Extreme Devotion

by Kay Manis

  Tears welled in his eyes and spilled down his face. Mine came soon after. We reached for each other, clinging to one another for dear life.

  This was the relief I needed, the respite from my pain, being here in Paul’s arms. This felt better than cutting, better than anything that I once thought might alleviate my emotional pain. I smiled, realizing I was already finding new ways to cope with my issues. Tears were good. Honesty was important.

  We finally pulled away and I drew in a ragged breath to steady my voice.

  “You’ve taken care of me and my mom all these years,” I said. “You’ve spent thousands of dollars to keep the news of those videos hidden. And you’ve spent thousands more on plastic surgery to hide the scars of my past. You’ve given me so much, I could never repay you.”

  “Hindley, you don’t have to repay—”

  I held up my hand again and cocked a brow.

  “Sorry.”

  I smiled, grasping his hands and pulling them into my lap. “What I want to ask you is…” Why was I suddenly so nervous?

  “Go ahead.” He smiled.

  “I want to call you Dad from now on. Not Paul. Just Dad. Because that’s what you are to me, and what you’ll always be. I know you’ll never leave me and that’s what I want. That’s what I need. I need a Dad. I need you.”

  He released my hands and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, squeezing so tight I could barely breathe. But I didn’t care. I needed him, and I wanted him to know just how much.

  “Hindley,” he sobbed. “God, I love you so much, sweetheart. I’ve always been your father, you have to know that.”

  I nodded against his shoulder. “I know, I just wanted you to know that I know it now.”

  “I have known, Hindley,” he whispered, rubbing my back, soothing me like only a father could. “I’ve always felt your love.”

  “Guess what!” My mother’s voice sang out as she rounded the corner of my room. “Oh, dear God. What’s happened?”

  My eyes flew open and I saw the panic in hers. “Nothing, Mom. It’s all good,” I said, never leaving Paul’s embrace. My dad’s embrace.

  My mother tiptoed over to the bed as if her every move might disturb a sleeping baby. “Is everything all right?”

  I lifted an arm, motioning for her to join us and she happily leaned over the bed, taking my father and me into her grip. The three of us remained locked in one another’s arms for what seemed like an eternity, making up for lost time, supporting each other in our silence.

  “I love you, Mom,” I whispered against her hair.

  “Oh, Hindley, darling, I love you too, sweetheart.” She turned her head and kissed my cheek.

  We all drew back from one another, our faces stained with tears.

  She clutched my chin in her hand. “You know there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. Nothing.”

  “I know, Mom, and I’m sorry.”

  “For what, darling?” She brushed away the tears from my face.

  “For not treating you better. For making you feel like you were a nuisance in my life.”

  She laughed, rolling her eyes. “You’re a woman.”

  “I guess, somewhere along the way, I felt pushed out of your life by Paul, then by Geneva,” I said.

  “Hindley,” she scolded.

  “I know, I know. It wasn’t true, but it felt that way. I convinced myself over the years that I didn’t care. I didn’t care that we were growing apart, that Geneva needed you more than I did. I let you go. And I’m sorry.”

  “Oh, God, Hindley, no. I’ve always loved you so much, baby.” She pulled me in close. “It’s been me and you from the start, you know that. You mean so much to me and I’m so proud of you.” She rocked us back and forth.

  I smiled against her shoulder. She was proud of me.

  “I’ve always been intimidated by you,” she said, pushing me away to look at me. “You’re so smart and beautiful and brave. All the things I’m not. It seemed like after I married Paul, you didn’t need me.”

  I stared at her in shock.

  “It’s true.” She nodded. “When a baby grows up and doesn’t need her mother anymore, something breaks inside.” She tapped her chest. “Something broke inside of me, but I knew I had to let you go.”

  “I know,” I whispered. “I didn’t let you see how hurt I was. I acted brave, like it didn’t matter, and that was my fault. But I do, I do need you, Mom. Now more than ever. And I need Dad.”

