Hilariously Ever After

by Penny Reid

  Charlotte gave him a tight smile. “Nice try, Jeremy, but I think we all know which one of you has the commitment issues.”

  Jeremy’s smile froze in place, and he reached for Melody’s waist like he was grasping for life support—which she figured was her cue.

  “You must be Charlotte,” she said in the brightest voice she could muster, sticking out her hand. “Congratulations on your engagement.”

  “Charlotte, this is Jeremy’s…uh…” Drew gestured in Melody’s direction, “Melody,” he concluded helpfully.

  “Nice to meet you,” Charlotte said, taking Melody’s hand and flashing a mouthful of blinding white teeth. “You must be Jeremy’s latest girlfriend.”

  Which was the point in the conversation when one of them should have explained that they were just there as friends. That would have been the reasonable, straightforward thing to do. But Jeremy’s hand was clamped onto Melody’s hip like a vise, and he seemed to have gone mute, abandoning the ball in her court.

  “That’s right,” she heard herself say, for reasons she didn’t entirely understand. “I am.”

  Well, crap.

  Chapter 18

  Jeremy’s fingers curled gratefully into Melody’s hip, and she leaned into him, her smile widening to match Charlotte’s. “I understand you’re in law school.”

  “Yes, I’m in my second year at UCLA,” Charlotte said, cutting her eyes to Jeremy.

  “Melody! There you are!” Lacey said, bounding up to them. Because things weren’t already awkward enough, apparently. Yay.

  Jeremy paled at Lacey’s appearance, and Charlotte’s smile grew thinner as she turned to look at her sister.

  “Oh boy,” Drew muttered into his drink.

  “Lacey! Hi!” Melody said, determined to ignore all the tension simmering around her. “Where’s Tessa?”

  “With my mom,” Lacey said, hooking a thumb over her shoulder. “Being shown off to all her friends.”

  “You two know each other?” Charlotte asked, looking from Lacey to Melody.

  “Yeah, Jeremy introduced us.” Lacey grinned. “Melody’s my yoga buddy.”

  “How nice.” Charlotte’s smile was frosty enough to lower the temperature of the room a few degrees. “It’s so great that all of Jeremy’s lovers can be friends.”

  Lacey’s gaze drifted down to Jeremy’s hand, which was still stapled to Melody’s waist. She gave Melody a questioning look.

  “Hey, I wonder when that band’s going to start playing?” Drew mused to no one in particular.

  “Excuse me. I see someone over there I need to talk to,” Charlotte said before making a beeline for the far side of the room.

  “That went well,” Jeremy muttered, grimacing into his scotch.

  “Better than I expected, honestly,” Drew said with a shrug.

  “Can I talk to you for a second?” Melody asked Lacey, taking her by the arm and leading her away from Jeremy and Drew.

  “Are you and Jeremy dating?” Lacey asked, gaping at her.

  “No,” Melody said. “Definitely not.”

  “Are you sure? Because it looks like you’re dating.”

  Melody sighed and shook her head. “Charlotte asked if we were dating, and Jeremy was floundering, and I may have accidentally…led her to believe we were. But we’re not, I swear. I would never do that to you.”

  “Oh.” Lacey frowned. “That’s too bad.”

  Melody blinked at her. “Say what now?”

  “I think you guys would make a cute couple. I’ve been sort of rooting for you to get together.”

  “Since when?”

  Lacey smirked. “Since that night I called you to pick him up from the bar.”

  “Wait, you want me to date your ex-boyfriend?” Melody couldn’t wrap her brain around it. It was too crazy.

  “Why not? It’s not like I’m still hung up on him. I just want him to be happy, you know?” Lacey poked her in the arm. “I want both of you to be happy.”

  Melody shook her head hard enough to make herself dizzy. “That’s not on the table, Lacey. Like, really, so much not on the table. It’s on the floor in the next room, it’s so much not on the table.”

  Lacey rolled her eyes. “Girl, please. I’ve seen the way you two look at each other. I’ve seen the way you are around each other. There’s something there.”

