was twa strucken 'oors afore hegot to the shop door wi' the cairt, an' baith him an' the horse weresweitin' afore they startit on his roonds. Sandy was lookin' geyraised like, so I lut him get on a' his tatties an' said naething.

  Stumpie Mertin cam' by, an', lookin' at Princie, gae his heid a claw.

  "What are ye stanin' glowerin' at?" says Sandy till him, gey snappitlike.

  "Whaur did ye get that hunger'd-lookin' radger, Sandy?" says he. "Thatbeast's no' fit for gaen aboot. The Cruelty to Animals 'ill nip you,as shure's you're a livin' man."

  "Tak' care 'at they dinna nip you, for haein' a wid leg," says Sandy,as raised as a wasp. "Awa' oot o' that, an' mind your ain bisness."

  "That's been stealt oot ahent some menagerie caravan," says Stumpie;an' awa' he gaed dilpin' like's he'd made a grand joke.

  The policeman cam' doon an' settled himsel' aboot ten yairds awa' fraePrincie, put his hands ahent his back, set forrit his heid like's hewas gaen awa' to putt somebody, an' took a lang look at him. "That's aclinker, Sandy," says he. "That billie 'ill cover the grund."

  I didna ken whether the bobbie meant rinnin' ower the grund, orcoverin't efter he was turned into gooana or bane-dust; but I saw thelauch in his sleeve a' the same.

  Gairner Winton cam' doon the street at the same time, an' the bobby an'him startit to remark aboot Sandy's horse.

  "A gude beast, nae doot," says the Gairner; "but Sandy's been gey lango' buyin' him.'

  "He's bocht him gey sune, I'm thinking," says the policeman. "Gin he'dwaited a fortnicht, he'd gotten him at twintypence the hunderwecht."

  Sandy never lut dab 'at he heard them. The cairt was a' ready an'Sandy got up on the front and startit. A' gaed richt till he got tothe Loan, when Princie startit to trot. The rattlin' o' the scales atthe back o' the cairt fleggit him, an' aff he set at full tear, thelang skranky legs o' him wallopin' about like torn cloots atween himan' the grund. A gude curn wives were oot waitin' their tatties, an'they roared to Sandy to stop; but Sandy cudna. The tatties werefleein' ower the back door o' the cairt, an' the scales were rattlin'an' reeshlin' like an earthquake; an' there was Sandy, bare-heided, upto the knees amon' his tatties, ruggin' an' roarin', like the skippero' some schooner that was rinnin' on the rocks. I'll swear, Sandy gotroond his roonds an' a' his tatties delivered in less than half thetime Donal' took! The wives an' laddies were gaitherin' up the tattiesa' the wey to Tutties Nook; and gin Sandy got to the milestane hiscairt was tume. By this time Princie was fair puffed out, an' hedrappit i' the middle o' the road, Sandy gaen catma ower the tap o' him.

  Donal's back till his auld job! Sandy lost thirty shillin's an' acairt-load o' tatties ower the heid o' Princie; an' as for the hetortyshall kitlin', I've never heard nor seen hint nor hair o't.