  She reared back, her brows knitting together. “Dad?”

  I nodded toward Paul.

  His face lit up like a Christmas tree as he nodded in confirmation.

  “Dad,” she repeated with a grin, winking at Paul.

  She slid her arms around both of us and we returned her hug. Our group embrace was filled with something I’d longed for my whole life but never realized I had the entire time. Unconditional love.

  “Did I come at a bad time?” The doctor stood in the doorway.

  “No, no.” I broke our embrace, and my mom and dad stepped aside.

  Wow. Dad. It sounded so… right—more than right. It sounded perfect.

  The doctor stared between the three of us, his once jovial mood evaporating.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  “I’ve talked to the attending psychiatrist and your psychotherapist and it sounds like you’re making remarkable progress, Hindley.”

  I nodded. I did feel better, better than I had in a long time.

  “And, judging by the scenario I just saw in front of me, I’d say you’re well on your way to finding coping skills that work for you.”

  I looked between my mom and dad and nodded again.

  “Your wounds are healing nicely and you seem to be on track with your therapy. I don’t see why we can’t release you tomorrow morning.”

  “Really?” I asked. “Oh, Dr. Saunders, that would be so great.”

  “As long as you schedule follow-up appointments with all your doctors, including your wound care specialist. I don’t want those wounds to get infected.”

  Instinctively, I touched the bandage still covering my forearm.

  Don’t go there. I reminded myself.

  I nodded my head. “Yes, absolutely, I can do that.”

  “I’ll make sure of it,” a deep voice rang through the room.

  Rory stood in the doorway, his arms full of flowers and his hands holding two giant Hello Kitty balloons.

  I burst into a fit of laughter.

  “Looks like someone bought out the whole gift shop.” The doctor chuckled.

  “Oh, these aren’t in the gift shop, Doc. These are specialty items.” Rory’s beautiful blue eyes swept over me as he winked and gave me a mischievous smile.

  I waggled both brows and silently mouthed, “very special.” His face lit up with the biggest panty-dropping smile I’d ever seen on his beautiful face. God, I loved this man. And I needed him.

  He came over and deposited all the flowers on the bedside table.

  My breath caught at the sight of him.

  Although worn and weary, he was still the most handsome man I’d ever seen.

  His smile lit me on fire.

  He tied the balloons to the bed railing before leaning down to brush his lips against my cheek.

  The connection sent shivers down to my toes.

  “These are to remind you that I want to see your hello kitty soon,” he whispered in my ear.

  I closed my eyes, pressing my legs together for relief, hoping no one would see the desire coursing through my body at his words. Slowly, I lifted my lashes to find his smoldering gaze on me.

  Those sky blue eyes said more in that moment than a million words could have. In Rory I’d also found the unconditional love I’d longed for my whole life. He silently reassured me that despite my past, he would always take care of me. We would take care of each other.

  We still hadn’t talked about everything that had happened between us. Part of me feared I’d pushed him too fa
r and we’d never get back what we’d had before. But judging by his expression now, I’d say he was just as in love with me as ever before, maybe even more so.

  “I mean it, Hindley,” the doctor cautioned. “Every appointment.”

  “I’ll make sure, Doc,” Rory answered, never taking his eyes off mine.

  I looked at him like he’d sprouted a third eye. “How? You’ll be in California.”

  He nudged my hip, and I scooted over so his large frame could squeeze in beside me. He reached out and stroked my face.

  I held my breath, afraid of what he was going to say.

  “Hindley Hagen, if you think I’m ever leaving you again, you are sorely mistaken,” he said.

  My gaze moved from Rory over to my mom and dad.

  They were standing arm in arm with shit-eating grins on their faces.

  Something had happened between the three of them when I’d been unconscious. I wasn’t sure what it was, but without a doubt, my parents were totally okay with me being left in Rory’s care. The realization made every cell in my body sing with joy. The shackles that had once kept me prisoner to my past were breaking free, one by one.