  “It’s not like that,” Melody insisted. “There’s nothing—we don’t have anything in common. Like, at all.”

  “Sure you do.”

  Melody shook her head again. “No, really—”

  “You like each other,” Lacey said. “What else do you need to have in common other than that?”

  Melody’s mouth had gone dry. “Not—not like that. Not like you’re thinking.”

  Lacey shrugged. “Whatever you say—oh shit, looks like Tessa’s about to hit the panic button. I better go rescue her from my mom’s work friends.” She pulled Melody into a quick hug. “Don’t count Jeremy out on my account is all I’m saying.”

  Melody watched her make her way back to Tessa, who was at the center of a group of crunchy-looking middle-aged women. When Melody turned around to look for Jeremy, he was already heading her way.

  “Hey, I’m sorry about all that,” he said. “That was pretty awkward.”

  She shrugged like it was nothing. “We knew it would be.”

  “Is Lacey—?”

  “She’s fine. I told her the truth.” She left out the part where Lacey had totally given them her blessing, because that wasn’t something she knew how to tell Jeremy. Oh, hey, did you know your ex-girlfriend thinks we should date? What do you think we should do about that?

  Yeah. No.

  Guilt clouded his expression. “If you want, I’ll tell Charlotte the truth, too.”

  Melody shook her head a little too vigorously. “I’d rather not have her thinking I’m a compulsive liar, thanks all the same.” A nervous laugh escaped her. “We can maintain the charade for the rest of the night, right?”

  Jeremy laid a hand on her shoulder, and a feeling of calm washed over her at his touch. “Only if you’re sure you’re okay with it.”

  She breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth, then forced herself to nod. “I’m sure,” she said with a lot more conviction than she felt.

  “Thank you.” His voice had gone soft. “I know you aren’t wild about lying, and I appreciate that you did that for me.” His fingers squeezed her shoulder before letting go.

  She pasted on a smile and tried to make her words sound bright. “Hey, that’s why I’m here tonight. To look out for you.” His tie was crooked, so she reached up to straighten it for him. “How are you holding up?”

  He gave her a weary but sincere smile. “Better with you here.” Something over her shoulder caught his attention and his expression went flat. “Mom.”

  Oh, fuck.

  Melody stiffened and jerked her hands away from him. It hadn’t occurred to her that his mother would be there. Although, in retrospect, it probably should have. Jeremy and Drew had been friends since high school, and their families traveled in the same social circles. Of course Jeremy’s mother would be invited to Drew’s engagement party.

  “Hello, darling.” Angelica Sauer leaned forward to brush a kiss on her son’s cheek before her cool, appraising gaze zeroed in on Melody.

  “Mom, you remember Melody?” Jeremy’s hand slipped around her waist, tugging her closer.

  It was the first time she’d been face to face with Angelica Sauer since that night at her house. The urge to flee was screaming in her hindbrain, but the reassuring pressure of Jeremy’s touch kept her anchored in place.

  “Of course,” his mother said, smiling like the last time they’d met was at a Junior League luncheon and not when she’d been caught in flagrante by her son. “So lovely to see you again, dear.”

  “Good evening, Mrs. Sauer,” Melody managed to say without stammering hardly at all.

  Angelica Sauer’s eyes lingered on M
elody, narrowing slightly before she turned to address Jeremy. “Have you seen Andrew, by any chance?”

  “Last I saw he was out on the terrace, I think.”

  “Smoking those wretched cigars, I expect. I’d better go round up Geoffrey so we can pay our compliments to the host.” She honed in on Melody again, her expression inscrutable. “Enjoy the rest of your evening.”

  As soon as Jeremy’s mother was safely out of earshot, Melody exhaled a long, shaky breath. “That was terrifying.”

  “Believe it or not, I think she actually likes you.”

  Melody shuddered. “If that’s how she is around someone she likes, I’d hate to see how she treats the people she hates.”

  His gaze wandered to the bandstand. “It looks like they’re about to start the toasts.” The waitstaff had begun circulating through the crowd with champagne, and he snagged a pair of glasses off a passing tray.

