But, it was too late for her, she realized with chagrin, the very moment that they reached Cedar’s Pointe. There was no doubt that she’d reached the point of no return. Shamelessly and willingly, she was placing herself directly in the danger zone.
That danger zone was him, she mulled, admiring the Spanish-style villa home as the car roared up the drive. When she’d made the decision earlier to venture to his office, deep down, she knew that she was in trouble.
No longer did she have the strength to stay away.
The property spanned at least 100 acres and included a huge scenic spot of the beautiful Hampton Cove coastline. All sorts of geographical amenities filled the area such as rolling hills, flat land, and valleys. The most beautiful part, however, was its central piece, the shimmering blue Logan Lake. Again, the house was impeccable with its red clay tiled roof, stucco walls, grandeur archways, and a complementary courtyard. Naturally, the rear of the house offered even more, she’d guess.
“It’s beautiful here,” she mulled aloud and continued to stare. Again, she couldn’t mask her genuine awe. “If it were mine, I’d never leave it. It just seems like a secret haven.”
“I don’t how many times I’ve had the same exact feelings.” Pausing, he passed her a fast glance. “Out here, the rest of the world fails to exist. That’s what I appreciate about it the most.”
The remaining minutes passed in silence, and it seemed that they both were lost in their own private thoughts. By the time he’d parked the Viper in the garage, a new nervousness had taken over her. She fought to disguise it as he pulled the passenger’s door open.
“You’ll have to excuse the mess.” Taking her hand, he assisted her from the car. “My housekeeper is on vacation and won’t return for the next couple of weeks. Meanwhile, I’m responsible for the cooking and cleaning.” He arched a brow as humor masked his features. “Fortunately, I’m somewhat adequate in both areas. At least, I’d like to believe so.”
She held back a smile. “I’m sure that you are.”
A warm smell of cedar and cinnamon filled the space as they entered the house. Even the mudroom was superiorly designed and furnished. After passing through the mudroom, they made way towards the living area.
The chandelier lights illuminated the living area as he flicked the switch on. Then, he dimmed them to a quiet low, leaving the room somewhat shrouded in semi-darkness in various parts of the room. As they passed a nearby coffee table, he pitched the car keys on it. Then, he led her to the ivory-colored leather modular sectional. “Take your shoes off. Make yourself comfortable.” The voices killed the silence as he turned on the 70” flat screen TV. From the looks of things, a nature film was playing. “Can I get you something to drink?”
“No,” she murmured with the slight shake of her head, and suddenly, she experienced a feeling of déjà vu. She sank down on the sofa. Then, with reluctance, she stepped out of the one inch heels. This was all too familiar. At their initial meeting, hadn’t everything begun with her disrobing before him? Instead of saying that aloud, she offered a polite smile. “I’m fine. Thank you.”
He passed her the TV remote. “Feel free to change the channel. I’m going to start dinner. If you need anything, I’ll be in the kitchen area.”
Once she was alone, she breathed a sigh of relief.
The brief respite was definitely needed.
Hopefully, his disappearance would give her the opportunity to collect her scattered wits. After several minutes had passed, however, both restlessness and boredom had seized her. She turned off the TV before tossing the remote onto the sofa. Sighing, she stood before meandering leisurely about the space.
She looked around the area with both curiosity and admiration. Even though the lights were dimmed low, they didn’t shield the room’s beauty.
Like the exterior, the inside of the home was exquisitely designed.
The room’s color scheme was a natural white from the wall covering to the furnishing. The living space was open-style and every door was an arched doorway.
A series of linear- cut, mahogany-hued beams stretched across the 14’ high ceiling before forming a perfect arch at the center. A huge chandelier was positioned dead center of them, elegantly designed with white cut glass.
The flooring was a combination of ivory and tan tiles, and they elicited a fine sheen under the light. A huge antique mirror was perfectly squared by a dark brown frame and hung above the fireplace.
