Hilariously Ever After

by Penny Reid

  “Menstrual cups!” she blurted out.

  Nik looked up with a blink. “What?”

  Yes, Aria. What?

  “Um… In the box.” Her words blurred together awkwardly. Her heart felt like it might burst out of her chest and flop around on the floor like a fish. How the fuck could one man be so disarmingly, stressfully sexy? “My menstrual cups,” she repeated, “are in the box.”

  He paused. Then, rather than blushing, or stuttering, or—the ideal scenario—leaving the room, Nik said, “The box you supposedly are not sitting on.”

  She sighed. “Obviously, I’m sitting on a fucking box, Nik. And the corners are starting to hurt, so if you could just piss off—”

  “What,” he cut in casually, “is a menstrual cup?”

  Oh, dear. She really hadn’t thought this through. Good thing she refused to be embarrassed about good, old-fashioned menstruation. “Well, it’s a little silicone cup thing that you kind of… fold up, and shove up your vagina—you know, like a message in a bottle—and then it pops open again, kind of like those tents kids play with, and it catches the blood—when you’re on your period, I mean.”

  He stared. “I… have never heard of that.”

  “It’s all the rage. Very environmentally friendly. And much more convenient than tampons.” All true; all irrelevant to her current situation.

  Nik cocked his head to the side. “And you expect me to believe, Aria, that you are so horribly embarrassed about your little cups, you sat on a box to stop me seeing them?”

  “Well—”

  “Last night you told me about the time you lost a vibrating egg up there and had to lay it like a chicken.”

  Her cheeks flushed. “I was drunk!”

  “Barely. What’s in the box?”

  “Oh, for Christ’s sake.” She’d had quite enough of his knowing stare and his sexy smirk. Plus, the corners of the sox were really digging into her bum, and frankly, he was right—she wasn’t embarrassed about anything. Not bloody menstrual cups, not the various items she’d lost in her vagina, and definitely not the toys she used for her perfectly natural activities.

  All of which inspired Aria to stand up and snap, “It’s my sox. Are you happy?”

  Nik stared down at the slightly squashed box on the bed. Or, actually, at the assortment of sex toys inside it. “Your what?”

  “My sox. My sex box. Get it?” He didn’t reply. He didn’t even look at her. He appeared to be mesmerised by the dildos. “Me and Jen made it up,” she added, “when we were younger.”

  “Jen,” he said finally. “The friend who got married on the day we met.”

  “Yes.”

  He fell back into silence, but she didn’t think he was considering Jen and Theo’s holy matrimony. In fact, if his mind was behaving anything like hers, he’d be thinking about that kiss. Their first. The one that had carved out a place for itself in the dirtiest corners of her memory, where it radiated a constant, thrumming pulse of heat.

  That kiss, Aria decided woefully, was where all of her problems had begun.

  Problems? If problems always came with a gorgeous fake boyfriend and enough money to give you your dreams on a platter, the world would be a far better place.

  Okay, true.

  She ran her tongue nervously over her lip ring as Nik reached out and—oh, God—picked up the purple vibrator she’d dropped. He stood, his eyes on the thick dildo in his hand. Then he ran his thumb over the rabbit’s ears and asked, “What is this for?”

  Aria couldn’t decipher his tone, but she managed to sound lighthearted as she replied, “Figure it out.”

  He looked up, something dangerous glittering in his eyes. “Why don’t you explain it to me?”

  Aria bit down on the insides of her cheeks, barely resisting the urge to press her thighs together. Something about that low, smoky voice was flooding her pussy with need, swelling her already sensitive clit. Surely, he wasn’t coming on to her right now, was he? No. He just like to tease. For all his supposed playboy ways, she had yet to see any evidence that Nik understood seduction. Not when he was on the receiving end of it, at least.

  She didn’t usually mind his flirting, but right now she was too close to the edge for games. Time to lighten the mood. Aria injected a spark of humour into her voice and nodded at the toy as she said, “Intimidated?”

  “No,” he replied. Simply. Instantly. He didn’t sound cocky, or even confident—just unconcerned, as though he couldn’t imagine why he would be.