  A few minutes later, Drew’s father, Andrew Fulton II, stepped up to the mic and grandly welcomed his guests. He looked like a banker with a Hollywood makeover: Botox, spray tan, and what Melody was pretty sure were hair plugs. His manner was easy and engaging, and his speech was so adroitly peppered with jokes, she couldn’t help wondering if it had been scripted by one of the screenwriters he had under contract.

  A woman who appeared to be his wife stood beside him, teetering slightly in her seven-inch heels and smiling as wide as her collagen lips would allow.

  “Is that Drew’s mom?” Melody whispered to Jeremy. She looked too young to have a grown son, but with all the plastic surgery, it was hard to know for sure.

  “Stepmom. His second stepmom, actually. His mom died when he was twelve.”

  Melody felt a twinge of sympathy. Nothing about Drew’s family seemed real. His stepmother was straight out of Central Casting, and as polished as his father’s speech was, there wasn’t a hint of genuine affection or emotion.

  When Mr. Fulton finished his toast, he passed the mic to Charlotte’s father. Robert Lopez made a marked contrast to Andrew Fulton’s oily charm. He was barrel-chested with a weather-beaten face and thick mustache reminiscent of Edward James Olmos. Evidently not a man of many words, he offered a gruff but heartfelt toast to his daughter’s future happiness before ceding the mic to his wife.

  Lacey and Charlotte’s mother was the effusive one in the family. She rambled enthusiastically about Charlotte and Drew, telling a long-winded story about the first time Charlotte brought him home for dinner. Dr. Lopez looked every bit the stereotypical feminist academic, from her salt-and-pepper hair and chunky earrings, right down to her comfortable sandals.

  The crowd’s attention was wandering by the time she wrapped up her toast, but then Drew stepped up to the mic and won them over again with his effortless charisma. Halfway through his surprisingly earnest testament of his undying love for Charlotte, Melody slipped her hand into Jeremy’s.

  “You okay?” she murmured, leaning toward him.

  He nodded and gave her hand an appreciative squeeze.

  When Drew’s toast to his bride-to-be was over, the band launched into “When I Fall in Love,” and the happy couple opened the dancing. Jeremy watched them silently, his face devoid of expression.

  “Dance with me,” he said as soon as the first dance was over and the band switched to “It Had to Be You.”

  “Um, did I mention I’m not a super great dancer?” Melody protested as he pulled her toward the dance floor. “I can do a pretty mean middle school shuffle-and-sway, but that’s about as far as these dancing feet will get me.” She hadn’t grown up going to debutante balls and country club parties like Jeremy probably had. She couldn’t even do so much as a simple box step.

  “All you have to do is follow my lead,” he said, positioning her left hand on his shoulder and taking her right in his. “You feel my hand on your back?”

  She bit her lip and nodded, because, yeah, she’d been feeling his hand on her bare skin all night long, and she was definitely aware of it. Hyper-freaking-aware.

  “My hands are going to tell you exactly where to go. Feel that?” He exerted light pressure on her shoulder blade. “That means we’re going to go this way. And when I do that,” he pressed gently on her hand, “it means we’re going that way. Got it?”

  “Um…” Not really.

  “You’ll get the hang of it,” he promised, and started to lead her through a few slow, exaggerated steps. “Don’t look at my feet, look at my eyes.”

  “But—” Melody looked up, and for a moment she forgot to breathe. She wasn’t used to being this close to Jeremy. He was right there, gazing at her with those insanely blue eyes of his, and it was a little like staring into the sun. “But if I’m not looking at your feet…how will I know where they’re going?” she said, struggling to keep her voice steady.

  “You’ll know. But you have to trust me. Do you trust me?”

  “Yes.” It surprised her to realize it was true.

  He was right, because once she stopped trying to concentrate on his feet, she started to feel the way he was guiding her along with the music, and it got a lot easier.

  “See?” he said. “Just like that.”

  “I’m doing it?” she asked, surprised.

  He smiled down at her. “You’re doing it.”

  She wasn’t nearly as bad as she’d thought. There must be something to that saying about needing the right partner, because by the time the band had moved on to the next song, she and Jeremy were moving in perfect sync.

