Hilariously Ever After

by Penny Reid

  Melody couldn’t believe she was doing this. Here, on the sidewalk. Outside a bar. She despised people who made out in public. She’d always thought they were gross. Now, she was one of them, and she had absolutely no regrets. Zero.

  “My car,” Jeremy panted against her collarbone. “That way.” He waved vaguely down the street.

  “Right.” As much fun as they were having here, they could be having so much more somewhere less public. “Come on.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him down the sidewalk.

  They walked hand in hand to a parking garage a few blocks away, and he held open the passenger door of a shiny new Mercedes sports coupe. The interior was all leather, and it smelled like luxury…and french fries.

  As soon as he climbed in behind the wheel, Jeremy twisted in his seat, reaching for her. His fingers stroked her cheek before curling around the back of her neck to pull her toward him.

  She had to lean over the console to reach his lips, and although the kissing part was terrific—obviously—it was also awkward. They were too far apart, and there was too much stuff between them. Even when she tucked one leg up underneath her and turned toward him, she couldn’t get close enough. He must have felt the same, because he kept shifting in his seat, jockeying for a better position as his tongue explored her mouth.

  The loud blast of the horn startled them apart when his elbow accidentally bumped against it, and they both dissolved into laughter. “Oops,” he said, smiling against her forehead.

  Melody pulled back to look at him. “Your place?”

  He grimaced, brushing her hair off her forehead. “I’m crashing on my friend Drew’s couch this weekend.”

  “Right,” she said. “My dorm room it is.” Thank god her roommate went home to Worcester almost every weekend to see her boyfriend.

  Jeremy leaned in for another kiss, but she pushed him away. “Nuh-uh, mister, let’s get this car started. Come on, mush, mush.”

  He gave her a look—like he couldn’t believe she’d just said that to him, but also like he wanted to tear her clothes off—and it almost melted her resolve. But then she thought about all the other cars parked around them, and how someone might walk by at any second, and how much she did not want to be seen having sex in a parking garage. She gave his shoulder another shove, and he sighed and twisted around to start the car.

  “All right, all right,” he said, rolling his eyes. “I’m mushing, sheesh.”

  They had to park about a mile from her residence hall, of course. Then there was the awkward business of signing him in at the front desk, but eventually they made it up to the privacy of her dorm room.

  Jeremy stepped in for a kiss almost before she got the door closed. As their mouths crashed together, she shrugged out of her jacket and let it fall to the floor behind her, which she probably shouldn’t have done, but she was way too busy kissing a cute guy to care.

  His hands wrapped around her hips, then he lifted and carried her over to the bed. He laid her down on the narrow mattress and stretched out alongside her, propped up on one elbow. His other hand rested on her stomach, his fingers splayed wide and curled slightly into her.

  He nudged his nose against her cheek, and she turned toward him, capturing his lips with hers. Their tongues slid together, eager and searching. He leaned into her, the warm weight of his body pressing down on hers, and his hand slipped under her shirt.

  Goose bumps shivered over Melody’s skin as his fingertips trailed over her waist, her stomach, her ribcage. Then his hand moved higher, finding her breast and cupping it in his large palm.

  Her pulse pounded in her ears, and her chest felt tight, like she couldn’t get enough air.

  She wanted this. She was certain of that. But something had changed.

  It didn’t feel like it had outside the bar. Before, she’d felt weightless and carefree, like she was in a dream. Now, here, in the harsh fluorescent light of her dorm room, lying on her creaky twin bed with Jeremy’s hand on her breast, it didn’t feel like a dream anymore.

  It felt real.

  They were alone in her room. It was actually happening. And she’d gone and made the fatal mistake of thinking about it, which was inevitably when everything started to go wrong.

  She’d been doing so well up until now, too. She’d been so dazzled by Jeremy’s blue eyes and dimpled smile, it had been easy not to think about anything else.