To her right a black iron-wrought, grandeur balustrade curled eloquently and led to the second level. From her visual standpoint on the first level, it was evident that the second floor was equally impressive.
Now, intentionally seeking his company, she left the living room and headed in the direction that he’d ventured earlier. She wandered down the hallway. There appeared to be a library, den, and office along this stretch. The kitchen and dining area as well, she surmised as her heart leapt, finally spying him at the counter.
Balancing a variety of items in his arms, he reached for even more food and utensils from the counter. But, he noticed her immediately as soon as she walked in. “Good. You’re here. I could use the help. Grab the spatula and BBQ condiments.”
She swept the items off the counter before following. “Okay.”
While the night air was cool, it was hardly uncomfortable as they stepped outside onto the covered deck. Different types of green flora hang from the wooden beams overhead. The grill was built into the stone wall along with other BBQ accessories. Stopping beside him, she placed the items on the counter.
He gestured towards the patio furniture. “Have a seat and relax.”
“No, I’ll feel bad if I don’t do anything,” she protested, glancing at him. Then, she teased. “Besides, someone has to make sure that you don’t burn the steaks.”
“So, the lady is filled with jokes?” He raised a brow and grinned. “Okay, I’ll let you have that one. But, just know sometime before the night is over, I’m going to throw some shade in your direction. Meanwhile…” He rubbed both hands together gleefully. “We’ll get dinner started if you’re ready.”
The rest of the hour passed that way.
Them teasing, trading jabs, and cooking alongside one another…
Even while dining, they continued the comfortable camaraderie and caught up on things that they’d missed. Their conversation ranged from a variety of subjects, from the mundane to the most serious.
As the night grew longer, the temperature fell along with it. The slight chill sent a tremble through her. It was then that she realized the late hour.
She sat forward on the patio sofa with a start. “What time is it?”
He glanced at his watch. “12:13 am.”
“Oh no,” she said in surprise, jumping up, and an embarrassed flush stained her face. Was her infatuation of him causing her to lose sight of everything? “I didn’t realize that it was so late.”
“Usually, that’s what happens when you find immense pleasure with the company that you’re keeping. While you won’t attest to that fact, I will.” Watching her closely, he stood up from the patio sofa more slowly. The moonlight filtered past the beams and spilled onto the deck, and it slanted along his handsome features. “Because I’ve enjoyed every fucking minute that we’ve spent together, and the last thing that I want is for it to end. Deep down, you feel the same way, or you wouldn’t be here to begin with.”
Rendered speechless, she was transfixed by the dangerous gleam in his eyes. Again, she sensed the challenge that he was issuing. It was a challenge that she’d been defying since he’d entered her life again. Truth told, he wanted her to acknowledge this thing between them. A part of her was ready while the other was not, she mulled, returning his deep stare.
“Why would you say such a thing? Better yet, what are you insinuating? We’re friends. So, of course, we enjoy one another’s company,” she said softly, shifting her gaze away. Then, raising her chin stubbornly, she looked at him again. “There’s no
secret or hidden meaning to my actions, and there’s hardly anything to admit.”
“Really?” A speculative gleam shone in his eyes. “I disagree.”
“Why?” She gulped hard. “You have no reason to.”
“Wrong again.”
“What you’re saying has no bearing---”
“Ask yourself why you sought me out today. You didn’t have to show up at my office in the middle of the day. But, you did.” He leveled his probing stare on her again. “You came to me for a reason. You know what that reason is, and it’s time that you face it. You want to be with me.”
The emotional and intellectual parts of her warred inside.
It was her greatest battle yet.
Her voice trembled. “I want you to take me home.”
But, her resolve was shattered as he stepped closer to her.
“I don’t want you to go.” Reaching out, he trailed a finger along the edge of her face, and a helpless shiver coursed through her body. Without a doubt, any and all pretense was gone. “Please stay with me,” he pleaded in a raspy whisper, and the raw vulnerability was plainly etched on his features. “Stop running away.”