  Considering the glimpse of him she’d gotten last night, Aria wasn’t surprised. The memory dragged her traitorous gaze south, just for a moment—which was long enough to notice the unmistakable bulge straining the front of Nik’s shorts, the flushed head of his cock visible above the waistband.

  Her knees almost buckled.

  Maybe he saw, because he reached out and slid an arm around her waist, pulling her close. The side of her body pressed against Nik’s chest, his lips grazing her shoulder, his hard cock pushing into her hip. He ran his mouth up the length of her throat, his tongue gliding over her skin.

  “Fuck,” she breathed, the pulse of desire between her thighs becoming a pounding rhythm.

  “Did you sneak up here to play with yourself?” he asked, obviously amused.

  “Clearly, I did,” she gritted out.

  “Were you going to lie in this bed—our bed—and make yourself come, chrysí mou? Without me? I should make you pay for that.”

  She dragged in a shaking breath. “Why?”

  Nik’s mouth sucked gently at the base of her throat for a moment, sending little arrows of sensation flying through her veins. Then he released her with a mocking tut, and said, “I don’t think you understand how much I—how much I’m willing to do for you, Aria. I certainly won’t let you fuck yourself.” He put the toy on the bed, then cupped her cheek in his hand and murmured, “I’ll do it for you.”

  Her mind unravelled like a spool of thread dropped to the floor. “You’ll… do…”

  “If that—” he flicked a glance at the toy “—is what you want, I’ll do it for you. Would you like to come?”

  “Yes,” she breathed, the word spilling out before she could stop it. “Yes, I want to come.”

  “Next time,” he said, “just ask.” He pulled down her bikini bottoms without hesitation, his hands rough. When the fabric fell to her feet, he grabbed her arse and pulled her tight against his body. Their kiss was hot and hard enough to make her shake. His tongue thrust against hers in a rhythm that should’ve felt crude, too suggestive, too dominant. She melted against him like he was licking into her pussy instead of her mouth.

  A second later, he spun her around to face the bed. His hands, surprisingly gentle, pushed her until she bent forward, her upper body resting against the mattress, her arse thrust out lewdly. He picked up the toy, and then she couldn’t see him anymore—but she could feel him right behind her, and one of his hands roamed over the curve of her belly.

  “Do you have anything to say to me?” he asked softly. For a moment, she frowned, confusion breaking through the haze of lust.

  But then she realised he was checking up on her. Making sure this wasn’t too far. Asking for the safe word that wasn’t supposed to be sexual, and yet, here they were.

  Aria shook her head, relishing the feel of the cool sheets against her cheek. “No.”

  “Good.” She heard the creak of the floor as he moved, sinking down behind her. She could feel his breath against her thighs. Then his big hands palmed her arse and spread her wide, and she felt his breath against her slick folds instead. He let out a low moan. “You are so fucking wet.”

  “I know.”

  “Why?”

  She hesitated. “Why?”

  “Tell me why.”

  Exquisite tension coiled tight in her core. “Because… because I want you.”

  “Thank fucking God for that,” he muttered. A second later she felt the cool, blunt tip of the vibrator sliding
experimentally through her folds, growing slippery as it eased over her wetness. When it teased her swollen, desperate clit, she gave a ragged cry, and Nik’s head fell forward to rest against her thigh. “Ah, fuck, Ri. Do you need it? Right now?”

  “Now,” she agreed, the word strangled.

  His fingers spread her intimate folds wider. She could almost feel his intensity, could imagine that dark, focused stare. And for a moment she didn’t want the toy at all; she wanted his hot mouth, his hands, and his thick cock. God, she wanted that cock.

  She didn’t get it. Instead, he murmured, “How long have you been like this?”

  “Long enough,” she gritted out. And then felt a delicious stretch as the vibrator eased into her pussy, painfully slow and satisfying. “Oh, God, more—”

  “Can you take it?”

  With a frustrated growl, Aria thrust her hips back. Sensation arced through her as she took the toy deeper, her need only growing.

