Hilariously Ever After

by Penny Reid

  Melody went back to the coffee cart and bought herself two cookies as a consolation prize.

  Chapter 22

  “Is that a bribery muffin I see in your hand?” Melody said when Jeremy showed up in her office a couple weeks later.

  “Am I really that transparent?” he asked, scrunching his nose as he set a latte and blueberry muffin in front of her.

  She smirked at him. “Kind of.”

  “Well, as it happens, I do need a favor,” he said, dropping into the chair across from her.

  “Anything.”

  His eyebrows lifted. “Don’t you want to know what it is before you agree?”

  “Nope.” She couldn’t think of anything she wouldn’t do for him at this point. She’d probably take a bullet for him if he asked her to.

  “So…you know how my mom’s wedding is coming up?”

  Melody nodded as she reached for her latte. Everyone at the company had been talking about it since they’d gone public with the announcement last month. Mrs. Sauer and Mr. Horvath were having a private ceremony at home with just the family, followed by a cocktail reception at the house later that evening. The guest list for the reception was relatively small, and there’d been a lot of gossip about who among the management had made the cut and who had gotten snubbed.

  “Will you be my date?” Jeremy asked.

  Melody nearly choked on her coffee. “Me?”

  “Yes, you.” He was looking at her like he was actually serious.

  She cleared her throat. “Um…isn’t there someone else you’d rather ask?”

  “Like who?”

  “I don’t know.” She shrugged. “Anyone.”

  She couldn’t tell him she knew about the model because then she’d have to admit she’d been cyber-stalking him. Although, her searches hadn’t turned up any new pictures recently, so maybe they weren’t a thing anymore? Still, there had to be a line of women dying to be Jeremy Sauer’s date to his mother’s wedding.

  “The thing is…” he ran his tongue over his lower lip, the way he always did when he was nervous, “my mother still thinks we’re dating, which means Geoffrey and Hannah do, too.”

  Annnd there it was. Of course.

  She rubbed her temples in frustration. “I can’t believe you haven’t fake broken up with me yet.”

  “I know, I know.” He squeezed his eyes shut and pressed the heels of his hands to his forehead, like he was literally hanging his head in shame. “It’s just…my mother actually likes you. And she’s never liked anyone I’ve dated. So…she’s been a lot nicer about…everything, basically.”

  Melody didn’t have all that much room to judge, since she’d basically done the exact same thing with her mom. But at least she’d told her. Eventually.

  “And it’s not just her…” Jeremy looked up with a guilty expression. “Drew and Charlotte are coming.”

  “Oh my god! I can’t keep lying to Charlotte after she was so nice to me. I can’t do it.”

  “Just this one last time,” he pleaded. “And then, I promise, I’ll tell everyone we broke up. Just get me through this wedding first. Please, Melody.”

  She sighed. “Fine.”

  It wasn’t in her power to say no to him. Not even about this. But she wished he’d asked her to take a bullet for him instead. It probably would have been a lot less painful.

  “You look beautiful,” Jeremy said when Melody opened the door for him.

  He was wearing a tux because he’d been the best man at the wedding earlier, and, of course he looked devastatingly handsome in it. Handsome enough to steal all the air from her lungs.

  “Thank you,” she said, ducking her head to hide the color flooding her cheeks.

  She was wearing the same dress she’d worn to that first ill-fated dinner with Lacey and Drew, even though she’d had a fleeting thought that the dress might be jinxed. She wasn’t a superstitious person, though, and she didn’t believe a dress could be bad luck. That night had been awful for a whole host of reasons that had nothing to do with the dress, and tonight would be just fine no matter what she was wearing.

  That was what she told herself, anyway.

  Besides, she’d already bought two new outfits because of Jeremy, and there was no way she was laying out more money on a third. This dress was perfectly appropriate for the occasion: dressy without being too dressy, and conservative without being too conservative. There were going to be a lot of Sauer Hewson people there, so it was practically a work function, and even though Melody suspected a lot of them already thought she was trying to sleep her way to a promotion, she’d be damned if she was going to dress the part.