  Like how a guy this hot and rich probably had girls throwing themselves at him everywhere he went—not nerdy bookworms like her, but the sort of girls who routinely threw themselves at hot men and consequently had a lot more experience than she did.

  Which had sort of been the whole point of coming out tonight. To do something new. With someone new. And Jeremy was so much hotter than Victor. Only, now that she actually had him in her room, she was terrified she wouldn’t know what to do with him. That she wouldn’t measure up.

  He must have sensed something was wrong because he stopped kissing her, which was so, so unfortunate. She let out a sigh of frustration.

  “You okay?” he asked, frowning.

  “Yep! Great!” she chirped with a brightness she didn’t feel. Her brain needed to shut up. This guy was gorgeous, and more importantly, he actually seemed nice. She wanted more than anything to be able to relax and enjoy this instead of being sabotaged by her stupid brain.

  His frown deepened, and he rolled off her, which—arrgh—was not how this was supposed to go. “You’re not—you’re not a virgin, are you?”

  “No! God! Definitely not. I’ve totally done this before.”

  He exhaled in relief. “Okay, good.”

  “Once,” she mumbled at the ceiling—not something she’d planned on admitting. It just slipped out.

  His face softened, and he laid his hand on her arm, squeezing gently. “Hey, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. If you’re not comfortable—”

  “No!” she protested. “I’m comfortable. Super comfortable! The comfortablest. I want this. I want you. I’m just…a little nervous, I guess.”

  He gave her an encouraging smile. “You don’t have to be nervous with me.”

  Melody snorted. “Yeah, you say that, but you strike me as a guy with pretty extensive experience in this department. Me…not so much. I’m just afraid I’ll be a disappointment is all.” Which was exactly the kind of over-sharing she should probably be trying to avoid.

  Weirdly, though, he didn’t seem to mind. “Melody,” he said, gazing at her with an intensity that made her stomach do cartwheels, “you’re not going to disappoint me, no matter what happens or doesn’t happen tonight. Okay?”

  She let out a shaky, high-pitched laugh. “Yeah, that just shows how little you know me. I happen to be an expert at making an idiot of myself.”

  He smiled again—and oh god, he really did have a great smile. “This is not going to be one of those times.”

  “How do you know? You don’t even know me. If you did, you’d know I’m crazy good at embarrassing myself. I’m sure I can find a way to do this wrong if I set my mind to it.”

  He shook his head, still smiling. “You’re thinking about it like it’s a driving test or something, like you’re going to be graded on your performance.”

  “Well, yeah,” she said, giving him her best duh look. “I mean, aren’t I?”

  “No!” He laughed. “I’m not going to grade you. It’s supposed to be fun. The whole point is to relax and do whatever comes naturally. Live in the moment.” He reached up and tapped her forehead. “Stop thinking so hard, MIT.”

  “Yeeeaaah, see, that’s kind of the whole problem. Not thinking isn’t exactly my strong suit. My brain’s pretty much always going at, like, a million miles an hour, and—”

  He shut her up by kissing her, and she sagged against him. “You’re thinking again,” he murmured against her lips.

  She exhaled a breath that came out as a sort of moan, and he kissed her again, longer and deeper. Screw it, she decided. So what if she
was nervous? She was with a boy who was cute and nice—a combination that didn’t occur often in nature. She was going to make the most of it.

  Right. Damn. Now.

  “Too many clothes,” she groaned as her hands worked their way under his shirt.

  He sat up and yanked his shirt over his head, then quickly shucked off his shorts, leaving him impressively, magnificently naked except for a pair of gray Calvin Klein boxer briefs. Melody took a deep breath and followed suit, pulling off her top and shimmying out of her black skinny jeans. Thank god she’d had the foresight to shave her legs and put on her best lace bra and panties, even though it had totally seemed like wishful thinking at the time.

  His gaze was hungry and intense as it roved over her body. “You’re beautiful,” he said, and she felt herself blush. But before she had time to feel too self-conscious, he was leaning in to kiss her again.