The silence reigned.
But, she could hear their ragged breathing.
She could feel the sexual tension rising with every passing millisecond. Internally, she could feel the barriers as they tumbled down. At some point, if logical reasoning didn’t take over, she’d find herself tearing through the rubble. Still, though, she fought against the helpless desire to give in. Her tormented gaze clung to his, and her words came out in a low whisper. “You know that I can’t stay.”
“Why not?” he challenged softly, edging forward, and his blatant efforts brought them in closer proximity. So much so that she could literally feel their heat. A breathless gasp left her as he changed tactics. Slowly and erotically, he parted her lips, allowing her soft breath to escape, and then he rubbed a thumb across them. “I can think of a fucking million reasons why you should.”
For a brief second, she faltered again.
Would it be so wrong to be with him?
Every part of her--- her mind, body, and soul--- cried out for him.
But, too many people would be hurt if she clung to her selfish reasoning.
She pulled free before turning her back to him. “No, I can’t.” But, why did it seem that she was cutting off a part of herself? Her throat clogged with unshed tears, and she forced herself to speak past them. “I want you to take me home.”
The silence fell again.
It grew taut with every passing second.
She sensed his presence behind her.
He was the dangerous pull.
At any given moment, he’d draw her under.
“Alright,” he relented with a regretful sigh. “I’ll take you home.”
At his words, she experienced relief, regret, and sadness. The latter counterparts surely outweighed the first, she mulled with a sinking heart. But, she was doing the right thing. Quickly, she brushed past him and mumbled, “Thank you.”
They stayed silent as they ventured back inside.
Except for the hallway, every other room was drenched in darkness. When they reached the living area, she quickly scurried to the sofa. Watching her, he advanced across the room at a much slower pace. His shadow fell across the floor as he stopped directly in front of her.
Staring hard at the floor, she slipped the heels on her stocking feet and she fought to ignore him. But, his burning accusation made it impossible.
“We can’t keep living a lie. It’s not fair to any of us.”
Her head whipped up. “What did you say?”
Crossing both arms along his chest, he passed her a defiant look. “I said,” he muttered tightly, barely restraining his temper. “We’re living a fucking lie. The longer we play this game, the more everyone gets hurt. Haven’t we done it long enough?”
She nearly toppled over as she sprung up from the sofa. “We’re not going to keep doing this!” Then, she began looking around wildly for her purse. She spied it on the armchair nearby. Her body shook all over as she stomped past him. After snatching her purse up, she whirled around and faced him angrily. “This conversation is over. Forget about taking me back to the apartment. I’ll call a cab.”
He eyed her across the distance. “What are you afraid of?”
“Afraid?” she murmured fast, sputtering the single word. “I’m not afraid of anything.” She pointed an accusing finger at him and looked at him hurt. “There you go, twisting things again.”
“Twisting things?” he said in disbelief, raking a hand through his hair. Every bit of his frustration was etched across his face. “No, princess, I’m not twisting anything. I’m trying to get you to face the truth.”
She hurled the purse to the floor. “And what truth is that?”
“The man that you want to be with...it’s not him. It’s me.” As he looked at her dead on, his voice held a haunting quality, for hadn’t they both been haunted all this time? “I’m the man that you dream about at night. It’s my touch that your body seeks. In the late dark hours, when you’re lying alone in bed, it’s me that you want inside of you.” The pain resonated in tone. “Not him. Me.”
The stinging truth robbed her breath.
It nearly made her buckle to her knees.
She stared at him across the room.
No words would come.
For how could she deny the one thing that was real?
Their feelings for each other---the ones that they’d been fighting against for so long---were too powerful to be controlled or influenced by outside forces.