  “Fuck,” he hissed, as if it was his dick inside her. As if he was experiencing this pleasure. “Oh my God. The way you look right now—”

  “Shut up and fuck me,” she ordered, but it sounded more like she was begging. She was begging.

  And he knew it, too.

  “Whatever you need, sweetheart.” His voice was a low murmur, ripe with wry amusement… and heavy promise. He thrust the toy deeper, until her cries became ragged and her hips rocked back in a desperate rhythm. And then she felt the slight pressure of the rabbit’s ears against her tender clit. She tensed in anticipation for a second before he switched on the vibrator and sent pleasure shuddering through her.

  “Oh, fuck,” she gasped, hearing how high and needy she sounded, lacking the ability to care. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” She could cry, with this thick length buried deep inside her and those sweet vibrations massaging her swollen clit. “Nik, I’m gonna come, make me come, I need to—" Her words turned into a keening moan.

  Without warning, she felt the hot, wet stripe of his tongue between her cheeks, just missing that sensitive hole. Always, he was a fucking tease. What she wanted was his mouth, hot and unrestrained on that forbidden place. “More,” she gasped out, straining toward him.

  “More?” He sounded, for the first time, slightly hesitant. “You want—fuck, you want more.” His words broke off a second before his tongue found her tight hole, flicking sweet and wet over her puckered flesh, sending daggers of desire through her veins. The pleasure was so intense it seemed almost painful.

  He licked her again and again, still driving the dildo inside her, nudging that vibrator against her clit—until infinity stretched and paused all at once, until spiralling bliss became screaming release. Too fast, way faster than usual, and way too fucking intense. But that wasn’t the part that bothered her.

  No. What bothered Aria was the sound of his name on her lips. She cried out to him as if it meant something. As if he wasn’t the kind of man who’d fuck her just to fuck her. And when she was done, he kissed her hip and ran a soothing hand over her spine as if he actually gave a shit.

  Knowing him, he did give a shit/ She couldn’t doubt that no matter who Nik slept with, he treated them gently.

  But she wasn’t the kind of woman who could take orgasms and gentleness and emerge without compromising her ridiculous heart. In fact, she’d learned the hard way that orgasms and gentleness were enough to sneak past her defences in a way that endangered lives.

  Maybe that was why panic clawed at her throat. Maybe that was why she blurted out, her voice overly loud in the silence, “Banana split.”

  He didn’t ask questions. He left.

  Chapter 11

  Nik was absolutely shitting himself, and he had been for… oh, the past eight hours or so. Which was about how long it had been since he’d lost his goddamn mind, pushed Aria way too far, and enjoyed it way too much.

  When they’d gotten ready to go out that night, she hadn’t said a word about earlier. They’d carefully avoided staring at the foot of the bed, but the straightened sheets weren’t enough to erase the memory of her bent over and spread open to his gaze. His touch. His tongue.

  Fuck. Nik’s fingers tightened around the cold glass in his hand. He settled back into his seat at the bar and glowered into the darkness, watching Aria and Laurie dance. He felt like a stalker. The feeling didn’t improve when Aria flicked a glance at him through sooty lashes, running her tongue over her lip ring. She was nervous, or thinking, or nervous and thinking. Probably about him and the fact that he was…

  What? Too attached? That he wanted her too much? Could she feel it in his hands, earlier, could she hear it in his voice? Or were his words too obvious? Or was it something else entirely? He had no fucking clue. Typically, what Nik didn’t know couldn’t bother him. Right now, it was eating him alive.

  With a scowl, he threw back the last of his whiskey and got up to take a piss. Kieran was hovering protectively around the girls as usual. Nik wasn’t worried about leaving Aria here alone with the Fearsome Defender of Women, Children and Kittens around.

  Gritting his teeth against the jarring thud of some blaring dance track, Nik made his way down to the toilets. “I should just ask her,” he muttered. “That’s what I’ll do.” He didn’t know why he hadn’t already. Usually, when he was unsure or confused, he spoke up. When he had a question, he demanded an answer. But for some reason, when he’d come upstairs to get ready and laid eyes on Aria again… the words had just dried up in his throat.