  Melody rose to meet him halfway, closed her eyes, and let herself live in the moment.

  Afterward, they lay wrapped up together on her tiny bed, and for once in her life, Melody felt perfectly relaxed and content. She wished she could bottle this feeling and carry it around with her all the time.

  “You doing okay?” Jeremy asked, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

  “Mmmm,” she sighed into his chest. “Never better.”

  “Good.”

  “So, did I do all right?” she asked, unable to help herself. Because he’d definitely seemed to enjoy it, but she needed to know for sure. For science.

  He made a noise of amused exasperation. “What did I tell you? It’s not a test. You weren’t being graded.”

  “Yeah, okay,” she said with an impatient huff, “but if you had to give me a grade, what would it be?”

  Jeremy’s chest vibrated with laughter. “You’re a crazy person, you know that?”

  “So I’ve been told. But seriously, if you were grading on a curve—”

  “Definitely an A.”

  She lifted her eyes to his. “Really?”

  “Really.” His cheeks dimpled. “A-plus, even.”

  “Yes!” she said, pumping her fist in the air.

  He rolled his eyes and shook his head at her.

  Melody laid her head on his chest again. If she held perfectly still, she could feel his heartbeat thumping against her cheek.

  She wondered how much longer he was going to stay. Guys didn’t usually spend the night after a hookup, did they? But it didn’t seem like he was in any hurry to leave. Maybe he was as tired as she was. And he was so warm and comfy. She wouldn’t mind if he wanted to stay a little longer.

  She nestled against him and let her eyes drift closed.

  It was barely light when Melody woke, pulled out of sleep by the sound of Jeremy fumbling around for his clothes. When she opened her eyes, he was bent over, retrieving his clothes from the floor, and she let herself enjoy the view for a second before sitting up. “Never would have pegged you as an early riser.”

  He turned around and smiled at her. “I’m not, but as of five minutes ago, my car’s on an expired meter, and my dad threatened to disown me if I got any more parking tickets.” He pulled on his shorts and reached for his shirt, which hung over the back of her desk chair.

  “It’s too bad you’re leaving today.”

  He tugged his shirt down and came over to the bed, perching on the edge beside her. “Look, Melody—”

  “Don’t make promises,” she said. “Last night was perfect. Please don’t ruin it with lies.”

  He nodded and reached up to run the pad of his thumb over her cheekbone. “Drew’s about to graduate, and I don’t know when I’ll be coming back to Boston—or if I’ll be coming back at all.”

  “It’s fine. Really.” It was. Not that she didn’t like him, but she had her own life to get back to, and he didn’t exactly fit into it.

  “But if I do…can I call you?” They’d exchanged numbers last night at the bar, but she wasn’t naive enough to think she was ever likely to hear from him again.

  Biting her lip, she nodded. “But no promises.”

  “You know, if you’re ever in LA—”

  “Yeah, right.”

  He gave her that head tilt—the one that had made her fall for him in the first place. “If you’re ever in LA,” he said, “you can call me—if you want to. And if I’m free, maybe we can get together. Fair?”

  “Fair.”

  He kissed her one last time, slowly, like he was savoring it. “Take care of yourself, MIT.”

  Then he was gone. Out of her life forever.

  She snuggled back under the covers and fell asleep with visions of his dimples and his dumb, floppy hair in her head, not quite ready to forget about him yet.

  Chapter 4

  Present Day

  Six weeks from the end of her senior year, Melody was pacing around her cramped studio apartment like a restless zoo cat.

  It was a lousy apartment for pacing: just a rectangle with a tiny kitchen at one end, a bed at the other, and barely enough room in between for a broken-down couch—courtesy of the former tenants—and a rickety IKEA bistro table that doubled as desk. The situation was further aggravated by Melody’s congenital messiness. Navigating around all the books, random computer parts, laundry baskets, and shoes littering the limited floor space made it impossible to work up to a satisfying stride.