His tortured gaze clung to hers. “Hayven---”
“Please…don’t. You can’t say those kinds of things,” she whispered quietly, feeling the anguish and guilt closing in. Still, though, the truth breathed between them with renewed life, no longer willing to live behind the walls of denial. “You’re wrong--”
“No, I’m not.” He tightened his jaw, fighting against the spirits of distress and pain. “Lie to me. Lie to everyone else. But, damn it, princess, don’t lie to yourself.”
“I---I’m not lying,” she stammered, feeling the tears swell, and her lying words were barely audible to her ears let alone his. “Richard is a good man.”
“Of course he is. There’s no doubting that. If I were half the man that he was, maybe I wouldn’t be standing here right now saying and doing what I’m doing.” As they watched each other, she sensed the horrible burden that he carried. The betrayal against his brother was a stinging one. “But, as wonderful as he is, he’s not the right man for you.”
She bit her trembling lips. “We’re supposed to get married---”
“You don’t love him.” Slowly, he advanced towards her, and now the agony was plainly mirrored on his own visage. But, he stopped a few paces away from her, allowing her the physical and emotional space that she needed in that very moment. “You’re not in love with him.”
“I—I care about him.” A tear slipped free as her voice cracked. “He’s a wonderful person. He’s been very good to me.”
“Obligation is hardly grounds for marrying someone. Neither is a guilty conscience. A union such as that will do no one any good.” He blew a frustrated breath against the stunning declaration. As he watched her, the stark pain resonated on his features. “Do you think that I like this? Do you think that I like what I’m doing to him? Do you think that I enjoy the fact that I’m betraying him with the woman that he loves? It hurt likes hell to know that I’ll eventually be responsible for every bit of pain that he’ll feel.” He bit back a curse. “I’ve done some fucked up things in my time. Yet, my betrayal against my brother is the greatest offense.” As he closed the distance between them, his inner turmoil was evident. He framed her face between his shaky hands. “But, it’s not like we intentionally set out to hurt him. We met months ago without knowing that I was tied to him. Our foolish mistake was not being upfront with him fro
m the very beginning. We never should’ve begun the lie. We never should have pretended that we didn’t share a passionate history. But, with us continuing allowing him to live this lie, we’re not doing him any favors. He deserves to know the truth about us.”
“No, we can’t do this to him,” she said with an anguished sob. “We’ll hurt him.”
“And you think we aren’t now? Guess what, we are. Because every time we look at each other, think about being together, think about touching each other, we’re hurting him.”
Her words skipped on a hiccup. “W-we haven’t done anything.”
“You’re right, at least in the physical context we haven’t. But, damn it, princess. We’ve been having an emotional affair for months,” he stressed passionately. “And in some ways, that’s even worse than us being physically intimate.”
“It’s wrong. What we’re feeling—it’s not right.”
“In our case, there is no wrong or right. Our situation is so muddled and shrouded in misunderstandings and confusion. All of us are victims in this. But, like you, I don’t have any of the right answers. There’s only one thing that I do know. I’m fucking bleeding for you on the inside and the out. While I’m breathing, I feel like I’m dying a slow agonizing death still,” he whispered, drawing her tear-stained face closer to his. He pressed his forehead against hers, and his hot breath fanned her face. “I need you. I want you so fucking much that I can’t breathe. Tonight, can we turn our backs on the rest of the world? Tonight, can we only exist for each other? No one is here but us.” His desperation was palpable, and she felt it to her very soul. “Baby, please. Please don’t ask me to walk away from you. I can’t.”
Her heartfelt sob left her. “Us being together, it’s wrong---”
“Maybe to the rest of the world, we are. But, to you and me…we’re the most right thing there is. We don’t get to choose who we love. We just love who we do. I know that you don’t want to hurt anyone, and neither do I,” he whispered again, running his eyes over her face. “But, we can’t keep pretending that we don’t mean anything to each other. We know the truth. The feelings are there. They’re more real than they’ve ever been.” The tears shimmered in his eyes. “Damn it, we love each other. We can’t keep pretending that we don’t.”
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