  And then she’d flashed him a smile and asked if he thought her hoop earrings were too big, or too small, or some shit like that. And he’d thought, if this is what you want to do, I’ll do it.

  Just a few hours later, he was changing his mind. It wasn’t as if he could forget what had happened; that would require a hard blow to the head with a big fucking brick. Aria was the person who made him feel calm, who let him breathe and laugh and joke despite the looming dread that was the rest of his life. Being on edge with her, leaving things unsaid… it felt like leaving an open wound unstitched and letting it bleed out all over the place. He wanted to know what she was thinking. He needed to.

  Nik was starting to understand all that crap his sister liked to say about sex being a ‘spiritual experience’, because right now it felt as if his soul was tied to Aria’s, and something from her end was tugging hard.

  “What’d the pisser ever do to you, old friend?”

  Nik didn’t even look up at the sound of Varo’s voice. He just kept glaring at the urinal in front of him. “Fuck off. Unless you want to suck my dick.”

  “Right now?” Varo’s laugh echoed off the washroom tiles. “I’ll pass. I don’t think Aria would be happy about that, anyway.”

  “I don’t know if she’d give a fuck, to be honest.” He zipped up his jeans, turning towards the sinks and coming face to face with his friend. “Why are you loitering down here?”

  “I was just about to leave, actually, when you came storming in like a thunderclap.” Varo arched one thick brow. “Girl trouble?”

  “Something like that.” Nik was able to ignore his friend’s answering silence for… oh, maybe three seconds, before it started to grate. “Fine, yes. I’ve been thinking about—the future, I suppose.” The future he wanted Aria to be in, even though he had no idea what was going on in her head right now. His confusion had no effect on the ravenous thing in his chest that growled Mine every time it saw her. “I’m not sure what to do, now I can’t play.”

  Varo shrugged. “So? Take your time, figure it out.”

  “I want to know now. I want to be useful. I need to have a plan, so I can…” So I can show Aria that I’m not just a privileged waste of space. He gritted his teeth and glared at his own reflection, refusing to say that out loud. “Women like men with jobs.”

  Varo burst into laughter. “Seriously? What, you’re worried Aria will leave you because you don’t have a job? I think you’re just looking for reasons to worry.”

  That was true, actually
. And it probably seemed pretty weird to Varo, because he thought Aria was Nik’s girlfriend. He had no idea how tenuous the situation really was, and Nik couldn’t tell him.

  Still, he tried. He met his best friend’s gaze and let the other man see his desperation, his hopeless adoration, how unbelievably out of his depth he was right now. “I’m panicking, okay? I need her more than I should, and I don’t know how to explain it to her. It’s fucking ridiculous—”

  “Why is it ridiculous?” Varo asked, his brow furrowed.

  “Because—”Because I don’t understand how I can feel like this so quickly. “Because I don’t know how relationships work,” he finished. “I don’t know what the timeline usually is.”

  Varo shrugged. “You know I asked Georgia to marry me the night we met.”

  “I also know that she told you to piss off. And that you still aren’t married.”

  “But she is mine,” Varo grinned, “and she hasn’t left me yet.” The humour in his voice softened for a moment. “Maybe the moral there is, tell her how you feel, and she’ll tell you what she’s ready for. Just because you aren’t on the same page, doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the book together.”

  Nik digested those words and waited for the doubting voice in his head to say something doom-and-gloom-y. Something like, We’re not even reading the same damned book. But the voice didn’t come. Maybe because the fire of his determination, smouldering for a while now, was finally burning bright. Its smoke was more than thick enough to suffocate his hesitation.

  He was Nikolas Christou, for fuck’s sake. So what if he was falling for his fake girlfriend? So what if he didn’t even know how to describe his feelings? It was all a bit fucking intense, sure, but he could handle it.

  She made him feel like he could handle anything.

  “You’re plotting,” Varo said, eyes narrowed. “Aren’t you?”

  “Something like that,” Nik allowed with a smile. “Let’s go upstairs, shall we?”

  They went.

  When they all arrived home, wasted and bleary eyed, Aria was the one who suggested they stay up and play a drinking game.