  “Well, all right then.” The doctor looked from me back to Rory. “I’ll be back in the morning to fill out the paperwork. In the meantime, I’d like to get you off these sleeping pills. Do you want to try on your own tonight?”

  Fear gripped me. What if I sunk into the dark abyss all over again?

  Rory twisted around, taking me into his arms. “I’ll be right here with you,” he whispered in my ear.

  “You don’t have to. I can do it on my own.”

  He raised an eyebrow.

  He was right. I needed him and there was no shame in admitting it. “You don’t mind?”

  “What part of ‘I’m not leaving you again’ did you not understand, baby?”

  I was overcome with joy and adoration. It was freeing to admit I needed help, especially when someone as beautiful and loving as Rory Gregor was the one offering it.

  “I love you, Rory,” I admitted shamelessly to all those present in the room. It was the first time I’d told him in weeks, and the only time I’d said it in front of others.

  He leaned back ever so slightly as if he couldn’t believe my words.

  “What? I do love you.” I didn’t care who was around. I wanted everyone in the entire hospital to know it. “I love you, Rory Gregor!” I shouted at the top of my lungs. “And I need you.”

  The room erupted in thunderous laughter and I couldn’t help but join in.

  The doctor patted my leg. “Normally, I might be concerned by that type of outburst, Hindley. But for you, I think it speaks volumes. Literally,” he added.

  We all laughed even louder.

  God, it felt good. Good to laugh, good to love, good to be loved. Especially by myself.

  Chapter 42

  -HINDLEY-

  I leaned my head against Rory’s chest as we cuddled on my couch. He tucked me into his side as we stared at the television, watching nothing in particular. “Thank you for taking me to my appointments today.”

  “My pleasure, Miss Hagen.” He stroked my upper arm.

  “You know, you don’t have to take me to every one of them. Dana and my mom are available too.” I cut my eyes up at him.

  His head cocked to one side with a raised brow, silently telling me I needed to accept his help and not push him away.

  “Sorry. I meant to say, thank you.”

  He kissed the top of my head and lifted the remote to change the channel.

  This felt so right, just being with him, doing nothing at all.

  “And thank you for my Hello Kitty house shoes.” I wiggled my feet that were propped on the coffee table. The little kitten’s whiskers fluttered.

  “My pleasure,” he said in a low tone.

  God, the way he said ‘pleasure’ made my knees weak. It had been over a month since we’d made love and I was about to explode with need.

  Rory was living with me in Austin as I recovered, putting his own tour on hold to take care of me. He drove me to every doctor’s and wound care appointment, cooked for me, and even cleaned my entire house.

  It was hard to accept his help, really hard, but it had been a good challenge for me. His support forced me to question the thoughts in my head that said, “You’re not good enough. You’re not smart enough. You don’t deserve to be happy and you never will be.” Slowly but surely, with the help of those I loved, I was beginning to believe I did deserve better. The only thing I missed was his intimate touch.

  “And thank you for the Hello Kitty pajamas, and the Hello Kitty watch.” I held up my wrist, trying to ignore the wounds on my forearm that were healing nicely.

  The surgeon on call at the ER the day I was admitted was a plastic surgeon and had done an amazing job. He felt like the scarring would be minimal. But, I didn’t care. Any scars left behind would always be a reminder that it was okay to lean on other people, that I couldn’t control my future, and that I always had to be honest with those I loved, no matter how much I thought it would hurt them—or me.

  “What about your Hello Kitty panties?” He waggled his brows.

  Rory had given me a box full of Hello Kitty paraphernalia when I’d gotten home from the hospital, including socks, a watch, slippers, pajamas, even oven mitts. But the most creative item had been the Hello Kitty days-of-the-week panties.

  “Where in the world did you find them?”

  “I’ll never tell.” He laughed.

  God, that laugh. A spark ran through my mid-section and I was pretty sure I’d have to go change into my Friday panties soon if he kept it up. I turned to him, pushing onto my knees.