  Most importantly, this dress fully covered her back. Because there was no way she’d be able to get through the night with Jeremy’s hand on her bare skin.

  He leaned in to kiss her cheek. “Thank you again for doing this.”

  God, he smelled fantastic. She didn’t know what cologne he wore, but whatever it was, it was intoxicating. Everything about him was intoxicating. He’d been there all of thirty seconds and she already felt like she was losing her grip. Why did he have to be so wildly attractive? It made all of this so much harder.

  She’d been working herself into an anxiety stomachache all day. It was one thing pretending to be his girlfriend when they were just friends. But now that she had actual feelings for him—feelings she was certain he didn’t return—she had no idea how to do this. How was she going to get through a whole evening of having Jeremy so close to her—touching her, treating her like a girlfriend, maybe even kissing her—without giving away how she really felt? How was she supposed to survive something like that, knowing it was all phony?

  Tonight was going to suck. In the biggest way.

  “You’ve already thanked me a hundred times,” Melody said, stepping away from him. “Let’s just get this over with.”

  The Sauer home looked slightly more cheerful than the last time Melody had seen it. Tonight, it was all decked out for the reception with swags of lavender ribbon and arrangements of candles and brightly-colored flowers on every table. It was also packed to the gills with uptight Sauer Hewson bigwigs, which dragged down the air of festivity a few degrees.

  It turned out the house had an actual, honest-to-god ballroom, which Melody had missed on her prematurely aborted tour. And there was a real live string quartet in the corner playing chamber music, like something out of a Jane Austen novel. It was all extremely dignified and stuffy, which was exactly what she’d expect from Angelica Sauer.

  There was a receiving line between Melody and the bar, so she fixed a smile on her face, grit her teeth, and got in line behind Jeremy to bestow her felicitations upon the newlyweds.

  “There you are, darling!” Mrs. Sauer smiled regally as she presented her cheek to her son. In the press release announcing her engagement, she’d explained she would be keeping her late husband’s name for professional reasons.

  After Jeremy obliged her with a kiss, she turned to regard Melody. Her expression wasn’t exactly warm, but it wasn’t cold, either. “Melody, dear, I’m so delighted you could come.” She clasped Melody’s shoulders in a claw-like grip and kissed her cheek, enveloping her in a cloud of perfume.

  “Congratulations, Mrs. Sauer. I wish you all the best.”

  “Jeremy told us what happened to you, you poor thing.” She tutted in sympathy. “The crime in this city is absolutely out of hand. I hope you’ve recovered from your terrible ordeal.”

  “Yes, ma’am. Thank you,” Melody replied, trying not to let her smile slip.

  Jeremy’s fingers trailed down Melody’s arm, and even though she knew he was trying to be comforting, she couldn’t help stiffening at the skin-to-skin contact.

  He glanced at her, his brow knitting in concern, but then Mr. Horvath turned to greet them and Jeremy was forced to direct his attention to his new stepfather.

  “Geoffrey, this is Melody Gage,” Jeremy said, presenting her as if they’d never met before. Which, tech
nically, they hadn’t.

  “Congratulations,” Melody said, offering her hand like she had no memory of ever having seen Geoffrey Horvath in a silky pink robe.

  “I’m delighted to meet you, Melody.” He took her hand warmly in both of his. “We’ve heard a lot about you from Jeremy.”

  She refused to wonder what Jeremy had been saying about her to his family. She couldn’t afford to let herself dwell on something like that.

  Hannah was standing beside Geoffrey, and she rolled her eyes when she saw her brother. “Can’t believe you got out of this stupid receiving line by ducking out to pick up your girlfriend.”

  “Hannah, you remember Melody,” Jeremy said, smirking at his sister.

  “Yeah, hey,” Hannah said with her usual enthusiasm.

  “These things are the worst, aren’t they?” Melody said.

  “Worse than the worst,” Hannah agreed.

  Their initial obligations dispensed, Melody and Jeremy hit the open bar to arm themselves for the rest of the evening. Drinks firmly in hand, they plunged into the madding crowd—which was not so much madding as stuffy and deathly dull.