  After a few minutes, she gave up and sank down onto the couch.

  Her travel was officially booked for her interview in Los Angeles next week. There was no good reason for putting this off anymore. If she was going to do it, she needed to do it now or admit she was chickening out.

  She could chicken out. There was no shame in it. She didn’t have to do this unless she actually wanted to.

  Her thumb hovered over the number in her contacts—a number she’d never once called or gotten a call from in the three years it had been stored there, all but forgotten.

  A lot could happen in three years. A lot had happened.

  This is a stupid idea.

  Or was it? She chewed on her lip, debating with herself.

  What was the worst that could happen? He could say no. Which would be uncomfortable, admittedly, but only for about five seconds, then she never had to talk to him again. It was a survivable humiliation.

  There was also a decent chance he wouldn’t remember her—which, again, would be awkward, but not, like, end-of-the-world awkward. He would either remember her or he wouldn’t. If he didn’t, she’d just apologize, delete his name from her phone, and move on with her life. No big loss.

  He had told her to call him if she was ever in Los Angeles. Granted, it was the morning after a one-night stand, so there was a pretty good chance he hadn’t meant it.

  Only…it kind of felt like he had? Maybe she was too gullible, or maybe he was better at lying than most guys, but she’d gotten the impression he was hoping she’d call.

  Yeah, who was she kidding? She was probably just gullible.

  On the other hand, he was literally the only person she knew in LA, and if she was maybe, possibly going to move there, connecting with someone in town could be helpful.

  She was trying to start her life over, after all. New beginnings and all that. She needed to open herself up to the possibility of new relationships. That was what her therapist had said. Make some new friends. Put herself out in the world again. Move on.

  This could be a first step.

  Screw it. She hit dial before she could change her mind.

  Jeremy answered on the second ring. “Melody?”

  Okay, so he still had her number saved on his phone, which was a good sign. But he’d also said her name like a question, which sounded like either he didn’t remember who she was, or he couldn’t believe she was calling him—that wasn’t so great.

  “Jeremy. Hey…um, I don’t know if you remember me, but—”

  “I remember. MIT girl.”

  “Yeah,” she said, exhaling. “That’s me.”


  “Wow, it’s been forever.”

  “Yeah, it has. I know this is probably super weird, but you said if I was ever in Los Angeles I should call and—”

  “You’re in LA?” It was impossible to tell from his inflection whether he was happy or horrified, but it was definitely one or the other.

  “Not yet,” she explained, hoping she didn’t sound like some crazy stalker popping up out of his past, “but I have a job interview there next Friday, and I don’t know anyone else in town, so I was thinking, if you’re free, maybe we could meet for coffee or something, and you could help me decide if it’s someplace I’d like to live.”

  Wait—did that make it sound like she was expecting him to entice her with sex? It totally sounded like she was fishing for sex, didn’t it?

  “I mean, you could answer some questions,” she added before he could say anything, “about, you know, the cost of living, the best parts of town to live in, that sort of thing. I could also just Google it. No pressure.”

  “Coffee sounds great.” She wasn’t 100 percent sure, but it sounded like he might be smiling. “Where’s your interview?”

  “Glendale?”

  “Perfect, that’s near where I work. Neither of us will have to fight traffic.”

  “I should be done around four, they said.”

  “How about we meet at five? There’s a Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf on Brand.”

  “That sounds great. I’ll see you next Friday.”

  After she disconnected the call, a goofy grin spread over her face. Her heart was thumping in her chest and she felt giddy with relief. Which was ridiculous. It wasn’t like it was a big deal or anything. She wasn’t expecting to hook up with him again. All she wanted was a little friendly advice. He wasn’t even her type, from what little she could remember of him.

  It was totally whatever. Casual. Totally casual.

  The job interview ended up going long, which was hopefully a good sign, but meant Melody was running late to meet Jeremy.