  After the initial bout of self-consciousness passed, it got easier for Melody to keep her eyes locked on his. She ended up getting lost in them after a while. They weren’t solid blue like she’d thought. They were gradated—darker around the outside and lightening to almost silver near the pupil. And she’d never noticed that his nose was slightly crooked. Yet, somehow, the imperfection only seemed to add character to his attractiveness, which was outrageously unfair.

  He was gazing back at her as intently as she was gazing at him, and there was this charged sort of energy between them, like completing a circuit. It felt like their hands were magnetized—like she couldn’t have let go even if she’d wanted to. Not that she wanted to. It felt good being this close to someone again—communicating through touch rather than words; putting herself completely in his hands and letting everything go except the music and motion.

  It was almost like sex, only without the sex part. Just the closeness, trust, and tactile communication. And okay, they were doing it in the middle of a room full of people, but it was easy to forget there was anyone else around when she was staring into Jeremy’s beautiful blue eyes. Everything else fell away until it felt like they were in their own little world.

  Which was another great thing about dancing: no one tried to talk to them while they were doing it. No more plasticky Hollywood types. No more pretending to be interested in conversations that didn’t include her. It was just the two of them, completely wrapped up in each other. She could almost pretend they were the only two people in the room.

  Until she felt him tense, his attention caught by something across the room.

  “What’s wrong?”

  His eyes snapped back to her, and he shook his head. “Nothing. Nothing at all.”

  On their next turn, Melody caught sight of Lacey and Tessa swaying along with the music in a corner of the dance floor. “Do you want to go somewhere else?” she asked Jeremy.

  He frowned. “Why would I want to go somewhere else?”

  “If it’s hard for you to see Lacey—”

  “It’s not,” he said. “I thought it would be, but it’s not.”

  Melody cocked her head, trying to decide whether he was telling the truth.

  “Really. I’m happy right here, as long as you are. Okay?”

  She nodded, not entirely satisfied. “Okay.”

  “I’m going to dip you now,” he announced. “You ready?”

  “No!” she squeaked, but he was already tucking her und
er his arm and sweeping her into a sudden turn. As they came out of it, he stepped to the side, and his hand moved up to cradle the back of her neck as he lowered her. She fought the urge to tense up and tried to relax, trusting him to support her.

  When he pulled her back upright, she couldn’t help but cling to him and giggle with the thrill of accomplishment. His arms tightened around her and he pulled her close, pressing his face into the top of her head before shifting her back into position.

  They danced through the next three songs, managing to execute a couple impressive spins and another dip along the way, before Jeremy asked if she wanted to take a break. She didn’t, but now that he’d mentioned it, she realized her feet were kind of hurting, and she needed to pee, like, a lot.

  He went to procure them drinks and a couple seats while Melody headed for the ladies’ room.

  As she was touching up her lipstick in the bathroom mirror, she couldn’t help noticing how flushed her cheeks were. It was probably from the wine and the exertion of the dancing. It definitely had nothing to do with Jeremy Sauer, or her prolonged proximity to him, or the way he’d been looking at her. Definitely nothing at all.

  “You and my son cut quite a figure on the dance floor,” Angelica Sauer said behind her.

  Melody spun around, swallowing the urge to yelp in surprise. “Mrs. Sauer,” she said in a small voice.

  Jeremy’s mother looked her up and down, and Melody felt herself grow smaller under the weight of her appraisal.

  “Are you enjoying yourself?” Mrs. Sauer asked.

  “Yes,” Melody replied, forcing herself to stand up straight. “It’s a very nice party.”

  “I wanted to thank you for your discretion about that unpleasant incident several months ago,” Mrs. Sauer said, stepping closer. They had the restroom all to themselves, so there was no one to overhear them.

  Melody’s eyes flicked to the door, desperately hoping someone would come in and interrupt. “It wasn’t my business to talk about,” she said with more confidence than she felt. “In fact, I barely even remember it happened. What incident, right?” She let out a nervous laugh that made her sound like a little kid, and clamped her mouth shut before she could say anything really stupid.