  Jeremy powered up the charm machine and Melody politely smiled and nodded her way through the next half hour, pretending to be interested in Jeremy’s conversations with various Sauer Hewson muckety mucks. To his credit, he kept trying to draw her into the conversations, but she couldn’t muster the will to play the game with any enthusiasm. Every time Jeremy introduced her to someone new, it was all too clear what conclusions they were jumping to.

  It was a truth universally acknowledged, that a single woman with a much wealthier and more successful boyfriend, must be an opportunist angling to marry into money. All the disdainful disregard and knowing sideways looks she received when people learned where she worked and what she did communicated what they thought of her.

  So maybe she didn’t do as good a job of pretending to be interested in talking to people as she could have. It wasn’t like any of them actually cared about her anyway. They were all too busy sucking up to the boss’s son to pay much notice to his gold-digging girlfriend.

  Not that he actually introduced her to anyone as his girlfriend. Jeremy only ever referred to her as his friend when he alluded to a relationship at all. Which Melody knew he was doing for her benefit, to try to avoid spreading the lie any further than they had to. But it didn’t matter. People were going to make their own inferences no matter what he said.

  So, screw ’em. Melody pasted a fake smile on her face, shook all the hands presented to her, and mentally checked out of the conversation while they talked budgets, earnings forecasts, and management plans like they were at the office instead of a wedding reception. Although, from what Melody knew about Angelica Sauer, she wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

  It was a relief when a temporary reprieve from the tedium arrived in the form of Hannah, recently released from the hated receiving line.

  “No one will give me any champagne,” she whined to her brother.

  Jeremy arched an eyebrow at her. “That’s because Mom gave the staff specific instructions where you’re concerned. Fool her once, and this is what you get.”

  Hannah turned to Melody with wide, hopeful eyes. “You want to be my friend, don’t you?”

  “Nice try,” Melody said. “No way am I going to risk pissing off your mother. Sorry.”

  “Go ask the bartender to make you a Shirley Temple,” Jeremy said.

  Hannah scrunched her nose in distaste. “Do I look eight?”

  “To me, Shorty, you will always be eight,” Jeremy replied affectionately.

  Hannah rolled her eyes and wandered off, probably in search of someone sucker enough to sneak her a glass of champagne.

  There was yet another Sauer Hewson big cheese heading Jeremy’s way, but Melody had spotted Charlotte standing alone on the other side of the room and excused herself before she could get trapped in another boring conversation.

  “Charlotte, hi,” Melody said, tapping her on the shoulder.

  Charlotte turned and smiled at her. “You’re looking much more cheerful than the last time I saw you.”

  “Yeah, it’s amazing what a difference it makes not having been mugged in the last few hours. Thank you again, by the way, for being so nice to me that night.”

  “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

  Melody glanced around. “Where’s Drew?”

  Charlotte nodded toward the other side of the room. “Networking with some people from the chamber of commerce. It’s always business at these things.”

  “Yeah, I’m learning that,” Melody said with a sigh.

  Charlotte smiled in commiseration. “I thought I’d finally be done with events like these when Jeremy and I broke up, but now that I’m marrying Drew, I guess this is my life now.”

  Melody couldn’t help glancing over at Jeremy glad-handing a gaggle of Sauer Hewson execs. “It’s a small price to pay, though, right? For happiness, I mean.”

  Charlotte’s gaze drifted to where Drew was standing beside his father and her smile softened. “Damn right.”

  Melody asked about the wedding plans, and Charlotte launched into a monologue on the tribulations of choosing flowers, cakes, and bridesmaid’s dresses until the string quartet quieted and Jeremy moved to the center of the room to ask for everyone’s attention.

  By then, Drew had appeared at Charlotte’s elbow, nodding a silent greeting to Melody. Something about the look he gave her felt oddly pointed, and she wondered if Jeremy had told him their “relationship” was fake. She hoped that didn’t mean Charlotte knew, or else she’d really feel foolish.