  “You know,” I whispered, “you may have forgotten what day of the week it is. Would you like to look at my panties and see?” I was going for sexy, hoping he’d take the bait. I tried to forget the fact that I’d basically been throwing myself at him for the last week, to no avail.

  “Hindley,” he stroked my jaw, “not until the doctor says you’re one hundred percent healed.”

  I swung my leg over his lap and straddled his hips, brushing my fingertips up and down his strong arms. “Please,” I said in my most pathetic voice. I rolled my bottom lip out, pouting for effect, like an errant child. I wasn’t above begging.

  He wrapped his hands around my waist, trying to move me, but I pressed my thighs against his hips, stopping him.

  “How in the hell are you so strong?” He chuckled.

  The vibration from his laughter did me in. I leaned down and pressed my lips against his, hard, not caring if he wanted me or not. I wanted him, and I wasn’t going to take no for an answer, not tonight.

  “I need you,” I whispered against his mouth.

  He protested, not opening his mouth to my probing.

  I slipped my hands through his thick hair, massaging his scalp as I pressed my hips into his.

  Slowly his hands roamed up and down my back as he submitted. His mouth opened and he tilted his head, deepening the kiss.

  I moaned, working my hands down his chest and tugging at the hem of his shirt. I needed to feel his skin.

  He grasped my hips, lifting me with ease as he flipped me onto my back, his body looming over me.

  He lowered his body weight against me but somehow my arm had been trapped between us

  Searing pain shot through my arm. I winced, biting back a groan. I refused to let him see the pain I was in. I didn’t care how much it hurt. Tonight, I wasn’t going to stop, not now that I had him on top of me.

  He pulled back, his brow creased as he studied me.

  Shit.

  “What is it?” he asked.

  I smiled. “Nothing, baby.” I slipped my free hand around his neck, pulling him down.

  He stopped only inches away. “Hindley,” he scolded.

  “Please.” This time my voice wasn’t coy, it wasn’t sultry, it was pleading. My physical need for him had eclipsed any pain I
felt in the moment. He was essential to my survival, like air. “I need you, Rory.”

  Those four words moved him into action. He snaked one hand in my hair, bringing my head up to meet his as our lips connected, tongues fighting, teeth bashing.

  We were like teenagers making out for the first time. It was awkward as hell, but perfect. Neither of us cared that there was no finesse to our movements. We were desperate for one another.

  His free hand found its way underneath my pajama top and he splayed his fingers on my bare abdomen, working his way up until he found my naked breast.

  “Oh, God,” I moaned as his fingers caressed my nipple. “Rory,” I panted in his ear, wrapping my legs around his waist, grinding my hips into his for relief.

  “You’re so wet for me,” he whispered against my lips. It wasn’t a question.

  “Yes,” I whispered. “How did you know?” He was nowhere near my good parts.

  He ran his nose along my jawline, planting kisses under my ear. “I can smell you.”

  I froze. What was he saying? My crotch smelled? That was disgusting.

  He pulled away and stared down at me. “What?”

  “No girl wants to hear that you can smell her. That’s gross,” I said, pushing away from him.

  “What are you talking about?” He laughed, ignoring my humiliation as his hips held me firmly in place.

  Shit! His laugh. The deep vibrations against my body was intoxicating. Suddenly I forgot why I’d been upset.

  He leaned in, our lips a breath apart. His eyes were crystal clear, as blue as a cloudless sky.

  I closed my eyes, not wanting to think about smelling.

  Rory caught my jaw with one of his large hands, holding my face so I couldn’t turn away. “Look at me.”

  This was dominant Rory. I hadn’t seen or heard him in so long I was practically begging for him to take control. I opened my eyes. His eyes were narrowed, all trace of teasing gone.

  “Hindley, the scent of your arousal is the most intoxicating perfume I’ve ever smelled. If I could, I would bottle the aroma and carry it with me everywhere I went.”