  Jeremy turned out to be a gifted speaker, which shouldn’t have been a surprise considering his natural charm. He managed to be funny and warm without being overly sentimental. His toast was so perfectly calculated to please his mother, Melody couldn’t help wondering if Angelica Sauer had written it herself. Which was an ungenerous thought, but she wasn’t feeling especially generous tonight.

  When Mr. Horvath stepped up to toast his new bride with a string of carefully chosen platitudes, Melody tuned out. She watched the bubbles rise in her champagne flute and tried to calculate how much longer they’d have to stay.

  There’d be cake, of course. Then dancing, presumably. But for how long? An hour? Two? A lot of the guests were old, so maybe it would wind down early.

  Maybe she was almost halfway through this miserable night, and then Jeremy could drive her home and she’d never have to do this ever again. Never have to pretend to be something she wanted so badly to be or feel this particular emptiness in the pit of her stomach.

  Melody felt Charlotte nudge her and looked up. Angelica Sauer was speaking now, and Melody realized with a rising sense of panic that she was looking straight at her.

  “It is my dearest wish,” Mrs. Sauer said, “that my children find as much happiness with their chosen partners as I have with mine.” She raised her glass to Melody before turning to Jeremy and leaning up to kiss his cheek.

  “I’ll be damned, the Ice Queen actually likes you,” Charlotte whispered.

  Drew saluted Melody with his champagne flute. “Pretty sure that’s a first. I don’t know how the hell you pulled it off, but kudos.”

  Melody tried to smile, but she had that same headachy, vomity feeling she got from trying to read in a moving car. This was all so wrong. Jeremy’s friends and family shouldn’t be treating her like she belonged here when it was all a lie.

  She gulped down her champagne while they were cutting the cake and excused herself as soon as the jazz trio that had replaced the string quartet started up the first dance.

  She’d thought she could handle all of this, but she was wrong. It was too hard. It was flying too close to the sun, and any second now, her wings were going to melt and send her crashing back to earth.

  She ducked into the powder room to hide for a few minutes until her heart stopped racing. But she couldn’t stay in the bathroom all ni
ght, so she touched up her lipstick, took a deep breath, and ventured once more unto the breach.

  When she rejoined the party, Jeremy was dancing to “Unforgettable” with his mother while Hannah danced with Geoffrey. Melody watched from the ballroom doorway as they traded partners, and Jeremy twirled a giggling Hannah across the dance floor.

  Drew and Charlotte were dancing by then, too. Charlotte reached up to smooth Drew’s hair, and he kissed her, slowly and deeply, not caring who might be watching. Their love was so painful to watch, Melody had to turn away.

  She wanted what they had so badly, and she was never going to have it—not with Jeremy, at least.

  She shouldn’t be here. She wasn’t a part of any of this. She was an imposter, standing on the outside looking in.

  Turning on her heel, she slipped out of the ballroom and wandered down the hallway leading to the library. It was wonderfully quiet and deserted in that part of the house, so she lingered there, admiring the oil paintings lining the walls and avoiding the reception.

  Until Jeremy came and found her ten minutes later.

  “Hey,” he said. “I’ve been looking for you.” He ran his hand down her arm, raising goose bumps on her skin.

  “Sorry,” she muttered. “I just wanted a break from the party for a minute.”

  He frowned and squeezed her hand. “You okay?”

  She forced a smile. “Yep. Fine.”

  “Come dance with me?” he asked, tugging on her hand.

  Her shoulders hunched as she let him lead her away. She couldn’t say no—it would look bad if they didn’t dance—but she was petrified at the prospect of having his arms around her. How was she going to maintain eye contact while they were dancing without him seeing right through her?

  The band was playing “Can’t Help Falling in Love,” like some kind of cruel joke. Jeremy guided her onto the dance floor, but instead of taking her hand the way he had the last time they’d danced, he slipped both his arms around her waist and pulled her close.

  Melody stiffened for a second, taken off-guard, before she wound her arms around his neck. Jeremy held her and swayed to the music, their bodies pressed together in what felt more like an embrace than a dance.